Should A Christian Man Marry A Divorced Woman?

[Isilwen]

Well, possibly. Or you ;-)

Since I have been married once before, I am in a better position to make the claim that I did.

There is no human relationship deeper than a married relationship. To think otherwise is folly!

 

[solid_core]

Since I have been married once before, I am in a better position to make the claim that I did.

There is no human relationship deeper than a married relationship. To think otherwise is folly!

I think you are being very subjective right now ;-) Maybe you simply need a woman to find something deep, but its not the case for all.

And even if you are right, so what? There is no higher mountain than Mt. Everest. Does that mean that majority of people cannot be satisfied with smaller mountains? No. The dilemma is not "the deepest, the highest or nothing".

 

[Isilwen]

I think you are being very subjective right now ;-)

Hardly!

Maybe you simply need a woman to find something deep, but its not the case for all.

As I said, some people are gifted with not needing to find a spouse. There is no drive for them, but the majority of people are not like that. I still maintain that the deepest human relationship you will ever find is between a man and a woman in marriage. There is a reason why they are called one flesh and that the man will leave his parents and cleave to his wife.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

If the divorced woman was left by her husband who has committed adultery I dont have an issue with them remarrying.

 

[bèlla]

I guess this is true. I was unable to find anyone and if I did, they didn't want to deal with children, especially seven of them.

Again, my girlfriend was indeed God sent.

Isilwen,

When we’re addressing God’s will in our circumstances we can’t overlook personal benefit. The question of your partner being God sent is difficult to surmise without prayer and personal interaction with each of you.

On a practical level, you confronted extraordinary circumstances. In your stature as a divorced Christian and the parent of a large family. Both had a significant impact on your prospects. The individual willing to accept each could appear heaven sent.

However, there are many who married with similar difficulties who reached the same conclusion only to say otherwise down the road. If you felt the Lord directing you to form a union, it would be edifying if you shared your story.

That’s how iron sharpens iron. You aren’t the lone person in that predicament. Your feedback may be a blessing to others.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[Isilwen]

However, there are many who married with similar difficulties who reached the same conclusion only to say otherwise down the road. If you felt the Lord directing you to form a union, it would be edifying if you shared your story.

Beyond what I shared in this thread, ie; it's a relationship like none I have ever experienced, she builds me up and doesn't tear me down, heated arguments are non-existant, we prayed to meet the person God had for us and three days later we were talking, etc... I can give no more than that. When it comes to testimony type things, I have never been good that that.

I can add that when she was younger, she wanted eight kids. With my seven and her one, she when we marry will have eight kids between us. There is also this, her father used to call her and sometimes still does, some variation of Jones, such as Jonesy, and guess what my last name is?

I guess that can be all circumstantial or coincidence, but for me it's proof. Too many things add up to her being the one I was meant to be with.

Oh and the most important thing, my mom likes her and mom hasn't liked anyone that I was ever with save for one girl who I dated when I was younger. That is a huge deal and part of my prayer to God for that person He has for me.

 

[SkyWriting]

Is this scripture below saying a Christian man should only marry a divorced woman if her divorce was because of sexual immorality or a Christian man should never marry a divorced woman full stop?
If the man does marry a divorced women would that mean his sins are going to be continuous in adultery as long as he is in that relationship, just as if someone carried on with fornication or any other sin after coming to and accepting Christ. Which would then make his sinning wilful after being saved.

31"Furthermore it has been said,
"Whoever divorces his wife, let him give
her a certificate of divorce.'
32But I say to you that whoever divorces
his wife for any reason except sexual
immorality causes her to commit
adultery; and whoever marries a woman
who is divorced commits adultery.

All legalism is outdated. Especially the parts where we decide what is the best conduct for others.

 

[Redwingfan9]

Is this scripture below saying a Christian man should only marry a divorced woman if her divorce was because of sexual immorality or a Christian man should never marry a divorced woman full stop?
If the man does marry a divorced women would that mean his sins are going to be continuous in adultery as long as he is in that relationship, just as if someone carried on with fornication or any other sin after coming to and accepting Christ. Which would then make his sinning wilful after being saved.

31"Furthermore it has been said,
"Whoever divorces his wife, let him give
her a certificate of divorce.'
32But I say to you that whoever divorces
his wife for any reason except sexual
immorality causes her to commit
adultery; and whoever marries a woman
who is divorced commits adultery.

Why is she divorced?

 

[Rachel Rachel]

Just a practical question.

If you borrow a million dollars and you do not want to pay it back.

If you repent of your past life and become a new person in Jesus, does God want you to forget your past promises and debts or does He want you to live in a different way and care about what is right and wrong? For example to pay your debts even if it means you must live a poor life till your death?

Apples and oranges.

Also, please remember the unforgiving debtor parable Matthew 18:21-35.

 

[JohnDB]

As I said, some people are gifted with not needing to find a spouse. There is no drive for them, but the majority of people are not like that. I still maintain that the deepest human relationship you will ever find is between a man and a woman in marriage. There is a reason why they are called one flesh and that the man will leave his parents and cleave to his wife.

Actually...
Young People are getting married later in life as they are having a hard time not being so self serving that they actually have enough grace to want or feel the need to share their life with another person.
It's one of many reasons why people "shack up" for a while.

And it's kinda disconcerting.

If a person remains single because they have a life and lifestyle given to God (constantly moving about, long days every day, and in places not exactly safe for a spouse) then the abstinence of marriage is fine...

But we are in short supply of nuclear families...
Single Parent families are the largest demographic in America now (51%)...we need to fix this.

Where there's a case that can be made for deacons to exceed Paul's directives for a deacon in a church...the misunderstood passage often gets followed for all the wrong reasons.

But second marriages only succeed about 34% of the time...
Third marriages about only 25% succeed.
(It doesn't get any better with successive marriages)

Where I would say that extreme caution and hesitation for any successive marriage should be employed.... people who shack up are actually married in spirit with the same emotional damage done when the couple split up. (Just no legal protections)

But I would be extremely careful about trying to label something as sin when there's a preponderance of evidence that second marriages are not sin. Might even be a situation of labeling something good as bad.
Just saying...one of those things that aren't good.

 

[Isilwen]

Actually...
Young People are getting married later in life as they are having a hard time not being so self serving that they actually have enough grace to want or feel the need to share their life with another person.
It's one of many reasons why people "shack up" for a while.

And it's kinda disconcerting.

If a person remains single because they have a life and lifestyle given to God (constantly moving about, long days every day, and in places not exactly safe for a spouse) then the abstinence of marriage is fine...

But we are in short supply of nuclear families...
Single Parent families are the largest demographic in America now (51%)...we need to fix this.

Where there's a case that can be made for deacons to exceed Paul's directives for a deacon in a church...the misunderstood passage often gets followed for all the wrong reasons.

But second marriages only succeed about 34% of the time...
Third marriages about only 25% succeed.
(It doesn't get any better with successive marriages)

Where I would say that extreme caution and hesitation for any successive marriage should be employed.... people who shack up are actually married in spirit with the same emotional damage done when the couple split up. (Just no legal protections)

But I would be extremely careful about trying to label something as sin when there's a preponderance of evidence that second marriages are not sin. Might even be a situation of labeling something good as bad.
Just saying...one of those things that aren't good.

I agree!

 

[Francis Drake]

Speaking as a divorced man and now married to a wonderful godly woman, it looks like there's a whole lot of legalism being spouted here.

When they brought the woman caught in adultery to Jesus, demanding she be stoned, he said, "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone" and as the scriptures show, the accusers all drifted away.

But on reading this thread, it looks like there'd be a bunch of people eagerly waiting with their pile of stones, convinced of their own self perfection and full able to enforce it on others.

Where's mercy folks?
Back in those days, if a woman is forbidden to remarry, especially if with children, that could be a death sentence for her and the children.
With no government benefits, who is going to feed, house and clothe them? For many the only solution would be prostitution!

The natural God given place for women was either in her father's home, or that of her husband. There is no way that God would prohibit remarriage for a victim of adultery.

 

[Francis Drake]

That would depend on your age. I was 40 when my wife divorced me. I am 45 now. Women who have never been married or divorced are few and far between. I also don't have the version you do to marrying a divorced woman.

I fully believe that God brought my girlfriend to me and me to her. We both prayed for the person that He has for us to be made known and three days later we were talking to each other. Our relationship is nothing like I have ever experienced before. She builds me up and doesn't tear me down. There are no heated arguments. We work together to solve problems. I could go on and on about how different this relationship is.

So, yes. I do believe in remarriage after divorce and there are many others with stories similar to my own.

My story is very similar.
I was mid50s when my Christian wife had an affair and left me.
I was subsequently led by the Lord to a wonderful lady to whom I have been married for the last 15 years. The circumstances of our meeting were truly extraordinary and prophetic.
Godly marriage is amazing.

 

[Francis Drake]

Just a practical question.

If you borrow a million dollars and you do not want to pay it back.

If you repent of your past life and become a new person in Jesus, does God want you to forget your past promises and debts or does He want you to live in a different way and care about what is right and wrong? For example to pay your debts even if it means you must live a poor life till your death?

If you killed someone, and then subsequently repent, do you have to raise them from the dead in order to walk in obedience?

 

[com7fy8]

If the man does marry a divorced women would that mean his sins are going to be continuous in adultery as long as he is in that relationship, just as if someone carried on with fornication or any other sin after coming to and accepting Christ. Which would then make his sinning wilful after being saved.

The married couple may repent and ask God to forgive and bless their marriage.

Do you have some biblical example?

I mean an example that remarriage was blessed by God, after people repented from doing it, but stayed in it.

Joyce Meyer's.

I mean a biblical example, given by God. I have no idea who they are.

Indeed Joyce is not in the Bible. And I am not familiar with her details. Possibly, she remarried before she became a Christian. In case this is her case, there are a variety of ideas about this, and ones can give you scripture for their various ideas. In any case >

I think our Apostle Paul is clear >

"Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife." (1 Corinthians 7:10-11)

You can read all of 1 Corinthians to get the context of this. What I get from this is here Paul is addressing a Christian couple > both are genuinely saved. And this means two people who have truly trusted in Jesus > Ephesians 1:12 > for salvation. And so they have begun in growing in Jesus and how to love. So, they both have the potential of getting into prayer and being corrected by our Father (Hebrews 12:4-14), in His love (Romans 5:5, 1 John 4:17), so now they are more real in God's character of love and become encouraged to get back with each other and do better. Because of all which is possible with God, this is certainly possible for them if each of them is a child of God.

I mean each one can personally hear from God, in prayer, and relate with Him to gain real correction. So, of course, after our Father corrects each one, he and she will even be eager to find out how better they now can do with each other, after finding out better how to be with God and how to relate in a close relationship.

 

[Cis.jd]

never go here for any life advice.

A high % of Christians here are terrible with it and hate to think.

 

[RDKirk]

I do not even know why are we talking about this.

But to answer you - the spreading of Christianity is by conversion. I do not know why you think that all Christians can pass away without converting anyone.

And even if this would happen, God can convert people with angels or with visions.

The Shakers thought that way.

There are very, very few Shakers today. In fact, only two in the whole world.

 

[RDKirk]

Speaking as a divorced man and now married to a wonderful godly woman, it looks like there's a whole lot of legalism being spouted here.

When they brought the woman caught in adultery to Jesus, demanding she be stoned, he said, "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone" and as the scriptures show, the accusers all drifted away.

But on reading this thread, it looks like there'd be a bunch of people eagerly waiting with their pile of stones, convinced of their own self perfection and full able to enforce it on others.

Where's mercy folks?
Back in those days, if a woman is forbidden to remarry, especially if with children, that could be a death sentence for her and the children.
With no government benefits, who is going to feed, house and clothe them? For many the only solution would be prostitution!

The natural God given place for women was either in her father's home, or that of her husband. There is no way that God would prohibit remarriage for a victim of adultery.

And look at what Paul said about young widows--he urged them to remarry for reasons that would apply even more to a young Christian wife (mother) who had been abandoned by her pagan husband. A young mother abandoned by her pagan husband would either have to remarry or be placed on the widow's list...surely the Church would not abandon her to her own resources (although congregations today certainly do!).

I believe that in the absolute righteousness of Christ, when a divorce occurs it is certainly within a cloud of sin. But speaking of divorce, Jesus used this curious wording:

But I say to you that everyone divorcing his wife, except on account of sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever shall marry her who has been divorced commits adultery.

And Jesus says this as well:

...but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

So when sin occurs, Jesus is well aware of who caused the sin to occur, and it is the one that caused the sin who bears the guilt.

In Jesus' absolute righteousness, the only righteous path is for two persons joined together by God to remain lovingly joined together until death.

We can take a critical look as well at "...whom God has joined together." Is a pagan marriage blessed by God? What makes a Hindu marriage any more sacred to God than any other Hindu ceremony? Paul suggests that there is no sacredness to the marriage unless/until one person becomes a Christian and the pagan spouse is pleased to continue the marriage.

Not only the appearance of the marriage, but also the loving spirit of the marriage is necessary, or there is sin. Sinful people can leave the marriage without leaving the house.

But Jesus is well aware of who imitated the sin, and it's that person who bears the guilt of that sin.

 

[fwGod]

Is this scripture below saying a Christian man should only marry a divorced woman if her divorce was because of sexual immorality or a Christian man should never marry a divorced woman full stop?

If the man does marry a divorced women would that mean his sins are going to be continuous in adultery as long as he is in that relationship, just as if someone carried on with fornication or any other sin after coming to and accepting Christ. Which would then make his sinning wilful after being saved.

31"Furthermore it has been said,
"Whoever divorces his wife, let him give
her a certificate of divorce.'
32But I say to you that whoever divorces
his wife for any reason except sexual
immorality causes her to commit
adultery;

and whoever marries a woman
who is divorced commits adultery.

Well, this response is going to be long.

The Love of God is the primary rule of direction in what Jesus said.

But because people don't interject God's love as a motivation into what he said.. people get the idea that no one can morally marry a divorced person. Who divorced because the spouse was unfaithful.

But Jesus is saying that once married you cannot use a waned affection reason or incompatibility reason for divorce.

He said, divorce not for any reason except for adultery.

Because if you do divorce for any reason other than adultery, then morally whoever divorces because of waned affection or incompatibility reason and then marries another is committing adultery.

The non adulterous reason for divorcing becomes as sinful (or against God's laws of love) and therefore the same as adultery while married.

[there are exceptions such as spousal abuse or child abuse, or child rape] With Jesus' marriage rules of Love those exceptions shouldn't happen. But if they do then by all means get a legal and moral divorce. Such extreme reasons will not bring any condemnation upon the divorced spouse or the children. If anyone does condemn it, then they who so judge against divorce for those reasons are to be condemned.​

Jesus is saying that the only morally allowable reason to divorce the spouse is for sexual immorality. He is not ignoring or anulling verse 31.

That's why the usual Christian or civil wedding vows are given that basically say that no matter what circumstance of life the married couple will stay married.

Why? Because you are getting married because you love each other. So like the song goes.. Love will keep you together. As long as you practice God's Love in your marriage even at times when your feelings don't feel loving to your spouse at some particular moment. It is something that loving forgiveness can erase.

So whoever (man) marries a so divorced woman (because of a waned affection or incompatibility with her spouse) has committed adultery with her.
Because Jesus also said that if a man looks on a woman with thoughts of having sex with her, then he has already committed adultery with her.
So in Love's eyes, even the wedding vows to another don't make the marriage morally legal if the spouse is not divorced because of actual adultery.

That is to say, morally according to God's perfect will.

That is not to say that you can't legally morally marry a person who was divorced for waned affection or because of incompatibility though not because of adultery. You can. But, it's God's permissive will.

And it could even be a good marriage. Faithful, Loving, all the good things for marriage. But still, it will not be God's perfect will. Because His perfect is having stayed with the first spouse. Because bringing God into the problem could have eliminated the problem.

Because only actual adultery is the only perfect will-moral reason in Love's eyes, to have divorced.

Jesus is in that text giving the rules of Love concerning marriage. If affection wanes then rekindle the affection and enjoy the marriage bed once again. If there is discovered incompatibility then ask God for His love to smooth out the rough edges and actively practice God's love toward your marriage spouse, reaching for the goal of having an affection between you. And enjoy the marriage bed.

God loves you and wants for your marriage to be loving and enjoyable. Even a marriage of one part of the wedding couple having been divorced.

 

[bekkilyn]

I guess the solution to all of this legalism is to just murder one's spouse instead of divorcing him/her and then there would be no question as to whether or not it's okay to get married again since there is no longer a spouse to be in dispute over. After all, plenty of murderers took wives and God seemed to have no problem with that and even called some of them righteous and/or after his own heart.