Hi all!
Orthodox Judaism takes a very positive view of both procreational and recreational sexual relations between a husband and wife, in the context of a loving marriage and as per the Torah's laws on "family purity." Lemme explain.
From Exodus 21:10, our Sages teach that a Jewish husband owes his wife three things: food, clothing & sexual relations. Indeed, the Jewish view of sex is that it is the wife's right & the husband's obligation to meet that right and NOT the other way 'round. Our Sages teach that when a husband & wife unite in the act of love, the Divine Presence rests upon them. Recreational sex can, and should be, one of the ways that a husband & wife become closer to each other (figuratively; the literal is obvious) & deepen their mutual love and respect for each other (the respect part is crucial). Thus, it is a positive Torah precept even for a couple which cannot bring their own biological children into the world (i.e., one or both partners are infertile) to have sexual relations (such as described above) on a regular basis. The positive Torah precept to procreate is something else.
Ecclesiastes 3:5 speaks of, A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. Our Sages teach that King Solomon is referring to the Torah's concept of family purity. In short (based on Leviticus 15:28, among other verses), with the onset of a wife's period, she & her husband immediately cease not only sexual relations, but all physical contact whatsoever. For both the 5-days (5 days is the minimum) of her menstrual flow and (as per Leviticus 15:28) for seven continuously clean days thereafter, she & her husband refrain from any & all physical contact and should take care not to be in a state of undress in each other's presence. After nightfall, after the 7 day period is over, the wife goes to a mikveh (a specially made, ritual bath/pool) and, after completely disrobing & taking off all jewelery, immerses herself while saying the following blessing: Praised are You, Lord our God, King of All Creation, who has sanctified us with His precepts and commanded us regarding immersion. She immerses herself in the presence of a woman attendant who makes sure that even her hair is under the surface of the water. When she goes home, she & her husband may resume physical contact & sexual relations until her next period.
Our Sages teach that if a very poor community has enough money for either a Torah scroll, a synagogue or a mikveh, it must use the money to build a mikveh. At least some of the water in the mikveh MUST be natural, i.e, rainwater, melted snow, etc. (Technically, a woman can immerse herself in any natural body of water but she she MUST be 100% naked & the immersion can ONLY take place after dark, this is generally impractical in the extreme. Thus, 99.99999% of woman regularly use a proper, kosher mikveh (i.e. one that was built, and is maintained, under orthodox rabbinical supervision.) A bride goes to the mikveh for the first time in her life on the night before the wedding.
By obeying the Torah's relevant precepts on this matter, we take the sexual act and invest it with sanctity and make it holy (in much the same way that keeping kosher, saying the blessings before & after meals, etc. invest the act of eating with sanctity and make it holy). Speaking from direct, personal experience, this system is absolutely marvelous. First of all, it teaches the husband that his wife's body is not his toy. It helps teach him restraint (do we control our passions and appetites or do they control us?) and respect for his wife as a woman & a person. It helps prevent a couple from becoming bored with each other over time. It helps prevent this most unique and intimate form of interpersonal communication (so unique and intimate that the Torah reserves it for a husband and wife ONLY; we infer the Biblical ban on pre-marital sex from the first clause of Deuteronomy 23:18 and from Leviticus 18:3) from becoming routine, mundane, humdrum, trite, etc. It is like having a mini-honeymoon every month throughout their life together & helps ensure that this aspect of a married couple's relationship is fresh and exciting, always. It helps, no, forces, a couple to, during the 12 days' time when they may have no contact, develop ways other than the physical for expressing their love & respect for each other; if sex is the major glue keeping a couple together, that marriage is in trouble.
Animals copulate; only human beings can make love. If a husband and wife do not treat each other with constant respect and devotion, then we become no better than animals that are driven and ruled by their urges & impulses. To quote Nathan David, we believe that our approach to sexuality teaches & encourages, "
respect, maturity, and responsibility."
There's a story that a rabbi & his wife were just getting into bed one Friday night when the rabbi heard a strange noise. He looked around & found one of his students hiding under the bed. Enraged, the rabbi put on his shorts, yanked the student out from under the bed, clamped him in a headlock & began dragging toward the door. What were you doing under our bed? the rabbi cried. "I'm supposed to learn Torah from you," the student replied. So??!! the Rabbi asked. Well, replied the student, what you and your wife were about to do is Torah. The rabbi then did two things. He congratulated his student on being 100% correct...and then chucked him out.
On a more...mechanical...note, technically, a husband & wife can do pretty much whatever they like together. However, a husband and wife should always keep Leviticus 19:2 in mind, Speak unto all the congregation of the children of Israel and say unto them: 'You shall be holy; for I the Lord your God am holy. Even during sexual relations, especially during sexual relations, a couple must keep in mind this positive injunction to be holy.
Sexual relations outside of marriage are strongly frowned upon and not permitted. (Orthodox) Judaism believes that homosexual, lesbian, bestial and non-consensual heterosexual acts (even in the context of marriage) are inherently sinful at all times and in every context.
My impression is that the popular media in the US (and Israel, where I've been living for 17.5 years) offers a very skewed and warped view of sexuality in that it divests this sacred act of its inherent holiness, and demeans, cheapens, trivializes it, and changes it into something mundane and trite. It is also horribly demeaning to women & exhibits them as one would a side of beef; it portrays women not as people but as the sum of certain body parts. (Please! I do not advocate censorship!!! What I don't like, I don't watch & don't let my children watch.) Pornography takes the foregoing to the extreme. (Orthodox) Judaism believes that our inherent nobility, worth & beauty as people are not predicated on the subjective attractiveness of our bodies or parts thereof.
Be well!
ssv
