Sex threads? Always? Really? Ugh!

beckyjustbecky · Sep 7, 2011

I just wanted to make a point that for any "non-Christian" reading these threads about sex in a Christian marriage it is not a very good reflection of Christ-like behaviour towards one another. People make very valid points for and against and that's every couples own choice how sex is in their marriage.

I am very saddened by the fact that Christians need to have a thread closed and that almost every thread on sex has ended up with an argument or somebody taking offence

Please remember folks this forums are public, and yes everyone is entitled to an opinion, but can't we keep it pleasant and civil rather than what it has become?

Conservativation · Sep 7, 2011

Actually I agree with this. I dont know why anyone is so passionate about how someone else is managing their sex life, and I confess I was in the thick of some of those some time ago, but it strikes me as absurd after thinking about it more.

McScribe · Sep 7, 2011

It should be mutually encouraging. Unfortunately the following things are going on.

Basically some people are in unhappy marital situations where sex is the last thing they want to think about, and that's fair. Really, no one could fault them. I'm talking about situations that have gone on for years, to the point where they wonder if their spouse even loves them. So it seems like anything that sounds like we should be sexually loving our spouse is an attack on their right to be upset and want a better marriage before they give of themselves in an intimate vulnerable way again.

Then in general there are two other groups. One is mixed up between those who are starting on their marriages and those who are trying to emotionally heal in different stages of marriage or hope to be married and hope for a good sexual life, and want encouragement that this is good and biblical.

And finally, there are those who are in good marriages and have been married a few years or even many and feel very confident in their sexual lives.

Now the first group seem to insist that sex is fundamentally bad and only a really wonderful marriage redeems it. They seem to consistently condemn sexual desire itself.

The second group generally believe that sexual desire is good, because they want to believe that they are right to yearn for their spouse.

The third group are like adults who have forgotten how to be kids. They don't seem generally to see what all the fuss is.

This is in my opinion where the difficulty lies.

Conservativation · Sep 7, 2011

Look, it should be possible for the goodness of sex as a thing in and to itslef to be discussed in marriage, not the gory details but the goodness of it.
It cant be done.
Therefore, the debate about the mere fundamental nature of sex, where it fits in the hierarchy of needs and such, ensues, and you have to just not really care what others think when its so negative, and go on with your own life hopeful your spouse isnt one of them.

Niffer · Sep 7, 2011

Does anyone remember that thread 'Yay! Had awesome sex'?? Or something to that effect? That was supposed to be a thread about the joys of good merital sex...sadly, that didn't last long.
Maybe we should start another??

Peace,
- niff

k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe · Sep 7, 2011

Niffer said:
Does anyone remember that thread 'Yay! Had awesome sex'?? Or something to that effect? That was supposed to be a thread about the joys of good merital sex...sadly, that didn't last long.
Maybe we should start another??

Peace,
- niff

It'd end up getting closed.

I think it is considered titillating, and to be honest, for people in a sexless marriage it probably would be titillating. I think it's probably better that they don't allow threads like that.

Created2Write · Sep 7, 2011

And then all that's left is the negative outlook on sex. I think it's wrong for the good aspects to not be allowed. Obviously don't discuss them graphically...but, ya know, at least show that there are GOOD aspects to a sex life.

This place really is so very cheerful....Not.

Niffer · Sep 7, 2011

dsrohe said:
It'd end up getting closed.

I think it is considered titillating, and to be honest, for people in a sexless marriage it probably would be titillating. I think it's probably better that they don't allow threads like that.

..Therefore we can only allow threads complaining/arguing/putting negative views on sex threads?
That doesn't seem very fair.

True, I wouldn't want to be insensitive to someone who is having issues with sex in their marriage, however, it does seem quite stilted to not allow those who want to rejoice in their marriage by closing their threads.

Shouldn't it be a two-way street?
After all, this isn't a "marriage counseling" forum, or a "Marriage help" forum.
It's just "Marriage" and that should include the good as well as the bad.

Peace,
- Niffer

hijklmnop · Sep 7, 2011

I really don't understand why it's so depressing that just a few of us insist that healthy relationships and emotional intimacy need to be present in order to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life. Is that so discouraging? Lol.

JaneFW · Sep 7, 2011

It's a shame that there is no support given for a marriage where the situation is outside of the norm. People should not be saying that marriages have "failed" and it's okay to divorce. That is where the problem is. That's not "live and let live", it's a kind of contempt that I don't understand at all.

FaithPrevails · Sep 7, 2011

Sex threads of any kind are not supposed to be posted in the main Marrieds section. Why they left a portion of the SoP out addressing that, I don't know. But, I do believe they will be addressing that with the pending changes.

If one reads the SoP for the personal topics sub-forum, it clearly states there that sex-related issues in marriage can be addressed in the Struggles with Sexuality sub-forum of Recovery.

I am far from a prude, but I honestly don't get what all the stink and bother is about posting about sex. I have no desire to discuss my sex life, in any aspect, on the internet.

I do think there needs to be a place where people struggling can feel safe to find help and support. But, I don't think it needs to be in an area as unstructured as this one. Recovery is much better suited to address those issues, IMO.

beckyjustbecky · Sep 7, 2011

Again, this thread wasnt started to discuss sex in marriage, just the fact that is really sad that CHRISTIANS cannot hold a discussion without it leading to a point that it has to be closed. Fair enough we are all in different situations and have different views, but my view works for my marriage, and yours may work for yours, but mine may not work for you and vice versa and the unwillingness to live and let live and need a thread to be closed because people wont conduct themselves in a Christlike behaviour on a public forum where people who are non believers look at how we interact and direct words and statements towards each other is in my opinion very sad.

beckyjustbecky · Sep 7, 2011

Created2Write said:
And then all that's left is the negative outlook on sex. I think it's wrong for the good aspects to not be allowed. Obviously don't discuss them graphically...but, ya know, at least show that there are GOOD aspects to a sex life.

This place really is so very cheerful....Not.

but we are young naive newlywed's who "have a lot to learn" aparently.....

Its sad. Very Sad.

Created2Write · Sep 7, 2011

Niffer said:
..Therefore we can only allow threads complaining/arguing/putting negative views on sex threads?
That doesn't seem very fair.

True, I wouldn't want to be insensitive to someone who is having issues with sex in their marriage, however, it does seem quite stilted to not allow those who want to rejoice in their marriage by closing their threads.

Shouldn't it be a two-way street?
After all, this isn't a "marriage counseling" forum, or a "Marriage help" forum.
It's just "Marriage" and that should include the good as well as the bad.

Peace,
- Niffer

I totally agree with this. I would think it would help to see that there are marriages with healthy sex lives. Kind of a beacon of hope, so to speak.

Created2Write · Sep 7, 2011

FaithPrevails said:
Sex threads of any kind are not supposed to be posted in the main Marrieds section. Why they left a portion of the SoP out addressing that, I don't know. But, I do believe they will be addressing that with the pending changes.

If one reads the SoP for the personal topics sub-forum, it clearly states there that sex-related issues in marriage can be addressed in the Struggles with Sexuality sub-forum of Recovery.

I am far from a prude, but I honestly don't get what all the stink and bother is about posting about sex. I have no desire to discuss my sex life, in any aspect, on the internet.

I do think there needs to be a place where people struggling can feel safe to find help and support. But, I don't think it needs to be in an area as unstructured as this one. Recovery is much better suited to address those issues, IMO.

And those who aren't in a situations that falls under "Recovery"? Sex is a major part of marriage. Are we supposed to pretend like it isn't?

hijklmnop · Sep 7, 2011

I don't think threads boasting about our sex lives would be appropriate actually.

Niffer · Sep 7, 2011

dreamer1982 said:
I don't think threads boasting about our sex lives would be appropriate actually.

But threads complaining about it is ok?

hijklmnop · Sep 7, 2011

I haven't seen any threads created so people can complain about sex. I've seen discussion threads where people ask theoretical questions about sex in marriage and ones where people ask for advice. Just because everyone isn't screaming, "Hurrah, sex for all married people all the time, yay!" doesn't mean people are negative and complaining. It just means some see sex as having a different importance/priority in their marriage than others do, or that they need more than just to be legally married before they expect a happy and healthy sex life to be occurring. If someone wants, they can open a thread that is only for people to talk about what a lovely part of marriage sex is...or whatever...you know? I agree about people getting too snarky with each other and THAT being a poor reflection, but you can't ask everyone to have the same wonderful opinions all the time unless you specify so in the OP.

JaneFW · Sep 7, 2011

Niffer said:
But threads complaining about it is ok?

Well, not so much complaining, Niff, but I have asked for a lot of advice about my marriage, and it often pertains to the lack of sex in my marriage. Quite honestly, where else can I go? There is nowhere else other than a counselor, and that's a darn sight more complicated to sort out than to come here. It's not something either that I have ever been able to talk to people about face-to-face.

I have NO problem with people posting about great marriages and happy sex lives - I can't count the number of times I have cheered those kind of posts on and said "how wonderful" or words to that effect. My problem is when the posting turns around to condemning marriages that aren't like that. Nobody's marriage is identical to anyone else's. They probably aren't supposed to be (??) I don't know the answer to that.

BTW, I didn't see any threads about happy marriages that got closed down, so someone will have to direct me to that.

beckyjustbecky · Sep 7, 2011

And yet again,the complete purpose of the thread is set aside for people to continue In their "well I think I am right and that's that" attitudes.

And this my fellow forum users was exactly my point!

Sex threads? Always? Really? Ugh!

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