I was raised Catholic but religion was never a serious affair in my household. Only my grandmother really cared much about it. We went to Church on Christmas only, we even skipped Easter. Consequently, despite being baptized and confirmed, I never had any strong link to what is supposed to be my faith on paper. It's mostly a cultural thing where I live, so I suppose I'm the very definition of a cultural Catholic.
I don't really know how to say this, but the culmination of a few years' worth of thought and experience is leading me to believe that our society is heading down the drain. I used to believe in personal freedom and accountability, but now I recognize that most people don't know what to do with it and perhaps need to be held accountable by someone else than themselves to not self-destruct, and I think that'll be the end of us as a civilization. I include myself in those people. The more I look around me, the more I realize just how damaging and unhealthy the ideology I was fed during almost a decade in higher education is, not only to our society, but to us as human beings.
I have sinned. I have sinned a lot and done a lot of things I'm not too proud of, and I need help to stop, as it's like I'm addicted to licentiousness and it's sapped my willpower. I always was a staunch agnostic so in theory this should make me open to the idea of a God, but somehow, as much as I try, I just can't find it in me to give Him a chance. Every time I try by any manner, like putting a foot inside a church or reading holy texts, I feel hit by an overwhelming wave of doubt and I take a few steps back out of fatalism. It actually feels like my mind does not know how to have "faith" or maybe it just can't, as if it was a muscle or a bone and mine is torn or broken or simply non-existent. Maybe as if I were blind and couldn't see the divine all around me. I can see all that is bad, though. I can see our fall happening in real time. I can see the problem, but not the solution.
How can I open my eyes to God? I already have so much difficulty trusting flesh and blood humans that I won't even consider trusting in someone I can't see or feel, no matter how much I want to. I don't want to be part of the problem anymore. I don't want to keep on sinning and never feel whole no matter how much I try and slake my thirst. I feel inherently broken in more ways than one. But I don't even know where to start or what to do. How can a base sinner reacquaint himself with his God after years and years of his mind being warped by sin and outside influences?
I don't really know how to say this, but the culmination of a few years' worth of thought and experience is leading me to believe that our society is heading down the drain. I used to believe in personal freedom and accountability, but now I recognize that most people don't know what to do with it and perhaps need to be held accountable by someone else than themselves to not self-destruct, and I think that'll be the end of us as a civilization. I include myself in those people. The more I look around me, the more I realize just how damaging and unhealthy the ideology I was fed during almost a decade in higher education is, not only to our society, but to us as human beings.
I have sinned. I have sinned a lot and done a lot of things I'm not too proud of, and I need help to stop, as it's like I'm addicted to licentiousness and it's sapped my willpower. I always was a staunch agnostic so in theory this should make me open to the idea of a God, but somehow, as much as I try, I just can't find it in me to give Him a chance. Every time I try by any manner, like putting a foot inside a church or reading holy texts, I feel hit by an overwhelming wave of doubt and I take a few steps back out of fatalism. It actually feels like my mind does not know how to have "faith" or maybe it just can't, as if it was a muscle or a bone and mine is torn or broken or simply non-existent. Maybe as if I were blind and couldn't see the divine all around me. I can see all that is bad, though. I can see our fall happening in real time. I can see the problem, but not the solution.
How can I open my eyes to God? I already have so much difficulty trusting flesh and blood humans that I won't even consider trusting in someone I can't see or feel, no matter how much I want to. I don't want to be part of the problem anymore. I don't want to keep on sinning and never feel whole no matter how much I try and slake my thirst. I feel inherently broken in more ways than one. But I don't even know where to start or what to do. How can a base sinner reacquaint himself with his God after years and years of his mind being warped by sin and outside influences?