I destroyed myself like an idiot.. lost everything from a big fine income to my woman right down to my automobiles and residence.
And then I spent 2 years drinking vodka, mourning the loss of whats her name like an idiot, feeling sorry for myself and spending time with scandalous women all here and there.
The good news is that I've not been a drunk in over a year now and in that time I've been with only two women.
I may not be perfect yet but I went from being with far too many women and drinking far too much to drinking only twice per month and hardly ever seeing women..
The trouble is, my financial situation is still nothing but doom and hardship. All of the ways I use to make money do not work anymore - I'm faded and my ways are the way of yesterday but I have dilligently pursued new knowledge and skills which I've certainly acquired through alot of dedication and passion for my new interests.
The problem is simply this.. while I was loaded I destroyed my finances completely - especially my credit and I don't see many ways out right now. This experience has been very good for me in that I have definately learned to keep money in its place, that is I do not allow it to rule my life or emotions any more.
The old me would be sad and depressed.. mad and angry like Al Capone about being without money. I would be scared and downhearted without money back then - I even allowed it to help me lose the love of my life, the best thing that had ever happened to me.
So at least now I know better than to obsess over it. I don't really care as much about it as I use to but I realise I have to have it not only for myself and my family but for good things I miss being able to do for others.
I said I would never be a working man - thought I was too good - but I have been knocked off that paper horse and learned my lesson about pride too.
I can't stand a 9-5 low wage position so recently I've bought a couple of riding mowers and hope to go out cutting for pay in order to enable myself to earn enough money to rebuild my credit, save some cash and begin investing in Real Estate but I do have some concerns
Am I broke right now because god doesn't think I am ready to be wealthy again, is it because he does not like some things I will do with the money, is it because he does not want me to escape (I mean leave) this town because I have a calling here... my family needs me.. or is it because I will get carried away with the city life even though all I really like to do is watch old reruns and spend time at home instead of going out.. etc, etc,
I just don't know for sure why I've not been blessed with success now that I have learned the lessons that the lord so obviously has meant to have taught me the hard way (the only way)
All I know right now is that I have bought a truck, I'm getting a trailer and the second riding mower today and I am going to do my best to establish a client base and get out there earning my credit back so that I can build myself up to wealth and do alot of good things.. And so I know what I am going to do, how I am going to do it, I also know that I have to make sure I am not resisting any blessings by stubborn-ness etc.. If that makes sense.
And then I spent 2 years drinking vodka, mourning the loss of whats her name like an idiot, feeling sorry for myself and spending time with scandalous women all here and there.
The good news is that I've not been a drunk in over a year now and in that time I've been with only two women.
I may not be perfect yet but I went from being with far too many women and drinking far too much to drinking only twice per month and hardly ever seeing women..
The trouble is, my financial situation is still nothing but doom and hardship. All of the ways I use to make money do not work anymore - I'm faded and my ways are the way of yesterday but I have dilligently pursued new knowledge and skills which I've certainly acquired through alot of dedication and passion for my new interests.
The problem is simply this.. while I was loaded I destroyed my finances completely - especially my credit and I don't see many ways out right now. This experience has been very good for me in that I have definately learned to keep money in its place, that is I do not allow it to rule my life or emotions any more.
The old me would be sad and depressed.. mad and angry like Al Capone about being without money. I would be scared and downhearted without money back then - I even allowed it to help me lose the love of my life, the best thing that had ever happened to me.
So at least now I know better than to obsess over it. I don't really care as much about it as I use to but I realise I have to have it not only for myself and my family but for good things I miss being able to do for others.
I said I would never be a working man - thought I was too good - but I have been knocked off that paper horse and learned my lesson about pride too.
I can't stand a 9-5 low wage position so recently I've bought a couple of riding mowers and hope to go out cutting for pay in order to enable myself to earn enough money to rebuild my credit, save some cash and begin investing in Real Estate but I do have some concerns
Am I broke right now because god doesn't think I am ready to be wealthy again, is it because he does not like some things I will do with the money, is it because he does not want me to escape (I mean leave) this town because I have a calling here... my family needs me.. or is it because I will get carried away with the city life even though all I really like to do is watch old reruns and spend time at home instead of going out.. etc, etc,
I just don't know for sure why I've not been blessed with success now that I have learned the lessons that the lord so obviously has meant to have taught me the hard way (the only way)
All I know right now is that I have bought a truck, I'm getting a trailer and the second riding mower today and I am going to do my best to establish a client base and get out there earning my credit back so that I can build myself up to wealth and do alot of good things.. And so I know what I am going to do, how I am going to do it, I also know that I have to make sure I am not resisting any blessings by stubborn-ness etc.. If that makes sense.
It sounds like you've grown a lot spiritually just by reading your post. Congratulations on your sobriety. One day at a time! I have a feeling God doesn't want you to have a lot of money right now. It might make you go back to your old lifestyle. I think your lawn mower idea is awesome and I bet you have fun and meet some really nice people. You will feel good working for your money and you will be doing something to help others. I think God has a huge plan for you and it is really exciting. I think it may take some years, but oh what the man you will be at that point. You will be the one he created you to be. Peace of Christ be with you. It is good to be humble. Smile, be happy do things for others and you will have spiritual wealth. That's where it's at!!
