self esteem and negativism

[BlackPanther]

Does anyone have any ideas about becoming more "positive"?
I find that in everything I look for the worst. Sometimes this is good but alot of times it is harmful. I'd like to change.

 

[Christ Aficionado]

Here are just some thoughts off the top of my head:

• Read the Bible before you go to bed. Having positive thoughts before you sleep is helpful.
• Pray
• Start working for a charity, nursing home, etc.
• Take a bad experience and look for someting positive in it that will make your life better. Think of it as a lesson.
• After thinking of a negative thought, try to interrupt it with a positive one (Jesus is what I use).
• Set some realistic goals for yourself and follow through with them.
• Eat well and excercise. Personally, excercise gets a lot of stress out of my system and it makes me feel better, which in turn helps me think more positive.
• If you are having a bad experience then just think that there are people out there that have it a lot worse than you do.

 

[RMB62]

You could also start each day by writing down at least five things you are thankful for.

 

[brokenbananas]

Bump on the other posts.

There are the things I do to remain positive on a continual basis.

1. Put God first.
2. Pray without ceasing.
3. Seek to better know God and His will for your life.
3. I use EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to help me physically and mentally/emotionally. I combine this energy psychology method with pray and use a Christian spin/twist on this.
4. Continually study the Bible & claim it for your life.
5. Be around positive people (if you cannot or work around really negative people, then you will be challenged by this)
6. Learn from every single situation and person you meet, whether it is positive or good. Always look as situations as opportunities to learn, grow despite any super challenges that may come.
7. Read books about people who have overcome great obstacles in their lives to be successful.
8. Surround yourself with positive influences where possible.
9. Eliminate things that drag you down -- watching violent TV shows, being around people who drag you down, reading/seeing things that are negative.
10. I hate to say this, but in some of the forums/posts in CF, the general focus is very negative, helpless, self-pity, struggling....I would stay away from such posts. I'm not saying to not pray for people, as you should, but I have a lot of people that depend on me to be positive and accomplish a great deal. Typically, I'll briefly look at some posts but have to ignore a lot of them because I found when I got too involved, it sucked me into this same hole of misery they are in.
11. Refuse to be around negative, cannot do it, nay sayers.
12. Eat right for your body & activities.
13. Get enough good sleep.
14. Manage stress physically & mentally daily.
15. Lead a balanced life.
16. Do things that are fulfilling.
17. Be thankful for everything.
18. Do not complain, but find every situation beneficial no matter what others say.
19. Do not be lazy.
20. Do things that you enjoy.
21. Do not worry what others will think.
22. Do not keep up with the Jones'.
23. Don't sweat the small stuff..or even the large things.
24. Live and enjoy every day of your life. You never know when it will be your last.
25. Live with no regrets.
26. Live below your financial means.
27. Be generous financially.
28. Be emotionally transparent.
29. Prioritize...learn to say no. Do not over commit yourself.
30. Learn to recognize everything is not important and really that it's usually not that big of a deal.
31. Be honest.
32. Keep good relationships.
33. Be caring & loving.
34. Set appropriate boundaries.
35. Change your perspective on how you view things. Whatever you feed your mind, that's what you become.

I'm happy about every single day. Life is great. Good and bad things happen to me, but I choose to see everything as a learning experience. God is great. I'm learning so much and every day, life is so much fun. I practice all these 35 things and more every single day.

Be Encouraged & Blessed,
Doris

 

[BlackPanther]

I constantly think I am not good enough. This sucks joy out of life.

 

[malachia]

in a scense we will never be that is why Christ died for us, and he is working in us untill completion day, don't base everything on feelings, because at times feeling are deceiving and irrelevant. Take everythought captive to the obedience of Christ and don't isolate yourself, find accountablity to help you think on the right things, things that are true and not the lies that are told to you or that you think are you.

 

[brokenbananas]

I constantly think I am not good enough. This sucks joy out of life.

That is totally false. Do take every thought captive (2 Cor 10:5). God loved you so much that He sent Christ to die for your sins. You are so loved and so valuable.

You have to choose to do something about it or not. Many people will just want excuses to feel sorry for themselves and do nothing. You can choose that, or you can choose to do something about it. Will it be easy. It will be a challenge, but all things are possible through Christ.

Just to give you a short background on me. I grew up in a perfectionistic, obsessive compulsive, high expectations home. My parents were often verbally abusive (never thinking this would impact my self-esteem). Though I got my engineering degree (barely), I still felt like a failure....so, I became an overachiever, being very critical. Though outwardly I seemed successful, inwardly, I never felt like I was good enough or would measure up. My parents constantly reinforced that and I believed it. My lack of self-esteem led me to make some very poor choices which led me to adultery, the demise of my first marriage, pregnancy out of wedlock, and remarriage too early. This was between up until I was 32.

In my 2nd marriage, we were headed down a dark, downward spiral. In both of my marriages, we all are Christians. In 2001, just after my 1st anniversary of my 2nd marriage, I was introduced to EFT (referred to in my prior post). I was desperate to change my situation because things were real, real bad and it looked like I was headed towards a 2nd divorce...this time with a baby. Although EFT sounded weird, I said what the heck. My company paid for 10 sessions for me to go to a therapist that specialized in the EFT. It was an easy technique to learn and I was immediately able to see results on some things. Over the past 3.5 yrs, I have combined this technique with prayer, seeking God to help me find out what all the different issues in my life are that I need to deal with.

I no longer have self-esteem issues. Though life isn't perfect for me, I'm able to happily face each day with great joy. I KNOW who I am in Christ. I no longer feel bad about myself. I easily set good boundaries in my relationships. And, people can't guilt me into things. All the things in my list, I learned how to do.

The thing is, you need to figure out why you do not feel like you are good enough and mentally/physically eliminate them from you. If you know, but do not eliminate the physical aspects from your body, then, the chances of changing are very difficult. It's like an addiction. Often times addiction is dealt with either physically or mentally, but not both. Or, they use things that have side effects, like drugs. EFT allows you to address these things both physically and mentally, breaking the negative cycle. You can find out more about this at www.emofree.com. I would have to warn that the creator of EFT is not a Christian. However, I take the technique he teaches and put a Christian, godly twist to it. There are many things that non-Christians have created that mankind has benefitted from.

This will take work to figure out what all these are. You can also perhaps find an EFT therapist in your area. I think the emofree site allows you to do such a search. If there are none, you can go to a regular therapist/counselor and they can help you identify the root causes for how you feel about your low self-esteem and you can use the EFT combined with the counseling to eliminate these thoughts from you permanently.

I feel like this huge burden/weight has been lifting from me for the past 3.5 yrs. It's great to feel empowered to live this abundant life in Christ. I've been so depressed and down in the dumps for most of my life. I will never be like that again, and no one can take away the joy and abundant life I have in Christ now because I truly understand who I am in Christ, as much as a person can.

So, really you can take this information and continue to make excuses...or, you can do something about it. It's your choice. You have been given enough information to help you get a good self-esteem and understand how much God loves you and to know it deep down in your heart, not just intellectually. I don't know it all, but I've been through so much, and I have overcome because I was open and willing to learn, be patient, continually work at it, and allow God to work. It takes work. A lot of work. You can do it. Anyone can!!! It's just a choice..and you make one choice at a time.

Do you dare move? What is the cost if you don't?

God Bless You,
Doris

 

[MQTA]

Check out some books or tapes by Dr. Wayne Dyer. I think you'll enjoy his manner of writing. His early books help with just these kinds of issues.

 

[BlackPanther]

Thank you for the advice.

 

[sandman]

Dittos to the previous threads

I constantly think I am not good enough. This sucks joy out of life.

As you stated previous this is a self–esteem issue and in the least common denominator it comes down to not loving yourself. This is where the negativism comes into play, but I will go into that later. Until you get over this hump you will never be able to walk in the fullness or greatness of what God has called you to; trust me I know I wore those shoes at one time.

I am going to suggest to you what I was told to do many years ago by probably the most respected man in the field of sales and positive believing. I was told to get a mirror {full length} and put it up in a place where I would be undisturbed. {What he really meant was put it up in a place where others will not comment on what you are doing} With the list we made I was to stand in front of the mirror for 10 minutes in the morning and 10 in the evening and confess out loud what was on the list. Purpose being, was to get what was on the paper, into the heart of believing; the following are some of the things that were on the list..

I love myself, I am a great person, I am successful in whatever I do, I do not fail because God makes no failures, I can overcome any obstacles with the help of God, I will think positive in all situations, God has made me more then a conquer, I am the light of the world, The Word of God lives within me, I believe the Word of God, I am a great teacher of the Word, I teach with love, I walk in love, I walk with the power of God, It is Christ in me, I am meek, I am humble, I am thankful, I am giving, I am Gods masterpiece.

I would repeat each item on the list 20 times then move on to the next, going back to the beginning until my 10 minuets were up.

I still use this method today anytime I need improvement in an area of my life, of coarse it’s hard to improve on perfection …and that’s a joke



Matthew 12:34 O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.



Proverbs 4:23 Keep {guard} thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.

***The word heart in these verses is speaking of the inner most part of the mind, the seat of the personal life where believing emanates from.



It all starts with the mind …the thoughts you think {what you feed on} will be directly reflected in the way you view things, how you act, and what you speak.

What you speak will confirm what you think, and ultimately you will yield the result of your confession. As the saying goes “Your thoughts are the seeds for your words and deeds”

Because we always have the option of thinking either negative or positive we need to find the way to change thinking patterns.

Your mind is a beautiful thing it will listen to your command. When any seemingly insurmountable situation arises in your life you have those two options, negative confession or positive confession. By confessing the negative you will assure yourself of those results. Likewise by confessing the positive you will be setting in motion the things needed to achieve the positive results. By confessing the negative your mind will summons all the reasons to support that command, it will tell you why you can’t, why you shouldn’t, why there is no way, why it is impossible! …..By confessing the positive you are setting in motion your mind to find a way to achieve, to conquer, to believe, so you can do!!!.

What is confession? Confession as a Christian is saying out loud what the Bible says you are, and what the Bible says you have in Christ Jesus until you believe it in your heart. On the same token it is confessing out loud the positive thought in any given situation until you believe it in your heart {kardia}. What your are doing when you confess {speak out loud} the positive {even though in your mind your thinking just the opposite} is you are commanding your mind on which way to think.

You need to train your mind to think in terms of seeing the positive instead of the negative, this process is done by changing what you think. In other words controlling your thinking in light of the positive, seeing the glass half full sort of thing. You can practice this all day long on the little things............... is it partly cloudy or partly sunny. There is so much I could go into on this but I want to keep it short and practical.

Being negative is always wrong, it accomplishes nothing but negative results. As a side note: Being skeptical is not being negative. Personally I am skeptical of certain sincere people …it has always been the sincere people who have taken me, so when confronted with the situation, I just take a step back and ask my Father what is going on. Wise as serpents harmless as doves

Practice being positive – make a conscious effort in every situation to see the positive in a situation. It takes practice and work to think positive whereas thinking negative seems to be effortless sometimes. That is because you have trained your mind to think that way with much help from the world around us, which inundates us with the negatives every day through advertising, music, news, and people, we just need to shun the negatives and retrain our minds, that is the purpose of the mirror.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God Bless

sandman

 

[icxn]

The problem is that you trust your own thoughts; and there is nothing worse than to listen to and trust one's own thoughts:

Once, there was a man who claimed that he heard a bird constantly singing in one of his ears. He was telling everyone about it and as a matter of fact, he used to complain that he could not find peace of mind due to the loud singing of the bird. His relatives did not believe him, since they could not see any bird in his ear; he repeatedly tried to convince them, however, that he was hearing the singing of the bird in his ear. The relatives decided to consult a doctor who was a friend of them. The doctor suggested first to buy a bird in a cage and then call him to come and visit.

After they bought the bird, they called the doctor. When the doctor arrived, they gave him the bird and then told the patient that the doctor is here to examine what causes this singing in his ear.

While tactfully holding the bird in his hands, the doctor asked him what is wrong with him. He replied that he was hearing the singing of a bird in his ear. The doctor asked him again to show him his ear.

- Let me see, said the doctor.

While touching his ear, he looked inside it and said:

- Well, of course, there it is, a very small bird stuck inside your ear making you suffer. Hold on for a second, I will remove it.

The doctor pretended he was trying to remove it from his ear. Then he told him:

- There it is. Can you hear anything now?

The man answered happily:

- No, the singing stopped now! Thank you for coming doctor, because this bird was driving me crazy and everybody was making fun of me, as they did not believe a word I was saying.

icxn

PS. Bottom line is, find a good friend who has positive thoughts and he/she will teach you by his/her example.

 

[Samsara]

I once suffered terribly from low self-esteem. Today I am much better but it's a moment by moment reprieve as far as I am concerned. For 29 days I can be fine, have normal feelings of self, extend my hand to others being of service, maintain balance and prosperity, not taking things personally and can truly find the gifts in every thing, even the most negative.

Then day #30 might happen where I take an unintended slight and magnify it to feelings of unworthiness and despair. I have to take an inventory in these situations:

Have I been dishonest with myself somewhere? Did I have fear instead of relying upon God or the perfection in the positive flow of life? Have I been selfish or self-seeking where I did not mean to be? Is there something I am avoiding doing out of fear? Do I need to make an amends?

But these days it's more basic for me: Did I not set an appropriate boundary?
Did I not eat well for the day? Have I gotten too little sleep? Did I take out feelings of anger on someone?

I agree with the readings of Dr. Wayne Dyer. He's an inspiration. Also the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz which happened to be the first book I understood after I began tackling my self-esteem issues. I believe I need to read that small book once every year to keep me on balance.

There is a way to recover from the abyss and I encourage you to follow most of the suggestions I have seen and to yes, keep in mind that feelings are not facts. They are just feelings.

[Different than emotions, feelings are what we attach to some event usually provoked, in me, by a past relationship with a like event...triggering feelings of worthlessness. Example: You call me a bonehead. I don't get sad and appropriately express that I do not like that, but instead I may get overly sensitive, go internal instead, and feelings of despair and worthlessness settle in in remembering (subconciously?) that my mother (only an example Mom!) used to call me bonehead as she hit me over the head with a pot telling me I was good for nothing or stupid or whatever as a small child.]

Dr. Phil also has great messages on this subject and would *probably* say that low self-esteem is not born into us. We learn it from whatever messages we receive as children during the formative years. However, I cannot blame my Mom, in the example, 100% because she, too, had to have learned it...and I cannot blame my G.Mother in this case either, because she, too, learned it. The generational *curses* if you will. But even if I WOULD blame my Mother 100%...I need to take the 100% responsibility of healing myself. [A dry well cannot heal a dry well; a sick person cannot heal a sick person.]

I would need to find peace and resolution that I am enough period, no matter what happens in my moment to moment. So I recommend The Four Agreements [by Ruiz], books from Dr. Wayne Dyer, or Dr. Phil and/or books from Melody Beattie {ie, Codependent No More or Beyond Codependency}.

Many blessings as you journey toward high self-esteem. You're worth it and you are your own Blue Book value.

Samsara

 

[growingupinhim]

my input is: keep your eyes and thoughts on the Lord..trust him fully..and then live for him..to do whats pleasing to him (the bible is Gods insturction book)..put this into action:
Jesus
Others
Yourself

 

[King Element]

I constantly think I am not good enough. This sucks joy out of life.

You are exactly right. It does make life miserable when we think that way. I'd like to help if I can, because it can have dramatic life-changing consequences if you don't change your way of thinking. Let me give you my example:

I used to battle this very thing for years. I had low self esteem and it affected me more deeply than I ever expected. Sometimes when things were going well, I didn't have these thoughts. But I noticed that either when things were going really well or when things went really poorly that I would begin to have these same thoughts. I just thought they might get better on their own without doing anything about it. I got out of school, got married and even had a very respectable income. However, at the core I was unhappy. Even though I prayed every day, I wasn't happy. Last year, it all came to a screeching halt. My wife decided she wasn't happy being married to me, my career took a bad turn and I was suddenly unemployed. Financially, I nearly went bankrupt. It was as if I had 10 demons on my back. I started praying almost constantly for help from the Lord. I just prayed that God would help me take each day at a time. He did and eventually I have recovered almost completely from the bad circumstances. I have come to learn a few things about myself having faced very difficult situation:

1. I tend to worry more than I should.
2. If I stop exercising, I start getting moody.
3. I can make myself depressed by eating poorly.
4. I tend to look at the world in a negative way when I don't feel good.
5. When I start feeling depressed, I tend to think about things selfishly.

So I decided to start getting regular exercise and eating well balanced meals. I kept praying for God to bring the right people into my life to bring the right amount of positivity. These new people helped me to learn how to deal with life's challenges and how to think of others as much as myself. I started doing more charity work and that made a tremendous difference. I went to a class taught at a local church on managing finances in a Christian way. I started going to church regulary and getting involved in the programs. I started tithing and giving to those in need.

Even still, from time to time, I will lapse back into this way of thinking. However, it wasn't until I decided that the only thing in this world I can ever completely control is my mood and attitude. If I have a bad attitude about something, I nearly always get a bad outcome. If I rise above how I'm feeling and stop for a minute and pray for God to help me be the winner that he wants me to be, then I suddenly feel optimistic. A personal slogan I heard somewhere is: "it pays to be a winner!" and I repeat that in my mind until I start feeling better about myself. I also try and live according to the principle that I should try and find happiness in the simple things in life and try to be content no matter what my circumstances. I also have made it a point to not worry about anything right before bedtime. That way I get the sleep I need. I also have surrounded myself with positive people and I find that that rubs off on me.

I haven't read many of the other messages so I hope I'm not repeating what others have said; however, some things just bear repeating if that's the case.

Good luck and God Bless you!