I am so tempted today. I am afraid to take a shower. I stayed home from work for "mental health" reasons. The shower is where i usually self harm, and since I am home alone, well I guess I just stay dirty today.
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Scared.
- Thread starter berry2000
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Still the same. But I haven't harmed. It hurts inside so bad. I've had to skip work because of the depression and I've become withdrawn. I talked to my pdoc and he said I could up my antidepressant. I've tried to take it easy on myself, I've spent time with my best friend. I just really am in emotional pain and depression and I can't shake it (3 weeks now).
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Okay so I still haven't showered. Some may say that's strange but I don't really sweat or get dirty so I'm okay. You do what you have to do. I am fighting the urge to self harm every day lately. But I still have managed to stay safe.
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mamalonglegs
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Hi Berry: I think you need need to talk to someone and find out about your depression and your internal pain. Your body is crying out for help BIG TIME. The need to shut it up the "usual way" is not going to make it all go away. You know that. The pain and depression will just come back and maybe even stronger because of guilt if you give in. Please keep fighting. PM me if you need. But talk to someone. I'll be taking this to God. You know me. mamalonglegs
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Thank you Mama for your response and others. You are right about my body crying out for help big time and I can tell that you do understand the nature of the problem.
Seems as though the depression is finally starting to lift. Specially do to the prayers of faithful friends like you all!
As far as needing someone to talk to. I'm a little at a loss. I have a therapist who knows what is going on. I have a counselor from church whom also knows. And I have a psychiatrist. Plus a handful of local and internet friends. I don't know how much else external support I can get. I was able to adjust my medication slightly to up one of the antidepressants and maybe that helped.
The real trouble, although you are totally right there are some things that still need discussing, but the real problem, trigger, catalyst here is hormones run amuck. Something is seriously wrong and hormonally imbalanced. And sometimes it is like clockwork. I have yet to have a wise doctor connect all the dots including the hormones and come up with a good game plan.
But I am fighting, I did manage to shower safely, and I did not self harm at all.
Plus it feels like I am definately pulling out of it. Perhaps that day off really helped my body to rest too!
Seems as though the depression is finally starting to lift. Specially do to the prayers of faithful friends like you all!
As far as needing someone to talk to. I'm a little at a loss. I have a therapist who knows what is going on. I have a counselor from church whom also knows. And I have a psychiatrist. Plus a handful of local and internet friends. I don't know how much else external support I can get. I was able to adjust my medication slightly to up one of the antidepressants and maybe that helped.
The real trouble, although you are totally right there are some things that still need discussing, but the real problem, trigger, catalyst here is hormones run amuck. Something is seriously wrong and hormonally imbalanced. And sometimes it is like clockwork. I have yet to have a wise doctor connect all the dots including the hormones and come up with a good game plan.
But I am fighting, I did manage to shower safely, and I did not self harm at all.
Plus it feels like I am definately pulling out of it. Perhaps that day off really helped my body to rest too!
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Berry - tons of prayers coming your way! Keep up the fight!! We will overcome - when all hope seems gone, cling to that truth - we will overcome because He already has. TN
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