Sexuality

[katautumn]

Nerdboy, I'm just curious...if the Bible says among you there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality, why is passionate kissing and sexual fantasy acceptable in a relationship outside of marriage, but sex must wait until then? It seems to me for a Christian it should be all or nothing.

 

[imperfectchristian]

Nerdboy, I'm just curious...if the Bible says among you there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality, why is passionate kissing and sexual fantasy acceptable in a relationship outside of marriage, but sex must wait until then? It seems to me for a Christian it should be all or nothing.

I dated a girl once who's dad did not want me to even kiss her until our wedding day...well we did more than kiss and in the end she broke up with me and then we got back together and then broke up again and then she married someone else. I guess her dad turned out to be right afterall.

 

[katautumn]

How was her dad right? Kissing doesn't cause people to break up. In fact, just the opposite would hold true for me. I would not be with a man who showed no signs of being somewhat sexually attracted to me. If he made no advances physically, I would feel shunned and rejected.

 

[imperfectchristian]

How was her dad right? Kissing doesn't cause people to break up. In fact, just the opposite would hold true for me. I would not be with a man who showed no signs of being somewhat sexually attracted to me. If he made no advances physically, I would feel shunned and rejected.

This will come down to a difference of opinion, but I believe, in a sense, he was right because the intamacy I shared with his daughter, in the end was fruitless in that she ended up marrying somone else.

 

[katautumn]

This will come down to a difference of opinion, but I believe, in a sense, he was right because the intamacy I shared with his daughter, in the end was fruitless in that she ended up marrying somone else.

That is a risk people take in any relationship. It is highly unrealistic to assume you will marry and stay married to the first person you ever have a relationship with. That being said, I think it's more an issue of wasted love than wasted intimacy. Sharing intimacy no more guarantees you will end up marrying the person than withholding intimacy does.

 

[imperfectchristian]

That is a risk people take in any relationship. It is highly unrealistic to assume you will marry and stay married to the first person you ever have a relationship with. That being said, I think it's more an issue of wasted love than wasted intimacy. Sharing intimacy no more guarantees you will end up marrying the person than withholding intimacy does.

I won't argue that. but I do think it is ideal and I think that is what her dad wanted for his daughter. Me and her had a very close, deep relationship. It is good that I have never seen her again, (I think) because I have a feeling it would cause problems if I were around her. So then this is my point about her dad being right.

If I were a malicious or selfish person (which I do believe I am capable of, but do not want to endulge in) then I think I could and or would be a very big problem for their marriage. Likewise my wife's ex, (her first serious relationship) has come extremely close to causing us a divorce. So close that we split up for a day and then I begged her back....Also vowing to make her life hell if she left. I think our common Christian faith is the only thing that really saved our marriage.

 

[katautumn]

I won't argue that. but I do think it is ideal and I think that is what her dad wanted for his daughter. Me and her had a very close, deep relationship. It is good that I have never seen her again, (I think) because I have a feeling it would cause problems if I were around her. So then this is my point about her dad being right.

If I were a malicious or selfish person (which I do believe I am capable of, but do not want to endulge in) then I think I could and or would be a very big problem for their marriage. Likewise my wife's ex, (her first serious relationship) has come extremely close to causing us a divorce. So close that we split up for a day and then I begged her back....Also vowing to make her life hell if she left. I think our common Christian faith is the only thing that really saved our marriage.

Just because you're intimate with someone does not mean you own them. The reason her father didn't want her kissing anyone was most likely because he's a control freak. It has nothing to do with getting dumped and someone moving on to someone else. You brought up situations in your life where the dreaded ex has or could have come back and ruined the present relationships, but that could be true for anyone regardless of how far they went sexually. Nine times out of ten, there's going to be people from the past.

And as a side note, I think it's sad you threatened your wife so she would come back to you. If a man wanted to reconcile with me, he'd better leave the threats at the door. But hey, if it worked for your marriage then great.

 

[imperfectchristian]

Just because you're intimate with someone does not mean you own them. The reason her father didn't want her kissing anyone was most likely because he's a control freak. It has nothing to do with getting dumped and someone moving on to someone else. You brought up situations in your life where the dreaded ex has or could have come back and ruined the present relationships, but that could be true for anyone regardless of how far they went sexually. Nine times out of ten, there's going to be people from the past.

And as a side note, I think it's sad you threatened your wife so she would come back to you. If a man wanted to reconcile with me, he'd better leave the threats at the door. But hey, if it worked for your marriage then great.

I never said the threats worked did I and I never said it was right or wrong to threaten her did I. Perhaps I should have just let her go and not tried to keep her and let our two children grow up in a broken home without a second thought. Even though now she says it was just lust and thinks it would have been the biggest mistake of her life. It's all in how you take things...my wife took it as me fighting for our marriage....which was a positive for her. The only reason I mentioned that part was to further demonstrate how close we came to splitting up.

As far as the old girlfriend, I think her dad was just being protective over her because he did not want to see her get hurt. She got hurt anyway, but not anywhere as bad as it could have been had her dad not been as protective as he was and I am not referring to myseslf there but others.