"self-saboteurs" anonymous program?

[Augustinosia]

Hi, I was wondering if there is a 12-step program that deals specifically with: procrastination, avoiding people and social situations, using internet as an "escape" from unpleasant/disliked responsibilities, negative thinking/mentally beating yourself up and other self-sabotaging behaviors? Thanks!

 

[epluribus36]

Hi Deborah! 12-step programs are designed to treat symptoms of "wrong" thinking by getting at the root of the behavior.

Like in my case, it wasn't so much that I used to use drugs, the question that needed to be asked and confronted, was why did I find it necessary to use drugs to make life livable?

I used to avoid my wife and kids by retreating to my basement and using drugs and alcohol. Then I began to see how isolated from all of society I could possibly become, because I saw everyone else as the problem. I've learned in the ensuing 7 years or so, that I was the problem, or actually, my behavior was the problem.

I hope this may help?

 

[Augustinosia]

Hi Deborah! 12-step programs are designed to treat symptoms of "wrong" thinking by getting at the root of the behavior.

Like in my case, it wasn't so much that I used to use drugs, the question that needed to be asked and confronted, was why did I find it necessary to use drugs to make life livable?

I used to avoid my wife and kids by retreating to my basement and using drugs and alcohol. Then I began to see how isolated from all of society I could possibly become, because I saw everyone else as the problem. I've learned in the ensuing 7 years or so, that I was the problem, or actually, my behavior was the problem.

I hope this may help?

Hi epluribus36, thanks for that. I think I understand what you're saying about how 12-step groups are designed to help you see the 'why' behind your addiction, in order to confront and overcome it.

However, all the 12-step groups I know of focus on substance addictions and directly harmful behaviors like sexual addiction and self-harm. Where do you go when you have an addiction or compulsion to behaviors of a more 'passive-aggressive' nature? They may not be as directly destructive or socially unacceptable as an alcohol or pornography addiction, but over time they have just as detrimental an effect on work and life functioning and relationships.

Thanks again
Deborah

 

[MadamImAdaminChrist]

Hi, I was wondering if there is a 12-step program that deals specifically with: procrastination, avoiding people and social situations, using internet as an "escape" from unpleasant/disliked responsibilities, negative thinking/mentally beating yourself up and other self-sabotaging behaviors? Thanks!

Hmm, Deborah--reading your description is like looking into a mirror!
I also struggle with those things, but I have an additional issue that is NOT as destructive--food addiction/gluttony--but it helps me get into therapeutic (yet not worldly), Christ-centered healing process. I am hoping that the things I learn in these programs I can then transfer to my "avoidance" issues.
I am currently reading books by Neil Anderson and Mike Quarles about addiction as well as doing "Setting the Captives Free" program online (it is free!) for my food problems.

I am seeing freedom. It is exciting. I wish there were something more specific for my avoidance problem, but like I said, I am hoping that I will be able to transfer these teachings to my other issues in life!

 

[epluribus36]

There's a program called "Celebrate Recovery" that's helped me quite a bit, to get me back into socializing through a church and activities connected to that. They purport to help folks who are struggling with "hurts, habits and hangups", and they are a Christ-based 12-step program.

I personally lean more toward the traditional secular 12-step programs for staying sober and stuff like that, but everybody's different.

I really think that whatever one's problem(s) may be, any 12-step program will help. I'd almost guarantee it ain't gonna hurt!

I see people all the time who are addicted to putting others down to make themselves feel better, or similar hang-ups, and I think how they could benefit from a 12-step program. A lot of times they won't consider the problem, because they "don't have a drug or alcohol problem."

 

[epluribus36]

Deborah, you might want to try this book:

Life's Healing Choices: Freedom from Your Hurts, Hang-ups, and Habits: John Baker, Rick Warren: 9781476726588: Amazon.com: Books

Now I'm gonna shut up. I feel like I'm being pushy, and I know how I used to hate people trying to push me into things before I got sober.

 

[RuthD]

Dealing with your feelings may be a part of what's happening with you. There is a 12 step group called Emotions Anonymous you might want to check out. All the best to you and have a Merry Christmas. Praying for you.

 

[If Not For Grace]

Several groups have a heavy focus on "self-care" and the issues you list, even though in my experience ALL of the 12-Step groups deal with these topics from time to time.

As Ruth points out there is EA but others include Al-Anon, ACOA, CODA and OA.

I might suggest you attend an open meeting of any group that meets in your area to gain insight and or as a source of meeting times/places for groups that meet your specific focus needs. I have found Most all recovery are familiar with their "cousins" that are in their various locals