Romance

[enelya_taralom]

Though I don't see myself in any rush to get into some relationship, I still wonder about all the right moves to playing the romance game. Think of the movie "Hitch" and you get the picture. You have to play it just right if you want that girl you care for to not think you're just a total goof. Every conversation & interaction balances on the edge of a knife - stray but a little and you will fail. You can't be too obvious, you can't be too subtle. You can't be too close, you can't be too far. You have to know all the right things to say and God help you if there's a lull in the conversation. Even if you don't have everything together, you must at least appear that you do.

Hitch was right. You can't just go up to a girl and say, "Hey, you know what? I like you." You have to play this complicated romance game and you have to play it well. I can only hope and pray that if and when the time comes, I'm at least proficient at playing this game of romance.

The thing with Hitch though, was that at the end it was the men as people, and not players that got the girl Notice how it was the very things that Hitch told his cilents to not do, that had the women falling for the guys. In the end, Hitch was wrong. The women saw past the game / player and fell in love with the man. All Hitch did was give people the confidence / a little nudge to get started....

Personally, I would love to have a guy be straight up with me, and not try to beat around the bush. I will admit, that there is a slight game involded in the first contact, allowing yourself to be open and setting up the chance to talk with someone, but after that, I see little reason why the game would have to contuine.

Honestly, I would find it a bit strange, and well, scary, if a guy I didn't know or had never talked to before, came up to me and said "hey, I like you." I mean, he's never even talked with me, so how could he like me? But if we had a conversation or two, then I would have no problem with a guy saying, "hey this has been great. I have really enjoyed talking with you, and would like to get to you know better. How about dinner?" Well, okay , obviously if I didn't feel that way about him, and would have to tell him that, I might feel remorse over having to disapoint him, but nonetheless, I would appreciate his honesty with me. Shows that he was able to see me as a person and not a prize to be won at the end of "a game well played." (This just brought an image of the old Super Mario games where as Mario, you'd would go through a "game" to rescue/win the Princess ).

I was just recently in a bit of a scenerio with a guy at school, that might be a good illustration here.

We had been in a class before where we both sat next to each other. One day I noticed him looking my way. To this day I wish I had smiled back at him, but I was actually quite surprised and shied away. This is where the game aspect comes in. If I had only smiled and invited him into a conversation, then perhaps things would have turned out differently. Course, turning my head and looking in another direction sure didn't give him the right message . But, I'm not a player nor am I used to having guys notice me.

Anyway, the semester went by with not much happening. To my great surprise though, he was in another of my classes this semester. Because we at least had some familairity with eachother (and I had all summer to kick myself for not smiling ;D ) things progressed a bit further. I was fortunate enough to be presented with an opportunity one evening to sit and have dinner with him at our school cafeteria. The next morning we ran into eachother in the parking lot, and had a brief chat before class. Unfortunatley though, things just seemed to stop after that. I guess another game of sorts was going on... one that should have ended there, but apparently didn't.

Ironically, I'd have to say that neither one of us seemed like players. I know I'm definitley not and from what I did get to know of the guy, I'd say he wasn't either. My impression was that we were both two people wanting a relationship but neither had the "game" or honesty to allow it.

I'd imagine some may read this and think that this is all the more reason why the game has to be played well. Again, I will admit that initailly, there is a bit of that there. However, having been in this scenerio, I'd say that this is all the more reason for honesty. If after that one night we had dinner, one of us had said to the other "It's been great talking with you, would you like to go out sometime?" then who knows what could have happened. I know that if he had said this to me, I would have smilied and said "YES!!"

Course, this does set us up for a "no" answer, but at least there was honesty (from both sides) and each now knows where the other stands. There won't be any wasting of time on a game that may just end up no where anyway.

Besides, again, it's the person that people need to fall in love with. The game will only get boring if the person is never there.

 

[Cordy]

I was not into the romance game. I liked it when I could have an honest conversation with a guy about our relationship, if it was heading toward romance, or if it should stay in frienship etc.

 

[tamtam92]

I didn't vote because in both case i don't wish it happens that way.

He should first be friend with my brothers (because i wouldn't marry anyone who doesn't get along well with my family). Then he could just tell them, or my father, that he's interested in me. And if he loves maths, everything will be OK . I don't care for romance, i'd like to be able to bandy about interesting subjects - God, the Bible, maths, technology,...
Too much romance and you get blinded. Remember love is also a business affair.

 

[Cordy]

Remember love is also a business affair.

Do you really think so? Wow. That seems so extreme to me.

I am not a fluffy frou fou girl, nor a fan of most Hollywood romance, but I do enjoy romance in our relationship. It is something my husband and I choose to pursue and maintain. It is not the base of our relationship – our commitment is – but is a wonderful little bit of sugar on top that really brightens up our marriage.

 

[JourneyRain]

Well, I am really really against the games now. I guess when I think game is when a man says "Oh I like you" and then behind your back is still looking for other girls.

Victim of cruel games. Don't play games like the above.

 

[vibrant]

be romantic about it and just tell me. i'll probably overlook anything really subtle.

 

[GodsJewel]

I would rather someone tell me than play games.

 

[Kirley]

I could be the only chick in these forums that feels/thinks this way, but if some guy comes up to me and just all of suddens says he likes me I'm going to be looking at him like there's something really wrong with him or he's just creepy. But if a guy takes interest in the things I'm interested in, hangs out with me, and basically does the starting romancing and then says "hey I really like you" I'm going to be way more open to hear it.
Now I could just be crazy or old school like that, but that's definitely my opinion, and since I haven't heard anybody else pipe up about that.. I thought I'd throw it out there.

Nope i totally agree with you. He has to show me that he loves/likes me for who i am and is willing to do all sorts of stuff with me. its not a game, its fun. its cute, and its definately a way to get me to notice how much he really does care and like me.

 

[Utah Knight]

tell me flat out

 

[Achichem]

In my head I think it is strait up, but experience tells me not.

I can’t stress enough how awkward being told is, maybe it is different for other people but when I get told strait up it completely throws me off (even when I suspect it and like her to).

There are certainly times to say something, but for me the romance is so much more natural and comfortable that I don’t see why I need to say something till it is absolutely necessary.

 

[sistagirl]

i prefer a guy comin up to me and tellin me they like me im more likely to go out with them than them playin this game or gettin there friend to tell me. and anyways it s sweet if they just came out with it.

 

[intricatic]

Personally, I like to play the romance game, but most of the time, it's just easier if the person just comes out and states how they feel.

 

[Rin4Christ]

In my head I think it is strait up, but experience tells me not.

I clicked come out and tell, but i think i probobly enjoy the romance more than I am willing to admit (except that I just admited it) The romance and flirting before a relationship is official is part of the unwritten rules of western style relationships. It helps both people get to know the other and explore the possibility of a relationship.

 

[knownbeforetime]

I think I would prefer someone to just come out and say it and THEN we can play the romance game... That way, the pressure's off on having to pick up on hints...

 

[Chaan Stines]

I've heard women say they'd rather have a guy be straight forward and tell her how he feels, and I thought, "Wow! That sounds great. No mind games, no messing around, etc. I'll just tell her how I feel and see what happens."

So I try it on a girl I've known for a while, and have become attracted to.

Me: "You know, (name), I think you're a great friend, and I enjoy spending time with you. How do you feel about the possibility of making something more than a friendship out of this?"

Her: (silence)

Me (thinking): "Uh-oh, silence is bad. Quick, say something funny"

Me: (silence)

Me (thinking): "What's wrong? Say something funny before she gets freaked out and leaves!"

Me: "uh...."

Her: "I think you're a great guy..."

Me (thinking): "Uh-oh, here we go..."

Her: "...but I just don't feel that way about you."

Me: :o

 

[superdave]

You know I have this theory and I think it's correct. I am sick and tired of not being a man, and running around the issue. What ends up happening is, the girl I like ends up being a friend, and nothing comes of it. I read this book, although worldly, it had great truth to it. I think you need to automatically put in the girls head--you are here for romance and not there for friendship. If you want a girl to be a romantic interest. In early interaction, by flirting and letting her know your interest, it automatically removes you from the friend category--and of course, she may reject you--but its better to be rejected immediately--before you get attached. I have done it both ways. And although, I got rejected by a girl, I hardly knew. It sure hurt a lot less, than a girl that I was friends with.

I am not doing the friend thing, anymore. I have enough female friends. And let's face it, I have done the whole get to know them as a friend, and maybe it will turn into romance... It does not work. I am sorry, it just doesn't.

 

[Mirelys]

I think you need to automatically put in the girls head--you are here for romance and not there for friendship.

Any guy who tries that with me gets put into the "creep" category.

 

[Chaan Stines]

Any guy who tries that with me gets put into the "creep" category.

So if a guy asks you out, and you agree to go out on a date or two with him, and then he says, "I just want to be upfront with you. I'm not interested in being 'just friends', I'm looking for more than that," that makes him a creep?

 

[Mirelys]

So if a guy asks you out, and you agree to go out on a date or two with him, and then he says, "I just want to be upfront with you. I'm not interested in being 'just friends', I'm looking for more than that," that makes him a creep?

Well, if I knew it was considered a date, I'd be expecting that.
Put that way, it doesn't sound creepy so much as abrupt. I'd wish him well and run the other way---anyone who won't take the time to form a friendship first has their priorities wrong IMO. If you don't know me well enough to be friends, you don't know me well enough to date me.
I guess it just bugs me when people shop around for an SO. Falling in love isn't like going to the grocery store to see what's on sale.

 

[superdave]

Any guy who tries that with me gets put into the "creep" category.

Let me clarify... I do not believe you need to just come up to that girl--and just bust in and say, "do you want to go out w/ me?" I think that a girl--and wants she wants is a guy that makes it clear, that he is a guy that wants a relationship. I mean, I think after a couple of interactions-he needs to make his move. Because if you don't--you WILL be put in the friend category. Which once you are in--It is hard to get out of. I know, I am speaking from exprience. It has happened to me MANY times. I guess, what I am saying is that guys need to be guys--and be flirting, and (*gasp*) seducing (not sexually) girls they are interested in. What guys tend to do, is they get real close to a girl--and become their best bud. And that puts them in this boat, that makes the girl think that they are NOT boyfriend material.

It makes sense, why girls go out with the bad boys. These guys go out and have an air of confidence, and get what they want. They have a different spark about them, and girls like that. There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy, but I think guys have to go out and get what they want. Be active and persuing. If you think about it, God has given Men this trait.

The very essence of God's character is found in both genres. God created man to persue, and God created women to respond. What you do, when you become passive, is you become like a woman and do not do what God intended you to do.

I may be, barbecuing some sacred cows here...But I am sick and tired of men being lied to, and not being what God created them to be. I am sick and tired of being passive. Whats wrong with persuing women? I dont think there is anything wrong with it at all.

And I don't care what any woman says, this is true. I have seen it play over and over and over. Girls may say, they want a guy whos "always there like a best friend"--But what they really want is someone who is very assertive, a leader, and a guy that takes initative and asks them out.

And even if, a girl turns you down. I gaurantee, she does respect you A LOT more--than a guy who acts like an emotional creep and keeps it in, and lets it all out in a sappy way, a month or two down the road. I know beacuse, I WAS THAT GUY. I had liked this girl for a while, and when I didn't get what I want--I CRIED infront of her. SHE did not like me for months after that!

So this is my stance--take it or leave it. But I know, there is some truth here.