Does sexuality become a basic biological need, like food, water, love?
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Sexuality a basic need?
- Thread starter HisdaughterJen
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JohnDB
Regular Member
Sex isn't a need...
intimacy is a desire and a need...but physical intimacy is only a desire.
We guys know this all too well from all the rejection we have had to endure from women over the years.
As women mature their desire for physical intimacy increases usually...but for guys their desire for spiritual and emotional intimacy increases while their desire for physical intimacy evaporates slowly.
Yes, as people mature the guys tend to look at sex as a chore...not a big desire like they once did but women really usually desire it...so guys will put out to please the women.
Roles do change.
intimacy is a desire and a need...but physical intimacy is only a desire.
We guys know this all too well from all the rejection we have had to endure from women over the years.
As women mature their desire for physical intimacy increases usually...but for guys their desire for spiritual and emotional intimacy increases while their desire for physical intimacy evaporates slowly.
Yes, as people mature the guys tend to look at sex as a chore...not a big desire like they once did but women really usually desire it...so guys will put out to please the women.
Roles do change.
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I wouldn't liken it to food and water - one can't survive without those. I think it's a God given drive though, the planet wouldn't be populated otherwise. The fact that abstinant men can have nocturnal emissions makes a case that it is, on some level, a biological need.
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it's a quality of life issue. My life quality increases exponentially in relation to the amount of lovin' shared with my bride. The lives of the people around me decreases in the same way in the inverse relationship.
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dayhiker
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I once referred to our needs in a Sunday school class as follows.
Without air we would die in a few minites.
Without water we would die in a few days.
Without food we would die in a few weeks.
Without sex our race would die in one generation.
So the need isn't as personal as air, water and food. Yet if one desired to have children as much as many do, then that makes is very real. We see this in the OT.
Now having gone thru puperty and the entensity of the sexual desires that that creates. Its clear to me that God wanted most people to enjoy their sexuality. While JohnDB says the desire lessens as us men age. Yet I'd have to say the sexual intensity is less, I'd also say that I'd love to spend as much time having sex as ever and I'd be way more comfortable having a variety is sexual experiences now that I wasn't comfortable with when I was young.
I like the idea that sex is a quality of life thing. I do believe that God is interested in giving us a life of quality. That's after all what heaven is all about. Juat this week I was thinking about Greece and the taxes they are going to have to pay to deal with their debt issues. That will mean fewer vacations, fewer and cheaper resturants, ect. If I was in that situation where I had limited money because of high taxes it would be nice to spend more time with intimasy and sexuality. I wonder if couples years ago when there was no lights, TV, no cars to get go to the movies, had more sex because there wasn't much else to do at night. I have heard people used to sleep quite a bit more in those days.
So I don't agree that sex is a need in the same way that air, water and food is. But the question often implies that God only gives needs to His people or God's will is limited to needs. If that is the case why did God create such a beautiful planet?
anyways, those were my first thoughts upon reading you post, Jen.
dayhiker
Without air we would die in a few minites.
Without water we would die in a few days.
Without food we would die in a few weeks.
Without sex our race would die in one generation.
So the need isn't as personal as air, water and food. Yet if one desired to have children as much as many do, then that makes is very real. We see this in the OT.
Now having gone thru puperty and the entensity of the sexual desires that that creates. Its clear to me that God wanted most people to enjoy their sexuality. While JohnDB says the desire lessens as us men age. Yet I'd have to say the sexual intensity is less, I'd also say that I'd love to spend as much time having sex as ever and I'd be way more comfortable having a variety is sexual experiences now that I wasn't comfortable with when I was young.
I like the idea that sex is a quality of life thing. I do believe that God is interested in giving us a life of quality. That's after all what heaven is all about. Juat this week I was thinking about Greece and the taxes they are going to have to pay to deal with their debt issues. That will mean fewer vacations, fewer and cheaper resturants, ect. If I was in that situation where I had limited money because of high taxes it would be nice to spend more time with intimasy and sexuality. I wonder if couples years ago when there was no lights, TV, no cars to get go to the movies, had more sex because there wasn't much else to do at night. I have heard people used to sleep quite a bit more in those days.
So I don't agree that sex is a need in the same way that air, water and food is. But the question often implies that God only gives needs to His people or God's will is limited to needs. If that is the case why did God create such a beautiful planet?
anyways, those were my first thoughts upon reading you post, Jen.
dayhiker
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Interesting...thanks, Dayhiker!
So, it is a necessity collectively - for society - but not necessarily individually...but each of us are driven in that respect for the greater good.
Certainly attitudes about it change as we get older. I don't think about it the same way as I did 20 years ago.
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cowboysfan1970
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I think to some people it's extremely important while others could care less about it. It's going to depend a lot on the individual.
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dayhiker
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ya, hormones have a big part to do with it.
But much of our view of sex as Christians is determined by our view of God's view of sex. Chruch fathers like Jerome felt sex was evil and only OKed sex for purposes of reproduction. He saw sex for intimasy and enjoyment as wrong even for married couples. This attituded continued thru much of church history. The reformation changed that. But this attitude often continued upto mordern times. I read a panphlet written by a Methodist miniter's wife in the late 1800's who talked about how the new wife would have to put up with sex for the 1st year or marriage. But then she should discourage sex from then on.
I think this guilt of sex causes more people, particularly women, to not enjoy sex like God intended.
dayhiker
But much of our view of sex as Christians is determined by our view of God's view of sex. Chruch fathers like Jerome felt sex was evil and only OKed sex for purposes of reproduction. He saw sex for intimasy and enjoyment as wrong even for married couples. This attituded continued thru much of church history. The reformation changed that. But this attitude often continued upto mordern times. I read a panphlet written by a Methodist miniter's wife in the late 1800's who talked about how the new wife would have to put up with sex for the 1st year or marriage. But then she should discourage sex from then on.
I think this guilt of sex causes more people, particularly women, to not enjoy sex like God intended.
dayhiker
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memoriesbymichelle
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WOW! You are the first guy I have EVER heard old or young that says men tend to look at sex as a chore, women yes, but men...I've NEVER heard that! Not saying your not saying the truth, just that I've never heard that from a guy. Maybe it depends on the women who they are with whether it would be considered a chore or not.
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dayhiker
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I've not heard men say sex is a chore either. I do know men who have health issues and so have no desire for sex. If their wife required sex of them when they had no interest I suppose they would consider it a chore. Also knew a man who wanted more sex when the kids were growing up and the wife didn't. After the kids were grown she had a renewal in her sexual drive and so wanted more sex. He say you didn't give me sex when I wanted it, so don't see why I should give you sex now that you want.
That might be more common that we think, pretty sad commentary on relationships, but seems to be the type of thing that happens too often in long term relationships.
dayhiker
That might be more common that we think, pretty sad commentary on relationships, but seems to be the type of thing that happens too often in long term relationships.
dayhiker
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memoriesbymichelle
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While of course there are a myriad of circumstances that would change or explain what Jb said, but my experience from hearing from my friends and even my own self at times, is that women often feel it is a chore, not usually men. I also think it matters how the man/woman that wants it, treats the one he/she wants it from. My husband made me feel at times that, that is all I was to him, or all he wanted me for, and that did not arouse me, or make me want to "do it". It is my opinion that sex should be the culmination of a great evening or the end expression of love you are sharing with your spouse, not something to which you just can't wait to get over with.
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Steve Petersen
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For men, oh yeah.
For women, not so much. (I have often said that the people who make libido pills for women really need to do some market research. Wouldn't women have to WANT to take that pill?
)
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JohnDB
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Hummm. Have you ever heard a guy being real slow about coming to bed at night or being more interested in this special on HBO than going to bed?
OK. Well there is a reason for that.
Actually a couple. One is the way some wives have treated their husbands all day long. My last ex wife would be a perfect example of that. She was always in the mood but belittling all day long too. If I could dig up an excuse I would. And I happen to be a healthy male needing no chemical assistance in performing. Nor was she ugly by any means in appearance.
But when I would come in from a full long day of hard labor I only wanted food & sleep. Maybe not even food. Just the sleep & more strenuous exercise of physical affection didn't sound like fun to me with her especially with her unwilling to do anything to assist the mood that evening. (Orders & demands don't work on me for that).
But I tried to please her anyway. And often it seemed just like a chore.
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memoriesbymichelle
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ahhh see, but this is more of a relationship issue that, of course, would make anyone "not in the mood". But I would venture to bet if those guys did NOT have their spouses belittling them all day they would be chasing her down for sex. So in this instance you presented, I would agree with you, but to make a blanket statement that men, when they get older, think that sex is more of a chore is not true for the guys that don't have relationship-related issues.
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It is a quality of life issue, and for the last few years, my quality of life has suffered.
If you know what I mean.
I wish I could find a substitute for sexual intimacy, being held, touched and loved. There isn't one. So you live without it.
Hugs, pets, massages, blah, blah, blah. THEY AREN"T THE SAME THING!
If you know what I mean.
I wish I could find a substitute for sexual intimacy, being held, touched and loved. There isn't one. So you live without it.
Hugs, pets, massages, blah, blah, blah. THEY AREN"T THE SAME THING!
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Sex is a basic need at certain times in your life, in my opinion, speaking from experience.
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