Sex/boyfriend advice.

[BlessedVegan]

I need everyone's advice. I have recently become a Christian. I live with my boyfriend of 3.5 years. Up until now we've had a sexual relationship because before I was a Christian I didn't consider it wrong to have premarital sex. Now that I've become a Christian I feel I must stop this, but I'm nervous about telling my boyfriend this. He knows I've become a Christian but I haven't brought this up. Part of the problem is that he'll know I don't have any reason to end our sexual relationship other than becoming a Christian..which is fine for me but he is an atheist and obviously won't see the need to end it. I'm not saying breaking up or moving out, just stopping having sex. And while I know he wouldn't break up with me over this, I'm afraid how it will affect us. I mean we've been having sex almost our whole relationship, so this will be very strange. Anyone have any advice on how to bring this up to him? Has anyone gone through this themselves? I'm just wondering how to soften the blow. Thanks! I could use everyone's prayers to give me strength to tell him, please!

 

[LegomasterJC]

I have no suggestions for you. I have not been in a situation close to yours. I do think that you are headed in the right direction but should also move out because not having sex when you live togeather won't be an easy task. However, you have my prayers. I also pray that someone with insight would be able to help you out.

 

[BlessedVegan]

Well I would definately wait and see if I needed to move out to stay celibate..b/c I enjoy living with him. He's family at this point and I wouldn't want to live without him. I think I can handle it...if need be I can move into one of the guest rooms.

 

[carmi]

Up until now we've had a sexual relationship because before I was a Christian I didn't consider it wrong to have premarital sex. Now that I've become a Christian I feel I must stop this, but I'm nervous about telling my boyfriend this. He knows I've become a Christian but I haven't brought this up. Part of the problem is that he'll know I don't have any reason to end our sexual relationship other than becoming a Christian..which is fine for me but he is an atheist and obviously won't see the need to end it.

He may or may not understand your need to stop having premarital sex - let's say he understands that and goes along/agrees to that. He is still a non-believer. I would be nervous about that - I am not in a relationship right now, it was a long and hard struggle. Basically it came to what is more important: being in a temporary relationship with the man I love (temporal in the sense that neither of us will be on earth forever) or seeing him one day in heaven.

I did have relationships in my past, until I got saved eternity did not matter (did not mean anything). That has changed, I do not want to be in a relationship where "until death do part us" is not just a figure of speech. And I won't ever meet that person again. It's something I could not handle, the idea it's just for now, for here.

"Can two walk together unless they are agreed" (paraphrased) - in other words, I don't think your friend unless/until your friend sees the need to be saved - he might have difficulties understanding your changed view on premarital sex.

 

[daveleau]

I need everyone's advice. I have recently become a Christian. I live with my boyfriend of 3.5 years. Up until now we've had a sexual relationship because before I was a Christian I didn't consider it wrong to have premarital sex. Now that I've become a Christian I feel I must stop this, but I'm nervous about telling my boyfriend this. He knows I've become a Christian but I haven't brought this up. Part of the problem is that he'll know I don't have any reason to end our sexual relationship other than becoming a Christian..which is fine for me but he is an atheist and obviously won't see the need to end it. I'm not saying breaking up or moving out, just stopping having sex. And while I know he wouldn't break up with me over this, I'm afraid how it will affect us. I mean we've been having sex almost our whole relationship, so this will be very strange. Anyone have any advice on how to bring this up to him? Has anyone gone through this themselves? I'm just wondering how to soften the blow. Thanks! I could use everyone's prayers to give me strength to tell him, please!

I will pray for you and for your boyfriend to accept Christ as his Savior.

I'd get him to go to church with you. Get him to go and hopefully, God will move in his life. But, your telling him and the change in your life is one thing that Satan is going to use to attack you and your acceptance of Christ. Keep your eyes on Christ and all will be ok. Be sure not to let anything that your boyfriend says or does keep you from your relationship with God. If your boyfriend loves you as much as you love him, then he will understand and respect your wishes.

The best thing is to show him where it says in the Bible that premarital sex is wrong. Here are a few pages that lay out the passages:
http://www.teachingpages.co.uk/minilesson/sex.html
http://www.oaim.org/premsex.html

God bless you,
Dave

 

[crossrunner]

I will pray for you Blessedvegan. In the short time I have been reading your posts I can see (even in cyber-land) such a transformation in you since you have come to know our Lord. I praise God that He is changing you...creating in you a new heart. This situation with your boyfriend is your first real challenge as a Christian. Pray and ask God what to do...search the scriptures. God's Word does call for sexual purity. I have never been in your position so its hard for me to give you practical advice that would come from personal experience that you would find useful. I can only tell you that your desire to become celibate is the right thing to do and that desire comes from the urging of the Holy Spirit in your life. Obey God....He will help you find a way. God bless you dear one.

cr

 

[Endure2]

i really dont know what to say to advise you in making this flow easier, excepot that if he loves you hell atleast try to understand, and he probly will.
but the bottom line is as you know the sex does need to stop since your a christian.
i think a blunt but softening way to say it is, in the words of a wise caring old man,
be real with him, and do what you must do "and let the chips fall where they may" be faithful to your new found lord and savior and let the chips fall where they may. whatever happens, God will rebuild it all in a better way.

as a christian now you have to strive to be faithful unto God in things like this, and even though it isnt always easy God gives back 100 fold of all we give up.
the stress now, is to be faithful to him and live for him, i know you know all this, but you must try, i encourage you to try your best, and God will bless you.

well certainly dont wait untill hes in the mood to take the wind out of his sails.... that might be a little more than the poor guy can handle.
but set him down and talk to him about it. i think thats the most appropriate.
a nice card doesnt quite fit, its more of a serious issue of how you feel.

well good luck
Lee.

 

[Rafael]

This really is tough, and if you are reading your Bible, then you know it is. Have you thought of marriage? Jesus considered the woman at the well as having been married to each of her lovers - in a sense, but the Christian is told to not marry an unbeliever, though, so it is hard to advise you what to do other than to obey God and trust Him no matter what. If you are obedient to God's Word, you will be blessed for it and be able to weather any storm that may arise from choosing God.
I will say a prayer for you too. Perhaps the Lord will open the heart of your boy friend and he can receive the good news.

 

[ukok]

Mod note : moved thread from Christian Advice as this forum is more appropriate and other couples will perhaps have a greater insight into this problem.

God Bless.

ukok ~ CF Moderator

 

[Stinker]

It seems that you have 3 options:

1. Advise him that you both must now be married to each other.

2. Advise him that you must sever the relationship.

3. You can give up Christ.

 

[BlessedVegan]

Crossrunner I really appreciate your kind words. You've given me such helpful advice on here!
Well I told him. I think he's upset about it...he was just quiet when I told him, I asked him if he was mad, and he said "No but this is kind of sudden". I think he's referring to me becoming a Christian and all. Which it is true, it is sudden, but how else can it be? Now that I know the truth I have to follow it, I can't gradually become a Christian. He knows this but still it's hard for him to understand. I'm going to give him time to figure out how he feels.
Stinker..why are those my only 3 options? Why not stay with him unmarried and not have sex? Even if I were to move out there's no reason we have to end the relationship. The last thing I"m going to do is push him into marriage. Raphe..where does it say not to marry an unbeliever? I mean, I can see why it wouldn't be the best choice, but I didn't know it specifically said don't marry and unbeliever.
Please keep us in your thoughts..I'm so worried. He won't go to Church with me, while he's respectful of my desicdion to become a Christian he basically think it's all bs. I can't really blame him..until recently I was exactly the same way. And one of the things that attracted me to him was his ideas about religion and such. So I can't expect him to change now.

 

[fragglerocker]

2 Corinthians 6:14 says,
"Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?"

Now that you are "yoked" with Jesus, who is the one, true Light, you are called away from any and all "darkness." As a Christian, you are righteousness. True righteousness cannot have fellowship with lawlessness, as the verse says.

"Unequally yoked" definitely pertains to marriage, but it is so much more than that. Any kind of close, deep relationship with an unbeliever pulls you away from Jesus.

Praise God that He called you into His kingdom! Praise Jesus that He died for you! Now, the question, perhaps, is what are you willing to give up for Him?

God bless you!

 

[Sketcher]

Well, the first step is to tell him that you can't be having premarital sex anymore. FYI, even though I haven't been there myself, a lot of people who have been there said it was very hard to stop having sex as long as they were still living with their boyfriends/girlfriends. You may find it impossible to stop sleeping with him unless you move out. You can give it a try, but I can't promise success. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

I'm glad you've come into our vast family. Jesus loves you more than any other, and what He offers is too valuble to be called priceless. As hard as it may be, don't return to your old sins. Pray for strength and resolve. Pray for your boyfriend too.

 

[TheListener]

I'm going through this myself, and it is a hard one to crack.

 

[BlessedVegan]

Twistedsketch, I have told him this. Which in a way, has made it a little easier. At least I have expressed my feelings to him..the ball is now in his court, so to speak. I have prayed for God to give me strength, and I do feel more at peace with it. I've prayed for my boyfriend as well, though I'm not sure it's working. Fragglerocker..may I just say..I love your name? Hehe that's awesome. I've heard that passage before..but honestly I'm not convniced that's what it means. I mean..is it that basic.."don't date unbelievers"..or is it more meaning to not be with somone who hinders your own spiritual growth? I honestly don't know..I'm no Biblical expert. But I'm not ready to leave my boyfriend over it, especially given I'm not confidant in the passage's meaning.

 

[desi]

If you are a Christian and serious about waiting until marriage to have sex again move out and avoid the temptation until you are married.

 

[XxGenesiSxX]

Blessedvegan, my heart totally goes out to you on this one! I've just been through more or less the same thing. My boyfriend and I met just before I became a Christian 2 years ago. I've never met anyone like him, we love each other so much and never argue...we are the best of friends. We were not living together but we were having sex. I've been battling with this the whole two years we've been together, it even pushed me away from God for a while because I just didn't want to lose Mark at all. I knew that what I was doing was wrong because it felt wrong and I felt separated from Jesus. I also know the fact that he's not a christian kept pulling me back from God because he would do things that a Christian guy would hopefully do his best to avoid, and if not...pray about. The reason God doesn't want us to be intimately involved or very close to non-christians in a relationship is because they can pull us back...even in marriage. Spending time with them usually means the temptation is greater around us. I'm not just talking about sex, there are all kinds of things that could come our way and hinder our faith and walk with God. One thing that I kept coming into contact with through Mark was drugs. He's not a complete druggy, but occasionally he'd go out clubbing and do stuff and we'd always do it together. Plus, the fact that he doesn't believe means that we couldn't talk about the one thing in my life that's more important then anything...jesus. He didn't get it at all and that was a struggle, as you may know.
Blessedvegan, this is so hard...I know. My prayers are with you and your boyfriend. We just want them to accept Christ so bad that we think that by staying with them...maybe we can bring them to Jesus? That's how I felt.
Mark and I broke up on Monday. I'm now on my 6th day and it's really hard, but he understands and we are still friends...although we will leave it for a bit before we spend anytime together. He's coming to my baptism tomorrow though
I would say do what you feel is right, only you know how you feel...and God is always there to lift you up. Pray lots and he'll show you the right way. Just remember that Gods timing and requests can sometimes be very painful and seem wrong...but he's always right. He knows your future and he wants you to be happy!! Trust in him always, and you will be blessed beyond belief. And keep praying for your boyfriend cos God has plans for him too!!
God bless
X

 

[ANN2626]

im kinda going through the same thing right now...

we were living in SC together and we recently moved home (im in PA and hes in OH) to save money and be together again. we both are Christians but before Jesus wasnt really in my heart, he was there in my mind but not heart and i think thats how my boyfriend is too. now that i have Jesus in my life i think that moving back in together is wrong and sex before marriage is wrong but i have done this for 2 years now. i cant really help you because im going through the same thing...except we are apart right now and i havent seen him in a month. i have no clue what to tell him when i see him. i just hope and pray that he finds the faith that i have and that he will realize that its wrong.
ill be praying for you
ann

 

[want2modmygt]

im going ot have to say to just tell him. take him to church. show him why you believe the way you do. we are all God's little ministers and this my be a time for you to reach out. and i agree with people who say not to live together... that would make it a lot easier. although ive never been inyour situation, so i might not be the best advice giver. thats just my $.02

 

[Scott Hetkowski]

I see it as good that you're stopping the pre-marital sex, however, being a christian, dating someone who is not a christian, may run into it's fair share of problems whether or not you're having sex. I would suggest showing him how great God is and possibly trying to have him believe, this may work and maybe you can be two happily wed christians, I hope so!