Self righteous anger from victims of narcissistic abuse

[mama2one]

tmi

 

[Mark Quayle]

with the narcissist the lack of love isnt spiritual in nature its psychological

If it's sin, it's spiritual.

Also, not all narcissism is because of abuse. Human nature prefers self-determination, and as a result, any form of boosting of the ego.

 

[spiritfilledjm]

What I've noticed, from all the folks on the internet complaining about their past relationships with people they claim are narcissistic, is that the complainer is just as much to blame for the relationship and is as much as a narcissist as the person they are complaining about.

 

[mama2one]

is that the complainer is just as much to blame for the relationship and is as much as a narcissist as the person they are complaining about.

how are children to blame for the emotional abuse and/or physical abuse they suffered at the hands of their parents?

now they're adults in therapy trying to heal after spending their whole life trying to obtain love from dysfunction parents

despite their efforts to help their now elderly parents, the parents are still abusive and unable to form a relationship with their adult offspring

they also think they were the perfect parents & are unable to see the damage they caused

 

[Ligurian]

Just accepting their abusive behavior is not healthy either. Since pride and an inflated sense of self is part of it, that pride needs to be addressed. Since pride blinds, they won't see it to repent unless confronted. It would not be loving to just let them go destroy themselves.

What I've noticed, from all the folks on the internet complaining about their past relationships with people they claim are narcissistic, is that the complainer is just as much to blame for the relationship and is as much as a narcissist as the person they are complaining about.

hand-in-hand
Alcoholism And Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Now what?

 

[Mark Quayle]

how are children to blame for the emotional abuse and/or physical abuse they suffered at the hands of their parents?

now they're adults in therapy trying to heal after spending their whole life trying to obtain love from dysfunction parents

despite their efforts to help their now elderly parents, the parents are still abusive and unable to form a relationship with their adult offspring

they also think they were the perfect parents & are unable to see the damage they caused

While I understand the need/tendency to overgeneralize to make a point, there are many forms of, and reasons for, narcissism —not all are because of psychological abuse by parents.

But what I think spiritfilledjm was saying, and I agree with, is a simple observation (that should fit with your thesis, because child abuse has a tendency to be cyclical), that those who (whether by child abuse or other reasons) are narcissistic are quick to point out narcissism in others. Often (no, not always, by any means) when I hear or read of an adult currently in a bad situation with an abusive spouse, still living with 'abusive' parents, etc, I can't help but be skeptical of what their point-of-view puts across.

Also some people who are not what we might consider narcissistic, still are as much at fault in a bad relationship as the person/people they consider the abuser. But in one sense I consider many who simply come across as dogmatic to be narcissistic: they certainly seem to think more highly of themselves than they ought.

But by my standard I will be measured.

Everybody interprets what they experience —it is unavoidable. In fact, I expect we have all heard someone even remembering 'the exact words' of a conversation wrongly, remembering 'what they heard'.

 

[mama2one]

But what I think spiritfilledjm was saying, and I agree with, .

when I started graduate school, I was considering being a counselor
changed to a different major but still read/interested in these topics

sorry, if I interjected too much on this thread...signing off it

 

[bèlla]

This is a strange thread. When we've suffered injury at the hands of others there's a healing process and anger is part of it. To propose they shouldn't be angry due to the harm and abuse they've suffered is wrong. Nor should we defend narcissists and turn a blind eye to their behavior.

The majority who fall in their clutches will be subjected to mental abuse. Endless periods of gaslighting and accusations that seek to upset their equilibrium and make them question themselves, reality, and their sanity.

Irrespective of the reasons for the narcissist's behavior. The results are toxic and damaging. We can't ignore that. I've been on the receiving end of questionable remarks by people suffering from mental health maladies. Their condition doesn't minimize my humanity or the fact I'm not their whipping post.

There's a fine line between compassion and destruction. I don't offer myself up for ruination nor does the Lord require it. My well-being is equally important and oftentimes the best solution is separation or avoidance.

~bella

 

[Gregory Thompson]

yet God is sovereign

Does not follow.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

Now what?

It's called healthy boundaries. If people are being disrespectful or abusive, and no amount of reasoning curbs the behavior, then just walk away and have nothing to do with them.

 

[bèlla]

Slander: n. oral defamation, in which someone tells one or more persons an untruth about another which untruth will harm the reputation of the person defamed.

Admitting abuse isn't slander.

And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. —John 8:32

 

[Mark Quayle]

Slander: n. oral defamation, in which someone tells one or more persons an untruth about another which untruth will harm the reputation of the person defamed.

Admitting abuse isn't slander.

And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. —John 8:32

Even telling the actions of the abuser, accusing the abuser, whether the abuser is alive or dead, not merely admitting abuse against oneself, is not slander, if the abuse did happen.

Edit: This does not mean the accusing is always justified —just that it is not slander. There is a place for 'covering the offense' of another.

 

[Ligurian]

It's called healthy boundaries. If people are being disrespectful or abusive, and no amount of reasoning curbs the behavior, then just walk away and have nothing to do with them.

Matthew 10:6-7 And as ye go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven is at hand. 14 And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

Matthew 10:6-7 And as ye go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven is at hand. 14 And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.

But when they opposed Paul and became abusive, he shook out his clothes in protest and said to them, “Your blood be on your own heads! I am innocent of it. From now on I will go to the Gentiles.”
(Acts of the Apostles 18:6)

 

[BenCollyer91]

But when they opposed Paul and became abusive, he shook out his clothes in protest and said to them, “Your blood be on your own heads! I am innocent of it. From now on I will go to the Gentiles.”
(Acts of the Apostles 18:6)

refering to rejecting the gospel

 

[Gregory Thompson]

refering to rejecting the gospel

Nope referring to "when they opposed Paul and became abusive"

 

[thesunisout]

These days the internet is rife with victims of abuse demonising narcissists, the narrative is judgemental and not seasoned with grace at all, personality disorders are invariably a result of severe childhood trauma, but this fact means nothing to the angry, vindictive survivors.

Ephesians 4:31

get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

I see this as self righteous, the antidote to this world is christ, only by his spirit can we truly love people, only he can heal their wounds, only he can help survivors to see the perpetrators through Gods eyes, as precious souls that he is willing to save, or if the perpetrator is a believer, as a precious adopted child of God

Living with a person who has NPD can be so uniquely destructive to a healthy persons mind that they had to coin the term "Narcissistic Abuse" to describe what it is. Narcissistic abuse is so severe it can cause personality disorders in other people, especially children. Anyone who has been the recipient of narcissistic abuse will often have a form of PTSD from the experience. So it can be understandable why people may demonize the narcissist and psychopath for wasting years or decades of their lives. That isn't a biblical perspective, I agree, but it is coming from a real place of profound hurt and frustration and also a deep sense of betrayal in finding out they have been the recipients of narcissistic abuse which includes things like reactive abuse, toxic amnesia and gas lighting along with all of the other mental, emotional and sometimes even physical abuse.

 

[thesunisout]

with the narcissist the lack of love isnt spiritual in nature its psychological, the lack of empathy stems from being unable to empathize with their own pain, and so the decision to abandon the narcissist is a double blow, as the love of their spouse represented their only chance to be offered the love they so lacked as children

If it is possible to break off a narcissistic relationship then you should. If it is impossible then you should distance yourself as much as possible.

 

[Mark Quayle]

Does not follow.

Why not? God's sovereignty has everything to do with all aspects of life, I think. Everything is for a reason —God's purpose in every situation. That doesn't eliminate personal responsibility nor even the need to protect oneself.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

Why not? God's sovereignty has everything to do with all aspects of life, I think. Everything is for a reason —God's purpose in every situation. That doesn't eliminate personal responsibility nor even the need to protect oneself.

This doesn't apply. Human free will, and God's sovereignty, are parallel concepts. This is why we are instructed to pray in this manner: May thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven, because it isn't.