Rock bottom.

[Jedi]

I came across a letter someone I know wrote who seems to be traveling an increasingly downward spiral in the area of love, acceptance, and companionship. For the person's sake, I won't provide their name, but the letter is addressed to God over this matter, and I'm not entirely sure what the best solution is for this person. I'm wondering if anyone else here might have a bit of insight after reading it. The first part of the letter, which I omitted, just talks about how things were going well with this person the writer cares for, and when the chance came to ask if they could hang out some time, rejection took place. Keeping in mind this must be the 20th time in a row this person has faced such rejection, the author goes on to write:

"...May I ask a favor of you? Will you please shoot a bullet into my head? If all I'm going to face is rejection, I really don't see any sense in me living. Maybe I should join the military and be at the front lines as much as possible. Since I, myself, am not important, perhaps I can at least be a means to an end of someone else's purposes. If I'm killed in battle, then that will have hit two birds with one stone: I'm dead (a burden lifted from society), and in the process, I would have probably taken a bullet for someone else who really does matter. Once again, it comes to show that I am unimportant, especially my feelings. Important things are taken care of - I have experienced the exact opposite. I couldn't look up my name's meaning at Babynames.com, so I think the most appropriate thing to do is have it mean what others have labeled me as: worthless, not worth getting to know, loser, plague, curse, irrelevant, unimportant, not worthwhile, useless, stupid, reject, no good, source of (opposite sex's) discomfort, nerd, unlovable, burden on society, hated, mistake. Yep, that's me. It is what I've learned of myself from others. I am a horrible, worthless person, if I even have as high a status as that. To be rejected is worse than death. You're God - do something."

Thoughts? Comments? Advice? This person definitely has a deep wound suffered by rejection, yet a reasonable, practical treatment of such an injury eludes me.

 

[klewlis]

This person needs counselling (Christian) and lots of prayer.

Did you have permission to read the letter? I ask because it may be difficult to bring up the subject if they do not know that you read it.

 

[mina]

well they are hurting and hurting deeply. I think it's important to be sensitive to that and try to understand what they've been through and how they feel. If this is your friend, please be a friend to them, and accept them as a friend and let them know that you appreciate them and their friendship. Sometimes the most important and caring thing you can do for someone is to be there for them to listen if they want to talk. I agree that they need counseling and prayer, but they probably need to come to the realization they need counseling, they have to want it for themselfs. But if this was my friend I would pray with them and let them know that they matter to me.

 

[LifeInYou]

We cannot look to imperfect beings (humans) for the perfect kind of love we need and desire. We will constantly be let down and constantly rejected. We need the Agape love spice (God's love) to preserve our self-worth and to help us carry on. This person needs to let God fill the whole in his life first before he can be satisfied with human relationships (imo ).

 

[Jedi]

This person shared this letter with me (it's not like I'm going through their stuff ). Bringing up the subject wouldn't be much of a problem, since it's been brought up before. It's actually quite a perplexing situation. He's often times the life of the party in social situations, but when he's off alone, it seems he's particularly hard on himself - namely about not being good enough (hence the list of possible name meanings he listed for himself in the letter to God), which is probably brought upon by the rejection he's faced from people he has cared for. I can't quite understand how someone who seems to be so good with people could possibly be so lonely.

I know he had a sort of "mentor" a few years ago, a young lady with whom he spoke with over this matter. After a while, though, it seems that he felt she had grown tired of discussing this subject with him (not that she said that outright, but that's the vibes he got). Besides, he has this thing about bringing his problems to people. "They have problems of their own to deal with. I don't need to lob my troubles onto their already heavy load" he'd tell me.

I think some people's advice has actually only contributed to the problem, though. Over and over again, people have said, "Focus on God, and you'll be fine. He's the love you need rather than the intimate companionship of a girl. Seek first His Kingdom and all these things will be added unto you." Of course, if you hear this enough, it starts to come across as "If you're spiritual enough, you'll be fulfilled," which implies a fault on part of the person facing loneliness - not exactly the message you want to get across to someone who's already down on themselves for not being good enough, ya know (regardless of whether or not it's true)?

Being there for him is a definite must-do, but it really seems to be a "girl-shaped hole of rejection" that is really eating away at him, and being a guy myself, there's not much I can do in that arena. You know how it is: if one of your friends of the same sex as you says you look nice in an outfit, it feels good, but if a member of the opposite sex says the same thing, it tends to count as more.

 

[LifeInYou]

it starts to come across as "If you're spiritual enough, you'll be fulfilled," which implies a fault on part of the person facing loneliness - not exactly the message you want to get across to someone who's already down on themselves for not being good enough, ya know (regardless of whether or not it's true)?

He must realize that nobody is 'spritual enough' though. Nobody. It's about letting God work through Him, not how much he can do on his own.

And, if God can't fill that 'girl-shaped gap' that is fine, but at the very least he needs to let the Lord work in him to change his attitude and to give him hope so that he will be more desireable to be around. Most of us will admit that we don't like being around the 'poor me' 'i'm worth nothing' 'please pity me' types. This mindset brings everybody nearby down to, and pretty soon people are in desperation for their own space. God's love for us can change our attitude about ourselves, and ultimately make us more inwardly attractive people to be around.

 

[fishstix]

Most of us will admit that we don't like being around the 'poor me' 'i'm worth nothing' 'please pity me' types. This mindset brings everybody nearby down to, and pretty soon people are in desperation for their own space. God's love for us can change our attitude about ourselves, and ultimately make us more inwardly attractive people to be around.

It's also no fun being the 'i'm worth nothing' 'please be my friend' type. Eventually, one just resigns oneself to staying away from people in order to not bring them down. That results in further lonliness and feelings of worthlessness and the whole thing turns into a vicious circle.

 

[Jedi]

And, if God can't fill that 'girl-shaped gap' that is fine, but at the very least he needs to let the Lord work in him to change his attitude and to give him hope so that he will be more desireable to be around. Most of us will admit that we don't like being around the 'poor me' 'i'm worth nothing' 'please pity me' types.

Oh, of course, of course. However, like I said earlier, he's generally the life of the party in social settings. Except for the mentor I spoke of earlier (and those reading this topic, of course), I believe I'm the only one to know of this turmoil he's in. He's a master of masks, rest assured. He's definitely not the "pity me" type, but always has a front of confidence, humor, and encouragement about him. He seems the sort of fellow who would one day take his life, and no one would have ever seen it coming. He generally bottles things up inside so that he won't bring others down in his own troubles, which would be the exact opposite of those who have a "pity me" attitude.

*Sigh* If only there were an easy solution.

 

[Fungal Growth]

if he is one to bottle things up and let them explode then he needs an outlet that will be a safe secure place that he can ease those tensions, he needs someone that will not only listen to him but be involved and bring out those emotions and thoughts, ive always been that type of person, i wont talk about that stuff in detail or deep enough to really relieve any of it, but some people can talk to me a bring some deeper things out that will eally help the situation more than just someone listening....

 

[Sketcher]

All I can say is pray your butt off.

 

[seangoh]

Ok here goes my thoughts and comments...

Keeping in mind this must be the 20th time in a row this person has faced such rejection, the author goes on to write:

I'm quite amazed he was rejected so many times. This might mean 3 things. 1, that he's bold to ask so many times. 2, there's probably something wrong in his timing.(never ask can u be my gf after seeing her just a few times. Also, make sure the girl knows enough of you to make a good decision) 3, he just hasn't met the girl that God has planned for him yet. Seems like when God has a perfect girl coming your way, He'll make sure the girl will develop a liking to you. ..that's my theory though.

If I'm killed in battle, then that will have hit two birds with one stone

Very heroic of him. But he can be more heroic if he lives on to affect more peoples' lives. If he follows this path, when he dies, it'll be killing 100s of birds with 1 stone.

I couldn't look up my name's meaning at Babynames.com, so I think the most appropriate thing to do is have it mean what others have labeled me as: worthless, not worth getting to know, loser, plague, curse, irrelevant, unimportant, not worthwhile, useless, stupid, reject, no good, source of (opposite sex's) discomfort, nerd, unlovable, burden on society, hated, mistake.

Can you confirm that others labelled him all that? I find it hard to believe. But if it's true, then perhaps there's a character flaw in him that he doesn't know and someone has to show it to him for him to make a change.

Yep, that's me. It is what I've learned of myself from others. I am a horrible, worthless person, if I even have as high a status as that. To be rejected is worse than death. You're God - do something."

I was just thinking, the sacrifice of God's son has saved us from sin and it doesn't stop there. It means each of us has a potential. If God died for useless beings like us, that means that death has made us not useless. We become useful. But how are we to be useful? Each individual has to find out what he's useful at. Probably he hasn't found out what he's useful at. A good guideline is to follow one's passions. And if they are in line with God's ministry, then go for it. Discover what kind of blessings he can give to the community around him and at the same time have fun at that. This would give his life meaning and purpose. Have a purpose, goal, vision.

"Where there is no vision, the people perish:"Pro 29:18

Just my thoughts..