Seperated???I'm paying for everything. What to do?

[thoughtIwas]

So I'm deployed to Iraq since June 08. In August I get the Dear John (Phone Conversation). In short she says "I don't know if I am going to be with you when you get home"
*Key YO-YO to go down*(the YO-YO is mental, and emotional representation)

My heart is destroyed and I spend about four day of complete depression and misery until the Lord starts to speak to me, picks me up, and dusts me off. My relation ship with the Lord has grown so much in this trying time. So that leads me to believe that everything "does" happen for a reason.
*YO-YO up now*

So I spend the next four months on my face praying, crying, depression, and therapy. Feeling like a completely weak loser for going through all of that because after all people get divorced all of the time and they survive right? Also I am riding her emotions like a roller coaster. Never getting answers and always having more questions.
*YO-YO down, YO-YO up, down, up, down*

In the midst of this my bank account starts going negative before every paycheck. For the most part, at the time, I didn't care. To many battles at one time will weaken the force and my force was pretty battered. Only the Lord was holding me together and keeping me from breaking. I was asked at least three times if I was going to hurt myself. I usually responded with a laugh. Because nothing is that bad. Plus she moved out of her mothers house and the new apartment deposits and things added up. In the long run I was thinking that money problems never go away so why make another fight.
*Yo-YO up, down, up"

More therapy before I go home on leave and I don't know what to expect. No questions are answered and I try everyday to just be patient and faithful. Read my bible to remember that troubled times, build character, patients, that all leads to hope.

The therapist starts telling me that I should not expect anything form my wife because that leads to disappointment. To me that just sounded like a defeatist theory. But I did try to go home on leave with no expectations. She told me that she didn't have any either and that we should just see what happens. Well she had expectations. She expected that she would have some sort of feeling that didn't decide to make the trip to the airport. And me, I'm still just as in Love as I ever have been. So I spent the next 15 days trying to do things that make her life easier. Do things that she had been doing on her own for the past few months. Cleaning the dishes, she hates dishes, picking up toys, decorating the house for Christmas and hanging lights, everything I can. She needed a break from the deployment just as much as I did. I just wanted to show her that I was trying to make changes that needed to be made. Hard to do in 15 days I know that. She didn't really believe it. Anyone can keep it up for 15 days. But I'm thinking Love dare. Before the movie Fireproof. What God expects of husbands. I had failed at that part tremendously.
*YO-YO somewhere in the middle, Suspended "Walk the dog"*

Questions are getting answered. That takes most of the confusion away. But she is still pressing for separation. She had made up her mind about that as soon as she saw me at the airport. I found that out later. It kinda makes everything that I did irrelevant. Predisposition close the mind. So we where the weirdest separated couple ever; go to dinner, sleep together, shower together things that married people do. Except the part where she says "I love you." We even went to counseling. Help on some communication while I was home. Its all gone now. I can't make her do anything she dosen't want to do. So I come back to Iraq. But not before we have a deep one sided conversation where I express my deepest love and affection and all the things that I want us to become. Then we kiss for real and she tells me that she loves for the first time in 4 months.
*YO-YO up*

I come back to Iraq with a challenge in my heart. "She doesn't believe that I can change? I'll show her just how much of a husband I can be."
Part of the agreement of the separation was that she was going to get her a job and start paying her own way. I was still going to pay what the Army required me to pay plus the car note and insurance. That would cover the rent and all the utilities with some left over. So I made a budget so that at the first of the year I could pay off all of the debt that we had acquired. She never got a job.
*YO-YO is disappointed*
Then I get an outrageous cell phone bill.
*YO-YO is very mad*
I take a day, talk to the Chaplin and then decide to act after I calm down.
I call her and tell her "I Love you and I'm completely devoted to our marriage but you wanted to be free. It is not fair. You want your freedom you should pay for it not me and that I am not going to."
I get an email later that day that says "You are falling out of love with me aren't you. I could tell by the way your where talking to me."
*YO-YO confused all over again*

I responded with a long email about the fact that she told me that she told me that she didn't love me anymore and that I am always going to love her and then told her again that she could leave if she wanted but I'm going with her. She is my wife and Hosea had to put up with a lot worse.

Now I am a few months from going home or, to be correct, go back to be homeless and I am scared. I haven't saved any money. The finances are a wreck and I would have cut most of money already except for the fact that I can't let my son be homeless and everything is in my name. I have certain things in my job and I can not have bad credit. It will ruin our future. She hasn't answered any questions about what she wants to do when I come back. Like, live with me work it out or divorce me live on her own. She only says that the lease on her apartment (my apartment) is not up until September. So right now I have no family to go back to base with, no car to get to work, and after the initial 14 days of barracks living I'm homeless. No money and not enough credit to really get anything because mine has all been used up. Everyday I want to say "You have until the end of the month to find an job or you are just going to have to live with your mom." Then I'm being controlling. I gave her a new budget that will allow me to save some money before I leave enough to get at least a point A to B car but alas she is not following it to well. So I pull the money out of the account and then the account goes negative again. And again everything is in my name. I really don't know how to approach all of this with her because she has started acting like a child. I am worried that there may actually be something wrong like depression or adjustment disorder or something. I have been deployed before and she was great with money. I don't want to push my marriage into further harm between us because of money but I am really ticked off. That is part of the reason for this long rant. I am still concerned about her health though "For better, or worse, sickness, and in health." I mean that, and I'm not leaving her, but I am getting tired. I am so tired. Sometimes I pray to God because I am mad and I am ready for the test to be over with, but its not my decision, or maybe I haven't learned my lesson yet. Some days I want to just tell her to forget it and quit but its the wrong thing. What if she never starts to hear God speaking? If she wants to divorce does that mean that I am going to have to be single forever to Honor the covenant that I made with God? I am in marriage limbo because separation means nothing to me because I am still doing everything that I did before and more. I think that she is confused that I haven't bailed yet and is trying to push me away. She doesn't have to love me for me to love her that is the most important lesson that the Lord has taught me. So What should I do? Cut the money tell her to tough it out. Tell her that it was her decision live with it. Or be homeless. I would appreciate your thoughts. If you laughed at any part of this rant its ok. I wanted to at least be interesting. Thank you for taking the time to read my post. God Bless all of you. Love God , Love people

 

[TheLeftOneMiccy]

I am very sorry for what you are going through . I will keep you in my prayers . Noone can tell you what you should do in this situation . Being so far removed from what she is doing and where she is must make it much more difficult to act even when you think you have figured out what you want to do about it . Continue to pray , and seek the face of our Lord. He will provide !

God Bless You
Miccy

 

[hope_faith_love]

I just wanted to let you know I am having a similar situation to you. While I can't tell you what to do I can tell you what I have done to help myself.

I totally understand your emotional rollercoaster. I think you have to take a stand and set some boundaries. I read this really good book called Love Must be Tough by James Dobson (I talk about this a lot on here). This book was just what I needed. Basically she is controlling and manipulating you to get her way. If she wants to go you have to let her go. I know it is sooooo hard to hear that. Only when you stand up for yourself and take the control back will you start to feel better.

 

[thoughtIwas]

I just wanted to let you know I am having a similar situation to you. While I can't tell you what to do I can tell you what I have done to help myself.

I totally understand your emotional rollercoaster. I think you have to take a stand and set some boundaries. I read this really good book called Love Must be Tough by James Dobson (I talk about this a lot on here). This book was just what I needed. Basically she is controlling and manipulating you to get her way. If she wants to go you have to let her go. I know it is sooooo hard to hear that. Only when you stand up for yourself and take the control back will you start to feel better.

I agree. I have told her that I am not going to convince her to stay with me. If she wants to stay then it is because she wants to. I am just going to keep doing what I am doing. If that involves writing letters and emails and calling to see how she is doing then so be it. That is me that is my Love to her. I can't quit just because she has. My problem is I don't know what way she is pretending. Either she is pretending to not care so she dosen't have to deal with the pain of me not being there. Or she is pretending to care just enough to keep me around. Her physical actions do not suggest that she wants us to be over. Because she is not trying to set herself up for sucess on her own. She is not dumb so I don't think that she would just get a divorce with no way of supporting herself or my son. She also knows that I am not going pay for eveything while she does what ever she wants. She knows what it would take for me to say that I am finished. She hasn't done thoughs two things. But she is a constant contradiction of what she has said before. She doesn't remember the things she has already told me. She doesn't do anything, that I know of really, that she said she was going to do; counseling, work on herself, read books, do couples studies with me. If I where there I don't think this would be so complicated. I am in a constant state of "Whats going on?" So far in my prayers I have not been put to peace with cutting the financial support. So I have not done that yet. But I am in a state of unrest because of this. I do think that I am completey stressed and worn out from the many months of this. My chaplin is on leave for the next two weeks and my counselor has redployed back to the states. I really don't have a support system. Iraq is stressful enough without your wife bailing on you at the very beginning. She was my support system and always has been till now. My faith is still knew and I haven't completely jumped into the river to let it take control. Im still struggeling with letting go and I don't know where to let God control, and where I am supposed to use the skills that God gave me to control? Am I supposed to not try to rectify my own finances and situations? What you said about control, I'm not sure I am supposed to be in control just yet. I mostly just pray to for the confidence that I am making the right decisions. Almost asking for the Lords approval in my actions. If I act without a lot of doubts then I feel that the Lord is happy with my decisions. What else can I really do other than that? The major question is Where is the line between my own intentions and Gods plan for me? I'm still really new with my relationship with the Lord. How do I take the financial support away without doing more harm? I know that it is going to put alot more stress on everything. My natural reaction is to be very mad about this. I don't want to act because I am mad.
But on a good note the weather has been nice and I always wake up alive to say another prayer and thank the Lord for my health and my son.

 

[TheLeftOneMiccy]

I can understand the lack of support system as well as being so new in your walk with the Lord . I did not come to have Jesus in my heart until I was already seperated . I continue to pray for my soon to be ex husbands salvation , however he has his free will and I can do nothing about that . Please feel free to PM at anytime , and chat and pray . I will keep you in my prayers still . I know all too well what its like to feel like you are the only one wanting your marriage to work .
I hope you soon receive an answer about what you should do . I know you dont need extra stress as you are in a tough situation as it is . Thank you for that by the way .
I am glad you had some nice weather . Stay strong , with Jesus anything is possible .
Love in Christ

 

[Autumnleaf]

You can only control yourself. Focus on getting yourself a place and not on what she is doing. Stop paying for her. Tell her if your son needs a home she is welcome to drop him off at your place while she gets a job so she can find herself a place. If you let her go and tighten the purse strings she will panic like she is drowning and start clinging to you. If you keep paying the bills its like buying booze for a drunk, don't expect them to get sober so long as you pay for the party.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I'm going to disagree with Autumnleaf. Do not just pull the rug out from underneath your wife and son. If I understand correctly you are still deployed so dropping off the kid is not an option. Not to mention you are trying to save your marriage because God hates divorce. I think you should act like a husband until you are no longer her husband. Deployment is hard. My friend didn't even tell me what she was going through until it was all over.

I think you need to put her on a budget and make her stick to it, if that is at all possible with the distance between you right now. I think it really sucks that she is doing this while you are deployed.

Do you two have a home church? Next question, is it a good church that preaches from the Bible? I attended one for about 18 years and didn't grow much. Just 9 months in my new church and I'm growing a lot and being encouraged to do stuff instead of just sitting in church on Sunday.

Don't give up. We all need to keep growing, but since you said you were new in your walk you are going to need some mature Christians around you. As the husband you are to be the spiritual leader. I would caution you on how you might act on this since you are new, but that is going to be your position. It would probably not go over well if you told your wife that she needed to submit because you're the leader right now because she's not mature enough to accept it. If she balks at a budget I think you should just tell her that you are the husband and you're making those decisions to care for the family. Let her know you are the protector.

Where is your wife living? Do you need to find a church for your family? I don't know how hard this would be for you right now to search for a church while you are deployed, but if you want some help finding one in the United States I would be happy to try and help. PM me if you want me to try and help.

 

[thoughtIwas]

EBL (eatenbylocousts) I have been accused of being impulsive. So everytime that I get mad and want to make a quick decision I usually go talk to my Chaplin and take some time to calm down. We don't have a church home. When I went home on leave we went to church and she has gone a couple of time since I have been gone. We never really attended any chuch since we have been married. We always talked about finding a church but never really did. We have always been "believers" just not very good followers. Just like you can ask anyone in a bar what there religion is and most will say that they are Christians. I do think that she dosen't really believe the new path that I am taking because seeing is believing and I'm not there. She said that she could see some differences in the 15 days I was there but that is not good enough. At some point in time she is going to have to make a decision. I am in the Army. I will be for a couple more years. I can't support her from a 1000 miles away and support myself. If she dosen't want to be with me then she is going to have to support herself. For now I don't need much. Once I get back I am afraid that I am going to have to be the bad guy. I don't know if she is going to understand that or realize the situation that she has put me in. But I am not going to file for a divorce. If she wants it she can do it herself. Harsh? I don't know. Selfish? Maybe, but I don't think so. I have forgiven myself for my action that have brought us to this point and I have asked for hers. It is up to her to give it to me. I don't think that I am wrong for not asking everyday. I told her that I have already asked and that I am not going to beg her everyday. I just want to be her husband the way God intended so that is what I am doing. I just don't know how I am going to pull the money plug. I have to prepare for the return home. I have to have shelter and food and a ride to work. If I am married the military is not going to provide me a home like in the barracks. So my hands are up and I wonder "When is the right time?"

Thanks for the offer. I suggest for her to go to church, go to counseling, go to work, go to school, but I can't make her do anything and I am not going to try. I don't want to cut money either so that she has to struggle so that she is forced to cling to me. That would be more manipulative than anything so I will not do it for that reason.

 

[TheLeftOneMiccy]

Thought , is there anyway you can have someone else set up another bank account for yourself , and have the military put a small portion of your checks into that account . I know too sometimes you can set up accounts online . Then you arent cutting her off completely , but you are still able to set aside some money for when you get home . Just an idea .

I am continuing to pray for you and your situation .

Love in Christ
Miccy

 

[eatenbylocusts]

EBL (eatenbylocousts) I have been accused of being impulsive. So everytime that I get mad and want to make a quick decision I usually go talk to my Chaplin and take some time to calm down.

But I am not going to file for a divorce. If she wants it she can do it herself. Harsh? I don't know. Selfish? Maybe, but I don't think so. I have forgiven myself for my action that have brought us to this point and I have asked for hers.

I have a bit of an impulsive streak in me too and have been known to put my foot in my mouth many a time. That is a very good thing to know that you need help and to be able to get a second opinion.

I PM'd you about the church thing. I don't think it's harsh not to file for divorce. You're trying to save it and that's a good thing.

 

[thoughtIwas]

I have started putting money on to a cash card that only I have access to. The problem is that they are our accounts. So she overdraws them I still take the hit on it. I need her to open her own account. I told her today that she has to get a job this month. So I am setting myself up to follow through with the "if she dosen't part." We will see. I don't want it to come to that.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Thanks for the offer. I suggest for her to go to church, go to counseling, go to work, go to school, but I can't make her do anything and I am not going to try. I don't want to cut money either so that she has to struggle so that she is forced to cling to me. That would be more manipulative than anything so I will not do it for that reason.

If you continue to do what you did yesterday then you will get the same results. She will do what she wants because you have no say in the matter. Do you even realize she can get credit cards and run them up and you will get stuck with them? If I were you I'd get a legal separation ASAP. Cutting the money is not manipulative. Her having you support her when she doesn't want to be your wife is manipulative.

 

[TheLeftOneMiccy]

I have started putting money on to a cash card that only I have access to. The problem is that they are our accounts. So she overdraws them I still take the hit on it. I need her to open her own account. I told her today that she has to get a job this month. So I am setting myself up to follow through with the "if she dosen't part." We will see. I don't want it to come to that.

Yes I can understand how you are stuck in a pretty rough spot . From what you have said in the OP , she is overdrawing your account even without you putting some of the money elsewhere , so you are taking that hit regardless . I can completely understand you not wanting it to come down to having to follow through with the official seperation and possible divorce . I too still would rather have the Lords calling heard by my husband and my marriage restored , however I also need to be prepared for the possibility that that is not how things will go . We all have free will , and although it is possible for the Lord to "fix" our spouses in an instant , he will not take that free will away .

Lord you are our merciful Father , we thank you for every blessing we receive from you each day , seen and unseen . Thank you for never leaving nor foresaking us . I lift my brother in Christ to your thrown today and ask that you bless his situation . I lift his wife3 and child to you as well . Please give them comfort and peace . Give him wisdom and clarity of your will in this difficult time . Help him to make the decisions he is struggling with . You know this situation better than any of us could . In the name of Jesus we rebuke the spirits of the enemy that are surrounding his wife , they have no power over her . Father also please continue to keep my brother in Christ and all others that do what he does safe .Thank you Lord and praise you Father , always . We ask these things in Jesus' name . Amen

Will continue to lift you and your family up in prayer brother .
Love in Christ
Miccy

 

[thoughtIwas]

If you continue to do what you did yesterday then you will get the same results. She will do what she wants because you have no say in the matter. Do you even realize she can get credit cards and run them up and you will get stuck with them? If I were you I'd get a legal separation ASAP. Cutting the money is not manipulative. Her having you support her when she doesn't want to be your wife is manipulative.

Yes I know that she can do that but

• A legal separation agreement can help limit your liability for any debts that your spouse may rack up during your separation, assuming you live in a separate property state.( We do not) Spouses who live in community property states do not get this protection.

• The agreement can help ensure that certain financial benefits that you currently receive as a spouse continue during your separation. Those benefits could include health insurance and continued access to credit if you and your spouse share joint accounts or if you're an authorized user on your spouse's accounts. (No judge would rule in my favor on this)*Divorce for Dummies*

When my parents got divorced my mother gave custody to my dad becaue he could provide better than she could. The judge still tried to give her custody and make my dad pay. She is in the same prescient with the same judge. When this is all said and done no matter what she will not be able to say that I treated her poorly. Well I guess she could lie about it but I don't really care what others think. Especially if I am doing what I am led to do by the Lord. Plus being 13000 miles away makes everything more difficult. Just trying to call customer service about a bill is frustrating. I could not imagine trying to settle the discrepencies on a legal document.

I can only handle so many battles at once. I do appreciate your advice. Keep it coming. I'm sure you have thought of something that I haven't already. The big question for me isn't if I can cut funding. It is if it is the right thing to do as a husband. Its kinda like is spanking your child wrong. For most its a matter of opnion. I am searching and praying for the Godly solution. More than one person in the Bible had to endure much more than financial hardship. I know that you are probably thinking "Well if you are argueing that then why did you post this thread?" The answer. Is it as bad as I think it is or am I being nieve or am I chasing a false hope?

Miccy, Thank You for your prayers.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Yes I know that she can do that but

• A legal separation agreement can help limit your liability for any debts that your spouse may rack up during your separation, assuming you live in a separate property state.( We do not) Spouses who live in community property states do not get this protection.

• The agreement can help ensure that certain financial benefits that you currently receive as a spouse continue during your separation. Those benefits could include health insurance and continued access to credit if you and your spouse share joint accounts or if you're an authorized user on your spouse's accounts. (No judge would rule in my favor on this)*Divorce for Dummies*

When my parents got divorced my mother gave custody to my dad becaue he could provide better than she could. The judge still tried to give her custody and make my dad pay. She is in the same prescient with the same judge. When this is all said and done no matter what she will not be able to say that I treated her poorly. Well I guess she could lie about it but I don't really care what others think. Especially if I am doing what I am led to do by the Lord. Plus being 13000 miles away makes everything more difficult. Just trying to call customer service about a bill is frustrating. I could not imagine trying to settle the discrepencies on a legal document.

I can only handle so many battles at once. I do appreciate your advice. Keep it coming. I'm sure you have thought of something that I haven't already. The big question for me isn't if I can cut funding. It is if it is the right thing to do as a husband. Its kinda like is spanking your child wrong. For most its a matter of opnion. I am searching and praying for the Godly solution. More than one person in the Bible had to endure much more than financial hardship. I know that you are probably thinking "Well if you are argueing that then why did you post this thread?" The answer. Is it as bad as I think it is or am I being nieve or am I chasing a false hope?

Miccy, Thank You for your prayers.

I know a guy who came back from the first Gulf War, where he was in combat, to find an empty house except for a plate and silverware on the floor. His wife was gone with their son. That man was my supervisor when I was a Marine. All the pay he earned from his time overseas was spent. He started from nothing and had a stellar career as a US Marine but he really got burned from his first marriage. I'd hate to see that happen to you.

You should be kind to people but you don't necessarily have to do so by falling on your own sword.

 

[captiveheart]

I haven't been on in a while. I've been crazy busy. I still pray for you and I'm saddened by what you continue to go through. The only place to find rest is in Christ.

As far as separation as a solution for protecting what is left of your personal financial profile, well, I would recommend finding out just what the law is in your state. Here in California, a community property state, all loan applications ask for your marriage status. The choices are Married, Unmarried or Separated. If someone is separated in California, the lender has no recourse to the non-applicant spouse if any new debt goes bad. I know this from the banking side of things, I'm not an attorney. Also from the banking side of things, either joint account holder can close an account. You can't "remove" her from an account but you have every right to order the bank to close it. Of course if it is overdrawn, they will require you to bring it back to a zero balance to close it.

I admire your perseverance and commitment. It would seem that you have done all that you can to make the changes within yourself and give your wife every opportunity to follow your lead. Nothing changes until something moves.

 

[thoughtIwas]

From the time that I told her that she had a budget and she was going to stick to it has been about 2 weeks. She stuck to it pretty close. It may have been because I removed all the extra money. She is very honest when she wants to talk about these things. I don't think that she is doing anything to be vindictive or intentional.
Yes I am mad about this. Yes I don't want to be broke when I get home. Remember WWJD? That is where I am. I have a thousand and one reasons to cut her off. But I have one reason not to. So, WWJD?

 

[FaithfulWife]

From the time that I told her that she had a budget and she was going to stick to it has been about 2 weeks. She stuck to it pretty close. It may have been because I removed all the extra money. She is very honest when she wants to talk about these things. I don't think that she is doing anything to be vindictive or intentional.
Yes I am mad about this. Yes I don't want to be broke when I get home. Remember WWJD? That is where I am. I have a thousand and one reasons to cut her off. But I have one reason not to. So, WWJD?

My dear brother in Christ~

First I have to apologize for not being here when you initially posted this question. It is an EXCELLENT question and unfortunately I believe I'm going to have to disagree with some of the fine, loving people here.

It is my understanding--just to be sure I have the facts straight--that 1) you are in Iraq in the service and away from your family, and that 2) you and your wife have a son, and that 3) there is another man involved. Are these things all correct? And by the way, if your wife gives you the old "we're just friends" routine ignore it--there is another man involved.

Assuming those things are the case, I have to wisely and strongly suggest that you do stop paying for things and here's why. By law there are going to be certain things that the service REQUIRES you to pay, and in that regard you will have to do your duty. But ithoughiwas, I don't want you to confuse "loving a person" and "What would Jesus do" with being a doormat or giving a person what they want. Those are entirely separate things! Loving a person means doing what is best for them and allowing them to experience the consequence of their choices so they can learn. If you REALLY love someone you don't "cover for their sin" and just give in to their fits of anger--you lead spiritually and stay the steady course of returning to godly living. Continuing to pay for her to continue sinning (and make no mistake, breaking up a marriage and family is sin) is NOT loving!

You mention both Jesus and Hosea as examples of what you think would be the way to behave, and yet I want you to honestly consider both of them. Hosea was a prophet who had a wife that was a prostitute, right? And G-d wanted Hosea to stay with his wife as an image of how we (as sinners) keep turning to our sin and are unfaithful to Him, but He stays faithful to us. Now, I have no doubt that it hurt Hosea deeply to know what his wife was up to, and yet he did not help her continue in her sin. He kept HIS HOUSE in good condition (meaning not the building but himself, his life) and he kept himself on the narrow path of following G-d. He did not pay for her to go out and be with other men, nor did he follow suit out of hurt. Nope, if she chose to leave and carry on, he stayed out of it and let her carry the full cost of her own choices. He kept his affairs pure.

Likewise what about Jesus? Have you ever known of an instance where Jesus knew of a person living in sin and He said, "I love you and because of your sin you're living with the pigs--here let me pay for a place for you to continue sinning. " No! As a matter of fact let me say that again...NO! He said, "Go and sin no more." Even for the woman who was caught in adultery red handed--did He say "Listen I hear your husband treated you badly and you don't want to go back there. Okay here's some money so you can continue carrying on." No! He didn't embarrass her but not only did He teach the judgmental jerks of the day a lesson (we have all sinned) but He told her to do the right thing and stop sinning! He did not support and condone continuing in sin!

So it is with your wife. Your job, your duty as her husband who took a vow to her is to LOVE HER. In this instance she needs to learn that sin has a cost. She can choose to honor her vow and end the sin--and thus have the benefit of what you can offer financially--or she can choose to break her vow and continue in sin--and one of the costs of that choice is that she does NOT get what you can offer financially. Now, ithoughtiwas, she is going to squeal at this. I warn you now she will be mad, pitch a fit, and say you are being controlling--but nothing could be further from the truth. She is COMPLETELY FREE to decide for herself. So when she pulls out that just remember that it is a lie to get you to go back to doing what she wants...and doing what she wants is NOT what is best for her right now. The very best, most loving thing you can do for her right now is to guide her back to a godly life!!!!

As a father you do have a duty to provide FOR YOUR SON and provide to the best of your ability. In the service they have certain laws and rules about these things that you will have to uphold. These are things you will have to do. But when you provide for your son, you buy him the clothes he needs; you pay rent directly to the landlord; you pay the doctor bill directly or the heat bill to keep him warm. If she wants to stay apart from you it is HER JOB to care for herself. Okay? And if she squeals it is because sinning hurts and it hurts a lot!

Faithfully,


~FaithfulWife

 

[Autumnleaf]

From the time that I told her that she had a budget and she was going to stick to it has been about 2 weeks. She stuck to it pretty close. It may have been because I removed all the extra money. She is very honest when she wants to talk about these things. I don't think that she is doing anything to be vindictive or intentional.
Yes I am mad about this. Yes I don't want to be broke when I get home. Remember WWJD? That is where I am. I have a thousand and one reasons to cut her off. But I have one reason not to. So, WWJD?

Jesus would not have gotten married in the first place. He ducked that bullet.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Faithful wife-I don't think there's any other man involved.