Hi. I went to Baptist churches as a child (with neighbors, not my family), was 'saved', then went through a period of agnosticm/atheism, and then met my husband when I was in my late 20s. He was Christian, so I tried to get back into church for him. We went to Church of God for a while and then stopped going. Now I am feeling disenchanted with Christianity again.
I feel like I believe in God, but there are so many different interpretations of the Bible by different groups of Christians...all slightly different. Which sect is right? Even the act of 'being saved' is different for different groups. Some say only faith (asking Jesus to be your savior) is required. Some say you can have all the faith, but if you're not baptized, it's no good. Others say faith and baptism are good, but confession and acts must also be involved for salvation. Why so many interpretations of the same book? Why isn't there someplace in the Bible that lays it out specifically?
Lynn,
When I read your post I thought of myself about 40 years ago. I went through a struggle where I doubted my salvation because I did not understand how God would save someone just for saying a prayer “in Jesus' name” and being baptized. I was confused about all the teaching I had heard growing up in a Baptist church. I had also attended a Methodist church, a Church of Christ, and went to a Pentecostal church 1 time. I was confused about God & the bible. I did not understand the meaning of “believing” in Jesus. I did not know what to believe or how to believe. I even began to question if any of it was true or if God even existed. My life was miserable. I thought I would never know that I was really “saved” when I went to the alter at age 13 and repeated a prayer and was baptized.
I was looking for evidence that would prove to me that the bible is true, that God exists, and that Jesus does really forgive sinners, but there was something missing, a missing link, and I did not know what it was. I needed something to convince me that it was all true. I talked to several Christians & asked a lot of questions, read several books about how to become a Christian, & read several bible tracts. I could not find any answers from talking to Christians & reading Christian books that convinced me of the truth about any of the teachings I had heard growing up in church. I did the things I heard at church that I thought were necessary to get God to save me like making a public confession of my sin, publicly confessing Jesus as my Lord & Savior, promising to follow Him the rest of my life, I taught a Sunday School class, drove the church bus, went to church 3 days a week, etc. etc. I tried to make myself have some sense of faith, I said the sinners' prayer over & over begging God to save me, and each time I would have a bit of relief from the doubts, but soon they would return and I still had no assurance of salvation. I had no peace. I could not concentrate on my job or my family. I was obsessed with a dreadful fear of dying without ever knowing for sure if I had done the right things to get “saved.”
One night, out of a sense of desperation, I decided to do something I had never done outside of church. I said a prayer to the God I wasn't sure existed, and then I found the big KJV family bible and opened it. My prayer was, “God will you show me the truth about believing in Jesus?” Then I opened that Bible to the Book of John, the Gospel of John, and started to read John 1:1. I did not know what I would find there but I was ready to accept whatever it was if it convinced me that it was real & the truth. As I started to read the Gospel of John I had no idea that my life was about to change forever and that I would soon have a peace that is impossible to explain to anyone who has never experienced this peace for themselves.
Yes, I was desperate to know Jesus as my Savior. I thought I would never know, for sure, that I had found Him or that I had enough faith in Him, or that I had really believed in Him. I was confused about what it all meant, and just wasn't sure about any of it being real. But, the moment I began to read John 1:1 for some reason I was seeing the words of the bible in a different way. I remembered reading the Book of John in Sunday School as a kid where our teacher told us to memorize the first chapter, but it really meant nothing to me back then. But, that night, as I sat at my kitchen table reading that big family bible, the words came to life and something was telling me that I was reading the truth about Jesus. I realized that the missing link I referred earlier was the Holy Spirit showing me the truth that I so desperately needed. Back in the time I was going through this miserable experience there were few versions of the bible other than the KJV, and as I read that KJV that night the Holy Spirit had no problem showing me the very truth I needed.
The Holy Spirit opened my blind spiritual eyes so that I could see & understand spiritual truth. That night I found the evidence, the the proof, that completely convinced me that the bible is the Truth, that God is real, and that Jesus does really forgive anyone who earnestly comes to Him for forgiveness. God Himself showed me that He is real.
God saw that I was seeking Him in the way described in the following scripture. When He sees our attitude; an attitude that turns from “self” to Him then the Holy Spirit moves in and give us the ability to understand spiritual truth.
Jeremiah 29:13, “And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.”
The Holy Spirit used the following scriptures and several other scriptures to convince me that Jesus was waiting for me to come to Him.
John 5:39-40, Jesus said to the Pharisees “Search the scriptures, for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me. And ye will not come to me, that ye might have life.
John 6:37,”All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.”
44 No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him: and I will raise him up at the last day.
45 It is written in the prophets, And they shall be all taught of God. Every man therefore that hath heard, and hath learned of the Father, cometh unto me.
I read only 6 chapters before the Holy Spirit turned on the light for me and “I got it.”Finally I was convinced; I knew without a doubt that Jesus was waiting for me to come to Him, and I did. I had just enough faith to call out to Him. It wasn't great faith, it wasn't blind faith, it wasn't experimental faith, but it was saving faith. The weakest faith is saving faith if the object of that faith is Jesus' death on the cross & His shed blood there for the remission of our sins. The moment the Holy Spirit convinced me & I “got it” was the moment I believed in Jesus. God gave me “saving” faith which is “believing in Jesus.” I found myself talking to Jesus as though He was right there in the room with me. I was thanking Him for saving me and asking Him to change me His way, and that He did. That was almost 40 years ago and today I still have that same peace and assurance that He gave me then. The whole experience is explained in John 6:44-45, “see above.”
I did not find my answer from men. Only when I turned to God through reading His Word and by the convincing power of the Holy Spirit did I find the truth about “believing” in Jesus. IOW the Holy Spirit changed my mind & convinced me; He made it real to me; He removed all doubts from my mind, and He changed me from a doubting unbeliever into a born-again believer who has a total assurance of salvation and a lasting peace.
Hope my testimony helps you.
John
