Saved by his Grace

[seekerofgrace]

I have been married for almost 7years, been with my wife for almost 10years now. In our early stages of marriage, I was stupid and went and got a massage that ended with a happy ending. I promised not to do it again and not to hurt her like that again but that was just my beginning. There was a timeframe in our marriage (right around when our daughter was born) that we were very toxic to each other, would fight and just say / do hurtful mean things towards each other. Rather than turning to God, I turned to the world. Was addicted to inappropriate contentography, which then brought me back to the massage world and that then took me to strip clubs. I was the furthest from God that i've ever been, and was going directly to hell. One day after getting a massage that ended how the first did, God grabbed me and shook me and said your going to hell if you don't stop this. I freaked out and had such bad anxiety and depression. Ultimately I recommitted my life to Christ, asked his forgiveness and sought his face. I knew God forgave me, I was on fire for him again! But my heart kept tugging at me, almost like God was saying I forgive you now you need to tell your wife so she forgives you, otherwise I can't forgive you my son. I fought and wrestled with God on that one knowing that if I told her every little detail it would destroy her. I was a very bad person and was so enslaved to inappropriate content and the things that come with it that there was no way out, except through God. So one night after church I couldn't wrestle with God anymore, he was winning obviously lol, I had to confess to her. I told her that I was enslaved to inappropriate content, that I went to the strip club a few times and that I got a massage again. She was devastated. I felt so ashamed because I hurt her again in the worse way possible. I confessed the actions to her and to God, I know God forgave me, but hearing her forgive me was a breath of fresh air. I was terrified that I would lose my family, because I know how bad I was. I knew the extent of where I went, how much time and effort I put into that search for sin. I couldn't go into detail with her because I knew if I went into graphic detail that that would most likely harm her physically and I didn't want to see her take her life because of my past. I asked her for forgiveness for all the horrible things that I did and the toxic times, I told her I was very sorry for the man that I was and the horrendous things that I did. I left it at that, she forgave me and thanked me for apologizing. I know God forgave me and has healed my heart as well as hers, and is mending our marriage and making it new again. My biggest struggle is having the devil creep into my mind trying to remind me of how horrible of a person I once was, and that I should tell her every single detail. After reading a article on recovery today, Luke 9:62 says NO ONE who keeps looking back at his past is fit for the kingdom. And Philippians 3:21 says “Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” These words resonated at my core, and I apologized to my wife again and said EVERYTHING that i've done to you, in light and darkness, my addictions, hurtful words and actions, I am sorry. Once I apologized again I told her that this is me releasing the past and giving it to God, and that I vowed to never go down that path again. It's been quite some time since i've even looked at inappropriate content or stepped foot in a massage parlor let alone strip club, and I am so thankful that God has brought me out of the darkness that I was enslaved to, and brought me into his grace. I never thought typing or sharing the story would help the healing process but just me writing this helps. I am a child of God and by his grace I am set free. My sin and actions were the nails in his hands, my thoughts were the crown on his head, and by his death on the cross, he gave me eternal life and set me free from all sin and sorry. Thank you Jesus for loving me, and forgiving me and making me new in you. I hope my story can help someone, and I hope anyone who reads this continues to pray for me that my mind wont continue to dwell on the past and battle with the things of the past, because I have been made new in God and he forgives me. Thank you for reading

 

[faroukfarouk]

Hi; good to see you; God bless His Word to you and your wife. Reading the Bible together and praying together is a great blessing; if not yet done together, it is a great aim to have to be able to do regularly.

 

[seekerofgrace]

Hi; good to see you; God bless His Word to you and your wife. Reading the Bible together and praying together is a great blessing; if not yet done together, it is a great aim to have to be able to do regularly.

Many thanks to you! We are on the road to recovery together and healing, seeking God is essential. We have rededicated our marriage to God and will start doing devotions together. That was the one area we struggled. Thank you again for the insightful words