Sexual intrusive thoughts about others while in a relationship

[Lostcontroll]

Hey,

I've been heavily addicted to inappropriate content for 7-8 years, especially BDSM. In January, I told my girlfriend everything (including that I had been chatting with other men as their slave and sent them some stuff about myself).

We've been fighting together, and I've been inappropriate content-free since then. Until two weeks ago, I occasionally read BDSM stories, but that's over now, and I feel much better.

The problem is that I've had intrusive thoughts for a long time, but I didn't pay much attention to them.

In the past, I had thoughts like: If she breaks up with you, you can experience BDSM with others, or if she dies, you save yourself the drama of breaking up and experience BDSM. I know these thoughts are not mine, but they convince me that they are and that I really want that.

For the past week, however, it's been really bad as some things from my past came to mind, like fantasizing about other people from school or church. Since then, I've had the thoughts I just mentioned, as well as others.

The first 2-3 days, one person kept coming to my mind (had a short fantasy with her in the past) and thoughts told me: Do you find her attractive? Is she prettier than your girlfriend? Do you have feelings for her? In the last few days, it suddenly became about another person, and the first one rarely comes to mind. There are several people who come to mind, but at least these two are primary, even though I don't have any feelings for them or find them prettier. My thoughts, however, try to convince me of the opposite.
Also, sometimes when I see anyone, children, ordinary people, old people, her or my parents, perverse thoughts come to my mind, like them being naked or performing perverse actions. It doesn't have to be just women. When I accidentally see something perverse on social media, I feel so bad, as if I did it on purpose, even though it was an accident.

I hate these thoughts and don't want them. I know that I love my girlfriend, only her, and that she is the most beautiful, but my thoughts constantly want to make me feel like I'm lying to myself or that I'm only saying it to avoid guilt and that these are my wishes.

Are these intrusive thoughts? They don't have to be true, right? I know they're not true, even if they say something different and sometimes deceive my feelings.

I now focus more on my relationship with God and pray that He will cleanse my thoughts. We want to get engaged this summer (July) and get married next year, but I'm afraid these thoughts will continue to be there. Even while kissing, I sometimes had such thoughts about others, and I just don't know why.
She knows everything, and we talk a lot. She trusts God and is also confident that it will weaken and pass soon, but we have decided that I will not tell her every single thought anymore because I think it provokes even worse thoughts. I now only tell her how my thoughts are doing, good, normal, or bad.

She is really amazing and is still forgiving me and loving me and supporting me with all her strength.


do I just need more time and can't I deal with it so much? How long can something like this take? can you even say that?


Do you have any further tips?

 

[SavedByGrace3]

Have you been diagnosed with a disorder? It may have effects?

 

[Unqualified]

Take those thoughts captive as in 2Cor 10:3-5. Keep them flowing right on away. They are just thoughts meaningless dribble that do happen. Just take them captive.

 

[Lostcontroll]

Take those thoughts captive as in 2Cor 10:3-5. Keep them flowing right on away. They are just thoughts meaningless dribble that do happen. Just take them captive.

Thanks, so I don't have to worry that they might be right? I know they're not true but they tell me so and it scares me. But I know my feelings for my girlfriend, I love her so much.

 

[Unqualified]

If you don’t want them, it doesn’t matter if they are true.

 

[Lostcontroll]

If you don’t want them, it doesn’t matter if they are true.

I just don't know what to do, they won't go out of my head for 8 days. I've tried the verse and prayer, more often than not, but the thoughts remain constant

 

[Unqualified]

I haven’t had thoughts hang on like that. Pray to God about taking them captive He may give you a blessing. Seek Him early. If you are walking with Jesus and answering His call He may like you. Are you in a prayer group or anything? He wants to bless us so keep seeking God. Don’t get frustrated and stop. It takes time.

I don’t know did the have ocd in the Bible? But God is still stronger. I used to not sleep so well. So I’d get up at 2 or 3 and pray and he blessed me. You really need something for thoughts like that. Ahem! Those who are mindful of the poor are blessed. Pro 14.

Be careful of that relationship though, be cause if…. You are in sin, God won’t be able to bless you. Willful sin and all…

 

[Mari17]

Hey,

I've been heavily addicted to inappropriate content for 7-8 years, especially BDSM. In January, I told my girlfriend everything (including that I had been chatting with other men as their slave and sent them some stuff about myself).

We've been fighting together, and I've been inappropriate content-free since then. Until two weeks ago, I occasionally read BDSM stories, but that's over now, and I feel much better.

The problem is that I've had intrusive thoughts for a long time, but I didn't pay much attention to them.

In the past, I had thoughts like: If she breaks up with you, you can experience BDSM with others, or if she dies, you save yourself the drama of breaking up and experience BDSM. I know these thoughts are not mine, but they convince me that they are and that I really want that.

For the past week, however, it's been really bad as some things from my past came to mind, like fantasizing about other people from school or church. Since then, I've had the thoughts I just mentioned, as well as others.

The first 2-3 days, one person kept coming to my mind (had a short fantasy with her in the past) and thoughts told me: Do you find her attractive? Is she prettier than your girlfriend? Do you have feelings for her? In the last few days, it suddenly became about another person, and the first one rarely comes to mind. There are several people who come to mind, but at least these two are primary, even though I don't have any feelings for them or find them prettier. My thoughts, however, try to convince me of the opposite.
Also, sometimes when I see anyone, children, ordinary people, old people, her or my parents, perverse thoughts come to my mind, like them being naked or performing perverse actions. It doesn't have to be just women. When I accidentally see something perverse on social media, I feel so bad, as if I did it on purpose, even though it was an accident.

I hate these thoughts and don't want them. I know that I love my girlfriend, only her, and that she is the most beautiful, but my thoughts constantly want to make me feel like I'm lying to myself or that I'm only saying it to avoid guilt and that these are my wishes.

Are these intrusive thoughts? They don't have to be true, right? I know they're not true, even if they say something different and sometimes deceive my feelings.

I now focus more on my relationship with God and pray that He will cleanse my thoughts. We want to get engaged this summer (July) and get married next year, but I'm afraid these thoughts will continue to be there. Even while kissing, I sometimes had such thoughts about others, and I just don't know why.
She knows everything, and we talk a lot. She trusts God and is also confident that it will weaken and pass soon, but we have decided that I will not tell her every single thought anymore because I think it provokes even worse thoughts. I now only tell her how my thoughts are doing, good, normal, or bad.

She is really amazing and is still forgiving me and loving me and supporting me with all her strength.


do I just need more time and can't I deal with it so much? How long can something like this take? can you even say that?


Do you have any further tips?

Thank you for sharing your struggle! Do you have experience dealing with OCD or intrusive thoughts in other areas of your life?

 

[Aussie Pete]

Hey,

I've been heavily addicted to inappropriate content for 7-8 years, especially BDSM. In January, I told my girlfriend everything (including that I had been chatting with other men as their slave and sent them some stuff about myself).

We've been fighting together, and I've been inappropriate content-free since then. Until two weeks ago, I occasionally read BDSM stories, but that's over now, and I feel much better.

The problem is that I've had intrusive thoughts for a long time, but I didn't pay much attention to them.

In the past, I had thoughts like: If she breaks up with you, you can experience BDSM with others, or if she dies, you save yourself the drama of breaking up and experience BDSM. I know these thoughts are not mine, but they convince me that they are and that I really want that.

For the past week, however, it's been really bad as some things from my past came to mind, like fantasizing about other people from school or church. Since then, I've had the thoughts I just mentioned, as well as others.

The first 2-3 days, one person kept coming to my mind (had a short fantasy with her in the past) and thoughts told me: Do you find her attractive? Is she prettier than your girlfriend? Do you have feelings for her? In the last few days, it suddenly became about another person, and the first one rarely comes to mind. There are several people who come to mind, but at least these two are primary, even though I don't have any feelings for them or find them prettier. My thoughts, however, try to convince me of the opposite.
Also, sometimes when I see anyone, children, ordinary people, old people, her or my parents, perverse thoughts come to my mind, like them being naked or performing perverse actions. It doesn't have to be just women. When I accidentally see something perverse on social media, I feel so bad, as if I did it on purpose, even though it was an accident.

I hate these thoughts and don't want them. I know that I love my girlfriend, only her, and that she is the most beautiful, but my thoughts constantly want to make me feel like I'm lying to myself or that I'm only saying it to avoid guilt and that these are my wishes.

Are these intrusive thoughts? They don't have to be true, right? I know they're not true, even if they say something different and sometimes deceive my feelings.

I now focus more on my relationship with God and pray that He will cleanse my thoughts. We want to get engaged this summer (July) and get married next year, but I'm afraid these thoughts will continue to be there. Even while kissing, I sometimes had such thoughts about others, and I just don't know why.
She knows everything, and we talk a lot. She trusts God and is also confident that it will weaken and pass soon, but we have decided that I will not tell her every single thought anymore because I think it provokes even worse thoughts. I now only tell her how my thoughts are doing, good, normal, or bad.

She is really amazing and is still forgiving me and loving me and supporting me with all her strength.


do I just need more time and can't I deal with it so much? How long can something like this take? can you even say that?


Do you have any further tips?

When I had a similar problem, decades ago, it was because of an evil spirit of lust. It was driven out of me and I've had great freedom since. We need to control our thoughts. If they are not what we choose to think, they are from the pit of hell. Take authority over the evil spirit that gave you that thought. Cast it off the face of the earth. Be persistent. A friend of mine told Satan the he (Satan) would run out of demons before my friend would quit casting them out. Jesus gave us power and authority. We have to use it or it is useless.