Shaking hands - yes or no?

Urbanredneck · Apr 2, 2013

I know this is going to sound odd but I really hate it in church where they tell everyone to greet people around them and shake hands. Sure, I do it, smiling thru gritted teeth. But I'm always so eager to sit down when its over. I dont know, maybe I am just not socially adjusted but I just cant stand to be touched. Even worse is the people who want to hug me.

I know, I know, your all saying I should have this great love in me or something and I do. Oh I love working on projects and all but I just dont like being touched.

I think its a symptom of a type of autism.

Any thoughts?

LilLamb219 · Apr 2, 2013

There isn't anything wrong with you. A lot of people just don't like to have physical contact with others...especially strangers. I know a guy from one church who holds his hands together in front of him and nods at the person with a smile then turns away. It's not snubbing the person of the greeting really. I know another guy who wears gloves.

My church doesn't do this ritual and I'm kind of glad for it.

Urbanredneck said:
I know this is going to sound odd but I really hate it in church where they tell everyone to greet people around them and shake hands. Sure, I do it, smiling thru gritted teeth. But I'm always so eager to sit down when its over. I dont know, maybe I am just not socially adjusted but I just cant stand to be touched. Even worse is the people who want to hug me.

I know, I know, your all saying I should have this great love in me or something and I do. Oh I love working on projects and all but I just dont like being touched.

I think its a symptom of a type of autism.

Any thoughts?

katyn · Apr 2, 2013

hey, i don't particularly like being touched by 'strangers' either! it is somewhat socially uncomfortable and awkward to shake hands/hug w/ people who you aren't even emotionally connected to; just that they are simply standing/sitting next to you. i think it's rude to 'command' people to connect like that...and i don't think you have an autism symptom because i know i don't and it's just normal to feel like that. i guess just shake hands as little as possibly and try and sit by people you generally know? you make a good point though it is rather odd that we are forced to do that...you cannot just turn your feelings of love for someone on and off through physical touch; we are commanded to love one another of course and we can do that towards strangers in our hearts or heads, but when we have to touch someone we don't know and feel like we should automatically feel love for them, well that's kind of fake...

oceansmile · Apr 2, 2013

Shaking hands at church just seems strange to me. I don't have any problems doing it in the business world, but at church it just seems forced. Thankfully my church doesn't do it. I think Lillamb's example is a good idea.

TheyCallMeDave · Apr 2, 2013

Urbanredneck said:
I know this is going to sound odd but I really hate it in church where they tell everyone to greet people around them and shake hands. Sure, I do it, smiling thru gritted teeth. But I'm always so eager to sit down when its over. I dont know, maybe I am just not socially adjusted but I just cant stand to be touched. Even worse is the people who want to hug me.

I know, I know, your all saying I should have this great love in me or something and I do. Oh I love working on projects and all but I just dont like being touched.

I think its a symptom of a type of autism.

Any thoughts?

I dont think its too out of the ordinary to not want to be hugged especially by strangers ; I for one have a problem with that as it seems superficial until i get to know that person well as i view body - to -body contact as a rather intimate gesture. As for shaking hands, I would prefer not to in church for the simple reason that many communicable diseases are spread from hand to hand , then touching your face with that same hand you used for shaking . I try to be very aware not to let my hands get close to my face after the church greeting time..and i always go to wash my hands after the service is over .

I dont think there should be any pressure on you to shake hands / hug if you dont want to...and.... you could choose not to participate in doing that by remaining seated and just smile and say hi,or , using that time to go to the bathroom for a quick check on your hair or something, then returning.

What do u think ?

Angelfrog · Apr 2, 2013

Not odd at all. It's a bit of a standing joke among many Christians here that we've all tensed up and gritted our teeth when it's time to 'share the peace'. My church doesn't do it very often- but no one is very fond of it.
I don't think it's so much the contact itself- we're very happy to touch/ hug each other in natural circumstances- it's more the fact that it somehow seems so 'contrived' and false.

I was at a wedding a few years back when the mnister conducting the ceremony told all the married couples to turn to their spouse and look into their eyes and take their hand and say 'I love you'. Now, I have nooooo problem with this- when it's a natural, spontaneous thing. But that.... it was so uncomfortable and ....sickly. I just looked at hubby and said 'Don't you dare' and he grinned back 'You must be kidding!'

Most of our friends found it excrutiating. Not a big thing- but it was the way it was manipulated, for want of a better word.

Anyhow- on a more lighthearted note- I've posted this before somewhere, but it seems apt! (And makes me laugh whenever I watch it)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uc80G6Yzu04

trentlogain2 · Apr 2, 2013

just be glad you don't live in bible times where their custom was to kiss each other.
yuck

Paul01 · Apr 2, 2013

I don't enjoy it either. I would echo most of what has been said... it does seem very artificial and forced. And for those of us who are more introverted, it's just an uncomfortable social situation right in the middle of what is supposed to be one of the best times of the week. Sometimes I'll just hold my 4 year old and act like I'm too preoccupied with her to respond to anyone.

Spunkn · Apr 2, 2013

I don't mind it, but then I go to a really small church, and live in rural areas. Whenever you meet somebody new, you usually shake their hand. It's just the expected greeting gesture around here. I can't say that I enjoy it or anything, but it's just pretty automatic for me now.

Life2Christ · Apr 2, 2013

The church I used to go..the pastor used to say "now hug 3 people around you". I used to be like SHUT UP!! *facepalm*

My church has a hand-shaking tradition so I don't mind it. My 6 year old daughter goes around the entire church shaking hands with eveyone.

Carmella Prochaska · Apr 2, 2013

I think it's a good practice cause it makes newcomers and lonely people feel more accepted and embraced by members of the congregration. You should try to be genuinely nice to people instead of forcing a smile, unless there are people you don't like who make it difficult to smile at. Is this like the "sign of peace" in Roman Catholicism? You might possibly have a type of phobia of being in physical contact with people. Like some people are germophobes.

Maybe you can excuse yourself from the shaking hands part and just remain seated.

If you think it's autism, you should consult a doctor.

seashale76 · Apr 2, 2013

Urbanredneck said:
I know this is going to sound odd but I really hate it in church where they tell everyone to greet people around them and shake hands. Sure, I do it, smiling thru gritted teeth. But I'm always so eager to sit down when its over. I dont know, maybe I am just not socially adjusted but I just cant stand to be touched. Even worse is the people who want to hug me.

I know, I know, your all saying I should have this great love in me or something and I do. Oh I love working on projects and all but I just dont like being touched.

I think its a symptom of a type of autism.

Any thoughts?

Is it? It's way more than just autistic spectrum types who don't like this. I don't either. I'm glad my parish doesn't do anything like this. Forced greeting is awkward, and speaking for myself and my husband back when we were doing the whole visiting various churches thing, we would dread going to new churches because of this. I find it obnoxious and disingenuous.

Angelfrog · Apr 2, 2013

And don't forget that not every person on the autistic spectrum has a problem with that sort of contact. It is possible to be on the spectrum and be quite physically demonstrative, so I'd be wary of jumping to that 'I don't like enforced shaking of hands therefore I have a disorder' conclusion. There would be a lot of other 'symptoms' than that- if that was one at all for an individual.

Urbanredneck · Apr 2, 2013

Wow, nice to know I'm not the only person who doesnt like the shaking hands thing.

sunlit · Apr 2, 2013

hi,
I would say its become a bit mechanical for me when i shake hands. I think when you greet someone albeit an unknown person in church, by taking a little more time out for a brisk handshake with time you start recognizing them and maybe have a conversation- fellowship.
We dont think too much about it in the business realm.
And if its that fleeting/casual touch thats a discomfort, then dont we encounter it everyday without choice in the outside world while walking/commuting.
Hygiene issues too are everywhere then especially public places like seats in trains/buses/theatres which have been touched by so many...

TamaraLynne · Apr 2, 2013

Maybe a gesture of saying your first name to the person sitting next to you that you don't know. I would be way more comfortable with that and I like knowing other peoples names

When I was a child it would have meant so much to me to know an adults first name. We always had to call them by their title like Mrs or Mr or sir or mam..I know that is a sign of respect but in a church setting we are all brothers and sisters no matter what the age.

Just thought of this...we know the apostles by their first name

BFine · Apr 2, 2013

All I know is this...
when I attended a church that didn't do any type of greeting...
there wasn't much of any other type of getting acquainted type thingy
going on either.
We were familiar strangers who attended the same church...
no real brotherly love and very little compassion or sharing...I remember
accepting that type of behavior and modeling it.
I remember being rebuked for it and how much that hurt my pride.
..God's mercy soothed over that and as I yielded more of me to Him,
He did a work in my heart and I wasn't getting so worked up about not
being friendly towards folks.

The song "Give Me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath
is running through my mind now...

"Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see"

Shaking hands - yes or no?

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