- Jul 26, 2015
- 42
- 42
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- In Relationship
- Politics
- US-Republican
Hi all,
Before I ask any questions, let me run y'all through the story of how I got to where I am now.
When I began dating my boyfriend (soon-to-be fiance), I was in-between churches and was not attending any church. The church I had been attending in the past (VERY regularly) is a multi-side megachurch and I loved it there. I had stopped going to this church simply because of the high volume of people. Large crowds of people can get to a person after a while and I found myself becoming overwhelmed with the congregation size. Otherwise, this church fit just right for me. The worship, the pastors, the volunteers (who I served with at young adult church)- it all served me well. Alas, the congregation size became too much for me to handle. Feeling overwhelmed, I stopped attending as regularly to avoid anxiety attacks.
A few months into dating, I had the opportunity to join my boyfriend (we'll call him E) at church one Sunday for service. E is the youth pastor for a church that is about a 45 minute drive from where we live. He teaches Sunday school, holds youth group, creates youth events, holds a presence in the church, and is in the process of teaming up with the local WyldLife group in the area. After months of struggling with his leadership team, it ended up with just him doing everything for the youth group. I saw him struggling and, having served in youth ministry before, I offered my hand to help him out on the administration side of things as well as become a student sponsor (leader) for his kids. Since then, I have attended this new church regularly and while I am not a full member of the church, I do consider it my new home church. My dilemma is here:
As the youth pastor's girlfriend (and soon-to-be fiancee), I must maintain a presence in the church. I love the congregation and each one of them has such a sweet heart in them- even the manly-men deacons. However, lately I've been finding myself struggling to be filled and served at the church. The sermons just don't speak into my heart no matter how I may toss them and turn them to connect. The worship- though our worship pastor tries hard- just isn't where it could because of the lack of flexibility in the congregation. They all would much rather sing hymns than these new worship songs that so deeply have rocked me personally. I certainly do love our senior pastor, his wife, and their children (two of which are in our youth group). I have developed such a great and promising relationship with them. So much so, that I find myself hanging out at their house when I am in town and having sleepovers with their youngest girl.
While it is not the church's job in full to fill me and I must hold responsibility to seek God myself in my daily life, I do see it as a downside to attending this church that I am not poured into as much as I am pouring out into their kids. Our church elders have very high expectations of their leadership- as it should be. However, this church is very set in their views. While this doesn't bother me (for the most part), it does cause me to be afraid to risk sacrificing my upstanding presence at the church to attend elsewhere.
I once heard that you should only serve and be served at one church. This causes a dissonance in my spiritual life. I pour out for these kids and for my boyfriend to serve them and I LOVE it. This position has helped me develop and understand my gifts better as well as has taught me grace in situations I cannot control. It has prepared me, in some ways, for motherhood, I believe- though that is a long way off.
I certainly don't want to leave the church... but I feel as though I may need to seek additional service elsewhere. I am a co-leader for a LifeGroup that is connected to my old church. I am surrounded by friends there and I do get poured into during our once-a-week meetings. There is always the option for Saturday church. I suppose, I just don't know what to do. E and I have discussed this time and time again and he sees no issue with attending another church if it is something I need to better love others and seek the Lord. I want to continue serving with him and aiding him in his ministry.
In my mind, I am serving two churches and not being poured back into nearly as much as I pour out. I want to watch out for my spiritual health and not burn myself out as I have in the past with serving. I want to do what is best for God's Kingdom and I am struggling to see which route to take.
What do y'all think of this situation?
What advice would you give a struggling twenty-something in this situation?
What would you do if you were in this situation?
P.S. If it helps to know, my ministry calling is interpersonal relationships with fellow Christ-followers. Meaning, I have a passion in my heart to serve those who are already in relationship with Christ and to walk alongside them. I love small groups and mentorship in particular. E and I have discussed opening a counseling practice and mentorship ministry in the future because this, as well as youth ministry, is also something he has a huge heart for.
Before I ask any questions, let me run y'all through the story of how I got to where I am now.
When I began dating my boyfriend (soon-to-be fiance), I was in-between churches and was not attending any church. The church I had been attending in the past (VERY regularly) is a multi-side megachurch and I loved it there. I had stopped going to this church simply because of the high volume of people. Large crowds of people can get to a person after a while and I found myself becoming overwhelmed with the congregation size. Otherwise, this church fit just right for me. The worship, the pastors, the volunteers (who I served with at young adult church)- it all served me well. Alas, the congregation size became too much for me to handle. Feeling overwhelmed, I stopped attending as regularly to avoid anxiety attacks.
A few months into dating, I had the opportunity to join my boyfriend (we'll call him E) at church one Sunday for service. E is the youth pastor for a church that is about a 45 minute drive from where we live. He teaches Sunday school, holds youth group, creates youth events, holds a presence in the church, and is in the process of teaming up with the local WyldLife group in the area. After months of struggling with his leadership team, it ended up with just him doing everything for the youth group. I saw him struggling and, having served in youth ministry before, I offered my hand to help him out on the administration side of things as well as become a student sponsor (leader) for his kids. Since then, I have attended this new church regularly and while I am not a full member of the church, I do consider it my new home church. My dilemma is here:
As the youth pastor's girlfriend (and soon-to-be fiancee), I must maintain a presence in the church. I love the congregation and each one of them has such a sweet heart in them- even the manly-men deacons. However, lately I've been finding myself struggling to be filled and served at the church. The sermons just don't speak into my heart no matter how I may toss them and turn them to connect. The worship- though our worship pastor tries hard- just isn't where it could because of the lack of flexibility in the congregation. They all would much rather sing hymns than these new worship songs that so deeply have rocked me personally. I certainly do love our senior pastor, his wife, and their children (two of which are in our youth group). I have developed such a great and promising relationship with them. So much so, that I find myself hanging out at their house when I am in town and having sleepovers with their youngest girl.
While it is not the church's job in full to fill me and I must hold responsibility to seek God myself in my daily life, I do see it as a downside to attending this church that I am not poured into as much as I am pouring out into their kids. Our church elders have very high expectations of their leadership- as it should be. However, this church is very set in their views. While this doesn't bother me (for the most part), it does cause me to be afraid to risk sacrificing my upstanding presence at the church to attend elsewhere.
I once heard that you should only serve and be served at one church. This causes a dissonance in my spiritual life. I pour out for these kids and for my boyfriend to serve them and I LOVE it. This position has helped me develop and understand my gifts better as well as has taught me grace in situations I cannot control. It has prepared me, in some ways, for motherhood, I believe- though that is a long way off.
I certainly don't want to leave the church... but I feel as though I may need to seek additional service elsewhere. I am a co-leader for a LifeGroup that is connected to my old church. I am surrounded by friends there and I do get poured into during our once-a-week meetings. There is always the option for Saturday church. I suppose, I just don't know what to do. E and I have discussed this time and time again and he sees no issue with attending another church if it is something I need to better love others and seek the Lord. I want to continue serving with him and aiding him in his ministry.
In my mind, I am serving two churches and not being poured back into nearly as much as I pour out. I want to watch out for my spiritual health and not burn myself out as I have in the past with serving. I want to do what is best for God's Kingdom and I am struggling to see which route to take.
What do y'all think of this situation?
What advice would you give a struggling twenty-something in this situation?
What would you do if you were in this situation?
P.S. If it helps to know, my ministry calling is interpersonal relationships with fellow Christ-followers. Meaning, I have a passion in my heart to serve those who are already in relationship with Christ and to walk alongside them. I love small groups and mentorship in particular. E and I have discussed opening a counseling practice and mentorship ministry in the future because this, as well as youth ministry, is also something he has a huge heart for.
