Sexual morality

[silkamilkamonico]

Anyone struggle with their sexual morality?

I made a decision a while ago that I wanted to abstain from sexual immorality until I get married. I am not a virgin so it's not this big deal, but as I get older in life I feel I want to become closer with God.

I discovered what having a relationship with God was when I was 25, and for the last 5 years I've been trying to weed out certain lifestyles and ritualistic sinful behavior so I can be closer to him.

Now it's time to do my best to get my sexual immorality under control. I have never been permiscues but I have slept with previous girlfriends. I have quit masturbating(momentarily) and I am having God on my conscious every time my eyes wander towards a girl.

I'm having a hardtime understanding this, because dating has always been something that I loved doing, but didn't do it a whole lot. I don't like this idea that I can't even have it in my life anymore.

I have faith that God will bless me if I can keep be somewhat sexually pure. But what if I never even marry? I can't imagine going the rest of my life without being intimate with someone with those feelings.

For a lack of better word, it "sucks".

Can anyone out there relate?

holla'

 

[BarbB]

Yep, I'm widowed and while it is a trial, it's not insurmountable. Are you looking for a wife? It's probably time! My nephew looked for 3 years and has found a wonderful girl who wants to marry him instead of have a career in a far away city or drift along in a "relationship". God will bless you!

I met a nice 35-year-old guy from Seattle who refuses to enter into any kind of relationship if it's not someone he would marry. He's looking and is willing to marry someone who is divorced, even with a child, but he is not willing to enter into a sexual relationship just because! The women don't understand it but I consider him a "catch" as you sound to be!

 

[Verv]

I am 20, and I am doing the same -- I have made the mistake in the past of sexual immorality, and I really do regret it and feel shame over it (as one should), and you are right that it 'sucks' to not be sexually active. However, I just think how it would suck even more to meet the proper woman to marry and then have to deal with an extensive sexual history, how uncomfortable it would be for both her and myself that I had previously shared myself with other people in a way that only man and wife should.

And Newlamb is very right -- at 25 is a good age to consider marriage and to look for someone whom you can spend a lot of your life with; I know a fellow who is 20 and is getting maried tomorrow. Marrying young is not a bad thing if the relationship is based in the solidness of God, and if one understands the full meaning of your relationships.

Do not drive yourself nuts, though. Find a good outlet and keep a very busy and active lifestyle; the more active you are the less you think about sexual immorality. Consider taking up a new hobbie; perhaps go for a run or a walk if you feel very overcme by desire.

Best of luck.

 

[morningstar2651]

Anyone struggle with their sexual morality?

I made a decision a while ago that I wanted to abstain from sexual immorality until I get married. I am not a virgin so it's not this big deal, but as I get older in life I feel I want to become closer with God.

I discovered what having a relationship with God was when I was 25, and for the last 5 years I've been trying to weed out certain lifestyles and ritualistic sinful behavior so I can be closer to him.

Now it's time to do my best to get my sexual immorality under control. I have never been permiscues but I have slept with previous girlfriends. I have quit masturbating(momentarily) and I am having God on my conscious every time my eyes wander towards a girl.

I'm having a hardtime understanding this, because dating has always been something that I loved doing, but didn't do it a whole lot. I don't like this idea that I can't even have it in my life anymore.

I have faith that God will bless me if I can keep be somewhat sexually pure. But what if I never even marry? I can't imagine going the rest of my life without being intimate with someone with those feelings.

For a lack of better word, it "sucks".

Can anyone out there relate?

holla'

Ummm, abstinence is one thing, celibacy is another. I think you may be taking it to an extreme. You don't need to beat yourself up if you think a naughty thought. You won't go to hell for smiling at a woman and saying hello.

It's kinda hard to marry someone if you refuse to get to know them or let them get to know you. Just don't have sex -- it's that simple.

 

[silkamilkamonico]

Are you looking for a wife? It's probably time!

Well, I'm not exactly in a place in my life to look for a wife. I went back and am finishing up school and still have about 2 years so I am unable to support any kind of a family. I know I wouldn't marry the first girl that came along but, when I'm done with school I will be out looking for a job probably in a different location, and I think maybe a love life might alter my plans.

I don't ever meet any girls that I think would share my same values and morals. All my friends are ones I've had since we were kids which is awesome, but they don't share my beliefs, so their lifestyle is barlife and whatnot, and although I do hang out with them, I don't participate in that kind of lifestyle as far as one night stands and whatnot.


Unfortunately, finding new friends has always been way easier said then done.

 

[silkamilkamonico]

Do not drive yourself nuts, though. Find a good outlet and keep a very busy and active lifestyle; the more active you are the less you think about sexual immorality. Consider taking up a new hobbie; perhaps go for a run or a walk if you feel very overcme by desire.

Best of luck.

I know what your saying. It's hard when it has been something that consumed alot of your life up until now though, it feels like I start all over in struggling with what I'm about in that instance.

 

[silkamilkamonico]

Ummm, abstinence is one thing, celibacy is another. I think you may be taking it to an extreme. You don't need to beat yourself up if you think a naughty thought. You won't go to hell for smiling at a woman and saying hello.

The thing is, if I find a girl I might be remotely interested in, I can get caught up with it, and there goes my wandering eyes, which I believe lead to lustful thoughts, which I believe can lead to a slip in a case like masturbation, which is something I'm trying to go out of my way to stay away from.

I haven't figured out how to control that train of thought, so it feels like the easiest way to nopt be put in that situaion is avoinding it completely.

In a bizarre kind of way, it almost feels like I have this completely distorted view of Love and Sex.

Is my punishment for previous sexual immorality a turbulent struggle with sexual purity with the rest of my days? Does God send me these confused messages as a way to tell me he doesn't want me to be involved with someone?

Maybe my biggest mistake is overanalyzing every little detail about it anytime something comes up!


Thanks for replying all ya'll!

 

[morningstar2651]

Master self control. Then you won't have to worry about wandering eyes leading masturbation...or worry about your eyes wandering for that matter.

 

[The Seeker]

Anyone struggle with their sexual morality?

I made a decision a while ago that I wanted to abstain from sexual immorality until I get married. I am not a virgin so it's not this big deal, but as I get older in life I feel I want to become closer with God.

I discovered what having a relationship with God was when I was 25, and for the last 5 years I've been trying to weed out certain lifestyles and ritualistic sinful behavior so I can be closer to him.

Now it's time to do my best to get my sexual immorality under control. I have never been permiscues but I have slept with previous girlfriends. I have quit masturbating(momentarily) and I am having God on my conscious every time my eyes wander towards a girl.

I'm having a hardtime understanding this, because dating has always been something that I loved doing, but didn't do it a whole lot. I don't like this idea that I can't even have it in my life anymore.

I have faith that God will bless me if I can keep be somewhat sexually pure. But what if I never even marry? I can't imagine going the rest of my life without being intimate with someone with those feelings.

For a lack of better word, it "sucks".

Can anyone out there relate?

holla'

Why would you need to stop masturbating? Its not (afaik) commanded by Christianity and its unhealthy to go to long without [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] (BBC news).

 

[silkamilkamonico]

Master self control. Then you won't have to worry about wandering eyes leading masturbation...or worry about your eyes wandering for that matter.

That's a good point that I need repeated on a daily basis, if you know what I mean.

I think I found a new refrigerator hanger......

 

[silkamilkamonico]

Why would you need to stop masturbating? Its not (afaik) commanded by Christianity and its unhealthy to go to long without [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]

I believe masturbation is a sin because it's an act of lust.

If I'm looking at something pornographic, or imagining someone in a sexual situation, I am taking something from that person that God had given them for the intention of their husband.

Always head back to the Matthew quote on this one about Jesus saying to look at someone with sexual intentions is a deception of the heart, where it is there that God desires purity.

 

[dr.p]

silkamilkamonico,

I'm in the exact same position.. exactly. So I'm really glad I saw your post Makes me not feel so alone. I'm only 25, though, and I'm about 3 years into celibacy and truly seeking God. I chose celibacy in order to figure out what God wanted me to do about a relationship, and how I should really feel about and look at sex in general, because I've also had a distorted view of it... and it's becoming clearer over time.

I believe the overanalyzing and confusion is part of it. I think we all just get so used to looking at sex and marriage through the eyes of the world, that it seems confusing when God is working with you to clear things up. And, I don't know about you, but I over-analyze it because I've always idealized true love... and I think I've put too much importance in finding "the one I'm meant to be with", which has caused a lot of my trouble.

A few months ago, I met the only woman I've ever even considered marrying, and it erupted into a very difficult situation that quickly changed a lot of things in my life, and in the way I see things. I don't know how it will work out, but I know that if I put God first, He will show me what He wants for my life.

You've chosen the straight and narrow path... just keep seeking God and He will put you right where you're supposed to be, in all things. Good luck.

 

[The Seeker]

I believe masturbation is a sin because it's an act of lust.

If I'm looking at something pornographic, or imagining someone in a sexual situation, I am taking something from that person that God had given them for the intention of their husband.

Always head back to the Matthew quote on this one about Jesus saying to look at someone with sexual intentions is a deception of the heart, where it is there that God desires purity.

To be honest, I think you're expecting too much of yourself, how can you possibly stop thinking about sex altogether? It just can't be done.

 

[dr.p]

To be honest, I think you're expecting too much of yourself, how can you possibly stop thinking about sex altogether? It just can't be done.

Matthew 19:26

 

[silkamilkamonico]

A few months ago, I met the only woman I've ever even considered marrying, and it erupted into a very difficult situation that quickly changed a lot of things in my life, and in the way I see things. I don't know how it will work out, but I know that if I put God first, He will show me what He wants for my life.

You've chosen the straight and narrow path... just keep seeking God and He will put you right where you're supposed to be, in all things. Good luck.

Thanks for your post.

My story in a nutshell, I've always believed in God, but I met this girl who showed me how to have a relationship with God.

I fell in love with her immediately. I never knew she was a Christian, but when I found out, I was a little sad that I couldn't have what I wanted from her, for my own selfish reasons of course.

I think God used her to bring me closer to him, because when I found out she didn't want to be with me like I wanted, instead of being upset, like I would have been in any other part of my life, I was hurt, but at the same time, grateful for having her as a friend.

We remain great friends to this day, and it is extremely hard because I have never found someone that makes me feel like she did.

Out of some crazy idea, I believed if I could get control of my sexual immorality, God would bless me with someone that I felt strongly about like her.

I have never met anyone in my life that has made me feel the way she did, and it kind of hurts to know that I ould date girls in the future, and know that there is someone else I would rather be with if given the chance.

 

[silkamilkamonico]

To be honest, I think you're expecting too much of yourself, how can you possibly stop thinking about sex altogether? It just can't be done.

Dr. P has got the verse.


I have found that the more I intentionally ry and stay away from a situation where I could think about sex, the less and less it even comes to mind.

The only thing that sucks is knowing what I'm missing out on.

 

[BarbB]

To be honest, I think you're expecting too much of yourself, how can you possibly stop thinking about sex altogether? It just can't be done.

You are sooooo wrong. You can't stop thinking about sex if you don't want to. That's all. There are bound to be fleeting thoughts, but we do not have to "entertain" them. Morningstar has it just about right.

I'm glad you started this thread, silk - looks like you may have found some nice online friends. Also, check out a good church's singles group. A woman I know married a man who attended her church because he had heard about all the godly and beautiful women! Also, my niece married at 21 and helped her husband finish college. Now they're 30 with 2 great kids! Pray for solutions! They are out there!

 

[The Seeker]

You are sooooo wrong. You can't stop thinking about sex if you don't want to. That's all. There are bound to be fleeting thoughts, but we do not have to "entertain" them. Morningstar has it just about right.

I happen to disagree. Sexuality is a fundamental part of the human psyche, you can repress it, but ultimately, you can't make it go away and trying is, IMO, hazardous to your mental health.

 

[dr.p]

I happen to disagree. Sexuality is a fundamental part of the human psyche, you can repress it, but ultimately, you can't make it go away and trying is, IMO, hazardous to your mental health.

There's a difference between suppressing it, and trying to understand it the way God wants you to, Seeker.

 

[The Seeker]

There's a difference between suppressing it, and trying to understand it the way God wants you to, Seeker.

You don't call trying to stop even thinking about something suppressing it?