Rules for visiting

fuzzymel · May 17, 2008

I came across this on another childfree board I belong to. A couple are about to have a child and issued their family and friends with the following list to ensure that their wishes were obayed. Its become a bit of an internet hit. Now some things are totally understandable but others are selfish and some are just plain crazy:

First, rules for visiting:

1. The first weekend after the birth, there are no scheduled visits - you may drop by unannounced and without scheduling between 10 am and 8 pm. It is very much appreciated if you bring a covered dish.
2. With the exception of special occasions (announced by B & K both), all visits during the first two months of our baby's life must be scheduled at least 24 hours in advance. This is to allow the parents and baby to rest without having to play host and hostess to everyone.
3. Scheduled visits will last no longer than two hours.
4. No visit may be scheduled within an hour of each other. This is to provide the family some alone time.
5. You may bring no more than two (2) guests with you on a scheduled visit. Be aware that your guests are your responsibility.
6. B or K may, at any time, end a scheduled visit. We do not need to give you any reason as to why. When we do, simply say goodbye and leave.
7. If you are remotely sick - including a runny nose - you will not be allowed in our home.
8. You may be asked to pick up something for us, or run to the store for us briefly. Please do so, as part of the reason you are visiting us is to help us care for our child.

Ok most of these I understand. Number 8 is just plain selfish. If they want someone to pick something up for them then why not ask before the person arrives? I am sure the visitor would be only happy to help out.

Handling the baby:

*Prior to handling our child, use some of the antibiotic hand lotion provided for you. During the first two months of our child's life, s/he does not have a very strong immune system. Once it has built up, we won't be as paranoid. But until then, you have to use it.
* Always support the baby's head.
* Always use both hands to support the child.
* Never take your eyes off the baby.
* Handling the baby is a privilege you must request (see Specific Rules, below).

Hand lotion seems a little overkill but then so does telling people how to handle a child. If I can hold a child without dropping it then anyone can.

Here's where things get a little weird:

Rights and Responsibilities

1. You have the right to bring healthy food.
2. You have the right to remain silent. Espesially when someone is sleeping.
3. You have the right to not come see our child.
4. You have not only the right but the obligation to point out anything that could physically endanger our child. You may be called on to reasonably justify it.
5. You have the responsibility to ensure that your guests are behaving in a proper manner at all times. Should any of them violate the rules of this document, you will be held accountable.
6. You have the right but not only the responsibility to break any of these rules, as long as it is to preserve the health and physical welfare of the child. Again, be prepared to account for your actions.

Erm ok this is beginning to sound crazy. Number three is looking like the most sensible option.

Next

Specific Rules

Unless permitted by B AND K, do not:

1. Criticize or make any remotely disparaging comment on other people, including other family members.
2. Smoke on our property or in the same general airspace as our child. General airspace is defined as any enclosed structure, or within thirty yards outdoors.
3. Touch or pick up the baby.
4. Take our child to any religious service or event.
5. Criticize or make any remotely disparaging comment on our religious choice and practices.
6. Criticize or make any remotely disparaging comment on breastfeeding, including doing in private, public, or when we should wean.
7. Criticize or make any remotely disparaging comment on our choice to use cloth diapers.
8. Criticize or make any remotely disparaging comment on how we are raising our child.
9. Complain while in our home.
10. Complain about our rules.
11. Pick up our child if our child weighs more than any medically mandated weight limit. This is for both our child's safety as well as your own.
12. Feed the child. This is for two reasons:
1. Breastfeeding has been medically proven to be healthier than formula, and we are giving our child that benefit.
2. When our child is able to begin to eat other foods, we are going to try and avoid food allergies. We will be able to do so by introducing our child to new foods as specified by our doctor. You may have had your own child, but you're still not a doctor.

Ok some of these again make sense. Number 11 is a little weird. If the child is overweight I don't think people could pick it up anyway.

Finally my personal fave list and the reason I think the childfree board noticed this demand:

Repercussions

* Failure to adhere to any of these rules will result in the loss of all visitation rights for a minimum of two weeks on a first offence.
* Excessive or hurtful violations will meet with harsher punishments.
* We will notify you by phone when we are ready to lift the ban.
* Before it can be lifted, you must write a letter stating why what you did was wrong and that you would be willing to allow Brian to enforce any punishment he chooses.
* Any attempt to justify your actions after our decision is made will result in harsher punishment.
* Any attempt to try and convince B or K to keep violations from each other will result in harsher punishment.
* Understand that B will generally take pleasure in hurting others in order to protect the general well being of his wife and child. Your feelings on the matter are irrelevant.

erm what? Take pleasure in hurting those who break the rules?????

To be honest I really really hope these rules made up were a joke.

mina · May 17, 2008

wow, i hope they are a joke too. It's a good way to alienate everyone. I completely understand wanting people to respect your family and do the best by your child, but that just seems a a bit anal. And threatening violence against anyone that doesn't pass your code of standards? That's disgusting even as a joke. They sound like people who are offended by everything but don't care who they offend or hurt.

JulySheMustFly · May 17, 2008

Wow Mel!

Sounds like a fun couple to be friends with. I'd be so tempted to send them a tongue in cheek card attempting to violate every rule they have on their list.

fuzzymel · May 17, 2008

I didn't post the links for it (in fact I removed the names so the person couldn't be identified) but the person was on a popular blog page and looking at the blog everything looked pretty genuine. It was this post that was the shocker.

127.0.0.1 · May 17, 2008

3. You have the right to not come see our child.

Whew! That'd have to be my favorite rule, it avoids the trouble of having to deal with all the others.

cherryblossom03 · May 17, 2008

I hope those are as a joke, because if they're not, WOW. I know it's your kid and stuff, but jeez, obsessive much?

Epoh99 · May 17, 2008

If it is just a joke it looks like they spent a lot of time coming up with it. Also, if it is supposed to be a joke the way it's written I would say that deep down there's truth to it for these people.

I should come up with some childfree rules for people who come to visit me because I really don't want kids in my house...let me correct that, I don't want any of the kids I know in my house.

OnTheWay · May 17, 2008

I'd tell the they could go F themselves and that'd be that.

127.0.0.1 · May 17, 2008

I don't think it's fake...I found that dad's blogsite. He actually made a blog all about his wife's pregnancy and their expectancy.

immabeadad

And then a reposting of the rules can be found here

OnTheWay said:
I'd tell the they could go F themselves and that'd be that.

How do you think they got pregnant?

lol! yeah right on!

snoochface · May 17, 2008

Wow. I'd be breaking every rule I possibly could, just so I'd be perma-banned and never have to visit these horrid people or their spawn ever again.

127.0.0.1 · May 17, 2008

snoochface said:
their spawn

I'm sure the spawn is just as terrified of them as we are. He he, "The Spawn", te he!

I was going to say the spawn is more afraid of you than you are of it! He he...

fuzzymel · May 18, 2008

Is spawn a word we are allowed to use here?

HeyHomie · May 18, 2008

Wow. Just, wow.

It has "Internet Joke" written all over it, but the evidence seems to suggest it's real. That's just... wrong.

The funny thing is, I think a lot of their requests are reasonable, but I wouldn't dream of codifying them, especially in such a formal and business-like manner. I'd say something more like:

A and L appreciate your interest in our new arrival. We hope that little Philbert brings as much joy to you as he will to us. We ask that you please consider the fact that, as new parents, we are likely to be worn out, and ask that you plan accordingly.

And by the way, the bit about the hand lotion is WAY off. I read that one of the reasons kids these days are turning up with such deathly allergies is the fact that our world is so antiseptic that they're not getting the early childhood exposure to germs and allergens that they need to build up immunity.

snoochface · May 18, 2008

fuzzymel said:
Is spawn a word we are allowed to use here?

I'm sure someone will "accidentally" fall into this forum and rip me a new one for it. And truthfully, the word isn't fair to the poor child who had no say in being born to those people. I just know that if I had to deal with them in any way, that's probably how I'd feel about them and their child.

HeyHomie said:
And by the way, the bit about the hand lotion is WAY off. I read that one of the reasons kids these days are turning up with such deathly allergies is the fact that our world is so antiseptic that they're not getting the early childhood exposure to germs and allergens that they need to build up immunity.

That's exactly right. Plus, I wouldn't want someone's hands slicked up with smelly, greasy lotion before holding my newborn.

Mskedi · May 18, 2008

Yeah... I wouldn't be visiting them.

I always offer to pick up things for friends of mine that have just had a kid... it's just a nice thing to do. But if they expected or demanded it, it would be my last visit until the kid could go to the store himself.

-~Truth_N_Trust~- · May 18, 2008

yeah, whoever said 'obsessive' was spot on. To actually go to the trouble of drawing up a list of rules?? Obviously their first child! Watch him have a heart attack the first time his kid eats a fistfull of dirt - or will the child not be allowed outside until the world is sterilized???
lol, some of the rules are fine, but like heyhomie said, codifying them is a bit nuts...

Caffeinated · May 19, 2008

HeyHomie said:
Wow. Just, wow.

It has "Internet Joke" written all over it, but the evidence seems to suggest it's real. That's just... wrong.

The funny thing is, I think a lot of their requests are reasonable, but I wouldn't dream of codifying them, especially in such a formal and business-like manner. I'd say something more like:

A and L appreciate your interest in our new arrival. We hope that little Philbert brings as much joy to you as he will to us. We ask that you please consider the fact that, as new parents, we are likely to be worn out, and ask that you plan accordingly.

And by the way, the bit about the hand lotion is WAY off. I read that one of the reasons kids these days are turning up with such deathly allergies is the fact that our world is so antiseptic that they're not getting the early childhood exposure to germs and allergens that they need to build up immunity.

These people have no class. Many of their 'rules' have nothing to do with the baby's well-being anyway - no complaining in their house? Hope they're okay with the massive amounts of complaining that will take place outisde their house with the departure of each visitor.

Rembrandtfan · May 19, 2008

It may be an internet joke, but I believe there could be a nugget of truth to it in some cases. It sounds like some people I knew from church. Some of us would take meals to couples with newborns and it almost started to seem like it was becoming expected after a while. I even had someone tell me that she was sent a thank you card that said "thank you for not bringing chicken". And someone actually sent me a thank you card that said "thank you for bringing healthy food to help me stick to my diet" I'm like Hello!? I'm not Jenny Craig. I had heard there were couples complaining about what was being brought to them. I'm thinking, "Get over it. If you don't like it, give it away to someone else. No one is obligated to bring you anything." My husband even thought it started getting ridiculous, and he has children.

I can understand some of it, but I think it should have been phrased as requests instead of rules. A person has a right to set reasonable boundaries in their own home, but some of it goes to extremes. And "punishment" for breaking the rules? Well B-O-O-H-O-O!

Rembrandtfan · May 19, 2008

1

. Criticize or make any remotely disparaging comment on other people, including other family members.
2. Smoke on our property or in the same general airspace as our child. General airspace is defined as any enclosed structure, or within thirty yards outdoors.
3. Touch or pick up the baby.
4. Take our child to any religious service or event.
5. Criticize or make any remotely disparaging comment on our religious choice and practices.
6. Criticize or make any remotely disparaging comment on breastfeeding, including doing in private, public, or when we should wean.
7. Criticize or make any remotely disparaging comment on our choice to use cloth diapers.
8. Criticize or make any remotely disparaging comment on how we are raising our child.
9. Complain while in our home.
10. Complain about our rules.
11. Pick up our child if our child weighs more than any medically mandated weight limit. This is for both our child's safety as well as your own.
12. Feed the child. This is for two reasons:
1. Breastfeeding has been medically proven to be healthier than formula, and we are giving our child that benefit.
2. When our child is able to begin to eat other foods, we are going to try and avoid food allergies. We will be able to do so by introducing our child to new foods as specified by our doctor. You may have had your own child, but you're still not a doctor.

Failure to adhere to any of these rules will result in the loss of all visitation rights for a minimum of two weeks on a first offence.
* Excessive or hurtful violations will meet with harsher punishments.
* We will notify you by phone when we are ready to lift the ban.
* Before it can be lifted, you must write a letter stating why what you did was wrong and that you would be willing to allow Brian to enforce any punishment he chooses.
* Any attempt to justify your actions after our decision is made will result in harsher punishment.
* Any attempt to try and convince B or K to keep violations from each other will result in harsher punishment.
* Understand that B will generally take pleasure in hurting others in order to protect the general well being of his wife and child. Your feelings on the matter are irrelevant.

Could some of this be directed at in-laws who try to interfere? Some of it kind of makes sense in that context, i.e. taking the child to a religious event w/o permission, or trying to convince one spouse to keep a violation from another?

127.0.0.1 · May 19, 2008

Rembrandtfan said:
Could some of this be directed at in-laws who try to interfere? Some of it kind of makes sense in that context, i.e. taking the child to a religious event w/o permission, or trying to convince one spouse to keep a violation from another?

3. Touch or pick up the baby.

Oh yes, that one's got in-laws and everyone else written all over it.

GRRRRR no, back off, my baby!

I'm the total opposite. I can't accept involvement in any child's life. The kid could be my nephew and I'd still totally disown him as an uncle.

You know what'd be funny is to go up and put your hand on the baby & see if mommy bites you! Maybe you'll get lucky and she'll give you a warning growl first.

Rules for visiting

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