self esteem and confidence issues...need help : (

[Pink Angel]

Hey everyone!


I have been introduced to a problem that I have that i HAVE to fix or else i am in deep trouble..

I have low self esteem issues and confidence issues...i need help i need some pointers. I have learned that if I dont love myself who will. So i need to learn to love myself for who I am. I have been reading Dr. Phil's new book Love Smart, bc it tells you how to build "The Character of You" which is realizing who you are and how to love yourself so others can love you. However, it is hard to take advice when he doesnt knwo my situation, bc in the book the advice is great but i feel its hard to fully take it in when it is a general topic meant to fit all women and not just me individually.

Now, I wouldnt say i am depressed or anything but there are days i just want to cry bc i am not who i should be and i am not where i should be in my life. I am 22 and still suck at an age that has self esteem issues....i am 22 i should know and love who i am by now, i should have dealt with this in HS but however i look back on those days...and i was a better person! I was more optimistic and confident and more outgoing, and when i was HS I think that appearance wise i am better off now, i mean i have my own look now, i have slimmed out and i know how to wear makeup and i know how to do my hair just right, i have lost some weight and am a lot thinner than i was my sr year. I dont get how when i dont think i was that pretty in HS how my self esteem was at a good level and now, that i know i look better than i did in HS and i am having issues....what is the difference that i missing here, shouldnt i be better off now? I need help

what can i do to be optimistic and to stop worrying so much....im a huge huge huge worry wort and it is really affecting my social life. What are some tips to get me to love me....has anyone gone through this? what did you do?

I just dont understand and random times when i am by myself....i want to cry....its not that i dont have friends and im afraid to be alone, but the times i AM alone and bymyself for thenight......i choose to be.......because we all need "me" time. Does anyone know what I am going through? Any advice? please I am open to anything and everything please help. Thank you for reading

 

[Canuckmom]

Study the Bible - look away from yourself and fallible men - the Lord Jesus is the only one that can really help you.

 

[aiki]

Hey, there!

Sounds like you're really concerned about yourself. Let me suggest a few things:

I have low self esteem issues and confidence issues...i need help i need some pointers. I have learned that if I dont love myself who will. So i need to learn to love myself for who I am.

Who will love you if you don't love yourself? Well, first off, you don't have a problem with loving yourself. If you didn't love yourself, you wouldn't be getting in knots about loving yourself more. It is because you do have plenty of positive feeling about yourself that you desire to have more. If you had truly lost all love for yourself, you wouldn't care one whit about your inner or outer condition.

Eph 5:29 - "For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church:"

What God wants in the matter of how you look upon yourself is for you to acknowledge that how and who He made you is good. He wants you to accept yourself as you are: tall or short, fat or slim, athletic or clumsy. The World bombards us with the idea that we need to be slimmer, smarter, prettier, stronger - whatever apparently positive thing we are not - and we need to be these things now. But all that God desires in this regard is that we joyfully accept how He has made us and in so doing acknowledge His excellence as our Creator.

Now, I wouldnt say i am depressed or anything but there are days i just want to cry bc i am not who i should be and i am not where i should be in my life.

Who says who and what you should be? If you're taking your standard from the World, you've set yourself up for failure. Quite frankly, God is largely unconcerned with how you look on the outside; He's focused on who you are inside.

I am 22 and still suck at an age that has self esteem issues....i am 22 i should know and love who i am by now, i should have dealt with this in HS but however i look back on those days...and i was a better person! I was more optimistic and confident and more outgoing, and when i was HS I think that appearance wise i am better off now, i mean i have my own look now, i have slimmed out and i know how to wear makeup and i know how to do my hair just right, i have lost some weight and am a lot thinner than i was my sr year. I dont get how when i dont think i was that pretty in HS how my self esteem was at a good level and now, that i know i look better than i did in HS and i am having issues....what is the difference that i missing here, shouldnt i be better off now? I need help

I don't think anyone actually gets a good understanding of his/herself until they have passed through their twenties -- and there are some for whom the process of self-understanding is longer.

Have you noticed that most of your focus in the above quotation is on the outward person? You mention having slimmed down (actually you say this twice), having learned to put on make-up, having got the hair thing down, and then you imply that with all these external improvements you ought to be more outgoing, you ought to feel better about yourself, but you don't. You're thinking that feeling good about yourself works from the outside in, but God says the reverse is true. When you're walking rightly with Him and living according to His Word, joy and peace and contentment will well up abundantly inside you and the beauty of your inward person will find reflection in your outward appearance.

At the heart of the matter is Pride. The World calls it "Self-Esteem." You want to be different than you are. But why? You've said yourself that you are an attractive woman. But this isn't enough. Pride drives you to more and it will make you unhappy until it is satisfied (which is to say, you will never be happy). What is wrong with being plump, or not wearing make-up? Nothing. Oh, but the World would have you believe that this isn't so. It appeals to your pride and says, "If you aren't slim, you are inferior to those who are. If you don't wear make-up all your flaws will show and you will be inferior to those whose flaws are hidden." Pride will not have it, of course. It will not, if it can be helped at all, be seen as less in any circumstance. And so you (and I), provoked by Pride, get caught up in avoiding any instance where we might be perceived as less than, or inferior to, the next person.

The World applauds the efforts of Pride, even going so far as to suggest that there is no love without it. But nothing could be farther from the Truth! Pride is the great Love Killer; it loves only itself. And the more one feeds Pride, the less capable they are of truly loving.

I know everything I'm saying runs contrary to what you've heard and doubtless believe. But examine the Word of God for yourself and you will see that I am right. No where in the Bible does God urge us to love ourselves more, to increase the esteem in which we hold ourselves.

Peace to you.

 

[Rhamiel]

make sure you go out with friends and family and do something, if you are active you will worry less and have fun.
Pray more, bind yourself to the Lord, He is with you through everything
Make sure you get a lot of vitamin C and D, it is the winter and some of this could be physiological
I will keep you in my prayers

 

[MsScarlett]

PinkAngel, the other posters are very wise. Listen to them. You are too wrapped up in yourself and need to step outside yourself. That can be done through the church and/or volunteer work. Viewing the world through the eyes of others is a great way see things more clearly, and get an idea of what's really important.
And don't compare yourself to anyone! This is a journey for all of us.
And no offense to Dr. Phil fans, but put that book down and pick up the Bible or a book about the Bible or about Jesus or about Christianity... you get the idea.
Good luck, sister!

 

[Tenken07]

I just blame the demons around me for my problems. I can still see them and everything. they talk to me and whatnot.

Although, im probably not the best guy to be taking advice from. Sometimes my thoughts are radical

 

[StigmataSteve]

Please pm me a picture and I'll tell you if you should have issues or not.

 

[bumpkin1]

I think society has caused so much depression. You must look like this, be like that, exc. Cling to our Lord Jesus.

God bless you sister.