She won't forgive me

[ily19]

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[scrofford]

I understand the hurt you are going through. It's hard and you know, time does heal things. But what I would do is constantly pray for her and ask the Lord to restore your relationship with her. Again, it may take some time...It could be years, but God is faithful and is very good at healing broken friendships.

Unfortunately we do reap what we sow and there are consequences for every action we take. Remember though that God forgives you and you don't have to feel guilty for anything. I wish I could tell you that this was going to be easy etc, but its not.

 

[spidergains]

I question the faith of someone who commits adultery not once, but twice. Have you really experienced a life-changing encounter with the living God, Jesus Christ? Only you and Christ know the truth.

“Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’ Matthew 7:21-23

Grace is free, but it isn't cheap.

“If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it. Matthew 10:37-39

 

[Autumnleaf]

Act like you are getting back with your exbf. Let her seduce him. Act hurt when she does. Then she will probably be more okay with you if you show her forgiveness. Some people don't let things go until they get even.

 

[Jeffreyj]

I know what its like when you ask for someone to forgive and they choose not to forgive. This happened to me over a year ago. I apologized for what I did and ask for forgiveness. Unfortunately she decined.

A lesson I learned from this was how God sees each and every one of us. He sees us as "The Forgiven Ones". So if you could see this person who hasn't yet forgiven you the way God does, it can free you from being afraid to meet her in public.

Also the root of fear is a lie.

Hopefully this helps you.

Jeffrey

 

[ily19]

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[Johnnz]

You have done what you could. It's her responsibility to decide how she will respond to you now. You have no control over that.

But you are scared she might attack you!!? That is outside any Christian attitude. Maybe getting your pastor involved, but he would need to hold to really on the ball. It would be devastating if he supported her.

John
NZ

 

[TheDag]

If you are genuinely sorry and desire not to comit the sin again God forgives you. If you do commit the sin again it is not a problem providing you meet the conditions. For example I don't like getting angry and I try not to. I fail. I am forgiven but I do still get angry sometimes again even though I don't want to. I am still forgiven for the first time even though I've failed yet again.

If this person does not forgive you that is their problem. They also will not be forgiven because they have failed to forgive you. They may forgive you in the future and you may not know. It can take time. Forgiveness can also be a process for things like this. One time it took me about eight months to fully forgive a person. It was like I could only deal with part of it at a time and when I was ready God prompted me to deal with the next part.

Forgiveness does not mean there are no consequences to your actions. Because it was twice this person may never want to have a friendship with you ever again. That is a consequence not unforgiveness. I suggest you pray for them that they would forgive you (so they can heal) and that they would know God's love fully. Anything other than that is a bonus.

 

[lilmissmontana]

I did something really bad to someone. I confessed and apologized to her. She forgave me and was very kind about it. Then by compulsion, I ended up doing it again. I felt so guilty that I apologized again. This time I admitted the whole truth including things that were inaccurate about my previous confession. This also meant that I had to tell on her husband who had been unfaithful and lying to her, causing the two of them to fight. After that, I just kept my mouth shut and stayed out of their way.

It's been several months now. I suffered a lot in my own relationship, learned so much, and restored my relationship with Christ from that experience. I know God forgives me. But she still hasn't. She can't trust me anymore. She's really angry at me to this day even though she and her husband are fine and happy now. I know it's because he had lie to her (about me) as he often does to help save their marriage.

I still fear that any day now she'll get her revenge. She already tried hitting on my ex-bf when I was still with him. Now I just fear going out in public and running into her fist. I often feel like changing my name and moving to the opposite end of the world! Should my conscience be clear if God forgives me but she doesn't? Is it okay to move on from this already? This year has been a big mess. I just want to move on so badly but my past still haunts my mind.

You do need to move on ... you've done all you can, including the most important ... asking God for His forgiveness. He loves us with all His heart and is quick to forgive honest repentance. It seems to me what's happening here is you haven't forgiven yourself. The two biggest things the enemy comes at us with is guilt and condemnation ... both come through loud and clear in your post ... That is the enemy talking to you. You did something wrong, you did your best to do the right thing after and that's that. If you sak God to forgive you, He does and he remembers no more ... so stop bringing it up over and over to yourself. Give it to the Lord and ask Him to show you where to begin anew ... we can't make people forgive us ... the Lord will deal with them on that in His time ... fear also is not of the Lord ... children of the Lord don't need to go around in fear ... He is with you. When the time comes ... and it probably will ... when you bump into this person it will be uncomfortable but time has a way and she will probably see things differently by then, too, and will have moved on ... start new today ... focus on your life moving forward ... not looking back and over your shoulder ...

God bless

 

[andreha]

Awesome advice, Lilmis - couldn't have said it better myself.

You do need to move on ... you've done all you can, including the most important ... asking God for His forgiveness. He loves us with all His heart and is quick to forgive honest repentance. It seems to me what's happening here is you haven't forgiven yourself. The two biggest things the enemy comes at us with is guilt and condemnation ... both come through loud and clear in your post ... That is the enemy talking to you. You did something wrong, you did your best to do the right thing after and that's that. If you sak God to forgive you, He does and he remembers no more ... so stop bringing it up over and over to yourself. Give it to the Lord and ask Him to show you where to begin anew ... we can't make people forgive us ... the Lord will deal with them on that in His time ... fear also is not of the Lord ... children of the Lord don't need to go around in fear ... He is with you. When the time comes ... and it probably will ... when you bump into this person it will be uncomfortable but time has a way and she will probably see things differently by then, too, and will have moved on ... start new today ... focus on your life moving forward ... not looking back and over your shoulder ...

God bless

 

[Sketcher]

We as Christians often get lulled into the sense that people owe us forgiveness. God expects us to forgive people who wronged us, but we don't owe those people forgiveness - rather, we owe obedience to God who commands it. And because we're so used to that command being in the backs of our heads, we can get arrogant, demanding mercy for ourselves. Do not fall into this trap.

Now, who am I to say this to you? I am someone, who in a careless, selfish, and petty moment, crossed a line of decency and wronged an unbeliever. As soon as I realized my mistake, I apologized and tried to make good to him. He would have none of it. And why should I expect him to? The most I can do is trust God with my future and pray for him to get saved and forgive me.

Also, a bit of a side point: She and her husband are probably not fine and happy, though they need to put on a good public appearance. In the case of adultery, it takes an average of seven years of hard work to get a marriage back to where it was at the point that the infidelity was discovered. She's probably more hurt than you seem to be giving her credit for.

 

[live4grace]

You got it right - move on.

Matt 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

The "things" in that verse are everything you'll ever need. Make God your priority and no one like this can rule over you or keep you in bondage to what they think or do. God will protect you and heal you inside and out. And we'll be praying.

 

[BigNorsk]

Sometimes in such situations, moving away actually is the right thing to do. It makes the past less powerful in one's daily life.

Alcoholics experience this when their "friends" encourage them to drink and the routines they have built into their life also encourages them.

Many young people really aren't allowed to grow up at home, and so they go off to college and are completely different than they were at home.

I wouldn't say just throw things in a suitcase and go hitchhike, but really the past can't be changed and it looks like it's going to continue to be a problem as long as you and this couple live in close proximity. In many ways the kind thing to do to atone for your sin is to relieve the woman from the fear of it happening with you again. You know you've changed, but she really can never know with certainty.

 

[SinclairJ]

God is gracious when it comes to forgiveness isn't He??? If we ask to be forgiven then He will forgive us. It is much easier said then done when I say not to worry about your adversary. You have asked and repented of your sin. God no longer counts your sins against you and you should not worry about this person any longer, whether they have forgiven you or not. Satan often likes to bring up our past, but you are forgiven by Him. Receive His forgiveness because I don't believe you have actually done this yet. You have asked for it, but you must receive the gift also. It's like getting a Christmas present that you never open if you don't receive Him and his forgiveness. Be blessed sister. Focus on Jesus

 

[SinclairJ]

AMEN

We as Christians often get lulled into the sense that people owe us forgiveness. God expects us to forgive people who wronged us, but we don't owe those people forgiveness - rather, we owe obedience to God who commands it. And because we're so used to that command being in the backs of our heads, we can get arrogant, demanding mercy for ourselves. Do not fall into this trap.

Now, who am I to say this to you? I am someone, who in a careless, selfish, and petty moment, crossed a line of decency and wronged an unbeliever. As soon as I realized my mistake, I apologized and tried to make good to him. He would have none of it. And why should I expect him to? The most I can do is trust God with my future and pray for him to get saved and forgive me.

Also, a bit of a side point: She and her husband are probably not fine and happy, though they need to put on a good public appearance. In the case of adultery, it takes an average of seven years of hard work to get a marriage back to where it was at the point that the infidelity was discovered. She's probably more hurt than you seem to be giving her credit for.

 

[heron]

From her standpoint, forgiveness is different from trust. She needs to protect her marriage and stabilize her life, and she would naturally be looking behind every corner, wondering if it will happen again. She does not want to be made a fool of, tricked, lied to, or losing everything she worked so hard to build up.

Practice restraint. A fruit of the Holy Spirit is self-control, so God can help you with this. Don't push for her acceptance. Just let it rest and gel for a while.

In many marriages, a man who cheats will cheat again. She knows this is true.

If you are afraid of her fist, think... what's the worst that could happen? If time has distanced this, she doesn't need to come after you. If she's just angry, then how hard would she punch -- maybe it wouldn't even be so bad. Don't let the fear create more pain that the potential injury.