She was raped...

[Turin_Turambar]

My fiancee was raped about five months back and since then she has wanted nothing to do with me. It frustrates me because just when I feel I can most support her, my very presence sends her into a panic attack. I can't even hold her hand without her reliving her rape over and over in her mind.

On top of this, as a result she is pregnant with triplets and doesn't want to place them up for adoption for fear that they wouldn't be raised in a Christian home. She couldn't bear that and I couldn't either. I know it would be tough all of a sudden becoming a dad to three, in a new marriage, but I would do it, if only she would let me back in her life. There's four months until the babies are born and she will need my support as her husband. I understand she might be afraid of intimacy at first and I respect that. I can't even talk to her on the phone anymore. I understand she's scared and all of that but I am not breaking my promise to marry her and she hasn't really told me that she's breaking up with me either... but what am I to do for her when she hurts so much and won't let me do a thing?

 

[Gods4me]

she need to get conceling and get through it her self. if she want to keep these babies that is good on her but she should be getting conciling after she told the police she was raped. she need to talk to a doctor midwife any body. probably she would rather have a female so she doesnt feel intimadated.

if she dont want you to hold her hand dont... she will want to know you are there for her no matter what. dont tell her to gie up the babyes tell her its her choice and you support that and you will be there every single second of it.

 

[Turin_Turambar]

Well, an update is needed.

She eventually talked to me, telling me that she would never ever ever feel like having sex with a man ever again in her life. She before hand had deliberately tried ignoring me or being spiteful towards me in order for me to let her go. Finally, she told me flat out that she doesn't love me anymore.

I couldn't keep her in it, so I let her go.

 

[JesusFreak2008]

Hello,

I can provide some insight to this. I know what your fiancee is going through. At the age of eight years old, I was raped by my biological father. I remember it vividly. He held me down and drugged me, and a few months later, I became fat. I thought I was gaining weight, but when I went to the doctor, I was pregnant. I did not understand what sex was at that point, I was too young, but my father knew he was in big trouble. As much as I loved that infant, he took away my virginity and my child-I was beaten until I nearly gasped for air. I awoke in the hospital and had a respirator down my throat and my child was gone. My father currently serves time in prison-they gave him life. I have forgiven him. Because I asked the Lord to help me forgive him.

Now, as to your problems your going through. First off, I'd like to say that you do not know what it is like to be raped. I can provide insight on that. It is a very cruel thing to put a female through. Never mind getting her pregnant. Thats torture-to know that the child (ren) are yours, but not yours. Secondly, your fiancee needs to seek counseling. I believe she is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. After I was raped, it took me nine years before ever getting intimate with someone again. It also took a lot of therapy and patience. I am now eighteen years old, and it even is hard for me to sometimes trust my fiancee-because of the fear that something will happen to me (I was recently molested by his father)

Your fiancee is in need of counseling. If expenses are a problem, she can do therapy from your home. That is what I currently do. I'll refer you to her if you want? Also, you need to be patient with your fiancee. You love her, or else you would not be engaged to her. So then be there with her and comfort her. If she does not let you get close-then just let her know I love you and I'm here for you, I wont hurt you nor let anyone else hurt you.

These are my best suggestions. Seek Counseling and have patience-lots of it, if she is going to have three babies in the house that just adds to the stress. Read the word, that will also help.

Good luck!

 

[JesusFreak2008]

Well, an update is needed.

She eventually talked to me, telling me that she would never ever ever feel like having sex with a man ever again in her life. She before hand had deliberately tried ignoring me or being spiteful towards me in order for me to let her go. Finally, she told me flat out that she doesn't love me anymore.

I couldn't keep her in it, so I let her go.

Wow!

I am so sorry. I know this came as a shock to me. I was just posting my insight on things. I'll pray for you, and pray for her. She needs counseling and so do you. If she didn't want to stay in it, or you were scared to loose her, and she claims she didn't love you, try being patient with her, if she did love you and didn't wrong you, then she will come back. I'll be praying for both of you.

 

[ExDrip]

why is she so scared....did you rape her?

My advice to you, if you stay, get a job...and fast.

 

[pegatha]

First, your fiance needs some sort of counseling for post-traumatic stress. Her primary care doctor, or her OB-GYN, or a rape-crisis center can help her find a good counselor.

Second, raising three kids by herself is going to be tough, to put it mildly. Add the trauma of rape to that, and frankly, I wonder if she's really prepared to be a mother right now. There are Christian adoption agencies that will let the birth mother choose the adoptive parents. There are probably pastors in her area who know of Christian couples who want to adopt. If she wants these babies to go to a Christian home, it can be arranged. Considering all the circumstances, this might be the best option for her and her babies.

Finally, she might find it helpful to give your local Crisis Pregnancy Center a call. They should be in the phone book. These are Christian-oriented organizations that will provide emotional support, Biblical counseling, & practical advice to your fiance, whether she decides to raise the babies or adopt them out.

(Triplets are pretty rare, so your story sounds a bit over-the-top, but stranger things have happened so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.)

 

[katluver3781]

I'm very sorry. This is a truly tragic thing that has happened. I hope someday she will heal and forgive. Maybe she will still allow you to be a supportive friend to her.