She won't take no as the answer!

[Micaiah]

I am single and have a female friend. I like her, but over time it became obvious she wanted more from the relationship than just friendship. It came to a head one day, and I made it clear (at least I thought I did) that while I wanted to remain good friends, marriage was out of the question.

She was hurt by that, and for a while we didn't talk much. We attend the same church. Gradually the friendship recovered. From comments she made, she retains the hope that one day we will marry, and is praying to that end.

We are both divorced. My divorce was not my choice. I do not feel comfortable with the idea of remarriage in this context. I have tried to make it as clear as possible that marriage is out of the question without being rude or causing unnecessary hurt, but all to no avail.

I value her friendship, and this issue prevents us from both enjoying a good friendship. Any suggestions.

 

[standard]

A couple of questions -

Why is this not an option for you? Different value system? Do you not find her attractive? Age difference? Children? Etc. (I think if I was in your shoes, I would just directly tell her why it is not an option - even though it will probably shock / gravely disappoint her)

Secondly, does she really love you or is interested in this relationship merely as a form of self-validation?

P.S. Don't get involved with these 'lonely' types - if she is just lonely, she will get involved with *anyone* to fill the deep void in her soul.

I.e. make sure it is all for the right reasons.

 

[looksgood]

I would have to ask the same questions. Cause some good things take some work, and that may be what she is thinking. And to tell the truth she may be right unless you can come up with some good answers lol.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

I kind of understand your position, but I dated the girl for a while. Big mistake. Huge mistake. Huge mess. All you can do is keep saying "I like you as a friend, but NO!"
It's good you're being honest. Someone who wants to marry you without ever having dated you...is kind of freaky I think.

 

[Stanfi]

Be very clear, and very honest. That is the key.

 

[Micaiah]

Thanks folks. Thought I'd posted but it didn't get through. May turn up later.

Anyhow to repeat, I did explain the reasons several times. Agree it is good to be wary of motives, but I'm not even going down that path, because it is not an option.

Seems the best tack is to keep saying no firmly.

We chatted in church this morning, and without me saying anything, she agreed to respect my decision, and work on being friends. So that was a step in the right direction.