Sharing new recovery techniques

[inHisgripkim]

I'm wondering how many of us on this self-injury forum have benefited from it. Is anyone getting better because they are finding something that works for them? What works for you that keeps you from obsessing, that keeps you from self-injury?

What did you learn yesterday and the day before that might be making a difference for you?

 

[Im-revived]

I'm going to let you guys into something I do tend to keep secret a lot, as I was 17 when I was really ill with this and other illnessess relating. I'm now 37, 20 yrs on!

At 17, yes I was a very bad self harmer, basically a lot brought on from my childhood abuse. Only now is it fully coming out in court. Anyway as well as self harming then I was severely depressed. For 3yrs it was a daily issue of me trying to hurt myself because I felt everything in my past was my fault, obviously then I really thought it was my fault. I ended up scared, some still show, but ended up having Cognitive Psychotherapy, it was hard, and many times I wanted to give up getting help, I was hurting badly, couldn't show emotions except by harming myself, and even then couldn't cry. For three years as a non Christian I forced myself to go weekly, because I still had a very small light that made me think, this had to stop for my eldest child, not only that I was constantly having to cover my arms etc up, in summer it was hard when it was hot weather, i had no control of my actions at all. As I went through Psychotherapy I learn't a lot, even as a non Christian then I learn't to trust my Psychologist. To cut a long story shorter, she said to me one day, ' Do you realise your punishing yourself, going through the pain of what I'd done for several days when nothing was my fault' This shocked my system and made me think, I was hurting myself more than i'd already been hurt, then she just said why? I couldn't answer, but the answer was the guilt, shame and lack of trust I'd lost as a child. That question and her answer never left me, even now. On the last session she pointed out to me, I'm going to be needed. At the time I didn't quite understand, years later and not harming myself thats where I'm at, being needed. Its hard for you all now but God has plans for each one of you and once your healed then somehow God will guide you to also be a healer of others breaking hearts exactly where you have or still are now.

Finally I'll say, let God guide you, as thats the answer, wether your Christian or not.

Im-revived

I'm wondering how many of us on this self-injury forum have benefited from it. Is anyone getting better because they are finding something that works for them? What works for you that keeps you from obsessing, that keeps you from self-injury?

What did you learn yesterday and the day before that might be making a difference for you?

 

[EbonNelumbo]

I personally had a relapse a couple weeks ago, but it was after over a year. Realizing I am not simply some scene kid trying to '*ahem*' get attention (as is the stigma around SI in the US), it really helped me to admit to myself and God I had a problem and deal with it.

 

[Im-revived]

You know your spot on love with your post, it takes a lot to admit any problem, most of all something like this. But once you can admit 'yes I have a problem and need help' that is the start of your healing, you need to get out there now whilst you think like this and reach for the help, God will guide you to the right place.

Good Point!

Im-revived

I personally had a relapse a couple weeks ago, but it was after over a year. Realizing I am not simply some scene kid trying to '*ahem*' get attention (as is the stigma around SI in the US), it really helped me to admit to myself and God I had a problem and deal with it.

 

[inHisgripkim]

I'm going to let you guys into something I do tend to keep secret a lot, as I was 17 when I was really ill with this and other illnessess relating. I'm now 37, 20 yrs on!

At 17, yes I was a very bad self harmer, basically a lot brought on from my childhood abuse. Only now is it fully coming out in court. Anyway as well as self harming then I was severely depressed. For 3yrs it was a daily issue of me trying to hurt myself because I felt everything in my past was my fault, obviously then I really thought it was my fault. I ended up scared, some still show, but ended up having Cognitive Psychotherapy, it was hard, and many times I wanted to give up getting help, I was hurting badly, couldn't show emotions except by harming myself, and even then couldn't cry. For three years as a non Christian I forced myself to go weekly, because I still had a very small light that made me think, this had to stop for my eldest child, not only that I was constantly having to cover my arms etc up, in summer it was hard when it was hot weather, i had no control of my actions at all. As I went through Psychotherapy I learn't a lot, even as a non Christian then I learn't to trust my Psychologist. To cut a long story shorter, she said to me one day, ' Do you realise your punishing yourself, going through the pain of what I'd done for several days when nothing was my fault' This shocked my system and made me think, I was hurting myself more than i'd already been hurt, then she just said why? I couldn't answer, but the answer was the guilt, shame and lack of trust I'd lost as a child. That question and her answer never left me, even now. On the last session she pointed out to me, I'm going to be needed. At the time I didn't quite understand, years later and not harming myself thats where I'm at, being needed. Its hard for you all now but God has plans for each one of you and once your healed then somehow God will guide you to also be a healer of others breaking hearts exactly where you have or still are now.

Finally I'll say, let God guide you, as thats the answer, wether your Christian or not.

Im-revived

Thanks soooo much for sharing. What you said about shame and punishing ourselves is so important. Thanks for the light. It makes a difference.

Thanks for sharing and caring,
InHisgripkim