S.a.h.m.

Oooh I had a c section too... not comfy! But if it makes you feel any better, I was a c section baby, and after I was born, my Mom had 7 perfectly natural vbacs, without another problem!

And yes, btw, I'm a stay at home Mommy, and I plan to homeschool.

Any SAHMs get frustrated out there that people asume you have so much time to offer for their great agenda's? I just found out that the coordinator for our Sunday School program has decided that the extra family programming that our priest wants added is something she thinks I should do with another SAHM...she didn't ask. She told me I would be doing it. (since I am there anyway)....and that we need to schedule some meetings about it.

I am working part time out of my home, so I can be home, and she is sending me to planning meetings without asking if it works for me!!!!!!!

She said this in front of several other people, so I bit my toungue, but I need to have a talk with her at the end of the training tonight. Gently, respectfully, but she needs to understand that my time is for my family, and even though her plans are wonderful things, they come second to my family's needs.

P.S. Lately I've been thinking about writing a book on how to NOT burn out volunteers.

Once upon a time,
in a land FAR FAR away,
there was a stay-at-home-mom
who volunteered for.....

Oh, I suppose maybe not right here... huh?

I like to keep my schedule simple so I don't have to run from one thing to the next, unscheduled time is good for the children.

BananaCake said:

I wanted 4 or 5 children until I actually went through childbirth

Click to expand...

You had a c-section, so I see where you're coming from! But I'm the opposite, when I was done giving birth, although I was in pain because of my stitches, the very same day I knew I was doing this again. Call me nuts...

marezee said:

that is true...they start school so young and get involved in so many things, that unscheduled time becomes scarce!

Click to expand...

That was in our top three reasons to homeschool.

Green Orchid said:

You had a c-section, so I see where you're coming from! But I'm the opposite, when I was done giving birth, although I was in pain because of my stitches, the very same day I knew I was doing this again. Call me nuts...

Click to expand...

Okay, I will .... I've heard of people feeling that way but man after delivery my main thought was "I totally understand why people want drugs for that" ... I could do without experiencing it again!! Unfortunately babies have to find a way out into the world

how long have you been taking him? have you tried staying for a month in the background until he knows the "situation" with you present and then try leaving? or you could teach him to sit still in the pew!

School or homeschool, unscheduled time becomes rarer as the kids get older. You see the gifts God's given them & in encouraging them to develope those gifts start finding time is a precious & receeding commodity. It's all about balance.

On time.....I've said this before, I want to wear a t-shirt and get a bumper sticker that says, "QUIT SUPER SIZING MY KID'S EXTRACARRICULAR LIFE"...I've a couple of variations of that. I just think it's all so overload...and now that people are beginning to say "no" and take back their family life, the new trend I see, is a battle between the entities to prove that THEY are what a child REALLY needs (there is a war coming between the arts, sports, clubs and youth programming at the churches....when in reality, they are all asking too much of the kids and parents....IMHO, of course). And yes, I am a Sunday school teacher (who the programmers don't listen to, when I say we are trying to cram too much in on these families. I am a Girl Scout troop leader who tells the coucil office that I won't hold more than one meeting a month, and the events we attend will only be what the girls and parents feel fits into their schedule.

On going to church with a two year old. Mare, I wish you could have seen my son at that age. We'd stand up or kneel ('cuz as Catholics, as you know, it's up..down...up...down...LOL -yes, I laugh at my faith about that!)...anyway, we'd stand or kneel, and he'd take that as an opportunity to jump up on the pew, and run down it behind the people no longer sitting on it, which ever way was farthest from us, knowing we couldn't get to him because all of the people were in the way.

He'd then climb over the edge of the pew and take off into anywhere in the church he could get to fast enough.

I also had a totally humiliating Sunday, when my hubby stayed home with our two girls who were sick, and I packed up my son, equipped with crayons and kiddy books. I made it to the end of the service, and it was time to go up for communion. That meant my son had to stop coloring. He hit me on top of my head screaming at the top of his lungs all the way up to receive the bread (I skipped the wine), and I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. He was definitely stealing the show from our Lord's table that morning.

I had a friend with a son the same age (the two boys are Sunday School buddies, BTW), and she and I started a Nursery co-op around that time. Where moms would rotate in and out. The boys did better there than a nursery run by teens or grandmas, because they recognized most of the moms as being a friend of their own mom.

On the shy child, I was also o.k. with soothing down anyone's little one who cried, after 3 kids, and my middle one being the shy one, I knew it was just normal for some kids to feel that way. Usually after about 5 minutes, I could find something to entertain them.

This may not have helped, but I hope it at least helped you feel not so alone.

marezee said:

Do you bring your children to church? My Jake still has a hard time in the church toddler nursery. He will be 2yrs old this month, and is still very clingy. He will not stay for more than 5 minutes without me. I'm going nuts with this!!
Does anyone have this problem? Or any suggestions??

signed: hopeless with childcare

Click to expand...

I have brought both of my daughters to church since birth and both were in and out of the toddler class in their first year because I taught the classes so they do not have struggles in the class.

BUT I am a children's church worker and have experienced firsthand what works with little ones being left without leaving them insecure or unsure but happy and joining in on the fun. One little girl just came in about 4-5 months back and in the beginning cried and cried. Her Mom would come back down feeling badly because she fretted that she was burdening someone else with it or that the little girl was scared.

We helped her to understand that her returning to coddle her daughter actually made it worse. Even if they are insecure at first, showing them there is nothing to be insecure about is how they will move past it - not comforting them (which can confuse them into thinking there is in fact something to be insecure about).

As we assured her Mom that if it became something we didn't feel we could handle then we would immediately send up the assistant and retrieve her. At first it was hard for her but it wasn't long before the little girl had a dirty diaper and we went and got Mom (that made Mom feel more secure about knowing we would in fact come to get her).

The first two Sundays I had with her, she cried and cried. I didn't comfort her cries but included her in what we were all doing just as I was the others. She still was eating her snacks in between crying and still managed to drink her whole sippy cup full of juice in the 30-45 minutes we were down there. After the 3rd week, she saw that there was really nothing gained from crying so she started to watch and look around. I still included her but I kept the distance the same safe distance since she wasn't ready yet to join right in. One Sunday she cried for the amount of time it probably took Mom to get seated then crawled over to the toys where the other toddlers were and started playing. We are now able to go through each class pleasantly and she enjoys herself.

She will still cry when Mom drops her off, picks her up, or if she stops in at all during the middle. I've used these times to make it good (i.e. drop off: "Yay, time to play and learn about Jesus!"; in the middle "Oh, say 'thank you' to Mama! Can we all say thank you to Mrs. X?"; pick up: "All done! Now it's time to go see Mama!") I've tried to encourage the entering and leaving as pleasant.

I think it really matters on the mindset of the teacher and extinguishing fears with fun and love. I didn't encourage her fears of Mommy leaving but instead helped her to cope with it by seeing it as a time to be with me and the kids until she comes back for her.

As a Mom, I would tell the teacher how I want it handled and ask the teacher to give you a play by play - how long he cried, if he is playing, if it improves after each week. Give it at least a month or two to see how things are working out (or more depending on how long you've let him think that crying will get him out of there - it may not be the original reason it used to be but moreso that you've compounded that if he cries you'll take him with you). After the set time you commit yourself to letting the teacher establish a relationship with him. If he seems like he is adapting then you can choose to endure the crying when you drop him off and when you come to pick him up - eventually he'll understand that the crying doesn't manipulate the result and will stop (during all of this, be sure to spend quality time with him; do things he enjoys so that when it comes time to separate and he starts crying, you know it isn't because he is in fact hungry for your attention).

If he is insecure or afraid, calm the storm by letting him know it's fun - talk about the class, teacher and the kids throughout the week at home so it's not so sudden and the routine isn't a trigger. Be gentle and reassuring but firm and confident so he mimicks YOUR attitude and will think positively about it rather than be confused with your frustration or concerns. The things he will see will not be the rational thoughts behind it but instead: "she gets upset whenever she drops me off"; "she isn't leaving right away, she's hesitant in her decision"; "is she frustrated at ME?"

You don't want him to get a mixed message so stay confident and he'll feel more secure and stable.

Now I've really carried on, so I hope this helps a little bit!! LOL

KristiLee said:

We helped her to understand that her returning to coddle her daughter actually made it worse. Even if they are insecure at first, showing them there is nothing to be insecure about is how they will move past it - not comforting them (which can confuse them into thinking there is in fact something to be insecure about).

The first two Sundays I had with her, she cried and cried. I didn't comfort her cries

Click to expand...

Well we all parent differently, but I can't agree with this and if I knew my son's teacher did something like this (let him cry for a month and not even comfort him) I would be pretty sad.

I don't think we can say there is nothing to be scared of. Imagine you had been dropped off in a room full of strange people during one of those insecure times that the young ones go through and then when your mommy came to got you she wouldn't comfort you instead she said "there is nothing to be nervous about. pshaw!" or instead of a comforting teacher in this room full of strange people you found a teacher that just ignored the fact that you were crying rather than acknowledging it with a "its different to be left here, but your mommy will be back"

Jesus was kind to children, he liked them and treated them as persons. He said that we should be tender (like children) and treat others with respect, including children. I think we should follow his example,

Matthew 25:42-45 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.' "They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

Mark 9:36 He took a little child and had him stand among them. Taking him in his arms, he said to them, "Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me."

Matthrew 19:13 Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked those who brought them. Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

If he is insecure or afraid, calm the storm by letting him know it's fun - talk about the class, teacher and the kids throughout the week at home so it's not so sudden and the routine isn't a trigger. Be gentle and reassuring but firm and confident so he mimicks YOUR attitude and will think positively about it rather than be confused with your frustration or concerns.

Click to expand...

I do like and agree with this part though. Positive talk is good, and when D wakes on Sunday I tell him its church day! Yay! That way he knows what to expect.

I would rather go for two times until my child felt comfortable with the proceedings enough to leave. When I left David and he was "ready" he still didn't want me to go, but he did fine, and then he told me he wanted to come back. When I left David (against my better judgement but there was a pushy teacher in that class) and he was not ready, for days afterward he told me he didn't ever want to go back and was majorly insecure and clingy for those days. I chose a church that was going to let me parent my children since I know them best.

Now if I could just figure out what to do with my infant

illinoismommy said:

Well we all parent differently, but I can't agree with this and if I knew my son's teacher did something like this (let him cry for a month and not even comfort him) I would be pretty sad.

I don't think we can say there is nothing to be scared of. Imagine you had been dropped off in a room full of strange people during one of those insecure times that the young ones go through and then when your mommy came to got you she wouldn't comfort you instead she said "there is nothing to be nervous about. pshaw!" or instead of a comforting teacher in this room full of strange people you found a teacher that just ignored the fact that you were crying rather than acknowledging it with a "its different to be left here, but your mommy will be back"

Click to expand...

I can understand how this was misinterpreted... I did comfort her, I just didn't put a lot of focus on the negative but put more on the focus on the positive (please read all that I said in context since I did suggest the MOM to do that as well, I never said overlook it, but to not embelish it. I should have been more elaborate. I didn't comfort her in the sense of saying "You're scared, let's stay scared" but I would rub her back like all the other kids and say "would you like some cheerios hunny" or "would you like some more yummy juice?" I did NOT just leave her there to cry, nor did I ignore her AT ALL - and please know also that the mom even though you don't even know me, let alone this woman, is a wonderful and loving mother who was involved in the whole process.).

illinoismommy said:

Positive talk is good, and when D wakes on Sunday I tell him its church day! Yay! That way he knows what to expect.

I would rather go for two times until my child felt comfortable with the proceedings enough to leave. When I left David and he was "ready" he still didn't want me to go, but he did fine, and then he told me he wanted to come back. When I left David (against my better judgement but there was a pushy teacher in that class) and he was not ready, for days afterward he told me he didn't ever want to go back and was majorly insecure and clingy for those days. I chose a church that was going to let me parent my children since I know them best.

Now if I could just figure out what to do with my infant

Click to expand...

Again, in the context I had shared it - I hope this makes sense - all of it was to help make it a smooth transition FOR THE KIDS. Sometimes change is hard and is best coped with lots of loving support and encouragement. Please DO NOT think I alienated this child AT ALL nor the mother - we were not pushy but were open. That goes completely against everything in me and what I agree with.