Scrupulosity OCD

[RachelZ]

Hi, just wondered if anyone on here has this? I think I may have though don't like to self diagnose. Basically I seem to get really anxious about making sure things are totally 150% the truth and what God wants. I've even gone somewhere having decided I didn't really want to any more simply because I felt like I was being untruthful cos I'd already told someone I was going...if that makes sense? Anyway I've had a situation come up this week and it smells of OCD but I don't want to dismiss it as such if it's actually a moral issue. Basically we bought a retractable double washing line ages ago but had problems putting it up. We've just got round to my Father-in-law doing it but we couldn't find some of the parts. (The bits the lines hook onto.) I didn't realise they were basic hooks and thought it was a unit of some description and didn't want make shift hooks instead so set about seeing if the company could help. I was prepared to pay but they were amazing and sent out a whole new unit free of charge even though it was our fault we can't find the hooks. (Although having seen it's not a proper unit I'm a bit worried in case I did find them but didn't realise what they were but can't remember if I did or not.) The problem is the unit wasn't the same as ours as it was a single line and they offered to send another single line out but had no doubles. So I returned to the shop where we bought it cos the company said it was exclusive to them and they imported it directly from China. I explained and was totally honest about the situation but cos their catalogue didn't say it was exclusive to them they needed proof I'd bought it from them. The guy said he'd say he'd seen a bank statement and for me to say that if anyone asked. Now I hate that situation cos someone is trying to do you a favour by lying and it's hard to turn them down without seeming rude. Anyway I said I didn't expect him to do that and when I saw the hooks I said I could just buy them rather than them replace the whole item which is what he wanted to do. The thing is he was very insistant and cos I'd been honest I didn't push too hard though was trying to decline but ended up leaving with a new boxed line. Afterwards of course the thoughts and anxiety started to kick in. Was I wrong to take it? Should I have been really strong willed and refused his offer and downright demanded my old unit back? I couldn't take it back cos if I explained to someone else he might get into trouble. So now I'm like am I wrong to use the line? What should I have done? Am I benefitting from someone being willing to sin on my behalf even though I truly didn't want them to? Any wisdom would be gratefully received. It's such a bummer cos I was really looking forward to having the line put up...sad though that may sound but I've never had my own washing line before and it will make life easier...but this is spoiling it. I know it prolly sounds really trivial and in the grand scheme of things it is but then a lot of what I get really anxious about can end up looking pretty trivial but my anxiety isn't. Thanks and hope everyone is doing OK...Rachel

 

[RachelZ]

Well I've prolly just made a complete prat of myself! I just couldn't let things lie so I rang the company cos I didn't want to go instore and risk getting the guy into trouble when all he'd done was try to be helpful. I explained things and basically she said if the store have decided to do something they can't over-ride it. So I guess what she's saying is they can't take payment. I was basically wanting to pay if I needed to. This sort of thing has happened so many times...and yet I still don't know if I've given in to the need to do something to abbate my anxiety, ie an OCD compulsion, or if I've done the morally right thing in God's eyes. I have to confess or explain things to the 'n'th degree and feel stupid but have to do it and wonder what people are thinking. I remember hearing my Dad years ago telling someone on the phone that I was getting a camera for my birthday and I had to confess I think to my mum that I'd heard even though that was unkind cos it stole some of their pleasure in giving me a surprise. Sometimes I think I've even felt I've had to say to my hubby what clothes I was wearing earlier if I've had to change cos it feels deceitful not to. It all sounds crazy and yet the urge to do the totally honest and right thing all the time is so strong and it's hard to determine what is a Godly consience and what is OCD. Blagh...I am metaphorically banging my head against a brick wall! Take care and thanks for listening...Rachel

 

[seajoy]

You sure do have OCD, Rachel. I used to appologize for breathing. Everything was my fault. I am still honest....my bosses can't believe the stuff I felt I "had" to tell them that I had done. They said most employees wouldn't even give those things a 2nd thought. We just want to do everything "right". We must remember that we can't...it's why Christ came to save us.

 

[RachelZ]

Thanks Seajoy you're an angel...it's so comforting to know others do this sort of thing too! I guess it's another thing to try and do ERP with...I think though when things arise I think well if I can't just sort this one thing I can treat the next thing as OCD! Just like an alcoholic saying "One last drink and then I'll give up!" Thanks for replying...hope you're doing OK...take care, Rachel

 

[kaykay9.0]

Oh, yeah, Rachel, I can soooo relate! Big time. And yes, I think it IS an aspect of OCD. Honesty is to be valued highly, but like so much with OCD, we just tend to take it to such a degree, that it gets ridiculous, if that makes sense. Been there, done that for sure. It helps that you at least recognize that's you may be out of balance in some of these type situations.

In fact, probably most of OCD that targets "religious" areas could be termed "scrupulosity OCD," I think. It's kinda like checking a door lock a hundred times. We're just "checking" like that with spiritual issues. Does that make sense what I'm trying to say?

 

[forgiveable]

I know what you mean and I've been there before too. And it's hard not to still feel a little condemnation even after repenting. Just consider that after you've asked forgivness just once, God no longer remembers what you're talking about. He has already forgotten it. Colossians 2:13 says He actually canceled it.
Here:
13When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature,[a] God made you[b] alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. 15And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.[c]
I hope this helps ~Brandi

 

[gracealone]

Yes, Rachel, I have those same tendencies. I have this plastic box of pins that a catering co. left behind after a family get together. My sis-inlaw discovered it in a box of stuff months later and gave it to me to return. I didn't know where the place was and then by the time I got around to actually trying to return it the catering company was out of business. (Probably due to the money they lost by having to buy more pins.) So I have this box of pins, which everytime I see it, makes me feel like a thief. I wanted to just throw them away but can't bring myself to do it. That would be like getting rid of the evidence. I'm thinking of donating them to goodwill. Maybe, haven't totally decided.
Crazy stuff - but obviously connected with OCD.
Mitzi

 

[picassoui]

i hear you rachel ...

 

[RachelZ]

Thank you so much, KayKay, Forgiveable, Mitzi and Piccasoui...you have no idea how comforting it is to find myself amongst people who can relate to where I'm coming from. For years I had no idea I had OCD and just struggled with the way I was...to have a diagnosis and to find that it's not just me is like having at least part of the burden lifted!!

Yes KayKay it does make sense...it's like the uncertainty over a locked door but just focussed on something else. In some ways it's like a door with more than one lock, cos somtimes just as I find peace regarding one aspect of an issue another aspect of the same issue raises its ugly little hed! Yes you're right in that I think we take good things and carry them to such a degree that they no longer have the same virtues!

Thanks Forgiveable for reminding me that I don't think I'd even asked God to forgive me if I'd done anything wrong. (I've rectified that now!) I was too busy worrying about if I had done wrong or not. It's silly cos with other things I pray prolly ritualistic prayers for forgiveness even before the thoughts/image has been fully processed. Thanks for that verse...

Thank you for your honesty Mitzi...oh how I could relate to the pin issue! I used to get these charity requests through the post and they would enclose a really small amount of money...as a way to encourage you to give I think. Well if I didn't give what was I supposed to do with money? I couldn't keep returning it or should I have? I don't think you were meant to in fact I think they told me as much once when I tried to check out what I should do but I'm not totally sure on that. I guess most other people would have prolly just thought well it's a gimmick and they must be able to afford it knowing that not everyone will give thereby recouping their small loss. Aghhhhhhhhhhhh! I'm like it if I think I may have even slightly damaged something as well...like I might scrape against someone's wallpaper and then notice some damage and though not sure if it was me or not and we're talking minor damage here, I often will have to confess that I may have damaged their wall. It all gets very wearing and embarrassing!Thank you for helping me feel not so alone with being like this!

Thanks Piccasoui...it helps to be heard and understood...sorry you struggle with this aspect of OCD too! Hope you're doing OK.

Thanks again all of you, you have really helped...I pray God blesses you for taking the time to help me...take care, Rachel

 

[BeccaLynn]

I understand where you're coming from Rachel. Now I don't worry about it as much, but then I get worried that I'm not worried! Classic, huh?!

Love,
Rebecca

 

[RachelZ]

Hi Rebecca...thanks for your input...it's so helpful that people can understand where I'm coming from! Yes I think worrying about not worrying is prolly a slightly ironic feature of OCD. Hope you're doing OK...take care, Rachel

 

[kaykay9.0]

Thank you so much, KayKay, Forgiveable, Mitzi and Piccasoui...you have no idea how comforting it is to find myself amongst people who can relate to where I'm coming from. For years I had no idea I had OCD and just struggled with the way I was...to have a diagnosis and to find that it's not just me is like having at least part of the burden lifted!!

Yes KayKay it does make sense...it's like the uncertainty over a locked door but just focussed on something else. In some ways it's like a door with more than one lock, cos somtimes just as I find peace regarding one aspect of an issue another aspect of the same issue raises its ugly little hed! Yes you're right in that I think we take good things and carry them to such a degree that they no longer have the same virtues!

Thanks Forgiveable for reminding me that I don't think I'd even asked God to forgive me if I'd done anything wrong. (I've rectified that now!) I was too busy worrying about if I had done wrong or not. It's silly cos with other things I pray prolly ritualistic prayers for forgiveness even before the thoughts/image has been fully processed. Thanks for that verse...

Thank you for your honesty Mitzi...oh how I could relate to the pin issue! I used to get these charity requests through the post and they would enclose a really small amount of money...as a way to encourage you to give I think. Well if I didn't give what was I supposed to do with money? I couldn't keep returning it or should I have? I don't think you were meant to in fact I think they told me as much once when I tried to check out what I should do but I'm not totally sure on that. I guess most other people would have prolly just thought well it's a gimmick and they must be able to afford it knowing that not everyone will give thereby recouping their small loss. Aghhhhhhhhhhhh! I'm like it if I think I may have even slightly damaged something as well...like I might scrape against someone's wallpaper and then notice some damage and though not sure if it was me or not and we're talking minor damage here, I often will have to confess that I may have damaged their wall. It all gets very wearing and embarrassing!Thank you for helping me feel not so alone with being like this!

Thanks Piccasoui...it helps to be heard and understood...sorry you struggle with this aspect of OCD too! Hope you're doing OK.

Thanks again all of you, you have really helped...I pray God blesses you for taking the time to help me...take care, Rachel

Well, Rachel, we also get charity requests with little gifts or small amounts of change. I just figure this is their marketing technique to get you to open the letter etc. or feel obligated to donate. Doesn't bother me. That's just the risk they take! BUT the thing about fear that maybe you've damaged someone's property in some minute way....oh, yeah, I can relate to that BIG TIME. I worry that maybe I dinged someone's car in the parking lot etc. etc. Maybe I scratched the wood on someone's furniture etc... I think this would fall under the category of what Dr. Phillipson terms "responsibility OCD." Some people get so bad that if they hit a bump in the road, they are afraid maybe they hit a person and have to go back and check! What you and I are describing in nowhere close to that severe, but I think it's the same form of OCD manifestation.

I've never spoken to anyone about these kind of things. There is some relief in realizing it's a somewhat "common" OCD experience.

 

[RachelZ]

Hi KayKay...sorry for such a late reply but I've not been on for a while and only just read your post. Yes I agree totally that there is relief in realising that others share common themes of OCD. How are things going with you at the moment? Hope you're doing well...take care, Rachel

 

[QUannie]

i remember when my daughter was about 3, we bought her the little tikes leggo set...you know the giant leggo's . it was supposed to have, like 100 pieces in it or 60 or something like that. anyway, yes i counted the blasted things.....more than once.....found there were more than what it said on the bucket it came in. i put the extras in a plastic bag and took them back to the store and explained how it didn't feel right to have more leggos than what was supposed to be in there......the sales lady probably thought...who counts there leggos they just bought!! that is just one classic tale of what your explaining......i know too well!!!

Q

 

[RachelZ]

Oh wow that sounds like me...I'll do stuff even though I feel embarrassed wondering what on earth the other person must be thinking...thanks Quannie