Severe depression - Need prayers

[Criada]

Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I'll take a look at some Psalms after I finish John. I may relate to the Psalmists, but I've always felt more like Job. Not necessarily the same afflictions, but just as horrible and painful. Maybe God made a deal with Satan over me?

Read the end of the book, brother! God restored Job.

Why doesn't God reveal his plans to us? I'm certainly not prosperous - i'm already a failure at 24. I don't have a future to look forward to because of my situation, and the dim light of hope I have left that God will eventually help me out fades more every day.

I don't know, to be honest. but He is God. And His plans are for our good..
You may not have seen it yet, but if you hold on to Him, He has promised to do you good....
And no-one is a failure at 24, brother, really. God can and will turn your life around if you let Him.

Well, even if he doesn't ignore me, he won't talk to me. I feel like maybe God is disappointed with me, or mad at me for being a lousy believer. The Bible says not everyone who calls on God will be accepted. He will say he never knew us. Maybe i'm in that situation? And praise is tough for me. I guess partly because i'm upset with God, and partly because I can't think of anything else but my problem most of the time. It's the first thing I think about when i wake up, the last thing when i go to bed.

When God looks at you, He sees the righteousness of Jesus. And that will never disappoint Him. Not everyone who calls on Him will be saved... but if you have repented and given Him all that you have and are, He won't let you down, brother, He really won't.
Praise is sometimes very hard. But - He is God, and He deserves our praise, however we feel and whatever the situation.
Write a list of things you can praise Him for. Even if you can only think of a couple... you can add to it.
Thank Him for creating you, for dying for you, for loving you, for forgiving you. Thank Him for always being there, even when you can't see Him. Thank him for His promises. And whenever you pray, look at the list. Even if you don't feel thankful... praise Him for who he is, brother.
And - it's ok to yell at Him too, you know. He's big enough to cope, and He won't turn you away, whatever.

Why does God wait so long to bless us? All I seem to get are curses, not blessings. And what can he bless me with that can make up for what he's taking away?

I'm glad I'm not being marked out of 10 on this! Another don't know! But I know He is good, and all he has for you is good. And one day you will see what he was doing.

Thanks. I do appreciate the prayers. I hope you guys have better luck with prayer than I do. Hopefully i'm not bothering you guys too much with my "downness".

Never apologise for asking for prayer. It's a privilege to be able to come to Him and lift up brothers and sisters... that is all part of being the family of God. And I have been enormously blessed and helped by the prayers of others here... it is a joy to be able to give something back.

Sorry if all this sounds a bit preachy, and cliched.
But - God loves you, enormously, unconditionally and everlastingly.
However dark it is, brother, hold on to that! :hug;

 

[Jase]

Read the end of the book, brother! God restored Job.

True, but wasn't it many years later? I can't handle another 30 years of living like this. Job was also found to be righteous before God. I don't know whether I am or not. Of course, a big difference too is that Job got to speak directly to God. I don't have that privilege. I have to rely on "could it be God, is it just me, why won't he talk" type feelings. And when you're suffering a lot, it makes the idea of God actually talking to you or being there, all the more hard to believe.

I don't know, to be honest. but He is God. And His plans are for our good..
You may not have seen it yet, but if you hold on to Him, He has promised to do you good....
And no-one is a failure at 24, brother, really. God can and will turn your life around if you let Him.

I wish he would tell me how much longer I have to hold on before he comes through on his promise.

When God looks at you, He sees the righteousness of Jesus. And that will never disappoint Him. Not everyone who calls on Him will be saved... but if you have repented and given Him all that you have and are, He won't let you down, brother, He really won't.
Praise is sometimes very hard. But - He is God, and He deserves our praise, however we feel and whatever the situation.
Write a list of things you can praise Him for. Even if you can only think of a couple... you can add to it.
Thank Him for creating you, for dying for you, for loving you, for forgiving you. Thank Him for always being there, even when you can't see Him. Thank him for His promises. And whenever you pray, look at the list. Even if you don't feel thankful... praise Him for who he is, brother.
And - it's ok to yell at Him too, you know. He's big enough to cope, and He won't turn you away, whatever.

I've tried thanking him for a couple things. Can't really thank him for allowing me to be born, since I consider that a curse, not a blessing. But i've tried some other things. This is certainly a tough area for me, since I'm upset with God for being so distant, and hidden.

I'm glad I'm not being marked out of 10 on this! Another don't know! But I know He is good, and all he has for you is good. And one day you will see what he was doing.

I agree, it's a tough question to answer. Going back to Job, God restored what he lost and made it better. For me though, there is only one thing in the world that matters, and it's what God won't grant me. Anything else is just meaningless without that. So, kinda hard for God to restore what he never gave me in the first place.

Never apologise for asking for prayer. It's a privilege to be able to come to Him and lift up brothers and sisters... that is all part of being the family of God. And I have been enormously blessed and helped by the prayers of others here... it is a joy to be able to give something back.

Sorry if all this sounds a bit preachy, and cliched.
But - God loves you, enormously, unconditionally and everlastingly.
However dark it is, brother, hold on to that! :hug;

I appreciate you talking with me Criada. You guys on this board are really the only people I have to talk to, so it helps to be able to discuss all this, even though i've been rather vague on the issue.

 

[Criada]

True, but wasn't it many years later? I can't handle another 30 years of living like this. Job was also found to be righteous before God. I don't know whether I am or not. Of course, a big difference too is that Job got to speak directly to God. I don't have that privilege. I have to rely on "could it be God, is it just me, why won't he talk" type feelings. And when you're suffering a lot, it makes the idea of God actually talking to you or being there, all the more hard to believe.

Yes, Job was righteous before God. But guess what - so are you! Not because of anything you have done or not done, but because Jesus took away your unrighteousness and replaced it with His righteousness!
2 Corinthians 5:21
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

That's not just words, brother, it is really how God sees you!!


And I understand what you mean about not hearing or feeling God...It is hard.. but He is there, and He will speak. Just keep listening.

I wish he would tell me how much longer I have to hold on before he comes through on his promise.

Me too!
We have to rely on the fact that it is a promise, and He never breaks His word. And His timing is perfect. I don't know all the details, but I know God. And He will come through at exactly the right time!

I've tried thanking him for a couple things. Can't really thank him for allowing me to be born, since I consider that a curse, not a blessing. But i've tried some other things. This is certainly a tough area for me, since I'm upset with God for being so distant, and hidden.

Just keep trying.. that's all you can do. There are things you can thank Him for... and praise is very powerful, even if you don't really feel very thankful!
It's Ok to tell Him how you feel too, though, and to complain, cry, whatever. He knows anyway!
And nothing you say will make Him love you any less!!

I agree, it's a tough question to answer. Going back to Job, God restored what he lost and made it better. For me though, there is only one thing in the world that matters, and it's what God won't grant me. Anything else is just meaningless without that. So, kinda hard for God to restore what he never gave me in the first place.

Yes.
Well - not knowing what it is, I can't really help...
But - He wants to restore your joy, your faith, and your security in Him. Those matter to Him - very much!

I appreciate you talking with me Criada. You guys on this board are really the only people I have to talk to, so it helps to be able to discuss all this, even though i've been rather vague on the issue.

Anytime.
I enjoy talking to you too - it's always good to think things through! Because really, if we can't help one another, our faith isn't worth much.
God bless you, brother.

 

[Ephesians4]

Praying along side you that God will hear your prayers and give you wisdom about the situation.

 

[Criada]

Still praying for you, Jase.
How are you?

 

[Jase]

Still praying for you, Jase.
How are you?

Thanks for the continued prayer.

Things are same as usual. Some days are better than others, but my problem never goes away. Saturday night was really bad. Spent the whole night crying.

Still waiting for God to talk to me, and let me know why I'm going through this. I have a feeling though that this is a problem God wants me to live with forever, and isn't going to change it.

 

[Criada]

He is listening, brother.
And your faithfulness is a blessing to Him
I don't know the answer, but I know God is good.
And He has led me through some very, very dark times... and he will do the same for you.
Because you are precious to Him, and He loves you.

Still praying.

 

[peacechild4]

Hi Jase.. God says Be still and know I am God..

God hears you... Try having a conversation with Him.. and let go.. Imagine if you have too.. that He is hearing and speaking.. That He is speaking back to you..

One way to hear Him is to be in His Word.. any part of it.. If there is some favourite scriptures you have.. just try meditating on that for awhile.. say it over and over and over..

You know how a song gets in your mind.. and you find yourself singing it.. well try meditating on Gods word over and over the same..

Years ago.. we used to sing the scripture songs.. they were word for word out of the bible.. And I can remember a few of them.. Actually I wish they would sing them more these days.. they are a really easy way to get Gods Word in to you!!

The bible IS Gods Word to you.. His messages to you.. Ask Him to speak through His Word.. Listen to His Word..

You know I read bible stories to two of my sons.. just scriptures with a little write up about what you have just read... I am amazed that they always speak to me.. Actually so do the basic stories I read our youngest.. And some of these I have literally heard dozens of times.. God is speaking.. Don't think you cannot hear him.. because you can.. rest from thinking like that.. say instead.. I can hear God.. I am hearing God.. and you will!!

Look there are times I don't either.. especially when hard times come.. it truly does seem like God has left the house.. BUT He says He is with me always.. so I know those feelings I have are wrong.. this is when we must choose to believe He is with us no matter what..

I continue to pray for you... Ohhh you have such a hunger in you.. I cry too brother.. just today I was crying while praying.. You are not the only one.. we fail huh... but He never does.. He forgives us for everything... Every every every thing.. We are His chosen.. amazing isn't it..

You are his beloved!! Enjoy!!

 

[Jase]

He is listening, brother.
And your faithfulness is a blessing to Him
I don't know the answer, but I know God is good.
And He has led me through some very, very dark times... and he will do the same for you.
Because you are precious to Him, and He loves you.

Still praying.

How can I be sure he is listening? Isn't there some verse in the Bible that talks about God not hearing us? And then, even if he is listening, he isn't responding. Some people claim to hear the audible voice of God on rare occasion (Joyce Meyer claims to have heard it 4 times). Woudn't the times when we are in the most pain, and have the hardest time hearing God in our head be the best time for him to audibly speak to us? No matter how many times I ask for him to talk to me, it's nothing but silence. How can faith survive through that? I'm also not really sure i'm that faithful. Faith can move mountains. I have endless doubts, and can't achieve anything through faith. That seems like a sign of weak faith to me.

I'm glad he led you through your dark times. For me, however, I see absolutely no way out - I have no where to go. It's like being trapped in a cage that no one can open. Death is really the only possible escape, but seeing as i'm only 24, the odds of getting a terminal illness are basically zero, and i'm too scared to attempt suicide again. So basically, I have an unbearably agonizing problem that no human can do anything about and that apparently God can't or won't help with, and since death at my age is extremely unlikely, i have absolutely no hope of the pain ending for a very long time. I can't even put into words how trapped and hopeless I feel. If Hell exists, i'm already there.

I don't see how I can be precious to him. How can God love me, and sit back and watch me toss and turn in agony without even a peep? Not even an acknowledgement that he understands what I'm going through and is working on making things better. It makes no sense. My only conclusion is either God doesn't exist, or he chose for me to be in this much pain for some higher purpose, so my prayers for his help and a miracle are contrary to his will, and therefore fall on deaf ears.

 

[michristke]

Praying for you

 

[michristke]

still praying for you Jase

 

[Criada]

Praying, Jase.

God bless you, brother.

 

[peacechild4]

How can I be sure he is listening? Isn't there some verse in the Bible that talks about God not hearing us? And then, even if he is listening, he isn't responding. Some people claim to hear the audible voice of God on rare occasion (Joyce Meyer claims to have heard it 4 times). Woudn't the times when we are in the most pain, and have the hardest time hearing God in our head be the best time for him to audibly speak to us? No matter how many times I ask for him to talk to me, it's nothing but silence. How can faith survive through that? I'm also not really sure i'm that faithful. Faith can move mountains. I have endless doubts, and can't achieve anything through faith. That seems like a sign of weak faith to me.

I'm glad he led you through your dark times. For me, however, I see absolutely no way out - I have no where to go. It's like being trapped in a cage that no one can open. Death is really the only possible escape, but seeing as i'm only 24, the odds of getting a terminal illness are basically zero, and i'm too scared to attempt suicide again. So basically, I have an unbearably agonizing problem that no human can do anything about and that apparently God can't or won't help with, and since death at my age is extremely unlikely, i have absolutely no hope of the pain ending for a very long time. I can't even put into words how trapped and hopeless I feel. If Hell exists, i'm already there.

I don't see how I can be precious to him. How can God love me, and sit back and watch me toss and turn in agony without even a peep? Not even an acknowledgement that he understands what I'm going through and is working on making things better. It makes no sense. My only conclusion is either God doesn't exist, or he chose for me to be in this much pain for some higher purpose, so my prayers for his help and a miracle are contrary to his will, and therefore fall on deaf ears.

2 Chronicles 7:14
if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

God hears when His people who are on their faces before Him.. seeking Him above all things.. turning from anything that is not of God..
God hears His people from heaven.. that is HIS WORD and a promise to you.. HE Will clean your heart.. and heal you and that which troubles you on the ground where you currently stand..

 

[JPPT1974]

Lord help to heal our friend
Uplift them to you
As I know what they are going through
You love and care for them
In thy name and will amen

 

[Jase]

2 Chronicles 7:14
if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

God hears when His people who are on their faces before Him.. seeking Him above all things.. turning from anything that is not of God..
God hears His people from heaven.. that is HIS WORD and a promise to you.. HE Will clean your heart.. and heal you and that which troubles you on the ground where you currently stand..

I do try to turn from sin. I try to live as virtuous a life as possible. I was discussing with a co-worker about religion, and how I try to live very virtuous, and joked about how i'm practically an angel, so now she calls me an Angel. But why doesn't God do anything in his power to help out his children? I realize there are times when he wants to test us and make us stronger, but I'm sure he also realizes that we can only handle so much. You would think he would see how much agony we are in, and say, ok that's enough - and then help us out.

In my case, I see no light at the end of the tunnel. No chance of him coming down and saying, ok - you passed the test, now I will help you. I fully expect to be in this much pain for the rest of my life.

 

[SouthernBaptist]

My depression is fueled by deeper issues which medicine and therapy can't help.

Jase ~ have you actually tried the medicine & therapy, or are you just assuming they won't help you?

If you tried medicine & it didn't work - 1st, medicine, especially anti-depressants, can take up to 6 weeks to fully kick in. If it still isn't working after that time, then the doctors can re-adjust the dosage, or try a new medicine. They will keep doing this until they find one you WILL respond to.

If money is an issue, or lack of insurance, almost all drug companies have free or seriously reduced prices for those that qualify. Contact me if you want more information on that.

Also, have you tried the therapy? Did you give it long enough of a chance? If you didn't like one therapist or psychiatrist (a better doctor to help you in your case perhaps, since they can give you therapy & medicine at the same time, thereby monitoring how you respond to medicine while counseling you), then go see a different one until you find one you connect with!

Don't sit there & suffer anymore...be more proactive!! God does NOT want us to suffer, and if it isn't from God, guess who it's from? That means even God wants you to go get help, so you can be better. God helps those who help themselves!!!

PLEASE give the medicine & therapy (in combination) another chance. See a psychiatrist so he can counsel you & adjust your medication at the same time. I am incredibly confident that the right one is out there for you to respond to. And if the depression is not chemically induced, then therapy, given a long enough chance, WILL help!! It defintely won't hurt!




EDIT: You know, I just had another thought ~ is it possible that the illness is something other than depression? Have you gone to a doctor & told him ALL of your symptoms? Maybe that's why you're not responding to any help you may have been given?!?! Just please think about the possibility that it could be something else ~ it's worth checking out anyway, because then the doctors can give you the correct medicine for what you are suffering from.

 

[michristke]

still praying

 

[gloryseven]

and the priest spoke about the life of Saint John of the Cross. He always felt as if God was forsaking him yet he kept enduring the troubles and pains throughout his life. Gods reward to him at the end of life was a body made incorruptable...his flesh never rotted away. His body remained intact.

Well, Im not sure this was much comfort. I know I feel that the troubles and pains I endure are for naught, and God is forsaking me,,,but truly,,,do you think I would seek God and His help and be praying for others and having compassion on all souls...if I wasnt enduring this 18yrs of pain.

I can answer an assured...No.

How do I know how and why God does what He does? I am the Creator and Finisher of the faith?

Well, this isnt too much consolation..I am sure. But know that I am sorry you are suffering so much depression and difficulty. I wonder if your eternal soul might not have been saved, if it were not so.

In my case. I probably wouldnt be close to God. Take care and my love and blessings and a warm holiday hug
go out to you. Amen.

 

[Jase]

Jase ~ have you actually tried the medicine & therapy, or are you just assuming they won't help you?

Yes, I've been on numerous medications and have seen 3 psychiatrists.

Don't sit there & suffer anymore...be more proactive!! God does NOT want us to suffer, and if it isn't from God, guess who it's from? That means even God wants you to go get help, so you can be better. God helps those who help themselves!!!

Didn't God want Job to suffer? Considering I was born with my problems, and supposedly God created me, that would mean he chose for me to end up like this right? God knew I would end up like this, so why didn't he prevent it at the beginning?

And if we are unable to help ourselves, does God ignore us and leave us to wallow in our misery?

EDIT: You know, I just had another thought ~ is it possible that the illness is something other than depression? Have you gone to a doctor & told him ALL of your symptoms? Maybe that's why you're not responding to any help you may have been given?!?! Just please think about the possibility that it could be something else ~ it's worth checking out anyway, because then the doctors can give you the correct medicine for what you are suffering from.

Well, I know what the problem is. At its root, I don't think it's depression, which is why medication doesn't work. I don't really think, at least for the most part, it's a chemical imbalance. The depression is caused by the underlying issue because of it being completely hopeless to fix. It seems apparent that no power in Heaven or Earth is able to or willing to solve this. Which leaves me completely helpless and in despair, hence the depression.

 

[Jase]

and the priest spoke about the life of Saint John of the Cross. He always felt as if God was forsaking him yet he kept enduring the troubles and pains throughout his life. Gods reward to him at the end of life was a body made incorruptable...his flesh never rotted away. His body remained intact.

Thanks for the support. The only problem with that though is, I can't handle another 50 years in this kind of pain. I'm already at the breaking point as it is.

Well, this isnt too much consolation..I am sure. But know that I am sorry you are suffering so much depression and difficulty. I wonder if your eternal soul might not have been saved, if it were not so.

I've wondered the same, because when this all started, I wasn't Christian. I was raised Jewish, went to Hebrew school and synagogue, and didn't know much about Christianity. Once all my pain really set in ( and it was extremely severe how bad it was), I couldn't handle it anymore - I felt as bad as I do now. I ended up attempting suicide at 16, and had to be rushed to the hospital. I don't really remember how it came about, but it seems like almost immediately after recovering, I wanted to be a Jewish Christian/Messianic Jew. I wish I could remember it better, but I want to say within a week I went from only knowing Judaism, to Christianity. I've always attributed that to God because it seemed so sudden.

But now, since the pain is just as strong (maybe worse), I have doubts of maybe that was just a fluke. Maybe I was desperate for something more because I was in so much pain, as opposed to God wanting me to come to him. If God's purpose for that pain as a teenager was to be saved, why does he continue to let me suffer? Why can I not have any hope for blessings or miracles - only despair and curses?

I do apologize to you all if it seems like i'm being whiny, or stubborn - unwilling to just get better or something. I realize it's hard for you all to understand what i'm dealing with. I'm just so overwhelmed by how hopeless my situation is, there really just is no joy in my life. I can't put into words how painful what i'm dealing with is. It's like being stabbed in the chest every day of your life. And sadly, it looks like it's going to remain that way for the rest of my life.

Thank you all though for your continued support and prayers. God forbid any of you ever have to endure what I'm going through. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.