Sex: Entering into this physical union.....

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Are you talking about my OP? If so, how is it a sterotype?

What I meant was - often all I heard about growing up in regards to sex and men is that it is this great, unbearable, pressing need they have, that they go ballistic if they don't have it regularly, and that you (when married) will probably play the 'keep up' game continually.

For me, and my experiences, I have come to be surrounded by a number of guys who could basically take or leave sex - if it happens, great, but it's not the be all and end all. My FH (without getting too much into particulars) is very like this as well.

It just frustrates me sometimes when I see time and again threads (or articles or whatever) that keep saying that men are desperados (or the like) when it comes to sex. I believed that for a long time, and it's only in the last few years that I've had to basically take that opinion as a lie, as most bf's I've had, as well as FH, are completely ambivalent when it comes to sex.

Maybe I'm disappointed that this isn't the case (the 'all men need sex to feel encouraged/happy'), maybe that's what this stems from, but when I see this statement (or things that imply this said), I feel the need to be the one person who says 'well, actually, not every guy is like that'.

Sasch

 

[Johnnz]

There have been many women on this forum who have written about their high sex drive. It's a simple fact that there are women who are as highly sexual as the most virile male. Let's get away from the dark ages. Modern women actually speak about their sexuality instead of having it defined by men. And guess what. The men got it wrong on many counts.

John
NZ

 

[ChRiStInMyHeArT]

But anyway, sexually getting to know someone... in my experience, you can tell basically how someone will turn out in bed (or elsewhere ) by their behaviour at other times. One thing I was very careful to look for in a husband was a desire to grow, joined with a willingness to consider even negative criticism. I knew that those two things together, plus a caring personality, meant that I wouldn't need to worry (longterm) about sex.

But I really don't recommend sex before marriage as a way of 'getting to know' someone sexually. Sex is something we do... and our actions ultimately rely on our character.

I never said I recommended it. All I'm saying is that it's a way that I (and many others) feel two people can get to see if they're sexually compatible in bed before they enter into marriage. Spirituality and worshiping God should be everything and all that matters to us. But in reality, for most of us, this isn't enough. We are sexual beings and He created us this way! So, throughout our adult lives, most of us will want to have a satisfying sexual relationship with another person.

If one person has a high sex drive and the person they married FOR LIFE does NOT, it would only be a matter of time before this turned into a problem within the marriage and became a huge issue for the person not receiving enough stimulating sex and also for the person not interested in having much sex at all! That could all be AVOIDED if they knew this AHEAD of TIME. Contrary to popular belief, love does NOT conquer all.

Most of the time, all the love a couple has for each other and the love they have for God doesn't restore a sexless marriage or make it into a sensually, erotic satisfying experience for both of them. It's not fair that one person should have to be neglected or suffer just because they didn't know prior to marriage that the person they're now with is a prude or boring in bed!

Just because a person has "a caring personality, a desire to grow and has a willingness to consider even negative criticism", that DOESN'T make them automatically sexually compatible with another person in bed! There are millions of wonderful, caring and loving people out there - but that doesn't automatically make them skilled, adventurous and imaginative lovers.

Marriage is an emotional, physical, spiritual and sexual LIFETIME COMMITMENT with ONE person FOREVER and EVER. And we all know that sex is an important and large component of a marriage (especially to men), not THE most important one; but definitely in the top three.

If two people are truly in love with one another and have been engaged for 2 years or longer, I think it would be wise (IF they cared about the longevity of their upcoming marriage and both thought that sex was an important facet of their relationship) for them to be intimate with each other at least a few times before they get married. Eternity is a long time to spend with someone you fell in love with and got married to that either has no interest in sex or has no sexual skills or imagination!

I am not saying how I feel about this should be adopted by anyone or everyone. I'm just saying that this is how a lot of people have been going into marriages now. I've heard stories from older wives (60+) that say their husbands ideas of foreplay was touching their breasts for a few seconds before having sex with them! Can you imagine that?? And their husbands were like this from their wedding night and onward! This is just one example as I'm sure there are many husbands suffering out there right now with wives who have no libido or no idea of how to be enthusiastic and imaginative in bed. NO ONE, husband NOR wife, should have to suffer for the rest of their lives without pleasurable, quality sex from their spouse!

I'm not saying that boyfriends and girlfriends should start running around and having sex to test each other out. What I'm saying is that within a committed relationship and engagement that is leading to marriage, there is nothing wrong with seeing if they will be sexually compatible or not BEFORE they enter into the bonds of holy matrimony with each other for the rest of their LIFE. It may not be God's way, but it is something that many people are doing. Alot of the marital discord that ends up causing separations and divorces are caused by issues relating to sex. If people knew ahead of time that their spouses weren't going to be into sex as much as they were or not be as sexually adventurous or imaginative in bed as they thought they would be, I'm sure they would think twice before marrying such a person or may even break off the engagement.

I understand your feelings on this and what the scripture says about it. However, the reason more people are engaging in pre-marital sex is for the exact reason this thread was started to begin with:

Sex: Entering into this physical union is the best way a woman can encourage her husband. Enough said.

He wouldn't have started this thread and written this unless he was implying that not enough wives "enter into this physical union" often enough or enough to "encourage" their husbands.

Again, my feelings on this is only MY opinion. For those of you who believe sex during engagement is wrong, I respect that and this is your right to feel that way. But not everyone feels this way.

Sex, to many people, is a VERY important factor within a lifelong committed relationship - and not too many people are going to be willing to risk living with eternal unsatisfying sex lives (or none at all!) just because it is believed that pre-marital sex is wrong. If a month of intimacy before marriage can possibly prevent a lifetime of misery and sexual dissatisfaction for both people involved, then to some, this is something worth considering.

~

 

[Mom to 5]

I

If two people are truly in love with one another and have been engaged for 2 years or longer, I think it would be wise (IF they cared about the longevity of their upcoming marriage and both thought that sex was an important facet of their relationship) for them to be intimate with each other at least a few times before they get married. Eternity is a long time to spend with someone you fell in love with and got married to that either has no interest in sex or has no sexual skills or imagination!

I am not saying how I feel about this should be adopted by anyone or everyone. I'm just saying that this is how a lot of people have been going into marriages now. I've heard stories from older wives (60+) that say their husbands ideas of foreplay was touching their breasts for a few seconds before having sex with them! Can you imagine that?? And their husbands were like this from their wedding night and onward! This is just one example as I'm sure there are many husbands suffering out there right now with wives who have no libido or no idea of how to be enthusiastic and imaginative in bed. NO ONE, husband NOR wife, should have to suffer for the rest of their lives without pleasurable, quality sex from their spouse!

I understand your feelings on this and what the scripture says about it. However, the reason more people are engaging in pre-marital sex is for the exact reason this thread was started to begin with:

Sex: Entering into this physical union is the best way a woman can encourage her husband. Enough said.


Again, my feelings on this is only MY opinion. For those of you who believe sex during engagement is wrong, I respect that and this is your right to feel that way. But not everyone feels this way.

~

If said 2 people are so in love and committed to each other why are they waiting over 2 years to get married? And sex is like "Lays" potato chips - you cant have just one (or a few times like you said).

I am speaking from the background of someone who SINNED, and yes it was a sin even though we did get married before marriage. I will tell you right now the sex we had before marriage is NOTHING compared to the sex after. Also sex naturally changes as you age and mature and get to know each other more.

I bet those stories you have heard about older wives who are unhappy with their sex life and the lack of foreplay were told only to their girlfriends, not to their husbands. That is the one that needs to be told. I learned a long time ago, by husband does not have my equiptment so he needs me to tell him how it works. That took some time on my part, but the result was well worth it. You should be able to talk to your spouse about what feels good and bad in your sexual relationship, but a lot of couples dont talk about it to each other. They may complain about it here or with their closest friends, but they are not comfortable telling the only one who can do something about it!

Your last statement about rights and feelings sounds great, but respectfully it is wrong.

Scripture is not based on feelings or opinions and most certaninly not based on what is politically correct or socially acceptable. Scripture is very clear on the matter.

God intended sex for marriage. Period. The world has peverted it and will continue to until God comes back. I for one am, and intend to continue teaching my children that the only way God condones sex is withen marriage, one man to one woman. And I know from experience what happens when you go outside of God's plan. Yes, even though I messed up I have been truly blessed. But almost every day I regret the fact that my husband has had previous partners and so have I (even though I was not a willing participant bc of abuse). Those partners have tainted our sex life, they dont show up often, but when they do it is hurtful to both of us. That is one hurt I pray to GOD that I can keep all of my children from.

 

[Argent]

If said 2 people are so in love and committed to each other why are they waiting over 2 years to get married? And sex is like "Lays" potato chips - you cant have just one (or a few times like you said).

I am speaking from the background of someone who SINNED, and yes it was a sin even though we did get married before marriage. I will tell you right now the sex we had before marriage is NOTHING compared to the sex after. Also sex naturally changes as you age and mature and get to know each other more.

I bet those stories you have heard about older wives who are unhappy with their sex life and the lack of foreplay were told only to their girlfriends, not to their husbands. That is the one that needs to be told. I learned a long time ago, by husband does not have my equiptment so he needs me to tell him how it works. That took some time on my part, but the result was well worth it. You should be able to talk to your spouse about what feels good and bad in your sexual relationship, but a lot of couples dont talk about it to each other. They may complain about it here or with their closest friends, but they are not comfortable telling the only one who can do something about it!

Your last statement about rights and feelings sounds great, but respectfully it is wrong.

Scripture is not based on feelings or opinions and most certaninly not based on what is politically correct or socially acceptable. Scripture is very clear on the matter.

God intended sex for marriage. Period. The world has peverted it and will continue to until God comes back. I for one am, and intend to continue teaching my children that the only way God condones sex is withen marriage, one man to one woman. And I know from experience what happens when you go outside of God's plan. Yes, even though I messed up I have been truly blessed. But almost every day I regret the fact that my husband has had previous partners and so have I (even though I was not a willing participant bc of abuse). Those partners have tainted our sex life, they dont show up often, but when they do it is hurtful to both of us. That is one hurt I pray to GOD that I can keep all of my children from.

 

[InTheFlame]

I never said I recommended it. All I'm saying is that it's a way that I (and many others) feel two people can get to see if they're sexually compatible in bed before they enter into marriage. Spirituality and worshiping God should be everything and all that matters to us. But in reality, for most of us, this isn't enough. We are sexual beings and He created us this way! So, throughout our adult lives, most of us will want to have a satisfying sexual relationship with another person.

Sure, I can agree with that.

If one person has a high sex drive and the person they married FOR LIFE does NOT, it would only be a matter of time before this turned into a problem within the marriage and became a huge issue for the person not receiving enough stimulating sex and also for the person not interested in having much sex at all! That could all be AVOIDED if they knew this AHEAD of TIME. Contrary to popular belief, love does NOT conquer all.

But a 'sex drive' is not a static, inbuilt thing. It varies according to circumstances... it's very common for a high drive to lower quite dramatically when a person is tired, stressed or on medication. Just because a person has a high sex drive before marriage (quite common when all the excitement of the wedding is coming up, and warm squishy feelings are on a high).

Most of the time, all the love a couple has for each other and the love they have for God doesn't restore a sexless marriage or make it into a sensually, erotic satisfying experience for both of them. It's not fair that one person should have to be neglected or suffer just because they didn't know prior to marriage that the person they're now with is a prude or boring in bed!

What are you using for the basis of your argument, here? Where are these couples who love each other and God selflessly, yet are suffering horribly in the bedroom? I don't see them on here. On here I mostly see people with deeper marital problems, people with selfish, unloving spouses... etc.

Just because a person has "a caring personality, a desire to grow and has a willingness to consider even negative criticism", that DOESN'T make them automatically sexually compatible with another person in bed!

'Sexual compatibility' is one of the silliest modern myths I've come across. If you can just find someone who's 'sexually compatible', sex will be great for the rest of your life? Pfffffft. Seriously, what does this 'sexual compatibility' consist of? Genitals of the exact right size for each other? Sex which always works perfectly and never involves fumbling or fits of laughter?

There are millions of wonderful, caring and loving people out there - but that doesn't automatically make them skilled, adventurous and imaginative lovers.

Nooooo... but a caring person who has a desire to grow and the ability to consider negative criticism is a darn good learner. It all comes down to character - I could marry a selfish man and the sex may originally be fantastic... but will inevitably go downhill, if nothing else because I'll end up feeling like an object that he brings out to give him pleasure, then ignores for a week.

Marriage is an emotional, physical, spiritual and sexual LIFETIME COMMITMENT with ONE person FOREVER and EVER. And we all know that sex is an important and large component of a marriage (especially to men), not THE most important one; but definitely in the top three.

True.

If two people are truly in love with one another and have been engaged for 2 years or longer, I think it would be wise (IF they cared about the longevity of their upcoming marriage and both thought that sex was an important facet of their relationship) for them to be intimate with each other at least a few times before they get married. Eternity is a long time to spend with someone you fell in love with and got married to that either has no interest in sex or has no sexual skills or imagination!

Lack of sexual skills and lack of imagination... both of these are something that can be fixed quite easily when married to someone who cares about the impact their lack of whatever is having on their spouse. Most virgins don't have much sexual skill or imagination. But they can learn. Even if they're repressed (pretty easy to work out before marriage without going anywhere near the bedroom - just try talking about the mechanics of sex!), that's something that counselling can help with.

I am not saying how I feel about this should be adopted by anyone or everyone. I'm just saying that this is how a lot of people have been going into marriages now. I've heard stories from older wives (60+) that say their husbands ideas of foreplay was touching their breasts for a few seconds before having sex with them! Can you imagine that?? And their husbands were like this from their wedding night and onward!

there are still men around like that. Sometimes they're just clueless (and never told differently)... sometimes they're arrogant and/or selfish, and don't really care that wifey isn't 'primed'... she should be!

I noticed that you didn't address the 'things can change after marriage' part of my post. You do seem to be speaking as though sexual interest and skill are static things...?

 

[TheDag]

If two people are truly in love with one another and have been engaged for 2 years or longer, I think it would be wise (IF they cared about the longevity of their upcoming marriage and both thought that sex was an important facet of their relationship) for them to be intimate with each other at least a few times before they get married. Eternity is a long time to spend with someone you fell in love with and got married to that either has no interest in sex or has no sexual skills or imagination!

What I'm saying is that within a committed relationship and engagement that is leading to marriage, there is nothing wrong with seeing if they will be sexually compatible or not BEFORE they enter into the bonds of holy matrimony with each other for the rest of their LIFE. It may not be God's way, but it is something that many people are doing. Alot of the marital discord that ends up causing separations and divorces are caused by issues relating to sex. If people knew ahead of time that their spouses weren't going to be into sex as much as they were or not be as sexually adventurous or imaginative in bed as they thought they would be, I'm sure they would think twice before marrying such a person or may even break off the engagement.

In both these paragraphs you talk about if people are committed to each other then it is a good idea for them to find out if they are sexually compatable or not. BUT how committed can they be if they are testing their sexual compatability and if it isn't then they can end the relationship. How is that committed? It isn't

 

[Mom to 5]

In both these paragraphs you talk about if people are committed to each other then it is a good idea for them to find out if they are sexually compatable or not. BUT how committed can they be if they are testing their sexual compatability and if it isn't then they can end the relationship. How is that committed? It isn't

Amen! Exactly what I was thinking.

 

[ChRiStInMyHeArT]

How can you say that once two people are married and one of them is sexually inept that they can learn how to be a "better lover" with "constructive criticism" and "direction" from their spouse? Teaching them how our bodies respond to certain stimuli is one thing...but do people really want to have to teach someone entirely how to have sex and how to stimulate them to [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]? Maybe most of the posters on this thread would...but many others would NOT.

People (especially MEN) should KNOW how to please another person sexually at least in the basic sense and should know how to have sex right-off-the-bat; without having to be taught! I, for one, wouldn't want a husband who was clueless between the sheets!

Telling him what & how to touch certain parts of my body to make me aroused is one thing...but if he's never had sex before (or just isn't a good lover) and he's fumbling around in the dark not knowing what to do to please me or to even get things started - well, to me, that would be a BIG TURN OFF. Sex with myself at that point would probably yield me more pleasure than attempting to have sex with someone who doesn't even know how!

I appreciate everyone's opinions & beliefs regarding my post. However... I still stand by how I think and feel about this. And btw, I'm NOT the only one who feels this way! I believe the ONLY way that pre-marital sex is not necessary or even warranted is when BOTH the man and woman are VIRGINS. This way, they enter the marriage on equal footing.

Both of them will be absolutely clueless about sexual satisfaction and foreplay and, thus, will make a fun learning experience for them! But when one partner is sexually experienced, and another is not or isn't as creative, that just makes things unbalanced and unfair for the poor person that does have a clue regarding foreplay and using their initiative & imagination in the bedroom!

Sex is the only thing in life that doesn't cost anything, provides an intense sexual euphoria and bonds us very closely to another person! With all of the trials and tribulations of life in general, sex should be the one thing in a relationship that is stable, enjoyable and FUN. Constantly having to give someone direction or waiting until they finally "get it" regarding foreplay or multiple [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] just saps away the other person's energy, fun and patience.

Sexual compatibility is VERY IMPORTANT in a marriage. Without that, ALOT of problems will be just waiting to happen. If I had it to do all over again, I would still do the same thing I did with my current husband. We were engaged for six months and had sex occasionally within that time until we were married. I had the benefit of knowing BEFORE we were married that he was a skilled and caring lover in bed and knew what the he** he was doing without me having to teach him everytime!

This, along with a few other issues that I have with God and his Word, is something that I will continue to believe in until I'm otherwise given a logical and viable explanation as to why someone shouldn't behave in a sexual manner with their own fiancee before they marry! Remember people: the bible was written a lonnngg time ago. Even the New Testament has things in it which I have a problem with and I can't even comprehend as to how He expects people in THESE times to live according to His scripture perfectly and without errors in judgement or action.

~

 

[ChRiStInMyHeArT]

In both these paragraphs you talk about if people are committed to each other then it is a good idea for them to find out if they are sexually compatable or not. BUT how committed can they be if they are testing their sexual compatability and if it isn't then they can end the relationship. How is that committed? It isn't

You're a man. You CAN'T tell me and CAN'T expect me to believe that you actually believe what you just posted....can you? So, you think that when two people enter into a committed relationship, no matter WHAT they find out about the other person before they get married, that they are STUCK together and should remain stuck together and "committed" together because they are in a "committed relationship"???

If you truly believe this, then this is your prerogative. But not everyone does or has to believe this! If a husband-to-be, during their engagement, finds out that his wife-to-be is a prude about sex and no amount of love, caring or teaching will turn her around, are you saying that because they are in a "committed relationship about to enter into marriage", that he is STUCK with her forever and CAN NOT and DOES NOT have the option to bow out gracefully before he ruins his life forever? If this is what you're saying, then I wish you, God and others ALOT of luck in trying to convince others of this illogical and unfair beginning to entering into marriage!

Most men want a loving, sexy, experimentive, spontaneous and skilled lover in the bedroom before they sign that marriage certificate. So do most women. But....I guess some people don't lol... I guess some people are happy with mediocre or non-existent sex in their marriages for the sake of scripture and being in a "committed" (read: bound by shackles w/out an option to leave) relationship. God Bless those people. They will need it.

~

 

[InTheFlame]

How can you say that once two people are married and one of them is sexually inept that they can learn how to be a "better lover" with "constructive criticism" and "direction" from their spouse? Teaching them how our bodies respond to certain stimuli is one thing...but do people really want to have to teach someone entirely how to have sex and how to stimulate them to [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]? Maybe most of the posters on this thread would...but many others would NOT.

Why not? A little bit of effort for a lifetime's reward? Besides, there are books! Someone open to constructive criticism is very likely to be willing to do some research first.

People (especially MEN) should KNOW how to please another person sexually at least in the basic sense and should know how to have sex right-off-the-bat; without having to be taught! I, for one, wouldn't want a husband who was clueless between the sheets!

Why not? Why is it a terrible thing if someone doesn't know how to turn on a woman, but is willing to experiment and learn? It's not a hard thing for a woman to teach if her partner's interested in learning!

Telling him what & how to touch certain parts of my body to make me aroused is one thing...but if he's never had sex before (or just isn't a good lover) and he's fumbling around in the dark not knowing what to do to please me or to even get things started - well, to me, that would be a BIG TURN OFF. Sex with myself at that point would probably yield me more pleasure than attempting to have sex with someone who doesn't even know how!

A few boring sexual episodes don't strike me as being a terrible thing! Frustrating, maybe, but not the end of the world.

I appreciate everyone's opinions & beliefs regarding my post. However... I still stand by how I think and feel about this.

OK. I thought I'd point out, though, that I came to my opinions through experimentation and breaking all the rules... then analysing the results and rationally working out why God told us to do things a certain way. I'm not speaking from guilt or mere theory, but a LOT of work-it-out-the-hard-way

And btw, I'm NOT the only one who feels this way! I believe the ONLY way that pre-marital sex is not necessary or even warranted is when BOTH the man and woman are VIRGINS. This way, they enter the marriage on equal footing.

Both of them will be absolutely clueless about sexual satisfaction and foreplay and, thus, will make a fun learning experience for them! But when one partner is sexually experienced, and another is not or isn't as creative, that just makes things unbalanced and unfair for the poor person that does have a clue regarding foreplay and using their initiative & imagination in the bedroom!

It's really not that bad. Seriously I don't understand how some not-so-fanastic sex is going to cause trauma to a person's life.

Sex is the only thing in life that doesn't cost anything, provides an intense sexual euphoria and bonds us very closely to another person!

Nah, LOVE bonds us closely. Sex is a bonding force, but without love between the couple, it loses its grip pretty darn fast.

With all of the trials and tribulations of life in general, sex should be the one thing in a relationship that is stable, enjoyable and FUN. Constantly having to give someone direction or waiting until they finally "get it" regarding foreplay or multiple [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] just saps away the other person's energy, fun and patience.

Hmmm... 'saps away their energy, fun and patience'?

Sexual compatibility is VERY IMPORTANT in a marriage. Without that, ALOT of problems will be just waiting to happen. If I had it to do all over again, I would still do the same thing I did with my current husband. We were engaged for six months and had sex occasionally within that time until we were married. I had the benefit of knowing BEFORE we were married that he was a skilled and caring lover in bed and knew what the he** he was doing without me having to teach him everytime!

I'm sorry if what I'm about to type seems unfair or a low blow. It's not intended that way. I'm honestly curious.

I've seen you post more than once, now, about what seems to be your current sexual satisfaction level - am I wrong?

I can't take it anymore! I don't understand men and how they can be so mechanic and cold about having their sexual needs and desires met whenever they want them to be while women are sitting there wondering where all the tenderness and romance went...

You value cuddling in front of the tv as far as affection is concerned? Wow. Not too many men would say or admit that! I hope she knows that you feel this way (I'm sure she does). Too bad more husbands didn't feel the same ~

Use? This is the same problem that I've had in my marriage! Him wanting to use my body for nothing more than a blow up doll. I think there are limits that exist as to just how much a spouse should be allowed to use their husband or wife's body for their own pleasure.

 

[TheDag]

You're a man. You CAN'T tell me and CAN'T expect me to believe that you actually believe what you just posted....can you? So, you think that when two people enter into a committed relationship, no matter WHAT they find out about the other person before they get married, that they are STUCK together and should remain stuck together and "committed" together because they are in a "committed relationship"???

No but that is not what I said. I think there are other better and more biblical ways of finding out with regards to sex. Your skill level of sex is something that can change I would be more concerned with things which can't be changed.

If you truly believe this, then this is your prerogative. But not everyone does or has to believe this!

That's fine. I have never ever said people have to believe the same as me.

If a husband-to-be, during their engagement, finds out that his wife-to-be is a prude about sex and no amount of love, caring or teaching will turn her around, are you saying that because they are in a "committed relationship about to enter into marriage", that he is STUCK with her forever and CAN NOT and DOES NOT have the option to bow out gracefully before he ruins his life forever? If this is what you're saying, then I wish you, God and others ALOT of luck in trying to convince others of this illogical and unfair beginning to entering into marriage!

I think it would be silly to marry anyone who is not committed to growing. You don't need to have sex to find out that.

Most men want a loving, sexy, experimentive, spontaneous and skilled lover in the bedroom before they sign that marriage certificate. So do most women. But....I guess some people don't lol... I guess some people are happy with mediocre or non-existent sex in their marriages for the sake of scripture and being in a "committed" (read: bound by shackles w/out an option to leave) relationship. God Bless those people. They will need it.

I didn't care if my wife was a skilled lover or not before I got married. I knew she loved me and cares for me and is committed to growing. I knew if she wasn't skilled then because she is committed to growth that she would try and improve. Before we got married we did buy a book on the topic so that showed that we were commited to growing. I most certainly wouldn't be happy with someone who is mediocre and happy to remain mediocre hence why I married someone who is committed to growth.

 

[lin1235]

I never said I recommended it. All I'm saying is that it's a way that I (and many others) feel two people can get to see if they're sexually compatible in bed before they enter into marriage.

If you have a vagina and he has a penis - you're sexually compatible. It may take some couples longer than others to really get to the point where you have mind-blowing sex, but if a couple is having sex while engaged to figure out if they're sexually compatible and they find out they're not (i.e. one of them wants it way more than the other, or whatever), what are you going to do? Call off the wedding?