Screwed up ***may trigger***

[Music4Hym777]

After over a year of no laxatives, I was having a bad day and had one (just one not 50). I immeidiately regretted it, but cant believe that I did that! I can think of 5,000 excuses why it was okay, but in reality, I took it, I have felt sick all day and wish I could take it back.

 

[blessedmomof5]

Monica,
ok so it was a little set back and like u said only 1.......tomorrow is a new day after all you just went through it will bring back those horrible memories of why you don't take them any more.....and you should also be proud of yourself......a year is longtime......not that i should be the one talking here..... but you should be proud and everyone slips every now and again, and it makes you feel yucky.... but look at how good you've been doing without them...now get rid of them.....
Blessings denise

 

[ark_angel]

don't feel badly, things sometimes turn for the worst, life throws us those curves, but there is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep your head up, look to the Lord, He is proud of you and loves you sooooo much words can't even describe His love. So stay strong in Christ, He will help you through, and you will get through the flames without even smelling like smoke, because Jesus is with you.
My prayers shall go out for you.

 

[madison1101]

God is so awesome. When we confess these things, He forgives and lets us start new. The hard part is forgiving ourselves.

Recovery involves making mistakes and learning from them. Grow from this. Examine what triggered your slip and what you can do next time so it doesn't happen again.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[blessedmomof5]

Monica,
are you feeling any better? i could imagine what you put yourself through today because of your slip....just concerned.....
Praying for you Denise

 

[Music4Hym777]

Monica,
are you feeling any better? i could imagine what you put yourself through today because of your slip....just concerned.....
Praying for you Denise

Hey Denise,

I am getting there. I did have an "off day" today. I didn't want to count anything (I am supposed to stick to a certain diet) until after I was done eating for the day (like 6:45). I found that I ate too low on the fat side of things, the diet that I am on I am supposed to eat a certain amount of fats, proteins, and carbohydrates. I only ate about half of the amount of fat that I should have. I feel like I binged too, but when I added everything up, if I wouldn't have "binged" then I would not have been near in the calorie range that I HAVE to stay in (my nutritionist is adamant about me staying between 1700-2000 calories).

Emotionally I am still a wreck. I did make sure that the house was free from anything that could make me do something bad, I dont care if my mother gets mad about throwing some stuff away, I need a safe environment free of triggers these next couple days. I am getting better, but my fiance freaking out on me really shook me up and he is making me take this VERY seriously.

We came up with a game plan late last night that we will probably put in writing, just so that things wont be sooo hard if there is a next time. We will both know the rules and WILL follow them out.

We now have a game plan and the rest of my life depends on it. The rules are that he wont take action right now (we had an agreement earlier that if I ever did relapse then it was into inpatient, but since its a one time thing so far, he isn't gonna do anything but pray). However if I do it again then here are the stipulations

If I tell him right away and dont try to hide it:
Then I just have to go back into see a psychologist on a regular basis until I can stand on my feet again. He will help me find one or whatever since he not only knows the area better than I do, but he knows our new pastor better than I do (if I need some help finding a place to go, pastors are good about that). Plus he wants me to stay in school if I can.

If I dont tell him, try to hide, it and he finds out (which he always does):
#1 The marriage is off, which is a scary thing, because he warned me that ahead of time not to "lie" or "withhold" this from him. I dont know what I would do without him.

#2 As if not marrying him would be torture enough, on top of that, I may as well kiss this semester good-bye, pack up, because we would be heading to an inpatient eating disorder center. I have already been signed up for one at a time and since I am still in the data base there, I would probably wind up there. I dont get any say in it, I know I am an adult, but he would get his father involved and that right there would put me in the inpatient treatment center because I listen to my pastor.

#3 He basically tells me that I would be starting over from square one. All over again, that scares me too. He was really adamant about that.

#4 On top of not marrying him, IF we remained friends, he would approve my class schedule before I could sign up for it.

 

[luv4godremains]

woah, that sounds really harsh, but I'm glad yuo have someone looking out for ya! keep your head up, you can beat this! And, you know that either way there is much less to fear if youa re honest with him! good luck angel! I'll be praying for ya!

 

[blessedmomof5]

Monica,

Now let me say first, i am not in treatment.well talk to someone 1x a week,,,so i feel unworthy to give advice, when i take none....but here goes anyway..lol

glad you threw everything out, that is a BIG step... proud of you..

as far as your eating plan goes i am clueless, not at that point in my life yet....eating.

now about your fiance, he sounds like he really cares about you, but may i ask do you still see a counsler? talk to someone? maybe run that plan by them? or even your pastor? that must be very frightening for you to have to live up to those expectations. and i really do believe he did it because he loves you and does not want to see you hurt.

i am here for you, sorry kids fighting have to run, but i will be back later to check on you, and maybe share a little....i am good at telling people what to do, but not doing it myself.......

your sister in Christ
Denise

 

[Music4Hym777]

Monica,

Now let me say first, i am not in treatment.well talk to someone 1x a week,,,so i feel unworthy to give advice, when i take none....but here goes anyway..lol

Sometimes 1x a week can help, but I know in the beginning for me it was not enough, I was in support groups, private counseling, nutrition counseling, seeing a psychiatrist, and seeing a doctor on a regular basis. It was once I really stepped up and took on all of that, that things really started looking up for me.

glad you threw everything out, that is a BIG step... proud of you..

as far as your eating plan goes i am clueless, not at that point in my life yet....eating.

actually eating is probably one of the last steps in recovery, so I completely understand. People were at the point of saying that I was recovered for a bit, my fiance included.

now about your fiance, he sounds like he really cares about you, but may i ask do you still see a counsler? talk to someone? maybe run that plan by them? or even your pastor?

At this point intime I am not seeing some one, I have looked into it a bit since the relapse and he REALLY wants me to go, but things are looking up so I am not sure what I will do. I know that it must have been ran by our pastor at home, my pastor and fiance tag team alot since they are a father/son duo.

that must be very frightening for you to have to live up to those expectations. and i really do believe he did it because he loves you and does not want to see you hurt.

It is frightening, but I know that if I were to try to hide this from him and I slipped up and started lying to him and everything then that would ruin our relationship. I dont want to start my marriage off on the wrong foot, so I am willing to abide by it.

i am here for you, sorry kids fighting have to run, but i will be back later to check on you, and maybe share a little....i am good at telling people what to do, but not doing it myself.......

your sister in Christ
Denise

Thanks! I know sometimes it is easier to preach it then to live it.

 

[blessedmomof5]

Monica,

yes it is so much easier to preach...

i tried nutrional counsler....joke, need more intense than that...

saw phychiatrist, hated the drugs.....

i could just go on with the excuses, way to easy..

if you look online you can find ed specialist in or around your area, if you want the webpage i can pm or email it..or post it here if that is allowed..... they give you a whole list form ip to op to christain counslers, to whatever you need. just type in where you live and what you are looking for and there it is.....i think it is under treatment finder.....
so if you want it i will send it to you...thats how i found the one i am seeing now.
glad to hear that your fiance means that much to you , that it is frightening, but so is the disease.....some times they do have a mind of there own.....but don't fall back into that. you are sounding better than yesterday, just thought i would let you know that.....so that is a wonderful sign.
may God contunie to Bless you
Denise

 

[Music4Hym777]

Monica,

yes it is so much easier to preach...

They say that inorder to preach it, you have to know what youre talking about.

i tried nutrional counsler....joke, need more intense than that...

I started one that was a joke pretty much, then I got a recommendation from one of the girls in my group and LOVED my nutritionist.

saw phychiatrist, hated the drugs.....

You have to make sure that you are on the right ones, I was dependant on an anti-depressant for a while, they often will put you on them short term to help with chemical imbalances. 8 months of lexapro did the trick for me.

i could just go on with the excuses, way to easy..

It is only once you stop making excuses that the real healing begins.

if you look online you can find ed specialist in or around your area, if you want the webpage i can pm or email it..or post it here if that is allowed..... they give you a whole list form ip to op to christain counslers, to whatever you need. just type in where you live and what you are looking for and there it is.....i think it is under treatment finder.....so if you want it i will send it to you...thats how i found the one i am seeing now.

I have all the resources I need, I just really wasn't active and so I quit going because sessions were no longer necessary (even according to my psychologist), I have made a lot of progress.

glad to hear that your fiance means that much to you , that it is frightening, but so is the disease

Yes, it is frightening, but my fiance means more to me then the ED so I am willing to abide by it whole heartedly, he is an awesome guy and we love each other very much. He doesn't want to see me hurting or upset or anything. So that is why he is taking this sooo seriously.

.....some times they do have a mind of there own.....but don't fall back into that. you are sounding better than yesterday, just thought i would let you know that.....so that is a wonderful sign.
may God contunie to Bless you
Denise

Yes, EDs sometimes have a mind of their own, but controlling that mind is what is the key component. I am doing much better today, I am up and about, gonna go shopping and stuff. I cant even believe that 72 hours ago I relapsed!

 

[blessedmomof5]

well i am happy that you are doing so great today. its amazing what a little rest and talking can do for a person and the prays always help the most..hoping it will be my turn soon....

Your sister in Christ Denise