Rotten personality

[Saxman]

I try very hard to be a good person and worship God and pray. I also try and lead a Christian life. But despite this at the core I am still extremely selfish, self-centred and cold. When I am nice to people it is just an act-I am doing it because it is the right thing or because I like the good feeling it gives me, not because of any particularly generosity or kindness of heart. I rarely if ever feel any genuine warmth, empathy or love for other people and it makes me feel awful. I also confess to finding most people boring and although I try and interest myself in what they are saying I generally find my mind wandering. Sometimes I feel more like a robot than a human.

So basically I am not a very nice person and unsurprisingly not very happy.

I know a lot of these emotions are human emotions and common in a lot of people, but I want to be different and be a genuinely warm, loving, selfless person. Yet whenever I try and act as if I was this person, I just feel like a phony as there is no accompanying emotion of love or warmth or generosity.

Is there any way that I can transform my personality such that I become less selfish and more interested in other people and more capable of loving someone other than myself.

 

[Rafael]

Just by admitting this means that you can change - if that is what you want. Just by joining in with social activities that are charitable might make a big difference. Remember the Christmas Carol and Ebenezer Scrooge? Well, his personality changed and so can ours. I know that I'm fifty three and still don't like myself very much at times and can be a bit crabby, but I just go one day at a time and try to do as good as I can for each day.
Maybe joining a prayer group or a group that visits sick and disabled people would help. I know that when I help a disabled person or visit a lonely person in a nursing home, they make me feel good for just being there with them. We can learn how to be warmer, but we have to get out there and be with others in order to learn.

Pray and be honest with yourself and God, and you can't go wrong. The Bible says that He can't resist a contrite person who admits his or hers faults and trys to do better. Keep praying and trying.
God bless...

Ps 34:18 The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

Ps 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

 

[Lilly of the Valley]

It will take the Lord's help to transform your personality. Like raphe said, admit this to the Lord and also ask for His help. It won't happen overnight, but with the Lord's help and power it will eventually happen if you are obedient to His leadings and are patient and have faith He is doing a work in you.

 

[Evangelical Pastor]

Actually there is an extremely easy way to change your mind.Furthermore it may happen very quickly if you are living a spiritual lifestyle.You just need to pray and use the correct words to receive what you need.What you are lacking is called the Baptism of the Holy Spirit.When God gives you this,the Holy Spirit will come to you and give you a mental make-over.You will find yourself over-flowing with the same love and compassion that Jesus has.This experience is so vital that Jesus has made it a requirement for salvation.(John 3:3-9) Your current mindset is quite normal but unworthy of salvation.The Holy Spirit will get you ready for heaven.DO NOT TRY TO DO THIS ON YOUR OWN.Call an expert to help you.His name is Holy Spirit.

 

[christiangal522]

I dido what everyone says above!! God will help transform you into who he wants you to be. Being a compassionate, loving person is who God wants you to be, trust him to help you with that and trust him to lead you!
I used to be very impatient...to a point where I felt awful and selfish...my impatience would penetrate my core and i'd feel guilt for it. I asked God to fill me with patience and peace...he delivered when he knew I was ready for it.

GOd obviously has pressed upon your heart the desire to have compassion, love, and interest in others...congratulations, you're already on the road God and you desire to go down. Continue to allow him to carry you down that path!!

 

[Sketcher]

It happens over time. Seek God, pray for transformation. Obey Him. Much of the power involves walking in His footsteps. If you fail, push ahead. Keep going for it. Even if you only move an inch a day, look back in two years and you'll see that you've gone a distance.

 

[Anna N. Amos]

A friend of mine once felt that way and she asked God in earnest "Please Lord, give me a deep heart."

And she is changed.

 

[Yummi]

It's not you who make the changes in your character, it's the Holy Spirit, it's God's work to renew the soul. All that he wants from you is just a genuine will to change to have his character and he will do it for you. And yes, it usually takes more time than we wish, so perservere in prayer and keep doing the right things, faith is not about "feelings" but obedience first. Satan tells many lies to discourage you but use the words of God as weapon, and ask his mighty Spirit to work within you. You're in my prayers.

 

[Vollkommen Warrior]

"When I am nice to people it is just an act-I am doing it because it is the right thing or because I like the good feeling it gives me, not because of any particularly generosity or kindness of heart."

I once heard a similar argument from a fellow intellectual. He said his wife did church-work and counseling simply because it made her feel good. I explained to him he was way over-thinking the concept. Feeling good about doing good is God's gift to us. We should enjoy this and not over-analyze it realizing the tail does not wag the dog. Not that this necessarily applies to you though.

Saxman, the fact that you are taking some time out of your day to write this post in a form of confession and/or attempting to better yourself proves you are at least on the right track. Try to be kind even if you don't always feel like it. People tend to get on my nerves too but for different reasons. I don't seem to find loads of caring people other than my immediate family and some extended. I would like to meet more people with real fundamental Christian values. It seems many of my old friends I went to college with still use degrading terms when it comes to women, and in general are not the most giving people. But back to yourself, keep trying and don't give up the fight. It may be a human nature you were born with..perhaps somewhat anti-social. I know I am too but I have to fight it every day. God Bless you.

 

[Cubbs]

It will take the Lord's help to transform your personality. Like raphe said, admit this to the Lord and also ask for His help. It won't happen overnight, but with the Lord's help and power it will eventually happen if you are obedient to His leadings and are patient and have faith He is doing a work in you.

Beautifully put lilly.

Saxman, It sounds as though you are tired of trying. God didnt save you just to put you on the "hang on for dear life" ride. He wants to give life and give it to you outrageously. Stay honest with where you are. What you think is something you can work on (Romans 12:1). However, put the tools down and let the Holy Spirit change whats on the inside. Easier said than done any day of the week I know. But there truly lies your answer. Finally, God doesnt look down on you. He has something great stored up for you, here and then.

 

[Johnnz]

I may have some suggestions, but I need some information about your past.

Do you want to send me a private message through the forum?

John
NZ

 

[TheMainException]

In order to love others and love God, there is something you have to do first...and that is...LOVE YOURSELF! It's the hardest thing to do, but in order to find love for others we have to find love for ourselves. So often we hate ourselves and claim to love God and can't really love anyone because we find such disgust in ourselves. It will take time and lots of prayer (as much as you can remember to do...whenever you remember, pray, and pray that you remember) to get to the point of loving others.

 

[silentpoet]

I myself can really be an *******. WHat changes that little by little is just trying my best to do God's will. And praying that I will not make an ass of myself. My most common prayer is that I might be allowed to do God's will and be His servant.