seeking answers

[desperate 4 YOU]

I have just recently rededicated my life to the Lord and received baptism. It has been about 2 months now and I desperatly want to do right by God! My problem is this during the time i was backsliden I had a child (who is now 5), and 5mos. before I came back to the Lord I impregnated my girlfriend of 2yrs. Now I just want to seek God, and everyone is trying to pull me in different directions over this. I've been told that I have a responsibility to reconcile with the mother of my first child, I've also been told that I have a responsibility to marry my "girlfriend" (who I have distanced myself from since getting right with God), I've also been given 1Cor. 7 to read over. I'm completely lost. Could someone plz give me some scripture or advice?

-Confused

 

[JVD]

ONe thing for sure...you do have a responsibility to be as good a father as possible to these two children. If marrying one of these women would make you a better father than that is what you should do.

Because of your actions at least one person and possibly two people are going to grow up without a father present. I'm not trying to lay guilt on you, just showing you the seriousness of this. Perhaps your most important job now, is to bring these two children up in the best home possible.

That does mean that you need to at least be a friend to both of these women, you need to make amends to both of them and to your 5 year old child. You need to make a home for these children. I don't see how you can do the best job without marrying one of them, and treating the childs mother with love.

That also means you need to support both of these children by supporting the mothers of both children...

Tough situation in some ways, but nothing is more rewarding than being a good father.

 

[vinc]

All thanks and praise be to God for you have rededicated your life to God and even took Baptism.

As concerning your personal situation, as a God's Child, you have an obligation to get-back to your life-mate whom you have married already and take care of her and your 5-year old child provided she has no problems in living with you presently. Does your wife know about your girlfriend? Is your wife a Baptised Christian too?

What you have done with your girlfriend is a sin (adultery) according to the Bible. If your wife knows about it and is unwilling to live with you, thatz another problem which you have created and need to tackle seeking God's help.

Does your girlfriend know that you have a wife and a child through her?

If your girlfriend is very deeply in love with you and cannot separate herself from you, then you need to inform her that it is your bounded responsibility to take care of your lawfully wedded wife and child for this is the will of God.




Hope this helps in anyway. May our gracious Lord bless and see you through in this trying situation.

JMO, Lord bless you,
Vincent

 

[dasielady]

To Vinc-- the last poster here....

I don't think he ever married the first girl, I don't think its his wife. He did not mention a marriage OR a divorce. I think that he just had a child with the first girl, AND a child with the second girl.

 

[dasielady]

I would say that
1) marriage is designed to bind two people together as partners. If you are not in love with either girl, and neither are in love with you, especially if neither girl is a Christian now, then you should not get married to either. If you are in love with one of the women, AND you go through perhaps some minister-guided marriage preparation counseling, I would say the right thing to do would be to marry.
However,
2) As the poster above indicated, you DO have an absolute obligation to those children, and in fulfilling that, you must be respectful and friends at the very least with both mothers, and take care of your children. If you are to marry one mother, she would have to understand and accept your equal obligation to the other mother and her child.

 

[desperate 4 YOU]

ONe thing for sure...you do have a responsibility to be as good a father as possible to these two children.

I already have a established custody order and good relationship with my son, despite his mothers attempts at ruining that.

Does your wife know about your girlfriend? Is your wife a Baptised Christian too?

My son's mother and I were never married, she considers herself "Christian" (not baptised), but you wouldn't know it by all the idle words that pour forward from her mouth. My girlfriend however is Catholic, and although she sometimes attends church with me she struggles to understand my decision to totally dedicate myself to the Lord God. Partly because her mother, who's Catholic also attacks her for attending church with me.

 

[InTheFlame]

OK, here's my advice, and I hope it helps.

GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES AND PRAY. Ask God what he wants you to do.

You've got a big problem here, and I don't think it's as easy as marrying or not marrying someone. Marriage is a specific commitment to spend your life with another person.

While I firmly believe that having a child outside of marriage is nowhere near the best way, I believe part of why it isn't good is because a marriage partner should have been very carefully checked for compatibility in values and life goals and all sorts of other things. A couple who've scrutinised each other and themselves, and addressed problems in themselves and the relationship, are more likely to be healthy role models for their kids and agree on how to bring up their children, plus show their kids how to have a good marriage relationship.

So you've made some mistakes, and you aren't married to either of the mothers of your children. I don't know exactly what you should do, except that before you think about marrying both, read about some of the OT men with multiple wives. NEVER seemed to work out well.

Pray, and find some people who won't immediately give you simple answers. You've got a complex problem, and a simple solution probably won't cut it. Probably a christian counsellor, plus a minister at a local church, would be a good start.

God bless, and I hope you come up with some good options!

 

[rogsr]

ONe thing for sure...you do have a responsibility to be as good a father as possible to these two children. If marrying one of these women would make you a better father than that is what you should do.

Now there is something worth saying AMEN over! One of the first precepts of Christianity is selflessness. Worrying about who you will marry is small beans compared to how much you should be worrying about keeping your children away from the wolves that stalk us in the night. Your desire to get right with the Lord is a powerful and life changing event, and I hope you make the right choices. God does not make choices for us. He shows us how to walk and hands us a map, but we are the ones that have to make the steps.

 

[bliz]

You have an obligation before God to continue to work on your life and make it one that is pleasing to Him.

You have an obligation to your children to support them and to have a loving relationship with them.

And I think that anyone else who is going to try and tell you what other obligations you have is out of bounds.

Clearly things are not as they should be, but you have to deal with the reality of what is. Your focus needs to be on growing spiritually and maturing the Lord. Clearly there are two women with who myou have ties, but since pologymy is not a solution to this situation, there is no easy or simple answer. Continue to seek guidance - counseling from a pastor may [rpove to be quite helpful, but none of us who has read your post is in a position to declare exactly what you should do.

 

[Kingdomwarrior]

The whole marriage thing is something God will need to lead you in a direction on, as there are 2 different women involved. As far as Vinc's advice is concerned, it is againts scripture to have more than one wife. You cannot have 2 different yet equal marriage covenants with 2 different people. That is really just committing adultery. There is a reason you will never read about a single place in the bible where God approves of multiple marriages. David and Solomon did it, but God didn't like it. (IE. Polygamy is not a godly, righteous option. )S in is sin, but remember that Jesus paid the price for your sin at the cross. You are washed clean. God remembers your sin NO MORE! Hallelujah!
What everyone else has said, for the most part, is true, as far as your obligations to the children. But there is again, no requirement that you "grovel before God". He sees you as His righteousness in Christ Jesus. Stand firm upon the Word of God, and upon its truth, and the Holy Spirit will guide you in all truth. Seek out Godly people to be in your life. I pray blessings over you, and for Godly people to come into your path. I pray for divine guidance and for cleansing of your body, mind, and spirit in the name of Jesus.


-Kingdomwarrior-

 

[Yitzchak]

I think one reason for the confusion is that there are many ideas put forth without any scriptural backing. Also, there is little practical backing in the sense that it is easy for me or someone else to dictate huge decisions to you which we pay nothing to fulfill. The cost is yours to incur.

It is one thing to pay a high cost when you are doing something for the Lord. It is quite another to pay a high cost for someone else's conscience about your situation.

My advice is first things first. Meaning ground yourself in a good church. Cultivate the daily disciplines of prayer and bible study. Get involved in things at church which build good Christian relationships. The answers for how to handle your situation will become clear as you follow the Lord with all your heart.

A few cliches from Mom which speak to the situation you find yourself in. "haste makes waste" and "Don't put the cart before the horse" .

The Lord recommends family and in marriage to us. But sometimes in our sins and the sins of others at times things can get complicated. We are not called to save the whole world. There may arise a perfect solution or there may not. My bottomline advice is wait until you know for sure. In trying to make a situation better, we can sometimes make it even worse and that would not be pleasing to the Lord or to you I would venture to guess. It sounds as if there has been enough hurt already. One scripture for you.....Can't think of the exact reference but I think it may be Isaiah. "I lay in Zion a sure foundation, he that believes in Him shall not make haste." The key words being not make haste. Read 1 Corinthians 7 carefully and notice that one of the main problems being adressed in that chapter is everyone being in such an emotional hurry to change their situation.

 

[fishstix]

The ideal and best thing to do (in order to solve this terrible mistake) is to have both of them as your wives and take care of them and their children (since both of them are unmarried and consider you in their hearts). I don't know whether they would agree. Bcoz some women are not cut for polygyny life. And, usually polygyny life is more difficult than monogamy life. There are very few successful and happy polygynous families in the world. But, again i'll say it all depends on both of your girlfriends. If they are really excellent poly-wives, your life will be smooth and happy.

That would be the worst possible thing that one could do. Bigamy is both illegal and immoral. The guy has a choice of marrying one of the women or neither or the women but he cannot and should not try to marry both. And he should also not live in sin as a common-law husband or live-in boyfriend of both at once. That would just be continuing on with the same sin he committed in the first place.

To the OP - you should at the very least be providing financial support to both your children. If possible and if it seems good to both you and her, it would be a good idea to consider marrying one of the mothers of your children - but *not* both. As someone already said, you're going to need to do a lot of praying and searching for God's will in this matter in order to make the best decision.