Should Christian teens date?

[lawtonfogle]

I myself am a teenager. I am wondering if it's appropriate for teenage Christians to date and be in romantic relationships. Can these relationships glorify God? Should the ultimate purpose of dating be marriage?
These are things I'd like to know about and discuss.

Biblically speaking, f you are having sexual desires, you should seek someone to marry (of course this doesn't mean tie the knot with the first person). If you are having sexual desires before 16, then society says you aren't really (not to mention you can't get married), so... um... sucks to be you?

 

[Sinner and a saint]

I think one of the main concerns is not so much the going on dates, but the relationships that occur from such dates. Of course, a stable minded christian teen probably isn't going to forget all the things they've been taught on a first date to the part and make a mistake.

I think more of the problem is that, when you become emotionally invested in a relationships, it can lead to sexual feelings and inappropriate desires. Another concern is that while most teens aren't ready for marriage they might use dating as just a social pass time for fun. This in turn can result in hurt feelings and broken hearts.

My question really is if it is wise, from a biblical stand point, to date when you are young and hormonal, when you aren't ready for marriage. Or, will dating lead to frustration and temptation? Or can Christian teens date/court in such a way as to avoid these problems?

 

[GigageiTsula]

I think I would have asked this in a Christian Only forum, if you are asking for sound biblical advice.

 

[Sinner and a saint]

Well I don't mind all points of view. But you're right.

 

[GigageiTsula]

Have you thought of Courtship? I have three teenagers currently and four more children to come up after that.

 

[keith99]

Its the message it sends and it is, in fact, oppressive and untrusting. You can't trust a child to not jump into the back seat with a date at the first and every other opportunity.

If kids are mistrusted long enough and denied all freedom long enough that is exactly what they will do. And not just sex, but booze, drugs, misuse of cars and God alone knows what other dangerous thrills.

Unfortunatly total lack of control or concern lets them get to exactly the same place.

Concern and giving kids a chance to earn trust usually results in someone who can be trusted. At least that has been my experience.

 

[Ar Cosc]

I think one of the main concerns is not so much the going on dates, but the relationships that occur from such dates. Of course, a stable minded christian teen probably isn't going to forget all the things they've been taught on a first date to the part and make a mistake.

I think more of the problem is that, when you become emotionally invested in a relationships, it can lead to sexual feelings and inappropriate desires. Another concern is that while most teens aren't ready for marriage they might use dating as just a social pass time for fun. This in turn can result in hurt feelings and broken hearts.

My question really is if it is wise, from a biblical stand point, to date when you are young and hormonal, when you aren't ready for marriage. Or, will dating lead to frustration and temptation? Or can Christian teens date/court in such a way as to avoid these problems?

Well, I think you'd be foolish to just abstain from any dating until you find someone you want to marry. First of all, dating is one of the best ways to get to know someone, and you don't want to marry someone you don't know as well as you know yourself. That, and when you are ready to choose someone to marry, you'll be better able to judge what you feel for them, and whether it's something you can build a marriage upon

 

[Gishin]

You know, I'm ok with my kid having premarital sex as long as they're being safe about it, but I don't give a flip about biblical principals. I'd prefer to be able to trust my kid and have my kid trust me, rather than controlling every thing they do.

 

[Sinner and a saint]

Have you thought of Courtship? I have three teenagers currently and four more children to come up after that.

I've thought of that, but I guess it depends on what you mean by courtship.

Well, I think you'd be foolish to just abstain from any dating until you find someone you want to marry. First of all, dating is one of the best ways to get to know someone, and you don't want to marry someone you don't know as well as you know yourself. That, and when you are ready to choose someone to marry, you'll be better able to judge what you feel for them, and whether it's something you can build a marriage upon

Well I suppose that's where courtship comes in. You court a person to get to know them and decide if they would be a suitable marriage match for you. And ideally, i guess you would want to be acquainted with the person as a friend for a little while so you could base your decision to court them on more than a first impression or physical appearance.

 

[Exiledoomsayer]

Just curious.

What is the difference between dating and courting?
Seems kinda like the same thing from where I'm standing.

 

[Gishin]

The practice can vary, but from what I understand is you're introduced to someone for the explicite purpose of being a possible candidate for marriage from the get-go. You meet in chaperoned setting and get to know the person before decided whether to marry them or not. It's very structured, pretty much one step up from an arranged marriage.

 

[Exiledoomsayer]

The practice can vary, but from what I understand is you're introduced to someone for the explicite purpose of being a possible candidate for marriage from the get-go. You meet in chaperoned setting and get to know the person before decided whether to marry them or not. It's very structured, pretty much one step up from an arranged marriage.

*Double checks calender*

Yep still 2011..

I'll just let this sink in for a bit and see how I feel about it then.

 

[highlife]

I don't believe so.

Our children are not allowed to date. Our oldest daughter is courting, and I imagine our other children will too, when they're ready.

Our daughter never goes on dates unchaperoned, and the boy she is courting went through a pretty rigorous approval process.

Naturally, this will be mocked, and I'm OK with this because God has called me to raise my children to be Godly men and women, not to please a bunch of atheists and goats.

There are several reasons we don't allow our children to date. The first is that the way dating is encouraged today can only lead to trouble.

Take two teenagers with raging hormones, send them out alone, and the temptation to remain pure will be tremendous. At worst, they'll fall into sin. While it's possible that some may build a relationship that leads to marriage, most teenagers have numerous boy and girl friends and most of these relationships end in heartache.

How many Christian parents ever get to know their daughters' boyfriends before they let them date? Very, very few, in my experience. Why on Earth would a Christian father do this?

The second problem is that very few parents adequately educate their children about the Biblical role of marriage and romantic relationships.

What is the point of dating if not to "hook up", particularly in a society that can't even sell toothpaste without injecting sex into the discussion?

I don't agree with everything in Josh Harris' book, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", but I do think it would be very helpful to you.

In addition, both Voddie Baucham and Paul Washer have numerous sermons on this issue. You can find them on Google or on itunes.

The bolded parts are why you would be mocked, it makes you sound like a nut when you use this sort of verbage. Functionally there is no difference between courting and dating so why even use the word courting when it makes you socially awkward. It is still possible to uphold all the values you speak of without sounding snooty and uptight and using outdated language. The bottom line is you dont want your kid comming home with a kid or an STD at worse and at best heart break, of course heart break heals and is a part of life so what you need ot make sure of is the STD's and the kid thing. I think some parents over protect and then when some life event eventually comes they are total unprepared to deal with it, how will they deal with a divorce, getting fired/layed off, etc if they are sheltered all the time. As a parent you want to make sure they dont do something that has real lasting effects like an STD or having a kid they will have to pay for until their mid 30's, the sex itself is going to happen you just want to make sure it is without consequence other than maybe heart break.

How rigorus of a process can you have put he/she through, I mean they are in high school so what did you base it on, grades not smoking weed, not sure of what sort of expectations you would have of someone that is 15-18 years old that would make it "rigorus" as opposed to just common sense.

try changing the way you come across to people and you will get alot more cooperation.

 

[OGM]

Biblically speaking, f you are having sexual desires, you should seek someone to marry (of course this doesn't mean tie the knot with the first person). If you are having sexual desires before 16, then society says you aren't really (not to mention you can't get married), so... um... sucks to be you?

That to a great extent that depends on the country/state/province you live in. In the U.S. there are some interesting exceptions to the 16-year old marriageability age. From our friends at Wikipedia

Canada: Varies by province, but generally 18 years old, 16 years with parental consent, 14 years with judicial consent.

Mexico: 18, 16 with parental or legal consent, 14 for pregnant females with legal consent.

Puerto Rico: 21 (younger parties may obtain license in case of pregnancy or birth of child), 18 with parental consent.

California: no statutory minimum, those under 18 must receive approval of a superior court judge, or parental consent.

Indiana: 18, 17 with parental consent, 15 in the case of pregnancy with both parental and judicial consent.

Massachusetts: 18 for first marriage, 14 (male) 12 (female) with parental and judicial consent.

Michigan: 18, 16 with parental consent, 15 and under with parental consent and probate judge approval.

Mississippi: 17 for males, 15 for females, no minimum with parental and judicial consent.

Missouri: 18, 15 with parental consent

New Hampshire: 18, 14 for males and 13 for females, in cases of "special cause" with parental consent and court permission.

Nebraska: 19, 17 with parental consent

Pennsylvania: 18, 16 with parental consent, 14 in case of pregnancy and with the approval of a Judge of the Orphans Court.

Texas: 18, 16 with parental consent. 14 with judicial consent or if person under 18 had previously married and divorced.

Utah: 18, 16 with parental consent, 15 with court approval.

Washington: 18, 17 with parental consent. May be waived by superior court judge.

West Virginia: 18, 16 with parental consent, under 16 (unspecified limit) with parental and judicial consent

When I was in high-school there was a Christian couple that were married at age 16. No, she was not pregnant at the time of marriage. I talk to them about it. The did say they received parental permission and they did mentioned they did not want to spend YEARS (their emphasis) "burning with passion". That was several years ago and I don't know how they are doing.

As for minors dating; it is ultimately the parents decisions if they allow it. I know some parents that forbade it until their children reached adulthood. I known some that have gone the group/chaperone 3rd party route. I have known others that allowed their minor children to date alone.

Which method is best? I suppose it depends. But I really don't know because I have never had children. What is the best age for someone to marry? I don't know; I have never been married.

 

[Benevolous]

The bolded parts are why you would be mocked, it makes you sound like a nut when you use this sort of verbage.

Like I said, I understand why the world things the things of God are foolish. Even the Bible says that the preaching of the cross is foolishness to them that perish.

Functionally there is no difference between courting and dating so why even use the word courting when it makes you socially awkward.

Actually, there is a world of difference. Different in practice and different in purpose.

How rigorus of a process can you have put he/she through, I mean they are in high school so what did you base it on, grades not smoking weed, not sure of what sort of expectations you would have of someone that is 15-18 years old that would make it "rigorus" as opposed to just common sense.

Counselling, mentoring.

try changing the way you come across to people and you will get alot more cooperation.

Jesus was about as nice as He could be to people. They still killed Him.

 

[Benevolous]

Just curious.

What is the difference between dating and courting?
Seems kinda like the same thing from where I'm standing.

There's a whole forum here devoted to it.

 

[highlife]

That to a great extent that depends on the country/state/province you live in. In the U.S. there are some interesting exceptions to the 16-year old marriageability age. From our friends at Wikipedia

Canada: Varies by province, but generally 18 years old, 16 years with parental consent, 14 years with judicial consent.

Mexico: 18, 16 with parental or legal consent, 14 for pregnant females with legal consent.

Puerto Rico: 21 (younger parties may obtain license in case of pregnancy or birth of child), 18 with parental consent.

California: no statutory minimum, those under 18 must receive approval of a superior court judge, or parental consent.

Indiana: 18, 17 with parental consent, 15 in the case of pregnancy with both parental and judicial consent.

Massachusetts: 18 for first marriage, 14 (male) 12 (female) with parental and judicial consent.

Michigan: 18, 16 with parental consent, 15 and under with parental consent and probate judge approval.

Mississippi: 17 for males, 15 for females, no minimum with parental and judicial consent.

Missouri: 18, 15 with parental consent

New Hampshire: 18, 14 for males and 13 for females, in cases of "special cause" with parental consent and court permission.

Nebraska: 19, 17 with parental consent

Pennsylvania: 18, 16 with parental consent, 14 in case of pregnancy and with the approval of a Judge of the Orphans Court.

Texas: 18, 16 with parental consent. 14 with judicial consent or if person under 18 had previously married and divorced.

Utah: 18, 16 with parental consent, 15 with court approval.

Washington: 18, 17 with parental consent. May be waived by superior court judge.

West Virginia: 18, 16 with parental consent, under 16 (unspecified limit) with parental and judicial consent

When I was in high-school there was a Christian couple that were married at age 16. No, she was not pregnant at the time of marriage. I talk to them about it. The did say they received parental permission and they did mentioned they did not want to spend YEARS (their emphasis) "burning with passion". That was several years ago and I don't know how they are doing.

As for minors dating; it is ultimately the parents decisions if they allow it. I know some parents that forbade it until their children reached adulthood. I known some that have gone the group/chaperone 3rd party route. I have known others that allowed their minor children to date alone.

Which method is best? I suppose it depends. But I really don't know because I have never had children. What is the best age for someone to marry? I don't know; I have never been married.

That is the ideal situation and few are lucky enough to get that (so long as it turns out they are ultimatly sexually and financially compatible later on), I wonder if even benev would allow his teens to do that, it sounds to me like they are just letting their kids get all hot and bothered without actually going through with the courtship, I think some parents just want the control but not the goal at the end that finally releases them from their burning passion.

And do the parents really ask the hard questions that their kids would not think of like will you perform sexual acts X, Y and Z will you be financailly responsible, etc. If the parents followed through with all the rigor and the result was a happy marriage I could get on board with that, the problem is they use "religious principals" as a stick to turn their kids into little robots.

Human beings were designed for sex, so if the goal is not to get them into a situation where they can get it on then they are going to get it on themselves how THEY see fit.

 

[OGM]

That is the ideal situation and few are lucky enough to get that (so long as it turns out they are ultimatly sexually and financially compatible later on)...

In many countries younger marriages are quite common.

 

[keith99]

Jesus was about as nice as He could be to people. They still killed Him.

Really? Just what record of his life are you refering to? Jesus was hardly nice to those who instigated his death.

 

[lawtonfogle]

That to a great extent that depends on the country/state/province you live in. In the U.S. there are some interesting exceptions to the 16-year old marriageability age. From our friends at Wikipedia

Getting parent/court approval is probably not an easy thing. I don't know of anyone who has ever tried, but in general our society frowns upon marriage before you are able to support a family (at least the parts I have experienced).

When I was in high-school there was a Christian couple that were married at age 16. No, she was not pregnant at the time of marriage. I talk to them about it. The did say they received parental permission and they did mentioned they did not want to spend YEARS (their emphasis) "burning with passion". That was several years ago and I don't know how they are doing.

As for minors dating; it is ultimately the parents decisions if they allow it. I know some parents that forbade it until their children reached adulthood. I known some that have gone the group/chaperone 3rd party route. I have known others that allowed their minor children to date alone.

Which method is best? I suppose it depends. But I really don't know because I have never had children. What is the best age for someone to marry? I don't know; I have never been married.

Experience in some things does not an expert make.