Hi all. I'm new here. I already posted in Ask a Chaplain (Severe Doubt about Salvation), and I appreciate the resources provided, but today I noticed this prayer request forum and I think this is what I need most!
I wish I were better with words so I could adequately describe how anxiously I've been seeking Christ. It's been two months of searching Scriptures, reading Christian literature, fervent praying, and crying my eyes out. As I said in the other post, I've been a professing Christian for over 20 years, but I never have had an assurance of salvation. I was always satisfied being "optimistic" that I was in Christ. Two months ago I was quickened by a strong sermon that salvation shouldn't be "hope so" (and I agree) and realized just how serious this could be. Eternity is at stake. The trouble comes from very strong doubts about the facts of the gospel. Trying to wrap my mind around Christ being God in a body, then rising from the dead, and seeing those as real-life events ALWAYS makes me stumble. It's a terrible feeling WANTING to believe (more than anything in the world, I would give ANYTHING to believe), yet still having the feeling I'm not convinced about these things. I hate every doubtful thought I have. I wish I could banish them forever. But they insist on hanging around. So my soul never finds rest because I think Christ doesn't hear my prayer if I have such great doubts about Him.
There's no pet sin in my life, I'm willing to turn from all forms of sin, and I have no objection to following Christ and His example (in fact, I already follow his teachings as best as I can). So, I don't know why I'm in this unusual spot. Usually people don't believe because they don't want to. I desperately want to.
So I guess what I need is prayer for my eyes to be opened, spiritual discernment, for my doubts to be squished, for my heart to be softened to the truth, for humility (since I suppose pride is what makes someone resist the truth), and anything else you sense I need. I'm sure you can sense my earnestness. Thank you in advance! Thinking of people praying for me is a comforting thought.
I wish I were better with words so I could adequately describe how anxiously I've been seeking Christ. It's been two months of searching Scriptures, reading Christian literature, fervent praying, and crying my eyes out. As I said in the other post, I've been a professing Christian for over 20 years, but I never have had an assurance of salvation. I was always satisfied being "optimistic" that I was in Christ. Two months ago I was quickened by a strong sermon that salvation shouldn't be "hope so" (and I agree) and realized just how serious this could be. Eternity is at stake. The trouble comes from very strong doubts about the facts of the gospel. Trying to wrap my mind around Christ being God in a body, then rising from the dead, and seeing those as real-life events ALWAYS makes me stumble. It's a terrible feeling WANTING to believe (more than anything in the world, I would give ANYTHING to believe), yet still having the feeling I'm not convinced about these things. I hate every doubtful thought I have. I wish I could banish them forever. But they insist on hanging around. So my soul never finds rest because I think Christ doesn't hear my prayer if I have such great doubts about Him.
There's no pet sin in my life, I'm willing to turn from all forms of sin, and I have no objection to following Christ and His example (in fact, I already follow his teachings as best as I can). So, I don't know why I'm in this unusual spot. Usually people don't believe because they don't want to. I desperately want to.
So I guess what I need is prayer for my eyes to be opened, spiritual discernment, for my doubts to be squished, for my heart to be softened to the truth, for humility (since I suppose pride is what makes someone resist the truth), and anything else you sense I need. I'm sure you can sense my earnestness. Thank you in advance! Thinking of people praying for me is a comforting thought.
