Repressing yourself

[Katya]

I went to see me sister today, and being my usual hyper self, she asked me if, for once in my life, I would act normal. I just told her normal is boring. But as I was driving home, I thought about what she said, if I were to be "normal" by her standards, I wouldn't be me. I tried to imagine what I would be like. I would be boring. No life or joy. It was a scary thought, cos that's exactly what I was like as a teenager. Always so mature. So now I'm making up for lost time.

So after that rant, my question to you is, have you ever repressed your personality in order to please other ppl?

 

[Harlan Norris]

I think we all do that,It's not always a bad Idea.I have friends and associates that are used to my behavior.However there are people that might not be comfortable with it. For their sake I modify while I'm with them.We get along much better,and it doesn't cost me anything I can't live without.

 

[Moros]

Only when it benefits me.

 

[Lycaenidae]

Don't go for 2nd best, baby, put your love to the test.
You know, you know you've got to make him express how he feels
And, baby, then you know your love is real.
Express yourself!

I <3 Madonna

 

[charityagape]

I don't think you should repress your personality. I'm not exactly sure though what you mean by repression. As far as "normal" well that's highly interpretive.

There are situations say at work or school where you may have to be a little more subdued and serious, depending on what type of work you do, I don't know if that's repression or just self control.

 

[Brennin]

Don't go for 2nd best...

That part is worth quoting, at least.

 

[Rae]

Are you the same person to your mom as you are to your boss? Do you behave the same in a grocery store as you do among your most intimate, closest friends?

Of course not. Everyone presents different "selves" to different people in different situations.

 

[MoonlessNight]

Society is all about changing yourself to the fit the situation. It's like that by its very nature. If you don't like it, become a hermit (I'm not saying this out of spite or anything, I've considered doing that myself.)

Another thing that I would have to ask is how do you define "you" in the first place? Is it just by your impulses? And if so if your impulse caused something bad to happen, would it be making yourself "not you" to ignore it? For example when getting to roads it is my first impulse to simply cross them, because I come from an area with virtually no traffic. But now I live in a busy part of the city, and if I did that I would be dead be now. So am I not me because when I get to a crossing I force myself to wait until it is safe?

 

[Caylin]

I don't think you should repress your personality. I'm not exactly sure though what you mean by repression. As far as "normal" well that's highly interpretive.

There are situations say at work or school where you may have to be a little more subdued and serious, depending on what type of work you do, I don't know if that's repression or just self control.

You know most of the people I know told me not to repress myself and be who I truely was. Once I started transition however, the same people started crawling all over me telling me how evil I was.

 

[dr.p]

I went to see me sister today, and being my usual hyper self, she asked me if, for once in my life, I would act normal. I just told her normal is boring. But as I was driving home, I thought about what she said, if I were to be "normal" by her standards, I wouldn't be me. I tried to imagine what I would be like. I would be boring. No life or joy. It was a scary thought, cos that's exactly what I was like as a teenager. Always so mature. So now I'm making up for lost time.

So after that rant, my question to you is, have you ever repressed your personality in order to please other ppl?

I agree with Charity's post. Just be careful... enthusiasm can be taken too far.

 

[Oidhche]

I'd be really depressed if anybody called me normal...

 

[Rae]

I'd be really depressed if anybody called me normal...

Well, yeah, but that's normal.

 

[Lanakila]

I went to see me sister today, and being my usual hyper self, she asked me if, for once in my life, I would act normal. I just told her normal is boring. But as I was driving home, I thought about what she said, if I were to be "normal" by her standards, I wouldn't be me. I tried to imagine what I would be like. I would be boring. No life or joy. It was a scary thought, cos that's exactly what I was like as a teenager. Always so mature. So now I'm making up for lost time.

So after that rant, my question to you is, have you ever repressed your personality in order to please other ppl?

For years as a fundy Christian wife.

 

[Katya]

I know we all have different aspects to our personality. Which I find fasinating. We act differently with differently with different ppl. When I was younger, it didn't matter who I was with. Whether it was with my family or friends or with strangers. My family was very loud, have to get there opinion across by any means, so I became the mediator. Now that we're adults, I don't want to play that role anymore. Now 2 of my sister's say I'm not normal. I deliberately act "weird" just to get on their nerves.

 

[charityagape]

I suppose to them you do seem weird because to them you seem to have abandoned your "normal" role of mediator. But as a former mediator myself, I say they're adults let them mediate themselves.

If that's their only problem then its exactly that, their problem.

 

[Q2004]

I went to see me sister today, and being my usual hyper self, she asked me if, for once in my life, I would act normal. I just told her normal is boring. But as I was driving home, I thought about what she said, if I were to be "normal" by her standards, I wouldn't be me. I tried to imagine what I would be like. I would be boring. No life or joy. It was a scary thought, cos that's exactly what I was like as a teenager. Always so mature. So now I'm making up for lost time.

So after that rant, my question to you is, have you ever repressed your personality in order to please other ppl?

Yes. I think whether or not we realize it, everyone does. To some extent at least.

 

[Katya]

For years as a fundy Christian wife.

So you don't anymore?

 

[Helo]

I went to see me sister today, and being my usual hyper self, she asked me if, for once in my life, I would act normal. I just told her normal is boring. But as I was driving home, I thought about what she said, if I were to be "normal" by her standards, I wouldn't be me. I tried to imagine what I would be like. I would be boring. No life or joy. It was a scary thought, cos that's exactly what I was like as a teenager. Always so mature. So now I'm making up for lost time.

So after that rant, my question to you is, have you ever repressed your personality in order to please other ppl?

I HAVE to, if I dont, Id probably get locked up.

 

[gwenmead]

I think there's a vast gulf between "repression" and "self-control".

I agree with a number of posters here that it's often necessary to change behavior to some degree when interacting with different people in different situations. It isn't socially acceptable, for instance, to speak to your boss the same way you'd speak to your children, or treat your mother the same way you'd treat your spouse.

Nonetheless, I feel that everyone has a core personality, something which is present in every social interaction; "repression" to me isn't social adjustments so much as rejection and denial of that core personality. Social adjustment might include manners, for instance, but repression is more like cutting off who you are at heart, for whatever reason. Manners aren't repression. Putting on a totally false front, acting like who you really aren't, that's repression.

If I can take it as read that this kind of repression is what the OP is talking about - yes, I have repressed myself to please other people. I did it as a way to try to survive being raised in an abusive, alcoholic household. I spent a lot of years trying to play the good little fundy daughter, then later the good little fundy wife. It wasn't until the insanity of it drove me close to suicide that I realized y'know, this ain't healthy.

That wasn't an issue of manners or appropriate behavior. It was a matter of murdering my own soul in order to try to be someone who other people could love. When I figured out that it was a total lie, and that it was probably killing me to continue, I figured I'd rather live honestly and be rejected than live someone else's dreams of what I should be and die.

So I'm not like that anymore. I am the outspoken, imperfect, artistic, pagan, walking encyclopedia I always was inside, and was always meant to be. And I still adjust my behavior according to social interactions, but not to such a degree that my inner self does not come through any longer. And whaddaya know, some people like me, some don't, but it's all the same to me. And I'm not suicidal anymore, how 'bout that.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Q2004]

Thanks for reading.

You're welcome.