Replacing Real Life Friendships

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Do message boards, online chat, etc....tend to replace friendships in real life? I remember when I was younger I used to spend most of my time online chatting, being on boards, etc, and didn't really have friends in person. I just had a hard time making friends.

And then I realized that online is great at times and I still enjoy it, but it isn't the same. So I got myself out there more. It was hard for me. It still is. But I am so much happier now that I have a lot more friends in real life and we can actually do things.

What do you think? Do many use online as a substitute for friendships?

I mean, I would LOVE to meet people on here and be friends, but that means long distance friendships and I don't know many people who like long distance anything. Even some of my friends in real life...once they move they aren't very good at staying in touch with anyone.

 

[soccerdad66]

There's no substitute for human contact, but it's better then no contact at all.

You mentioned something that I've terrible about, keeping in touch. I think sometimes that can be taken the wrong way, as someone doesn't care, but I do, I'm just terrible at it.

 

[stephanieamber]

Do message boards, online chat, etc....tend to replace friendships in real life? I remember when I was younger I used to spend most of my time online chatting, being on boards, etc, and didn't really have friends in person. I just had a hard time making friends.

And then I realized that online is great at times and I still enjoy it, but it isn't the same. So I got myself out there more. It was hard for me. It still is. But I am so much happier now that I have a lot more friends in real life and we can actually do things.

What do you think? Do many use online as a substitute for friendships?

I mean, I would LOVE to meet people on here and be friends, but that means long distance friendships and I don't know many people who like long distance anything. Even some of my friends in real life...once they move they aren't very good at staying in touch with anyone.

It depends. Although I spend a lot of time online, I spend more time with my friends in real life.

However, through various networking sites and such I've met some absolutely AMAZING people - in fact, there's a girl I've been e-mailing for the past month or so who is more like me than ANYONE I have ever encountered.. we encourage each other and challenge each other, it's awesome.

So I think it's all about moderation. Everybody needs interaction of some kind.. and while it's important to take it how you can get it, it shouldn't replace real life friendships.. face to face interactions teach you how to listen, how to be attentive, how to read people's faces.. things that are really essential to interacting.

 

[Denward]

Sometimes its a bit harder for some of us to find people our own age to associate with. For it its more geographical. I live in a town of about 5,000 people and most people around my age are off in colleges. Plus being a nerd in a area dominated by agriculture and oil drilling doesn't help not that many people with similar tastes. My church is also small and with few people of college age, even with a community college in the area. Maybe Im not trying hard enough since I do tend to keep to myself, my personality is a contemplative one.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

It depends. Although I spend a lot of time online, I spend more time with my friends in real life.

However, through various networking sites and such I've met some absolutely AMAZING people - in fact, there's a girl I've been e-mailing for the past month or so who is more like me than ANYONE I have ever encountered.. we encourage each other and challenge each other, it's awesome.

So I think it's all about moderation. Everybody needs interaction of some kind.. and while it's important to take it how you can get it, it shouldn't replace real life friendships.. face to face interactions teach you how to listen, how to be attentive, how to read people's faces.. things that are really essential to interacting.

 

[KarrieTex]

I believe that message boards and such enable those who are already socially inept a path for them to stay alone.

I am only on the boards when I am bored at work or if I am stuck inside i.e. ill. My real friendships, save for a very few, are in my daily life away from a computer.

I recently discovered Facebook since my 20th class reunion is coming up. I have ben using that to reconnect with those I grew up with and we are now making plans to meet up for those of us in Hoston. However, those relationships were founded from years of daily interaction.

 

[Evie1980]

This is modern technology. It is the way that we live our lives now. It is funny that, when I think of where I am and how easily it is to communicate, this was not the norm many years ago. My grandparents left Holland and England after the Second World War to start a new life in Australia. I have left Australia and lived in England, Korea and now Vietnam.I have spoken to more people in foreign countries than I have in Australia. Most of my closest friends are not Australian. I stay in contact with all of them via the internet. I spend a lot of time chatting. I have skype, facebook, MSN and yahoo messenger. I can't imagine what it was like for my grandparents. Yet, they survived. Theirs families grew and they made friends. They established themselves with those around them. I am amazed by their ability and humbled when I realise how easy I have it.

As far as CF goes, this is the place I go to learn and grow in the Lord. I came here with a reason - to talk about God and apply Him to my life. Somedays I need it more than others. I have some wonderful Christian friends here in Vietnam as well in other parts of the world but I love to share Him as much as possible. This is just another way.

Does it stop my relationships in real life? No. Does it enhance my relationship with God? Definately. Are there times I should be doing other things rather than being here? Yes. Are there people here I would love to meet in real life? Most definately.

 

[Luther073082]

With every new Technology there are always ways it can be overused or mis-used.

Is the internet a refuge for those with social problems? Or did we just discover the people have social problems through the internet?

I think message boards are great, but a balance must be kept.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

I've noticed it too, I'm a byproduct of it. Not much thinking to be done in IRL conversations.

 

[Sapphyre]

When I was in high school I had two groups of friends: online and irl. I had the opportunity to meet with my online friends a couple times a year, and we had a blast, but for the other 345 days of the year, irl friends are the ones there for you. Balance is key I suppose!

Now, though, I don't have very many strictly online friends left at all actually. But then again, I haven't been here very long! I live in San Francisco atm, and don't know very many Christians at all, and even fewer my own age. So in cases like that, the internet is pretty awesome.

I'm still loving how we can communicate with anyone anywhere instantly.

 

[toastface_grillah]

When I was in high school I had two groups of friends: online and irl. I had the opportunity to meet with my online friends a couple times a year, and we had a blast, but for the other 345 days of the year, irl friends are the ones there for you. Balance is key I suppose!

Now, though, I don't have very many strictly online friends left at all actually. But then again, I haven't been here very long! I live in San Francisco atm, and don't know very many Christians at all, and even fewer my own age. So in cases like that, the internet is pretty awesome.

I'm still loving how we can communicate with anyone anywhere instantly.

True that! I've always thought of the internet as an enhancer to my RL relationships. Some of my bestest friends I met in college. Even though some of them are several hours away, we can still keep in touch, thanks to Facebook. Plus, I've met people in person after starting off on the internet. Some of them fizzled, but some of them blossomed into great friendships.

 

[IDDQD]

Despite the people I deal with online on a daily basis, I prefer it over real life friendships, really. At least if someone annoys me online, I can block/ignore them. I can't do that in real life short of dropping them like a sack of bricks, which would land me in jail, which I don't want because I rather like my college education and having a criminal record would ruin that.

Of course, that's probably the Autism/Asperger's in me talking.

 

[Psalms34]

All things in balance. Consider that you have only a certain amount of time for friends. So you have a limited amount of friends according to the time you are able to spend. So as long as you are balancing that in some way, say like four friends that you can speak too in person and then a couple you are involved with over the internet possibly, should be ok. Just make sure you choose wisely who you invest time with, what the purpose of it is for. Online friendships can be productive, of course depends what you are doing on the internet. Some people use the internet for different purposes. If it is purely for socializing, then better to invest more time in friends at or around your church imo. If you are doing service over the internet in some form, then good to have friends to/for support around that.

 

[willard3]

I don't really have chances to make actual "friends" online...I just have online acquaintances, and even then very few that I actually contact. The actual friends I talk to online I met in real life first...namely, everybody on my friends list in LiveJournal and Facebook. And the people I haven't met IRL are friends of friends, or I know them in passing.

 

[Fairy Fay]

I agree that 'friends' who exist only on-line are really more acquaintances, but then, not everyione has much opportunity to get out into the real world and chat with real people.

I'm chained to the house after about 6pm (little'uns in bed) so, unless I'm working (which I should be right now) it's the internet or nowt.

I suppose I could phone some of my real-life friends, but I'm always aware that they may be wanting to spend their free time with husbands/wives, so I'm a litle lothe to disturb them for no reason. And if I have a reason I'd probably email them anyway, 'cause it might not be convenient to talk right now. And it's cheaper.

So does it replace? No, I don't think so. It augments. It's certainly not as good as face-to-face, but it's better than a blank wall and banal telly to fill the slience.

It's got to be better for the soul to sit at a keyboard and chat over cyberspace than to go down the pub/coffee bar and sit on one's own drinking a pint/cuppa as slowly as one can, watching everyone else chatting to friends and feeling even more alone in the crowd.

What do folks think?

 

[toastface_grillah]

It helps, and sometimes make you feel more connected, to be out in public, but I hear what you're saying. It is a lot more comforting if you can connect with someone online, instead of sitting and watching everyone else having the time of their lives.

 

[Windmill]

It doesn't even come close to me. I specifically make sure I only form close friendships with people offline than online. I'd rather spend those hours interacting with my friends I know offline than chatting on the net talking to online friends.

 

[GlennK]

Do message boards, online chat, etc....tend to replace friendships in real life? I remember when I was younger I used to spend most of my time online chatting, being on boards, etc, and didn't really have friends in person. I just had a hard time making friends.

And then I realized that online is great at times and I still enjoy it, but it isn't the same. So I got myself out there more. It was hard for me. It still is. But I am so much happier now that I have a lot more friends in real life and we can actually do things.

What do you think? Do many use online as a substitute for friendships?

I mean, I would LOVE to meet people on here and be friends, but that means long distance friendships and I don't know many people who like long distance anything. Even some of my friends in real life...once they move they aren't very good at staying in touch with anyone.

no because i only check online stuff once a day if that

 

[Psalms34]

A pastor on the radio just brought this up what I had mentioned. He said 10 close friends, but I’ve heard others say 7 friends. He said: “Good to gather with the thousands, but best to get to know the few.”

I don’t consider internet friendships as not “real life” though. When you are effecting someone’s life, like helping them to reestablish their commitment to the Lord for example, seems real life to me. It’s when we sit behind the keyboard and think the person on the other end is not effected, that is when damages can be done. We will still be judged upon every word said one day, or written. Book of James is a good study to keep refreshed on when using the net.

 

[puddleoffaith]

I used to frequent this forum a lot more but I realized that I was spending too much time on here, time that would be better spent meeting people here at university and investing in life-long friendships. I am a facebook junkie but my only friends that I've never met in RL on FB are Becky and Petrarch from CF. The rest are mostly friend from home or school.
I think that online friendships can be valuable but that's not what I frequent this forum for. I come here to see different Christians from around the world and their opinions on different subjects, etc. Even at a large university, there is still conformity amonst Christians so its good to see some different views. And to witness Christians with more life experience.