Sex: Entering into this physical union.....

[TheDag]

He may need other things besides sex, but until you give him the sex, he is not gonna be able to think about the other needs he might have.

I don't find this to be true for me at all.

 

[TheDag]

Thank you for bring attention to God and our relationship to Him. I believe all that you say is true from your exprience as a single man committed to sexual purity before marriage.

Well mostly committed anyway.

I didn't say that sex was essential to have our needs met. We have many different needs. Sexual expression in marriage is only one of them.

True you didn't say it was essential but rather you said that to feel our best spiritually. emotionally, mentally and physically then we have to have that need met. I believe that if we aim rather for spiritually then if our other needs aren't met then we won't get too upset but if our spiritual needs aren't met then we most likely will get upset at our other needs not being met. That conclusion comes from personal experience and observation of friends.

I realize that my OP is a broad generalization. There are of course bound to be exceptions and you may very well be one of them. It's a given that I can't speak for all men. I gave an opinion. That's all it is.

If I may make a suggestion then. Maybe try to be clearer that things are just an opinion. The phrase "enough said" in your OP makes it seem like you are presenting it as fact and nothing more needs to be added to this matter. The same goes for some of your other posts they too seem to be saying this is fact not opinion. Maybe if we were having this conversation face to face I would know immeadiatly that it was opinion but without hearing the tone of your voice and seeing your body language I may not get the true meaning. They say only about 10% of what is communicated in a normal conversation is communicated through the actual words we say.

 

[NicelyAged]

Orchard asked

"What, in your opinion, makes a woman a lousy sex partner?"


** The inability to live in the sexual freedom that marriage provides that allows a couple to take things sexually where they want. More specifically, she has mental blocks toward various sex acts (no, I don't mean bizarre stuff), has difficulty with spontenaity, thinks sexual aids are evil, never initiates sex, the inability to be simply raw and hot at times, the inability to be sexually playful (sex is always serious), is offended by sexual humor and lite practical joking, and so forth.

I hope that answers your question. Many Christian women associate sexual freedom with pornography and see it as "not God's way". This results in married sexual relationships that are very limited and eventually boring.

 

[Argent]

I hope that answers your question. Many Christian women associate sexual freedom with pornography and see it as "not God's way". This results in married sexual relationships that are very limited and eventually boring.

Well said!

 

[Amélie Unbound]

Orchard asked

"What, in your opinion, makes a woman a lousy sex partner?"


** The inability to live in the sexual freedom that marriage provides that allows a couple to take things sexually where they want. More specifically, she has mental blocks toward various sex acts (no, I don't mean bizarre stuff), has difficulty with spontenaity, thinks sexual aids are evil, never initiates sex, the inability to be simply raw and hot at times, the inability to be sexually playful (sex is always serious), is offended by sexual humor and lite practical joking, and so forth.

I hope that answers your question. Many Christian women associate sexual freedom with pornography and see it as "not God's way". This results in married sexual relationships that are very limited and eventually boring.

Okay, thanks for answering.

 

[IDidntDoIt]

I dunno if sex is an "encouragement" but if I don't get it for awhile I do get a bit grumpy. But then again....so does she.

 

[Marie D]

I think that sex IS one of a husband's most pressing needs in the relationship. The only other ones I can come up with are to feel honored and obeyed and loved. Sex really helps a lot of things in my opinion.

He may need other things besides sex, but until you give him the sex, he is not gonna be able to think about the other needs he might have.

I think your husband is a very lucky man . I've kept your post for when I get married in July as I hope I can love him as you love your husband.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Oh it would be nice if ALL men fit into the mould of 'sex fiends' wouldn't it...



Again, another thread that builds this stereotype up... sigh...

Sasch

 

[GQ Chris]

Has anyone read that book "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn? He says that there will be sex in Heaven, but probably different than the one that we know here on Earth, it will be far better he says.

 

[Amélie Unbound]

Has anyone read that book "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn? He says that there will be sex in Heaven, but probably different than the one that we know here on Earth, it will be far better he says.

I don't believe that. The Bible doesn't say that there will be sex in heaven. It does say that there is no marriage in heaven, so I'm thinking there won't be sex in heaven either!

 

[c1ners]

I once read a book by Sylvia Brown that talked about sex in heaven. In her book she said that sex is two souls joining together as one. Sort of like walking into someone elses body I think. Anyhow, please don't bash me for reading it. It was a very long time ago, but that is how she described it.

 

[ChRiStInMyHeArT]

Well said!

I was a little surprised when I read that you agreed with this poster. Do men honestly believe that most women equate being hot and sexy in bed with their husbands to the mindless and demeaning sex displayed in pornography? Gimme a break! Women who feel this way are prudes, pure and simple.

I don't think that modern, sexually healthy and aware women think in such archaeic ways. I believe most women know the difference between being experimentive, spontaneous, kinky and sexy in bed with the man that they love and being and behaving in a porn-like way that has no emotional investment, attachment or sexual attraction to their man other than to just be given an [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].

Just as there are some men who aren't into sex as much as others are and aren't very imaginative in the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]/pleasure dept., there are some married women out there who are the same way! You men have to do your research on the woman you're about to marry BEFORE you marry her. I don't believe women turn into sexual prudes overnight or after the ink on the marriage license has dried. It's a gradual process and not one that can be easily hidden.

I mean, didn't any of the husbands on this forum or anywhere else (who are having sexual difficulties or boredom in their marriages) have sex with their wives for a while before marrying them? How can a man not see or be able to tell that his wife doesn't have much initiative in the bedroom before he marries her? Complaining and having a "woe is me" attitude about their wives who don't put out enough or do it imaginatively enough should've done their homework before saying "I do".

Unfortunately, according to scripture, you are all stuck with your wives, for better or for worse. Unless they commit actual physical adultery, you're stuck with having ho-hum sex for the rest of your married life. Deal with it. Just like we have to deal with some of our husbands who are inept in the bedroom and have the sexual imagination of a rock. We are to "stick by his side" no matter what (except for adultery) and concentrate on God's will instead of our own personal sexual matters.

If we're expected to do this, then men should be expected to also. Complaining never got anyone anywhere or accomplished anything! Men need to stop throwing their self-perceived superiority around with regard to sexual matters with their wives and start to realize that it was THEY who picked this woman to marry. It was THEY who decided to have sexual relations with this ONE woman for life. It was THEY who were responsible for attaining sexual experience with this individual BEFORE they married them so they could gauge whether the sex was enjoyable and fulfilling or whether it was boring and dissatisfying.

Sorry for such a long post, but when my mind gets going lol, look out!

Also, men have to realize that even though the bible says woman was made from man FOR man and not the other way around, that doesn't mean that our primary focus in life on this earth and in the marriage is to sexually please you at your every whim! For men who think this way, it is my suspicion that they are pornified (yes, it is a word) and only see women as having one primary purpose. ..

And don't these same husbands ever stop to wonder that maybe, just maybe.....their wives feel the same exact way about them...? Hmm, now there's a thought, eh?

~

 

[Argent]

I was a little surprised when I read that you agreed with this poster. Do men honestly believe that most women equate being hot and sexy in bed with their husbands to the mindless and demeaning sex displayed in pornography? Gimme a break! Women who feel this way are prudes, pure and simple.

I don't think that modern, sexually healthy and aware women think in such archaeic ways. I believe most women know the difference between being experimentive, spontaneous, kinky and sexy in bed with the man that they love and being and behaving in a porn-like way that has no emotional investment, attachment or sexual attraction to their man other than to just be given an [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].

Just as there are some men who aren't into sex as much as others are and aren't very imaginative in the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]/pleasure dept., there are some married women out there who are the same way! You men have to do your research on the woman you're about to marry BEFORE you marry her. I don't believe women turn into sexual prudes overnight or after the ink on the marriage license has dried. It's a gradual process and not one that can be easily hidden.

I mean, didn't any of the husbands on this forum or anywhere else (who are having sexual difficulties or boredom in their marriages) have sex with their wives for a while before marrying them? How can a man not see or be able to tell that his wife doesn't have much initiative in the bedroom before he marries her? Complaining and having a "woe is me" attitude about their wives who don't put out enough or do it imaginatively enough should've done their homework before saying "I do".

Unfortunately, according to scripture, you are all stuck with your wives, for better or for worse. Unless they commit actual physical adultery, you're stuck with having ho-hum sex for the rest of your married life. Deal with it. Just like we have to deal with some of our husbands who are inept in the bedroom and have the sexual imagination of a rock. We are to "stick by his side" no matter what (except for adultery) and concentrate on God's will instead of our own personal sexual matters.

If we're expected to do this, then men should be expected to also. Complaining never got anyone anywhere or accomplished anything! Men need to stop throwing their self-perceived superiority around with regard to sexual matters with their wives and start to realize that it was THEY who picked this woman to marry. It was THEY who decided to have sexual relations with this ONE woman for life. It was THEY who were responsible for attaining sexual experience with this individual BEFORE they married them so they could gauge whether the sex was enjoyable and fulfilling or whether it was boring and dissatisfying.

Sorry for such a long post, but when my mind gets going lol, look out!

Also, men have to realize that even though the bible says woman was made from man FOR man and not the other way around, that doesn't mean that our primary focus in life on this earth and in the marriage is to sexually please you at your every whim! For men who think this way, it is my suspicion that they are pornified (yes, it is a word) and only see women as having one primary purpose. ..

And don't these same husbands ever stop to wonder that maybe, just maybe.....their wives feel the same exact way about them...? Hmm, now there's a thought, eh?

~

Oie vey! Where to start?!!!

I can't really go into all this, but thanks for all the thoughts. You do a lot better than a lot of people around here with their one-sentence reponses to compex issues.

I have to say a few of things though:

1) I realize that you are a new Christian. God bless you and welcome to the family! Please realize that as a baby Christian you have a very, very great deal to learn. Please stop encouraging people to engage in trial sex before marriage. It's a sin. It's outside of our Father's will for us, and althought I understand the world's attitude about shacking up together to see if people are compatible, it's a really bad idea, and there are a lot of young singles on this site who need to be led in the right direction by their older brothers and sisters in the Lord. Maybe it would be better if you hold off on encouraging pre-marital sex until you are better versed in the Word. You also might want to talk to your pastor about this.

2) I agreed with the post regarding inhibited Christian wives because there are some. Not all Christian wives are prudes in the bedroom, but some girls/women are raised, even today, in sexually repressive Christian homes, and this affects their ability to enjoy the marriagebed to its fullest. Like I said, not all Christian wives are like this but they exist, and that's what I was agreeing to.

Sex is a very important physical and spiritual aspect of our being. I'm not Roman Catholic, but I have a lot of respect for the well-thought out understandings that the RCC has regarding sexual morality. You might want to read John Paul II's "Theology of the Body". It provides a very spiritually and intellectually enriching explaination of sex, our bodies, our relationship with the Lord and how they are all very intricately bound together. Google it. There's a guy in PA who does siminars around the country on it and he's supposedly very good at explaining it to a lay audience. He's a young, married father of two, so it's not some celebate priest preaching what he's never experienced. Like I said, I'm not RCC, but they always hit the nail on the head when it comes to sexual morality, and it's always well-thought out and justified by Scripture.

Again, WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!!!!

 

[Argent]

That's like a husband saying his wife can't think unless she goes shopping.


Stereotypes, not reality.

Are you talking about my OP? If so, how is it a sterotype?

 

[Argent]

Oh it would be nice if ALL men fit into the mould of 'sex fiends' wouldn't it...



Again, another thread that builds this stereotype up... sigh...

Sasch

Would you please explain how this reinforces a particular sterotype?

 

[ChRiStInMyHeArT]

I have to say a few of things though:

1) I realize that you are a new Christian. God bless you and welcome to the family! Please realize that as a baby Christian you have a very, very great deal to learn. Please stop encouraging people to engage in trial sex before marriage. It's a sin.

Maybe it would be better if you hold off on encouraging pre-marital sex until you are better versed in the Word.

2) I agreed with the post regarding inhibited Christian wives because there are some. Not all Christian wives are prudes in the bedroom, but some girls/women are raised, even today, in sexually repressive Christian homes, and this affects their ability to enjoy the marriagebed to its fullest. Like I said, not all Christian wives are like this but they exist, and that's what I was agreeing to.

Your making the comment that I'm a 'baby Christian' almost sounds condescending lol. But I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, so I won't take it that way. Premarital sex may be a sin, but within a long-term engagement, I don't see it that way.

I see it as a way to sexually get to know the ONE person that you're going to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE having sex with. I'm also not advocating premarital sex to anyone. Those that do it or not will do it or not regardless of what's typed in these message boards.

You talk about some Christian women who have been raised in sexually repressed homes which "affects their ability to enjoy the marital bed to it's fullest". Some men are also this way! And that was my point in my last post. There are many Christian wives who are stuck for eternity with a 5-minute man because they didn't know AHEAD OF TIME what kind of lousy lover he was!

Oh and btw: What encouragement do WE, as women, get from our husbands? Hmm? Husbands expect their wives to submit to them sexually whenever they get an urge, but when we expect our husbands to be more communicative and more involved with the relationship, they give excuses - but still demand sex whenever, whereever.

If men want more sex, more adventurous sex, more kinkier sex or more spontaneous sex - then they should give more consideration to what their wives want as well. The world doesn't revolve around them or their sexual urges only! Geez...

If men want more - then they should give more. 'Nuf said.

~

 

[Argent]

Your making the comment that I'm a 'baby Christian' almost sounds condescending lol. But I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, so I won't take it that way. Premarital sex may be a sin, but within a long-term engagement, I don't see it that way.

I see it as a way to sexually get to know the ONE person that you're going to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE having sex with. I'm also not advocating premarital sex to anyone. Those that do it or not will do it or not regardless of what's typed in these message boards.

You talk about some Christian women who have been raised in sexually repressed homes which "affects their ability to enjoy the marital bed to it's fullest". Some men are also this way! And that was my point in my last post. There are many Christian wives who are stuck for eternity with a 5-minute man because they didn't know AHEAD OF TIME what kind of lousy lover he was!

Oh and btw: What encouragement do WE, as women, get from our husbands? Hmm? Husbands expect their wives to submit to them sexually whenever they get an urge, but when we expect our husbands to be more communicative and more involved with the relationship, they give excuses - but still demand sex whenever, whereever.

If men want more sex, more adventurous sex, more kinkier sex or more spontaneous sex - then they should give more consideration to what their wives want as well. The world doesn't revolve around them or their sexual urges only! Geez...

If men want more - then they should give more. 'Nuf said.

~

LOL!

Actually, I think that "baby Christian" is a common term for new believers (I didn't like it either, btw!) but I think it comes from the NT in some variation or other.

Did you happen to see this thread I started:

http://www.christianforums.com/t2520990-what-can-a-man-do-to-show-his-affection.html

I would be interested in your comments.

 

[MaraPetra]

Sex: Entering into this physical union.....

......is the best way a woman can encourage her husband.

Enough said.

Okay, after reading the entire thread (to make sure I didn't say something completely stupid), and spewing coffee all over my monitor at one point, I'm ready to reply to this thread.

Argent, thank you for the profoundly deep insight into your personal psychology.

It doesn't apply to all males, however. I can tell you, from bitter experience, that you can have a fantastic bedroom life while the rest of the marriage goes to Hades. Encouraging a husband with sex just doesn't work in all cases.

A woman's best bet is to actually get to know her husband in all levels...Physical, emotional, psychological, and historical. I include historical in there because you never know what sexual hangups a guy may have due to something happening in his past.

In my husband's case, for instance...One of his greatest "encouragements" in our marriage is to see, quite clearly, that I don't have any interest in other males. In other words, I don't flirt, and if a man flirts with me, I'm rather abrupt. I don't like being touched by any male other than my husband. I don't look at other males...Firstly, I'm not even tempted, and secondly, why shop around for fast food when you have a gourmet feast at home?

So why does my husband find this encouraging? Because his first marriage ended because of adultery. I wish I could say that he only caught his first wife one time. Instead, over a period of a year, he caught her in bed with four separate men on five separate occasions. That leaves some very heavy emotional scars. He more than fulfilled his role in forgiving his wife, but at the same time, he recognized that his wife wouldn't change, and their two young children needed a better life example than his wife was providing...And let's not forget the threat of him getting something because of his then-wife's promiscuity.

Trust and understanding between spouses does far more than just using sex for encouragement ever could. You don't gain that trust and respect by just "laying it all out" for the husband. The marriage isn't just about sex, it's about loving one another, loving God together, and emotional intimacy.

It is amazing, however, how much more mutually fulfilling the sex is (at least in my marriage!) once he and I both established intimacy in other areas

 

[searle29678]

Would you please explain how this reinforces a particular sterotype?

I can't speak for Sasch, but I will voice my opinion on it. Girls hear it from the time they hit puberty 'It doesn't matter what a boy/man may say, all they want is sex.' Whether that is what you meant to imply or not, that is what the OP says to me. The best way I can encourage my husband is through sex....what if he loses all of his body from the waist down, I won't be able to encourage him the best way anymore! Then what do I do?
Sex is not the least important nor most important way to encourage anybody. Nor is it the best. I can give him sex everyday, but if I'm treating him like dog doo the rest of the time and using him as a sex object only he isn't going to be encouraged for long. So, to make such a broad statement like that without taking into consideration each individual marriage, you are basically implying to me that men only want/need sex to be happy/encouraged and that isn't true.

 

[InTheFlame]

I see it as a way to sexually get to know the ONE person that you're going to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE having sex with. I'm also not advocating premarital sex to anyone. Those that do it or not will do it or not regardless of what's typed in these message boards.

Some people do pay attention to what's written here. Some dodgy arguments they later use as justification for dumb actions... some wise advice can stop someone on the brink of doing something stupid (or can help them avoid it altogether).

But anyway, sexually getting to know someone... in my experience, you can tell basically how someone will turn out in bed (or elsewhere ) by their behaviour at other times. One thing I was very careful to look for in a husband was a desire to grow, joined with a willingness to consider even negative criticism. I knew that those two things together, plus a caring personality, meant that I wouldn't need to worry (longterm) about sex.

One of the weird things about sex - and I've seen it again and again - is that short-term (eg premarital) sex can be completely different, in the same person, as long-term, marital sex. One person may try hard when he's wanting to chase and secure his woman. Another may have completely repressed all inhibitions, because infatuation and 'naughty stuff' give her an incredible thrill. So she might be promiscuous and dynamite in bed... only to return to being very inhibited and anti-sex. I'm not sure what the reasons are. But I really don't recommend sex before marriage as a way of 'getting to know' someone sexually. Sex is something we do... and our actions ultimately rely on our character.