- Dec 8, 2012
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Every so often I find myself plagued by thoughts and feelings which I have no control over. I had heard of a book written by a man named John Bunyan in which he mentioned his own personal problems with this type of thing-I have not actually read it, but I just found this excerpt. It says: "While I was in this torment, I often found in my mind a sudden urge to curse and swear, or to speak some grievous thing against God, Christ His Son, or of the Scriptures. Now I thought, surely I am possessed of the devil. At other times, I thought I would lose my mind; for instead of praising and magnifying the Lord with others, if I but heard Him spoken of, presently some most horrible blasphemous thought or other would bolt out of my heart against Him. So whether I did think that God was, or again did think there was no such thing as God, no love, peace or gracious disposition could I feel within me. These things did sink me into very deep despair, for I concluded that such things could not possibly be found among those who loved God."
The whole thing can be found here: The famous John Bunyan’s battle with blasphemous thoughts, feeling unforgivable, reprobate and demon possessed
This is exactly how I feel. Almost perfectly. I do not even know if I even love God and I have resorted to basically constantly asking the Lord to "save me if I am not saved and change my heart so I do not get these things coming back". And always the thought or feeling comes back, and once again fear maybe I am not even saved. It has become a VICIOUS cycle. How could I EVER follow Christ if I am left like this and feel maybe I am not even for him? I have tried avoiding anything that would spark these thoughts and sometimes felt maybe there is hope, but to no avail...what do I do?
The whole thing can be found here: The famous John Bunyan’s battle with blasphemous thoughts, feeling unforgivable, reprobate and demon possessed
This is exactly how I feel. Almost perfectly. I do not even know if I even love God and I have resorted to basically constantly asking the Lord to "save me if I am not saved and change my heart so I do not get these things coming back". And always the thought or feeling comes back, and once again fear maybe I am not even saved. It has become a VICIOUS cycle. How could I EVER follow Christ if I am left like this and feel maybe I am not even for him? I have tried avoiding anything that would spark these thoughts and sometimes felt maybe there is hope, but to no avail...what do I do?
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