Separated

[ChristianMama84]

Well, I've been "seperated" from my husband for six weeks in the sense that I've been 800 miles away visiting my friends and family. However, we've only been talking about getting divorced for a week or so. I've been praying on what to do and this morning I woke up knowing the right thing is to divorce my husband. It hasn't been an easy decision because I still care for him, but after everything he's put me through I don't love him. I can't go into details, it's too hard. Anyway I know I'll get my son after everything we've been through, I'm sure of that. We've been married 4 years now, I never would have thought it would end like this.

 

[captiveheart]

It's always discouraging to me to see ppl who have been here for a long time that seem to get to the point where they are considering a divorce. It's reality I guess, but it is disturbing none the less. We can pray for you and ask God to comfort you, lead you and guide you and draw you ever closer to Him.

 

[ChristianMama84]

What do you mean by, It's always discouraging to me to see ppl who have been here for a long time that seem to get to the point where they are considering a divorce. It's reality I guess, but it is disturbing none the less.? Just wondering how to take this part. Thank you for praying, I definately need it.

 

[RobinRedbreast]

Praying for you hun. My first marriage ended when I was 24 going on 25 so I know what it's like to be staring down divorce at a young age. There's a life after divorce, a great life that was made for you, so just keep your head up. God has plans for you.

 

[FaithfulWife]

You know, I can't speak for captiveheart, but I would sort of second what he says, and here's what *I* mean by it.

Do I think you've made the "wrong" decision or any of that? NO. I'm not there, hon, and I don't honestly know all that you've gone through, so I don't feel like I'm in a place to decide that. You ARE there and you do know all that you've gone through, so I trust you. But I know you are a Christian, and you've been here at CF for a long time, so yep, it hurts to see a marriage end. Yep I know that you know that God loves marriage and that it's for life, so I KNOW you don't make a decision like this lightly...but it's still sad and it still hurts.

In my first marriage, my spouse was unfaithful more than once and was emotionally, mentally, verbally and physically abusive. It was a VERY toxic marriage! And yet I do believe that under ideal circumstances G-d would have preferred for my first husband to soften his heart and humbly come before Him to ask for forgiveness...and then seek to change his ways! But that is not what happened. He chose to keep his heart hard and the price was his family. That doesn't mean it wasn't wise to divorce or even something that I believe G-d allowed. It just means that any time a divorce occurs and a family is broken, it's a sad event.

Okay? I'm very sorry that this has happened to you and that you hurt enough to reach this conclusion--and like I said I know you don't make it lightly but after much thought and prayer and soul-searching. I do that G-d will bless you and keep you as you continue to pursue Him and do His will, and I do that you will finally find peace and love in your little family.


~Faithful

 

[Autumnleaf]

Why do you think God can't help you stay married when he seems to despise divorce?

 

[ChristianMama84]

Praying for you hun. My first marriage ended when I was 24 going on 25 so I know what it's like to be staring down divorce at a young age. There's a life after divorce, a great life that was made for you, so just keep your head up. God has plans for you.

Thank you!!

I am happy to announce we are going to seek counseling and try to get this mess worked out. There is a job opening near our beloved former church, so I'm hoping God will open up a housing opportunity and we can attend counseling with our former pastor. I know it's going to be difficult, but at least we can say we honestly tried if we can't save our marriage. Please keep on praying for us, I know the hard times are not over yet.

 

[MyKidsDaddy]

My wife moved out 3 months ago. Claimed she wasn't happy. We had been arguing quite a bit. She had started her 3rd affair. Not sure if the first one was physical, but know for sure that the second one was. She started emailing #2 again and i had asked her to stop. I finally called him and told him to get out of the picture. He actually did. So she replaced him with #3. Not sure if #3 got physicall...but I called her out on her behavior and she basically said we were over. The best part right now is that she left our two youngest boys with me. She has them about one night a week. She works evenings as a waitress but really has not been much of a mom since her 1st affair. Right now I'm waffling on whether to file for divorce. And venting a bit. Our oldest three have great relationships with me and are quite upset with their mother's behavior.

 

[5kidsdad]

It is always tough to try and figure what to do. My separation this time is going on 6 months. We had a separation a few years ago. I worked and worked then, and she tried then, but fell short. We did reconcile, but not working on the issues together really hurt us. By not relaying a good foundation, this time it fell apart. We argued and fought, but still I feel we loved each other. I know I was willing to give my life for her if I needed to, as with my kids. This time seemed to happen so suddenly, within a week or two. finally, she asked me to leave. I discovered there was an affair between her and a friend of hers. For the past few months, I have been (if you have been on my other posts) trying to decide through prayer and fasting, what to do. My therapist, who is a christian, asked me this question, can you ever be with her again, and not invision what she has done, and who she was with. I honestly can't at this point. Infidelity is hard for me, it has happened in my family, and I dealt with it as a kid. I also dated a woman in my 20's who was cheating on me, and didn't know until after we broke up. So there is some history for me there. But that is my own personal battle there. I guess that each person must seek the answer from God in their own way, and then go from there. Personally I am seeking a divorce, and trying to get the custody of my 5 children. What may be my answer may not be yours. If, IF each party is willing to try and work through the problems honestly, then there is a chance for God to step in and work on your hearts. Of course, each party has to be willing to be honest with each other, and most of all themselves. My STBX is unwilling to admit to her unfaithfulness, along with other issues she has had. I will, and have admitted to mine. If you can't be willing to admit the problem, then there is no way to work to a solution.

ChristianMama, I hope for the very best for you. At the outset, it seems that you are both willing to work at it. Good for you, and allow God to work in your hearts. It is infinitely better to try and work things out. May God reach in both your hearts and minds, and provide a way of healing to work in your marriage.

God bless,

5kidsdad

 

[FaithfulWife]

Christianmama~

I wanted to offer you this encouragement, sister. I'm happy that the two of you have decided to seek counseling and I would very much so encourage you to honestly and humbly admit what may have been parts you contributed and to work whole-heartedly on things "on your side of the street." Then honestly and lovingly also realize the things that are NOT yours to bear but are his and leave it between him and G-d to work on the things that are "on HIS side of the street." If both partners do that, I've seen marriages that can be reconciled from all kinds of hurt, betrayal and sin. However, if he chooses to harden his heart and refuses to work on the things "on his side of the street" you will be able to move forward in G-d's will KNOWING that you actually honored your vow and that you were not the one to break the covenant.

Trust me when I say, it does take a degree of humility before G-d to admit the things that are yours and not to say, "Yeah but he (insert grievous sin here)." When all is said and done, to be able to hold up your head and in all good conscience say, "I honestly and actually did the work that needed to be done and I was not the one to break this covenant" means a LOT! I think you will be happy you did, no matter how it works out. And I petition the Lord on High to hear our prayers and soften your dear hubby's heart so he can get right with G-d and become the man G-d intends for him to be and the husband G-d loves.

I'll be for you both, and I think you made a very wise decision.


~Faithful