• Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.

Should a Christian woman find a man on the net and my bad experiences

hockeysistah234

Jack Hayford Fan
Apr 20, 2004
49
3
66
Southern California
✟185.00
Faith
Non-Denom
klewlis said:
But you *can* know
I have to disagree again because people tend sometimes to live in this "fantasy world" of what a person would say and in real life, when you met this person, he or she is not the person that I thought they would be. If people are so honest like you say on the net, why has it happened to me, because I met people online who yes, they say they are christians, but they turned out to be either substance abusers, dealing with mental problems and issues and just plain does not want to be intersted in talking to you. And your color of your skin, which is black has something to do with it also because once you tell them you are that, they cut off all contact with you.

And then again, when you date interracially, you are taken advantaged of because these people think that they are out for sex. There was one man who I met on a christian dating site and turns out that this man wanted sexual chat, which I will not do.

--that's what I'm saying. You would be truly amazed at how easy it is to check up on people and find out if they're telling the truth or not. I'd like to use my friend JC as an example:

We met in a chat room in November 1996. We chatted tons, exchanged emails, and generally got to know each other. I decided it would be fun to see what I could find out about him, and from just his email address I searched the internet and found his home address, phone number, where he went to school, what he was taking, and a bunch of other info... and it only took a few minutes. Everything that I found matched up with what he had told me.

As we spent more time and got to know each other better, we began to talk on the phone about once a month. From this we learned each other's voice expressions and tones, laughs, and the subtleties of voice patterns and emotions. It added a whole dimension to our understanding of each other, so that when we chatted online, we began to be able to match the word patterns on the screen to the voice patterns we knew--and in this way we slowly learned how to read each other's tones through only words. To this day we rarely misinterpret each other, even though all we have is words on a screen. It's funny because often when he types something I can hear in my head exactly how it would sound when he speaks it, because I know him so well--just like if you get a letter from a friend you've known forever and you can hear them speaking.

In 2002 we met face to face for the first time. We spent 4 days together the first time and there were very few surprises... he was exactly the person I expected him to be. We have since spent other time together and it has been very comfortable and good, with no concerns. Our face to face time has enhanced our friendship, but has not changed it because we knew each other so well prior to meeting. It is now 7.5 years since I met him and he is one of my dearest and most faithful friends.
Yes, don't get me wrong, I did meet people online which turn out to be my freinds also and those who are for real. And then I met those who and including my ex-boyfreind who did not turn out to be so good.

Don't get me wrong, I do have freinds in the real world and yes, everyone is not perfect and, boy, I am trying to be not afraid of this thing, but lately, i am afraid to trust people online and because of what had happened this past year, I don't know is knowing someone online is worth the risk.

And he is just one example... there are others too. :)

So it IS possible!
Yes, I believe it is possible, however,
 
Upvote 0

fishstix

Senior Veteran
Jan 18, 2004
3,482
192
✟27,129.00
Faith
Christian
Politics
CA-Conservatives
I don't think online relationships are wrong, but I think that people need to be extra cautious about them. As people have said here, people can misrepresent themselves both in real life and online. But it can go much further online. In real life, you would probably never mistake a 50 year old man for a 15 year old girl. Yet online, it's entirely possible for that same 50 year old man to pretend to be a 15 year old girl or anyone else and have you totally convinced, for an indefinite period of time. Sure, most people won't do that, but there are some who will. And there's no way of knowing which kind of person you are dealing with in an online relationship. You may think that you know someone really well, and in reality remain total strangers. While the same sort of thing can happen in real life, it's generally a lot easier to tell when someone is trying to deceive you if you actually spend time with them in person than if you just converse online or even on the phone. So I'd be really cautious with any kind of online relationship.
 
Upvote 0

hockeysistah234

Jack Hayford Fan
Apr 20, 2004
49
3
66
Southern California
✟185.00
Faith
Non-Denom
fishstix said:
I don't think online relationships are wrong, but I think that people need to be extra cautious about them. As people have said here, people can misrepresent themselves both in real life and online. But it can go much further online. In real life, you would probably never mistake a 50 year old man for a 15 year old girl. Yet online, it's entirely possible for that same 50 year old man to pretend to be a 15 year old girl or anyone else and have you totally convinced, for an indefinite period of time. Sure, most people won't do that, but there are some who will.
And this is what scares me about them because say if what if this person is intersted in me and he was aged 40, but in all actuality, he was 15. Or a younger person who is actually older, say like an elderly person.

I don't want that anymore....I want to be treated with respect and not being taken advantaged of.




And there's no way of knowing which kind of person you are dealing with in an online relationship. You may think that you know someone really well, and in reality remain total strangers. While the same sort of thing can happen in real life, it's generally a lot easier to tell when someone is trying to deceive you if you actually spend time with them in person than if you just converse online or even on the phone. So I'd be really cautious with any kind of online relationship.
Yes, this is true. I had people who say that they are this and that, but you meet them in person, they are a whole different story. When I met my now-ex, I thought this man was a godly man and he was talking this and that about marriage and loving me and all that.

I believed that he loved me and he would be whatever to me until he done something cruel to me which made me mistrust people by using his fiancee' to hurt me, added to the fact he played games with my feelings and never came out. He played this game with me and I was thinking with his sweet words that he was intersted but to be honest. he was not.

He claimed it was a personality clash that the relationship ended along with needs, which it was not at all. He just wanted to get out.
 
Upvote 0

Learnin'2-4Give

Regular Member
Dec 28, 2003
112
8
65
✟22,782.00
Faith
Methodist
Marital Status
Married
I met my current BF on-line. It was through a local singles website. I never thought I would be the kind of person to "put myself out there" on the internet, but I prayed about it and felt compelled to do it. Within 1 week I met my guy. We exchanged tons of e-mails. We played "20 questions". I'd ask him a list of questions and he'd answer (favorite song, favorite bible verse, coke or pepsi, plus jobs, dreams, goals, family questions, morality questions, etc...) then, he'd send me a new list. We did this for a few weeks. He gave me the name of his church, and they had a website so I went and "snooped" around on their site. Everything was as he told me. Plus, I recognized a name on the site and asked someone at my own church and sure enough, she knew my guy and said, "Oh!! You should date him! He's a great guy!!"
So, I felt pretty good about things. We exchanged some more emails and it turned out that he grew up not far from me and we actually have lots of friends in common!

We met in person for the first time at a busy restraunt (that my brother does security work for!!--lol!) and we really hit it off. He was just as he said. We've been dating awhile now and I really, really like him! I've never been married and figured that I was destined to be alone my whole life. Never try to out-guess God's plan for your life!

Incidently, I met a local guy in the "normal" way just prior to this. Talked to him in person at the local library off and on for 2 months and thought I knew him very well. We went out on a date and he turned out to be a total creep!! Just wanted one thing from me!

--still Learnin'
 
  • Like
Reactions: wvmtnkid
Upvote 0

klewlis

cur tu me vexas?
Jan 27, 2004
727
57
47
Edmonton
Visit site
✟23,928.00
Faith
Christian
It may be *easier* to tell if someone is lying to you in the flesh rather than online, but it is still relatively easy online if you use your head and spend lots of time talking to them. The liars almost always show themselves eventually, since they cannot keep up the charade for very long without contradicting themselves and giving things away. The predators are especially easy to spot.

I never said that *everyone* is honest on the internet... you simply have to be smart about it and try not to get caught up in the emotions. When I met JC face to face for the first time the biggest surprise was how he walked--nothing in his personality or behaviours surprised me because I knew it all quite accurately beforehand. There was no inaccurate fantasy world thing going on. :)
 
Upvote 0

fishstix

Senior Veteran
Jan 18, 2004
3,482
192
✟27,129.00
Faith
Christian
Politics
CA-Conservatives
However, when people think they are in love, they may start to ignore the warning signs that would indicate that someone is lying. Lots of people are not careful to not get caught up in the emotions. And some people are really good actors. Anyway, I know that some people have good experiences online, and others have really bad ones. It's not wise to suggest that either one or the other is going to happen most of the time. It is wise to be cautious and to be careful not to get too close too fast regardless of how you meet someone. And just because some people have met their perfect match in some way doesn't mean that it is right for everyone.
 
Upvote 0

klewlis

cur tu me vexas?
Jan 27, 2004
727
57
47
Edmonton
Visit site
✟23,928.00
Faith
Christian
fishstix said:
However, when people think they are in love, they may start to ignore the warning signs that would indicate that someone is lying. Lots of people are not careful to not get caught up in the emotions. And some people are really good actors. Anyway, I know that some people have good experiences online, and others have really bad ones. It's not wise to suggest that either one or the other is going to happen most of the time. It is wise to be cautious and to be careful not to get too close too fast regardless of how you meet someone. And just because some people have met their perfect match in some way doesn't mean that it is right for everyone.

very true. :)
 
Upvote 0

klewlis

cur tu me vexas?
Jan 27, 2004
727
57
47
Edmonton
Visit site
✟23,928.00
Faith
Christian
hockeysistah234 said:
If everyone here found their true love on the net, why has it happened to me? Am I too honest for people or too spiritual for people? I'm wondering.....

I don't believe *anyone* here has claimed to have found their true love on the net (unless I missed something). A couple of us said that we have met really great friends that way, and one person said that she met her current boyfriend that way (maybe he is her true love!). I think all of us concede that it works both ways--you can meet really great people and you can meet really awful people, and you most likely will meet some of both and some in between. But this is why God gives us judgment and guidance through prayer.
 
Upvote 0

fishstix

Senior Veteran
Jan 18, 2004
3,482
192
✟27,129.00
Faith
Christian
Politics
CA-Conservatives
hockeysistah234 said:
If everyone here found their true love on the net, why has it happened to me? Am I too honest for people or too spiritual for people? I'm wondering.....

Who is everyone? :scratch: As this is a singles' board, I suspect most of us haven't found a true love anywhere yet. Other than Jesus of course :)
 
Upvote 0

bubblegirl23

Resident bubble chick
Apr 24, 2004
1,929
73
44
Australia
Visit site
✟2,459.00
Faith
Protestant
Marital Status
Single
Hockeysistah,

The internet has it's good sides and bad sides. I use it completely for dating because of my ability to leave the house, and have tried every dating place there is! I haven't discussed my beliefs with these men, because whether they are christian or not, does not affect my beliefs. As long as they aren't satanic or abusive, I am satisfied.

Overall, internet dating is quicker because you aren't stuck on a date with them, and they won't know where you work or live. Spend many weeks talking to them, emailing, phoning them (from a mobile or silent number only), then offer meeting for a meal, paying separate bills.


The places I've found the most genuine people are:

yahoo or MSN interests groups
love listings
or Friend Finder, which have an afiliate called church friend finder.

You may have some luck, you may have none.

Dating online means caution, and being flippant. You have to question what you're told and not let emotions get involved UNTIL you've thoroughly assessed them. How you ask? I'll give you some tips

1 If they mention sex in the first 20minutes, get rid of them. Same goes if they mention nude photos

2 If they mention casual sex or a one-nighter, say you're saving yourself for marriage, whether it's true or not. Closet-promiscuity can be shown up by asking them their impressions on marriage. They call this unnecessary & leave

3 NEVER give out personal details. I've had men TRY and get my bank details, but they can do many criminal acts with your full name, address, phone number and birthdate

4 Only give a phone number which is silent or to a mobile phone

5 Ask their job. NEVER date a man who asks how much you earn. There are men out there looking for a free ride. Express you prefer equality, or tradition

6 Don't meet a man until you've talked at least six months, no matter how close he lives. Rushing into something can be dangerous.

7 Ask about ex-partners & friends in person. Listen and watch for any emotional changes, such as anger, lust or secrecy.

8 Ask about family, particularly their mother. A man who doesn't respect his mother, won't respect you! Excluding abused men of course.

9 Meet them with a very attractive friend. Watch to see how they balance their attention between you. Leave them alone while you get refreshments and see if he's the type to flirt or cheat


10 Call their home unannounced to check there isn't a wife

11 Last of all, pay an investigator to check for marriage certificates, and their name against the home address they gave you. I wish I'd done this with my ex... married jerk. It might cost you $100, but it'll save you a lot

On the net, there are liars, frauds and fools. Being anonyymous, they can be blatant in all these, so keep an eye out for anything unusual. Question everything you are told. Don't promise yourself to anything!

I can't say certain places are wrong to meet men, because I have met some beautiful people everywhere, even in chatrooms! Many of them would be wonderful husbands, but for me weren't suitable because of my medical limitations.

Good luck, have faith, and take people on first impressions! If the first discussion is slimey, or feels wrong, hit the ignore button. That's what they are for!

Oh, one last tip. When giving men photos, give them the worst you have! The less attractive you look, the less-shallow the men you'll find sticking around. The bonus is if they get with you, they'll feel even more blessed! For me, I give a picture of when I shaved my head. I look no different to now, but my hair has grown back. This weeds out shallow men, who normally call me a "dyke b....." and leave. Saves me the trouble!

Best wishes,

S
 
Upvote 0

hockeysistah234

Jack Hayford Fan
Apr 20, 2004
49
3
66
Southern California
✟185.00
Faith
Non-Denom
bubblegirl23 said:
Hockeysistah,

The internet has it's good sides and bad sides. I use it completely for dating because of my ability to leave the house, and have tried every dating place there is! I haven't discussed my beliefs with these men, because whether they are christian or not, does not affect my beliefs. As long as they aren't satanic or abusive, I am satisfied.
But the thing is that they may steer you down spiritually if the relationship goes any further. The bible says specifically that we are not be yoked with non-believers and that include so-called nice guys.



Overall, internet dating is quicker because you aren't stuck on a date with them, and they won't know where you work or live. Spend many weeks talking to them, emailing, phoning them (from a mobile or silent number only), then offer meeting for a meal, paying separate bills.


The places I've found the most genuine people are:

yahoo or MSN interests groups
love listings
or Friend Finder, which have an afiliate called church friend finder

Freind Finder has a site called Adult Freind Finder which caters to Gays and Swingers.

I understand where you are coming from, however I would steer clear from places which are under the "guise of Christian," but most of the people on those sites do not live their faith.

That is my opinion...
 
Upvote 0