- Jan 18, 2019
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- United States
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- Christian
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I am absolutely terrified. That doesn’t even begin to describe the word. It just happened moments ago. I don’t know what to think. One of the worst things is when it happened, I wasn’t crying. But I was screaming in my head noooooo! I shouted at the thoughts as they were flying in, screaming internally. Yelling stop it, stop it! They were the most awful thoughts I have ever heard. Even my throat is scratchy from screaming. It’s like thoughts are trying to tell me I don’t care, that I’m not scared, when I’m shaking right now. I’m absolutely scared by it looking like I barely reacted to it, but I was screaming at the thoughts. Thoughts are telling me I really did it and I’m done... I really refrain from coming on here. But this...I feel sick. I don’t know what to think, why did I not cry?
I feel so afraid by my reaction...thoughts telling me this is for real, or that my heart’s hardened. That I’m falling away. Even a thought popped in my head saying I’m going to die and not be saved. A thought just popped in my head and said “I’m going to hell. Bye everyone!” Please pray for me. I remember though, as these thoughts were flying in I shouted praise to the Holy Spirit. I told Him I will never leave Him. I asked Him to assure me I didn’t think these things.
It’s a quarter to 2 am and I can’t sleep. I’m sitting here, under the covers, staring into space. Thoughts trying to say I don’t care but here I’m whispering no over and over again...
I feel so afraid by my reaction...thoughts telling me this is for real, or that my heart’s hardened. That I’m falling away. Even a thought popped in my head saying I’m going to die and not be saved. A thought just popped in my head and said “I’m going to hell. Bye everyone!” Please pray for me. I remember though, as these thoughts were flying in I shouted praise to the Holy Spirit. I told Him I will never leave Him. I asked Him to assure me I didn’t think these things.
It’s a quarter to 2 am and I can’t sleep. I’m sitting here, under the covers, staring into space. Thoughts trying to say I don’t care but here I’m whispering no over and over again...
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