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Second try :P Do you LIKE HoosierCanuck?
- Thread starter deliciousBass
- Start date
See HC?
You're your own worst critic. And if people in IN hate you, it's because they're jealous of how many people like you on CF
You're your own worst critic. And if people in IN hate you, it's because they're jealous of how many people like you on CF
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HoosierCanuck
Senior Contributor
See, yes is winning by a landslide.
So... stop whining, HC!
Hugs. <3
ha ha I can name about 20 people who didn't vote in here because they HATE HOOSIERCANUCK....but I digress. Some of them I'm not too fond of either and I'm not going to state here in public why but I have my reasons. I'm willing to bet they know who they are anyway.
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HoosierCanuck
Senior Contributor
Thanks to the non-haters but just remember...I have the unique ability to turn people against me in a heartbeat...
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Mrs. Luther073082
Commit to the LORD whatever you do - Proverbs 16:3
HC I haven't been following the thread over the past fews days but I think you need to stop counting people you think hate you and start paying more attention to how many do not.
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HoosierCanuck
Senior Contributor
you're right, Melissa. It's a much easier (read: smaller) list.
In real life I can count them on my hand...and they TRULY are the ones that matter and get my attention. Everyone else never hears from me and don't really get much thought....
In real life I can count them on my hand...and they TRULY are the ones that matter and get my attention. Everyone else never hears from me and don't really get much thought....
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Gwendolyn
back in black
Yep.
Your dialogue is so negative and self-deprecating - if you do not even like yourself, how do you expect others to? If you automatically expect them to hate you, then you behave in such a way as to make that possible... and it just reaffirms your negativity, and you are stuck in a vicious cycle.
It is like you get your defenses up and go in being hostile anyway, before people even know you, because you already expect them to hate you. If all they see is hostility and negative self-talk, it is more difficult for them to see the true beauty of who you really are. It is like the true you is obscured by a thick fog.
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Mrs. Luther073082
Commit to the LORD whatever you do - Proverbs 16:3
you're right, Melissa. It's a much easier (read: smaller) list.
You said that on here you could think of 20 people that hate you. You have a list of 32 people that do not.
32 > 20
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HoosierCanuck
Senior Contributor
it's a hard habit to break, Gwendolyn. I've dealt with hate, rejection, abuse and oppression my whole life. it's kind of hard to see the good in others....that's where my defenses come in. i just 'hate' myself because it's easier than allowing others to like me and/or *thinking* that they do and then being disappointed when they don't....
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Mrs. Luther073082
Commit to the LORD whatever you do - Proverbs 16:3
I don't know, from an outsider's perspective it doesn't appear easier to hate yourself or to expect others to hate you. It seems to trouble you all the time, whereas if you let your defenses down you might only get disapointed every once in a while instead of being constantly troubled about it.
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HoosierCanuck
Senior Contributor
since i lost my job and have less contact with pretentious backstabbing types, i've tried not to let it bother me as much....tried to be more of my own person, so to speak but it still bothers me. It ticks me off that it bothers me. it's just that every time i open myself up/take risks....i get screwed. i don't know who it was but a long time ago i recall a thread that i think was quoting CS Lewis and it had something to do with loving versus not loving and the comparison had something to do with death or being in a cold coffin or something. (ive never read him so i can't recall the thread exactly) i may not like being in the coffin (so to speak) but feel i've been forced into it by life experiences. the world is a fallen, evil place that gets worse every day so i can't imagine it being a positive experience for me to open up now.
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Gwendolyn
back in black
cognitive behavioural therapy has been forcing me to re-work the thought patterns in my head. i tend to be very negative as well and it does me no good... especially since i have severe depression and anxiety. it takes a lot of work to undo however many decades of negative thinking, self-talk, and self-perception, so you have to be dedicated. you also have to be willing to stumble and fall flat on your face, so long as you find the strength to get up again.
i've come to see that being miserable actually takes a lot of work. you expend a lot of energy, mental and emotional, to keep yourself that way. in your head it might seem easier than putting yourself out there to get hurt, but in the long run, it is only detrimental. choosing to stay surrounded by all the negativity and keeping yourself buried under the weight of your woundedness is far more tiring than trying to sit down and think of a certain situation in a different light.
like, say it is a rainy day.
you can think - great, the roads will be slick, i'll have trouble driving, my hair will get frizzy, my makeup will run, my pants will get soaked with disgusting rainwater, the bugs will come out, etc.
or, you can think - gee, we really had a dry spell for awhile. this rain will be nourishing the grasses and plants that were drying out. that means they will be able to flourish. plants and flowers are so pretty when they flourish. besides, it's only going to rain fro a day/a couple days until the sun comes back. such is the natural cycle.
i do not personally like rainy days, but i try to find good things about them - for example, the ducks that live in my pool (lol) can finally have easy access to the grubs and worms that they like to eat. i like the ducks and i want them to have enough food. it also makes the trees green, which is good because the deer like to eat green, healthy leaves. Et cetera.
Sure, it takes effort in the beginning, but after awhile, if you persevere, you find it much easier. and then one day you will realise that the monologue in your head is beginning to become positive.
it isn't something miraculous and it isn't a one-time fix-all. the negativity has become so ingrained that you'll always have to acknowledge it and choose not to indulge it. but that is what is so important - choice. you have the choice to indulge it. you have the choice to let it upset you and pick away at you. it is within your own power to make a better outlook. i think that is something pretty fabulous. it is in my own power... i can be in control, rather than feeling so out of control and powerless, at the mercy of others who can hurt me.
it is late and i am sleepy. i hope that makes sense.
i've come to see that being miserable actually takes a lot of work. you expend a lot of energy, mental and emotional, to keep yourself that way. in your head it might seem easier than putting yourself out there to get hurt, but in the long run, it is only detrimental. choosing to stay surrounded by all the negativity and keeping yourself buried under the weight of your woundedness is far more tiring than trying to sit down and think of a certain situation in a different light.
like, say it is a rainy day.
you can think - great, the roads will be slick, i'll have trouble driving, my hair will get frizzy, my makeup will run, my pants will get soaked with disgusting rainwater, the bugs will come out, etc.
or, you can think - gee, we really had a dry spell for awhile. this rain will be nourishing the grasses and plants that were drying out. that means they will be able to flourish. plants and flowers are so pretty when they flourish. besides, it's only going to rain fro a day/a couple days until the sun comes back. such is the natural cycle.
i do not personally like rainy days, but i try to find good things about them - for example, the ducks that live in my pool (lol) can finally have easy access to the grubs and worms that they like to eat. i like the ducks and i want them to have enough food. it also makes the trees green, which is good because the deer like to eat green, healthy leaves. Et cetera.
Sure, it takes effort in the beginning, but after awhile, if you persevere, you find it much easier. and then one day you will realise that the monologue in your head is beginning to become positive.
it isn't something miraculous and it isn't a one-time fix-all. the negativity has become so ingrained that you'll always have to acknowledge it and choose not to indulge it. but that is what is so important - choice. you have the choice to indulge it. you have the choice to let it upset you and pick away at you. it is within your own power to make a better outlook. i think that is something pretty fabulous. it is in my own power... i can be in control, rather than feeling so out of control and powerless, at the mercy of others who can hurt me.
it is late and i am sleepy. i hope that makes sense.
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HoosierCanuck
Senior Contributor
made plenty of sense, Gwendolyn. Thank you for sharing. (I'm supposed to be asleep right now myself...)
I know what you mean about *choice* though. I have a friend who is ten times worse than me. I'm actually perceived by some to be pretty happy and witty. I remember my cousin (RIP.....) saying a few months ago when we were talking about antidepressants that he was surprised I needed them "who'd have thought the one who brings sunshine needed help". I think I let a lot of my frustrations out on here because it's easier since I'm somewhat anonymous and there's more interaction here than there is in my everyday real life. Most of the people who actually care about me IRL don't live in the same town so I miss the interaction with them and it brings out the worst in me after awhile, I guess. Sometimes I have actually gotten on CF when I KNOW i've had a rotten day just to vent.... *sorry....*
I know what you mean about *choice* though. I have a friend who is ten times worse than me. I'm actually perceived by some to be pretty happy and witty. I remember my cousin (RIP.....) saying a few months ago when we were talking about antidepressants that he was surprised I needed them "who'd have thought the one who brings sunshine needed help". I think I let a lot of my frustrations out on here because it's easier since I'm somewhat anonymous and there's more interaction here than there is in my everyday real life. Most of the people who actually care about me IRL don't live in the same town so I miss the interaction with them and it brings out the worst in me after awhile, I guess. Sometimes I have actually gotten on CF when I KNOW i've had a rotten day just to vent.... *sorry....*
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Mrs. Luther073082
Commit to the LORD whatever you do - Proverbs 16:3
Yeah I get that... I definitely have the potential to be more negative on the internet than IRL.
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Mrs. Luther073082
Commit to the LORD whatever you do - Proverbs 16:3
We just got done learning about CBT in one of my classes... it sounds like good stuff
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HoosierCanuck
Senior Contributor
it's cheaper than therapy......sigh.....
seriously though, other than a sense of humour, a listening ear and naive-easy-to-take-advantage-of personality...I don't really have much to offer anyone. IRL, those who stick around are the ones who have mastered the art of manipulating me and I'm too dumb to stop it. (with the exception of certain members of my family that I KNOW truly love ME)
seriously though, other than a sense of humour, a listening ear and naive-easy-to-take-advantage-of personality...I don't really have much to offer anyone. IRL, those who stick around are the ones who have mastered the art of manipulating me and I'm too dumb to stop it. (with the exception of certain members of my family that I KNOW truly love ME)
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HoosierCanuck
Senior Contributor
I wish i could take classes but apparently i was too stupid at Ball State and my transcript doesn't make me worth talking to. I REALLY want to change careers but the only thing I can probably get into is an MBA program and I have NO desire to do that. I'm sick of the 'business' world. *(makes gagging gesture with finger/throat)
(sorry....you mentioned class.....lol)
(sorry....you mentioned class.....lol)
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