Seeking advice from Christian Men

[bigo1984]

Spring time is in full swing and you know what that means. A lot of beautiful women are all over the place wearing next to nothing. I have a serious problem with checking out every beautiful girl I see. Sometimes I even get caught in the act which is kind of embarrassing. I've been praying about this and so far it hasn't helped much. I still struggle. I try to look away but it's just tough. Do any men have any advice on what works for them? If it's the television I just flip the channel but it's harder out in the real world.

 

[joshuanazar]

Spring time is in full swing and you know what that means. A lot of beautiful women are all over the place wearing next to nothing. I have a serious problem with checking out every beautiful girl I see. Sometimes I even get caught in the act which is kind of embarrassing. I've been praying about this and so far it hasn't helped much. I still struggle. I try to look away but it's just tough. Do any men have any advice on what works for them? If it's the television I just flip the channel but it's harder out in the real world.

Stay focused on God and we will not notice it even if we do see.

 

[Albion]

Just don't leer, and you'll be OK.

 

[Tigger45]

Just don't leer, and you'll be OK.

That's how I see it. 'Forgive the pun' . To notice an attractive woman is normal but it's when we lust that trouble comes.

 

[jacks]

Live in the Southern hemisphere in Spring/Summer and the Northern hemisphere in Fall/Winter.

 

[Xalith]

I've similar problems myself.

Sometimes I wish the secular world would realize just what they are doing when it comes to this kind of stuff. Too many women dressed scantily and it just gets worse every year. If I were married, it'd be a lot easier -- regular sex with a wife would keep the hormones down/spent and I'd be able to resist such a lot easier.

But, the LORD hasn't provided a wife for me yet, I haven't seen anyone anywhere near my age that would seem suitable for me whatsoever, so I remain single (and probably always will). I try to look away when I notice a woman who is showing too much skin, but I work in retail and it is a bit difficult when you are forced to look down at their hands as they are handing you money and you get an eyefull of cleavage that you didn't want to see in the first place.

You can't look away, because you have to do your job, and being a man, it is almost impossible to Not notice. And all the while, your fleshly body and all of its chemicals and hormones is fighting your spirit every step of the way. My Fleshly body wants me to act on all of this stuff, and my spirit obviously doesn't.

Then, later at night, come the nasty, dirty dreams (caused by the raging hormones I've no way to deal with) sometimes and I wake up, saying prayers of apology and confession, asking Him to forgive me or do something to help me with this.

It is a constant battle we fight, and women just do not seem to understand what men have to go through. If you ask your average non-believing woman, they will tell you that "men are pigs" and that men just like to stare at their body, but yet they sure love showing all kinds of skin and wear skin-tight clothing that provokes us to look at them.

A part of me wishes the LORD would give me the opportunity to find a wife so that this wouldn't be nearly so hard for me to endure, but yet another part of me doesn't think I'm really marriage material; I'm a loner who lives out in the middle of nowhere who lives a very modest life. Not really husband material TBH.

EDIT: I'll also mention the many prayers I've said over the years, lamenting the hormones I never wanted or asked for. I realize He gave them to me for a reason, but yet sometimes I wish I didn't have them at all, then I would never desire or even look at women in that way whatsoever. Again, I tell Him that I never asked for the hormones, and I never wanted them if I'm to be single all my life. I'm OK with being single if that is His will, but I sure wish I didn't have raging hormones that push me towards sinful thoughts and desires...

 

[GQ Chris]

If you're single why don't you try asking them out instead of just looking.

 

[Xalith]

If you're single why don't you try asking them out instead of just looking.

I would think that asking a woman out based on her attractiveness is only opening the door for sin and sinful lusts.

Marriage and relationships should be based on a pure love for one another, not from lust of the eyes which leads to lust of the flesh.

I know it is why I am single, but I believe that a relationship ought to be started when a man and a woman fall in love with one another after having known each other for awhile.

Going out and dating attractive women based on their appearance is only asking for trouble IMO. And then there's always the danger that you're dealing with an unsaved woman who thinks there's nothing wrong with pre-marital sex, and before you know it, you end up in bed with her after a couple drinks during a night out.

 

[now faith]

James: 1. 12. Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him. 13. Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: 14. But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. 15. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death. 16. Do not err, my beloved brethren. 17. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.


We are set apart by being sanctified away from the flesh.

The Holy Spirit will guide your life by the inner witness .
simply by being guilty in your heart shows that the Holy Spirit has brought something to your attention.

1 Corinthians: 10. 13. There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.


2 Corinthians: 10. 3. For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: 4. (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds 5. Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; 6. And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.

If you do not embarrass sin ,sin will embarrass you.

 

[bigo1984]

If you're single why don't you try asking them out instead of just looking.

Because im only looking at them based on a physical attraction. I want to find a woman who loves the lord.

 

[bigo1984]

James: 1. 12. Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him. 13. Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: 14. But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. 15. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death. 16. Do not err, my beloved brethren. 17. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.


We are set apart by being sanctified away from the flesh.

The Holy Spirit will guide your life by the inner witness .
simply by being guilty in your heart shows that the Holy Spirit has brought something to your attention.

1 Corinthians: 10. 13. There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.


2 Corinthians: 10. 3. For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: 4. (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds 5. Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; 6. And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.

If you do not embarrass sin ,sin will embarrass you.

Thank you for the scriptures

 

[Armoured]

When you get "caught" looking, don't do the shifty "no I totally wasn't checking you out" look away thing, give them a nice, friendly smile. 9/10 times you'll get a smile back.

 

[bigo1984]

Live in the Southern hemisphere in Spring/Summer and the Northern hemisphere in Fall/Winter.

Lol seems reasonable

 

[Gunny]

I want to find a woman who loves the lord.

Amen. If we live a life that is pleasing to God and tell Him of our desire to be with a woman who loves the Lord aka sister in Christ; In His time the desires of our heart will be fulfilled.

 

[com7fy8]

To notice an attractive woman is normal but it's when we lust that trouble comes.

And I have found that if I think about loving the woman, this can help to keep me from lusting. Ones just use women to look at, but we should not use people but care for each and every one. And there are ones we need to forgive for trying to tempt us. And since our attention needs to be first with God, it is wrong for men or women to be trying to get attention to themselves more than others, especially if we are using appearance, since Jesus says not to evaluate by looks >

"'Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.'" (John 7:24)

So, it is wrong to try to get people to evaluate you only by your looks.

"rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4)

So, if a women is wrong in how she is showing herself, we need to have compassion for her and care about her and not only use her to look at.

So, I'm not so sure it is a good idea to get attracted to someone you don't even know never mind ask her out. But you might actually get to know someone, and see how that person really is; this might give you a very interesting "lesson"

And consider how God wants us to love any and all people and not judge and be attracted only or mainly by looks > that can be only trying to get pleasure for ourselves, using somebody, instead of loving.

But this world has a way of promoting outward beauty, including by "beauty pageants", and this can help to tempt us to compare men and women, only by what they look like, instead of discovering all that is deeper, of character. And with Jesus we can evaluate "with righteous judgment", He commands, in John 7:24. We can evaluate reliably, with Jesus guiding us

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
.And lean not on your own understanding;
.In all your ways acknowledge Him,
.And He shall direct your paths."
. . . . . . . . . . . (Proverbs 3:6-7)

Our Father does desire to personally care for us and guide us in all our "ways" and "paths". I trust that this includes the "ways" and "paths" of our thinking and evaluating companionship and how we relate > "submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21) "with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

If we learn how to love "with longsuffering", this can help to make us strong against lust, and keep us busy with loving instead of only using people to look at and for other things we want for ourselves.

 

[dayhiker]

When I see a beautiful woman, I think God for creating such beauty.

 

[bigo1984]

And I have found that if I think about loving the woman, this can help to keep me from lusting. Ones just use women to look at, but we should not use people but care for each and every one. And there are ones we need to forgive for trying to tempt us. And since our attention needs to be first with God, it is wrong for men or women to be trying to get attention to themselves more than others, especially if we are using appearance, since Jesus says not to evaluate by looks >

"'Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.'" (John 7:24)

So, it is wrong to try to get people to evaluate you only by your looks.

"rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4)

So, if a women is wrong in how she is showing herself, we need to have compassion for her and care about her and not only use her to look at.

So, I'm not so sure it is a good idea to get attracted to someone you don't even know never mind ask her out. But you might actually get to know someone, and see how that person really is; this might give you a very interesting "lesson"

And consider how God wants us to love any and all people and not judge and be attracted only or mainly by looks > that can be only trying to get pleasure for ourselves, using somebody, instead of loving.

But this world has a way of promoting outward beauty, including by "beauty pageants", and this can help to tempt us to compare men and women, only by what they look like, instead of discovering all that is deeper, of character. And with Jesus we can evaluate "with righteous judgment", He commands, in John 7:24. We can evaluate reliably, with Jesus guiding us

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
.And lean not on your own understanding;
.In all your ways acknowledge Him,
.And He shall direct your paths."
. . . . . . . . . . . (Proverbs 3:6-7)

Our Father does desire to personally care for us and guide us in all our "ways" and "paths". I trust that this includes the "ways" and "paths" of our thinking and evaluating companionship and how we relate > "submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21) "with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

If we learn how to love "with longsuffering", this can help to make us strong against lust, and keep us busy with loving instead of only using people to look at and for other things we want for ourselves.

Excellent post.

 

[MWood]

You are asking God to do His part, BUT, you are not doing your part. You have to put forth a lot of effort yourself.

 

[now faith]

Thank you for the scriptures

I don't know if it is conditioned response,but when you see a woman in next to nothing but string you look.

But I don't consider it lust,more of a curiosity I guess.

I have a 20 year old daughter and right in the middle of a store ,I looked over and her top half was exposed.

In front of everyone I promptly told her cover your self!

I know when she is out with her friends she dresses how she wants but not with me.

I am pushing 55 years and to me most women I look at like my kids.

I don't go and say cover up,but at times I would like to.

That doesn't stop the devil from parading attractive middle age women around though

 

[bigo1984]

I don't know if it is conditioned response,but when you see a woman in next to nothing but string you look.

But I don't consider it lust,more of a curiosity I guess.

I have a 20 year old daughter and right in the middle of a store ,I looked over and her top half was exposed.

In front of everyone I promptly told her cover your self!

I know when she is out with her friends she dresses how she wants but not with me.

I am pushing 55 years and to me most women I look at like my kids.

I don't go and say cover up,but at times I would like to.

That doesn't stop the devil from parading attractive middle age women around though

it is a blessing that these younger girls dont attract you at your age. I know many men your age and older that still have lust problems with younger women.