Self righteous anger from victims of narcissistic abuse

[BenCollyer91]

These days the internet is rife with victims of abuse demonising narcissists, the narrative is judgemental and not seasoned with grace at all, personality disorders are invariably a result of severe childhood trauma, but this fact means nothing to the angry, vindictive survivors.

Ephesians 4:31

get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

I see this as self righteous, the antidote to this world is christ, only by his spirit can we truly love people, only he can heal their wounds, only he can help survivors to see the perpetrators through Gods eyes, as precious souls that he is willing to save, or if the perpetrator is a believer, as a precious adopted child of God

 

[Gregory Thompson]

It may very well be that the term "Healthy Boundaries" was invented because of narcissists.

Narcissists are abusive because they have been abused, but that does not condone their behavior.

 

[mama2one]

follow

 

[BenCollyer91]

It may very well be that the term "Healthy Boundaries" was invented because of narcissists.

Narcissists are abusive because they have been abused, but that does not condone their behavior.

But their behaviour also doesn't condone malice and bitterness, Jesus is the antidote

 

[Gregory Thompson]

But their behaviour also doesn't condone malice and bitterness, Jesus is the antidote

Sure, each person has their own responsibility to be sanctified individually. However, that doesn't let the narcissists off the hook. The item of narcissists that stands out the most is a lack of empathy. Since the core Christian teaching is to treat others the way you would like to be treated, and narcissists cannot do that - this is a matter of having a huge log in your eye, trying to remove a speck of sawdust from another person's eye - and slapping them upside the head with the log in your own eye.

The narcissist is the root of the issue, so needs to fix their own issues before telling others what to do.

 

[BenCollyer91]

Sure, each person has their own responsibility to be sanctified individually. However, that doesn't let the narcissists off the hook. The item of narcissists that stands out the most is a lack of empathy. Since the core Christian teaching is the treat others the way you would like to be treated, and narcissists cannot do that - this is a matter of having a huge log in your eye, trying to remove a speck of sawdust from another person's eye - and slapping them upside the head with the log in your own eye.

The narcissist is the root of the issue, so needs to fix their own issues before telling others what to do.

with the narcissist the lack of love isnt spiritual in nature its psychological, the lack of empathy stems from being unable to empathize with their own pain, and so the decision to abandon the narcissist is a double blow, as the love of their spouse represented their only chance to be offered the love they so lacked as children

 

[Gregory Thompson]

with the narcissist the lack of love isnt spiritual in nature its psychological, the lack of empathy stems from being unable to empathize with their own pain, and so the decision to abandon the narcissist is a double blow, as the love of their spouse represented their only chance to be offered the love they so lacked as children

Just accepting their abusive behavior is not healthy either. Since pride and an inflated sense of self is part of it, that pride needs to be addressed. Since pride blinds, they won't see it to repent unless confronted. It would not be loving to just let them go destroy themselves.

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[BenCollyer91]

Just accepting their abusive behavior is not healthy either. Since pride and an inflated sense of self is part of it, that pride needs to be addressed. Since pride blinds, they won't see it to repent unless confronted. It would not be loving to just let them go destroy themselves.

Then we have to ponder, if narcissism is a result of being neglected and abused as a child, how can pride be the root issue? how does that tie in to the path of healing? how can someone repent of being abused and find healing especially with a pathological disorder, is there any hope for the narcissist?

 

[mama2one]

What You Should Know About Narcissistic Personality Disorder.


can be caused by excessive praise
parental overindulgence

not necessarily from abuse

 

[Gregory Thompson]

Then we have to ponder, if narcissism is a result of being neglected and abused as a child, how can pride be the root issue? how does that tie in to the path of healing? how can someone repent of being abused and find healing especially with a pathological disorder, is there any hope for the narcissist?

I looked this up to ensure we're talking about the same thing.

"Narcissistic personality disorder (narcissism) is diagnosed using The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) criteria. A person must meet five of nine of the following traits for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder.

1. A grandiose sense of self-importance
2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. Belief that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
4. Requires excessive admiration
5. Has a sense of entitlement
6. Is interpersonally exploitative – takes advantage of others
7. Lacks empathy
8. Envies others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors and attitudes"

https://www.emedicinehealth.com/what_are_the_nine_traits_of_a_narcissist/article_em.htm

So the issue here is, there is sin, it results in the person hurting or exploiting others. In the view of a narcissist, people putting up with the abuse and praising them is their definition of love, but this is not Godly. Thus this cannot be tolerated.

Love first needs to be demonstrated, through healthy boundaries, and then they can play with others if they demonstrate an ability to respect other's personal boundaries.

Since they did not learn this, it needs to be taught through the punishment reward method since it was not learned as a child. Since this is a pride related disorder, they may protest at being treated as a child when an adult, but the disorder represents invalid and harmful thought processes and needs to be replaced.

If you need help, you just have to accept the help, and part of that help is deflating that grandiose sense of self.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

What You Should Know About Narcissistic Personality Disorder.


can be caused by excessive praise
parental overindulgence

not necessarily from abuse

And some people are just born that way.

Good point.

 

[BenCollyer91]

I looked this up to ensure we're talking about the same thing.

"Narcissistic personality disorder (narcissism) is diagnosed using The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) criteria. A person must meet five of nine of the following traits for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder.

1. A grandiose sense of self-importance
2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. Belief that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
4. Requires excessive admiration
5. Has a sense of entitlement
6. Is interpersonally exploitative – takes advantage of others
7. Lacks empathy
8. Envies others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors and attitudes"

https://www.emedicinehealth.com/what_are_the_nine_traits_of_a_narcissist/article_em.htm

So the issue here is, there is sin, it results in the person hurting or exploiting others. In the view of a narcissist, people putting up with the abuse and praising them is their definition of love, but this is not Godly. Thus this cannot be tolerated.

Love first needs to be demonstrated, through healthy boundaries, and then they can play with others if they demonstrate an ability to respect other's personal boundaries.

Since they did not learn this, it needs to be taught through the punishment reward method since it was not learned as a child. Since this is a pride related disorder, they may protest at being treated as a child when an adult, but the disorder represents invalid and harmful thought processes and needs to be replaced.

If you need help, you just have to accept the help, and part of that help is deflating that grandiose sense of self.

its not that simple

 

[BenCollyer91]

And some people are just born that way.

Good point.

No one is born that way, all personality disorders are a result of poor parenting

 

[Gregory Thompson]

its not that simple

Pride is a tricky sin to minister to, I would agree.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

No one is born that way, all personality disorders are a result of poor parenting

That's not true. You could have one sibling that is normal, and the other that is overly selfish, and they got the same upbringing. There is more to the equation than carnal psychology, and causal relationships. God and the life He breathes into us needs to be part of the equation.

 

[BenCollyer91]

That's not true. You could have one sibling that is normal, and the other that is overly selfish, and they got the same upbringing. There is more to the equation than carnal psychology, and causal relationships. God and the life He breathes into us needs to be part of the equation.

thats probably due to family systems theory, every child in a family dynamic plays a different role in a dysfunctional family, and recieves different treatment from the parents

 

[Gregory Thompson]

thats probably due to family systems theory, every child in a family dynamic plays a different role in a dysfunctional family, and recieves different treatment from the parents

Doubt it.

Churches tend to be full of narcissists and a few punching bags for good measure, so this won't be resolved over night.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

Everyone in the faith needs to overcome their past, this appeal to "special treatment" is part of the disorder, no need to enable.

 

[BenCollyer91]

Everyone in the faith needs to overcome their past, this appeal to "special treatment" is part of the disorder, no need to enable.

yet God is sovereign