She's just not that into me?

[radhead]

Some women I've known were *too* mysterious. As far as I'm concerned they were just doing it to be manipulative, and it was really annoying.

I've been attracted to women who were upfront also.

 

[BoazB]

For some, part of the attraction is the "mystery".

(Why do they say you "fall" on love?)

 

[Tamara224]

-And as far as showing interest, yes, show interest, but again, ease into it. It's better to ease in slowly, even if it's a little bit too slowly, than to just cannonball right in. Again, this sort of mystery will build her curiousity, and make her think about you and what makes you tick... which equates directly to her thinking about you more, which leads to her developing feelings for you.

This is, imo, a really good point. Thinking back... those guys who have, as you put it, "cannonballed" right into "love" have always ruined any attraction I had for them to start with.

There's something to be said for uncertainty. Just think of that iconic picture of a woman plucking petals from a flower "He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not." Why has that little game been played so many times by so many women? Well... because there's something exciting about that uncertainty. And the possibility that a guy might not be really interested makes him more desirable.

Nobody really values things that are easily gotten.

 

[KomissarSteve]

(bolded part) No. But they probably shared some of them. My point was they made it clear they were interested in me. They didnt play hot and cold with me.

Fair enough; I certainly agree with you on this point. I think IP's point, however, is that guys shouldn't seem TOO eager, lest they come off as desperate or needy. That is our natural inclination, after all; while girls in their late teens and early 20's are a hot commodity, guys in that age group aren't exactly in demand. So a lot of us have to overcome the inclination to throw ourselves at a hot 21-year old's feet and beg.

 

[Gardener101]

Nobody really values things that are easily gotten.

Yes, but in CF, if something is NOT gotten easily, then it means the person MUST BE PLAYING GAMES!




Be careful, otherwise you could get accused of encouraging people to be 'dishonest' by holding back a little and not wearing their hearts on their sleeves.


Or NOT assuming to be in a commited 'relationship' after just 3 dates :o

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I think we all think the "ideal" situation would be if everyone could just be honest and up front. I know that is how I feel too, BUT it's just not realistic and it takes the fun out of the pursuit. I imagine people that enjoy hunting. They go out to "hunt" a deer, or elk and he finds them all standing there waiting for him to shoot them. First off, they probably wouldn't hunt very much and it's a ludicrus thought that they would be sitting there waiting. The whole thing with dating, if you are dating someone you seriously like, if your the man, you are pursuing her, trying to "win" her affection. While if you are the woman, you would be also trying to "win" his affection just from a different angle. Although I say I would prefer someone to be brutally honest with me, if it really happened, I probably wouldn't be interested especially if they said something I didn't like, like telling me I have to change the way I am or the way I look, so really we don't want complete honesty.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Granted, there is some truth in that.

This I disagree with still. Sure there were those that caused those "butterlflies" by not being upfront but they were the ones who turned out to not like me as I had thought, yet I had spent all that time building up to liking them because of their "mystery."

Dancing is enjoyable but I hate playing games and trying to read/interpret a guy's motives/feelings.

I prefer honesty and clarity


nah. I have dated guys who were upfront and I liked it. If/when they did stuff that was "mysterious," I got very frusterated.

But you, yourself, said that most of the guys who you liked, were not upfront all at once, which contradicts your disagreement with my point. You might say that you prefer one thing, but is it what you prefer, or what you want to prefer or think that you prefer? Does history say otherwise?

 

[KomissarSteve]

But you, yourself, said that most of the guys who you liked, were not upfront all at once, which contradicts your disagreement with my point. You might say that you prefer one thing, but is it what you prefer, or what you want to prefer or think that you prefer? Does history say otherwise?

An important point indeed; the difference between one wishes what one wants in a mate, or what one thinks one should want in a mate, and what one actually wants in a mate, is pretty significant. Whenever I see threads asking, "What do YOU want in a significant other?", I always feel I have to take the responses with a grain of salt, because what people tend to post is what they think they should say, or what they wish they could honestly say, instead of what actually makes or breaks the deal for them.

 

[Blank123]

what is with all the game playing? If you like someone just be honest about it.

but game playing is for kids. i would be completely turned off by any guy that thought he could manipulate me into being interested.

 

[BoazB]

what is with all the game playing? If you like someone just be honest about it.

but game playing is for kids.

You could always build shrines and stalk 'em. j/k

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

IMO it's not about "game playing" but just not telling EVERYTHING on the first second or third date. Think about it, if Jesus had told everyone he met, the whole scenerio of what would happen in his life, do you think anyone would have followed Him? They probably would have thought he was a loon. (some even did, as it was). Relationships take time.....time to build them.....and in that time we develop trust and fondness, and are able to share with each other. It's not "game playing" it's just getting to know someone. Any relationship you have had, you didn't tell them your life story in the first meeting, and all your deep secrets, and wishes did you? It just takes time. Now I do agree that people should be straightforward about the fact that they like someone, and shouldn't play games about that, but the other details need to wait, until it's necessary, when you've decided it's a LTR. Just my opinion.

 

[Blank123]

IMO it's not about "game playing" but just not telling EVERYTHING on the first second or third date. Think about it, if Jesus had told everyone he met, the whole scenerio of what would happen in his life, do you think anyone would have followed Him? They probably would have thought he was a loon. (some even did, as it was). Relationships take time.....time to build them.....and in that time we develop trust and fondness, and are able to share with each other. It's not "game playing" it's just getting to know someone. Any relationship you have had, you didn't tell them your life story in the first meeting, and all your deep secrets, and wishes did you? It just takes time. Now I do agree that people should be straightforward about the fact that they like someone, and shouldn't play games about that, but the other details need to wait, until it's necessary, when you've decided it's a LTR. Just my opinion.

thats not what was being advocated. Thats just common sense. even my friends don't know my whole life's story. i'm not about to tell some guy on a blind date that

what IP was talking about was creating mystery in order to get her interested. Thats a game.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

what IP was talking about was creating mystery in order to get her interested. Thats a game.

I can't speak for IP but I didn't take it as game playing. I took it to mean, for the guy, don't spill your whole guts. Don't be at her beckon call. Just don't let her know everything all at once. That's how I took him. Not to "create" mystery just to get her interested in the first place. Anyway, I could be wrong too.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

thats not what was being advocated. Thats just common sense. even my friends don't know my whole life's story. i'm not about to tell some guy on a blind date that

what IP was talking about was creating mystery in order to get her interested. Thats a game.

Nope, what I was talking about is basically the same thing MemoriesByMichelle was talking about. It's no more a game than wearing makeup and a nice outfit and styled hair on the date instead of no makeup and sweats with undone hair to the date is.