Renewal of the Mind-Daily Readings

[If Not For Grace]

You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey

We have seen too much defeatism, too much pessimism, too much of a negative approach. The answer is simple: if you want something very badly, you can achieve it. It may take patience, very hard work, a real struggle, and a long time; but it can be done . . . faith is a prerequisite of any undertaking. . . .
—Margo Jones

... How many dreams have we let die? How many projects did we start, only to leave them unfinished? How many times have we promised ourselves, "This time will be different," but then didn't work to make it so? Negativity breeds more negativity. Fortunately, its opposite does likewise. Our attitude will carry us a long way. And a positive attitude will make all things possible.

We are meant for good living. But we must seek it out and be open to its invitation, be willing to put forth the necessary effort. Our dreams are our invitations to move forward, to strive for a further goal. And having faith in our ability to achieve our dreams will make easier the necessary steps.

We have been blessed with dreams, all of us. They are gifts meant to stretch our capabilities.

I can trust my dreams and aspirations. They are mine, alone, and special to me. Achievement is possible; faith and a positive attitude will ease my efforts.

 

[If Not For Grace]

Health consciousness is becoming an increasingly important part of many people's lives. More than ever before, we, as a society, are paying attention to nutrition labels, fitness, organic alternatives, safe and toxin-free environments, etc.

Yet, many health conscious people don't realize that the quality of their relationships can be just as toxic to their health as fast food or a toxic environment. In fact, unhealthy relationships can turn into exactly that--a toxic internal environment that can lead to stress, depression, anxiety, and even medical problems. For example, in a long term study that followed more than 10,000 subjects for an average of 12.2 years, researchers discovered that subjects in negative relationships were at a greater risk for developing heart problems, including a fatal cardiac event, than their counterparts whose close relationships were not negative.

Toxic relationships can take many forms: toxic partners, toxic frien...dships, toxic parent/child relationships, toxic coworkers. But how do you know if you're in a toxic relationship? After all, no relationship is blissful and conflict-free all the time.

Toxic Relationship Indicators: The answers to these questions can help you determine if your relationship is healthy or toxic.

1) When you're with [the person], do you usually feel content, even energized? Or do you often feel unfulfilled and drained?

2) After you spend time with him/her, do you usually feel better or worse about yourself?

3) Do you feel physically and/or emotionally safe with this person, or do you feel threatened or in danger?

4) Is there a fairly equal "give and take" in the relationship? Or do you feel like you're always giving and he/she is always taking?

5) Is the relationship characterized by feelings of security and contentment, or drama and angst?

6) Do you feel like he/she is happy with who you are? Or do you feel like you have to change to make him/her happy?-

There is hope for recovery IF you find yourself in a Toxic Relationship, but we can not conqueor what we will have not identified nor what we will not confront.

 

[If Not For Grace]

Expectations are the opposite of acceptance, whether of your own limitations or others. Codependents focus on changing others, rather than expressing or fulfill...ing their needs or setting effective boundaries. Consider your options. Talk it over with someone helpful. Remember inaction is a choice. Accept what you cannot change with grace. ~ Codependency Recovery

 

[If Not For Grace]

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go By Melody Beattie

Letting Go in Love

When people with a compulsive disorder do whatever it is they are compelled to do, they are not saying they don't love you - they are saying they don't love themselves.
... —Codependent No More

Gentle people, gentle souls, go in love.

Yes, at times we need to be firm, assertive: those times when we change, when we acquire a new behavior, when we need to convince others and ourselves we have rights.

Those times are not permanent. We may need to get angry to make a decision or set a boundary, but we can't afford to stay resentful. It is difficult to have compassion for one who is victimizing us, but once we've removed ourselves as victims, we can find compassion.

Our path, our way, is a gentle one, walked in love - love for self, love for others. Set boundaries. Detach. Take care of ourselves. And as quickly as possible, do those things in love.

Today, and whenever possible. God let me be gentle with others and myself. Help me find the balance between assertive action taken in my own best interests, and love for others. Help me understand that at times those two ideas are one. Help me find the right path for me.

 

[If Not For Grace]

The 12 Steps are about getting gut level honest with yourself and others and you have to learn to face and accept the truths-these are some of the hardest "truths" to accept

 

[If Not For Grace]

You are reading from the book Touchstones

Too much agreement kills a chat.
—Eldridge Cleaver

... Many of us haven't learned there is room for disagreement in a relationship. Some men who grew up in addicted families saw a lot of pain, anger, and quarreling. Many learned to be always pleasing and agreeable, no matter how they felt. Others took it as a personal insult when someone disagreed with them.

We choke the vitality and excitement in our love relationships if we are too intent on avoiding conflict. Nothing can be resolved if we smooth everything over. Differences between people don't just go away. If we don't bring them out, they fester and create silent tension or boredom. If we willingly express our thoughts and feelings, we can learn how to resolve our disagreements and to appreciate each other for our differences as well as our similarities. If two people in a relationship were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.

Today, I will try to be more open about my differences with people, not as a way of fighting, but as a way of letting them know me better.

 

[If Not For Grace]

The 4th Step, Serenity and Letting Go- summized:

 

[If Not For Grace]

ONE DAY AT A TIME...

Right here, right now for a brief second - this is our reality. These seconds create minutes which, in turn, create hours and days. Our truth and reality are a combination of events that take place progressively throughout our day. When we dwell on the past or obsess about the future we no longer live our lives one day at a time. Chaos and personal tragedy become easier to deal with when we do it one day at a time. The good things and the splendor of life itself also become sweeter when we learn to slow down and live life one day at a time. Living just for this day can help to give us a sense of peace. It is for us to choose how we will live each day.

 

[If Not For Grace]

FIRST THINGS FIRST...

When in crisis, we may spend a lot of time and energy trying to put out all the fires, jumping chaotically from one thing to another. When we deal with problems one at a time, we become more organized. When our lives become more organized, our minds become less overwhelmed, and our feeling of fear and resentment begin to diminish. The Three C'x help us to put our problems in perspective as we try to gain understanding in the matter of Alcoholism. We didn't cause it, we can't control it, and we can't cure it..

This includes the addict or the family members..

 

[If Not For Grace]

Some things - Not so much,

Others - Very important

Who decides- You Do

In order to put First things First sometimes we must deal with

HOW IMPORTANT IS IT...

One symptom of living in the chaos of addiction can be that we create mountains out of every molehill that we come across. When we take the time to look closely at those molehills, we can choose to go around them rather than build them up. Often they are merely shadows in our mind that by tomorrow may have no importance at all. Many of us feelthat there are so many fires that we are exhausted s we try to put them all out. We need to take a breath and determine which ones are truly our responsibilities and focus on those. Pick those battles that really warrant our time as the remainders are probably not as important. The sense of relief from letting go of the thing that are not as important is very soothing.

Some of us have had the worry of wondering whether our Acholic's are using. Perhaps we suspect it and then try to play detective to catch them red-handed. Instead, if we realize that we will find out for sure soon enough, we need not rush to that place and we can enjoy this moment. It may be hard to push those thoughts from our minds but with practice, it does get easier.

 

[If Not For Grace]

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go By Melody Beattie

Trusting Ourselves

What a great gift we've been given - ourselves. To listen to ourselves, to trust instinct and intuition, is to pay tribute to that gift.
...
What a disservice not to heed the leadings and leanings that so naturally arise from within. When will we learn that these leadings and leanings draw us into God's rich plan for us?

We will learn. We will learn by listening, trusting, and following through. What is it time to do?... What do I need to do to take care of myself?... What am I being led to do?... What do I know?

Listen, and we will know. Listen to the voice within.

Today, I will listen and trust. I will be helped to take action when that is needed. I can trust God and myself.

 

[If Not For Grace]

The slogan, “Keep It Simple” helps to remind us that simple solutions are
often the most effective ones. This slogan can help us look at what really is
happening rather than what we imagine may happen, and to take a
reasonable, step by step approach rather than act out of fear or panic

It is my personal belief that ANYONE can learn ANYthing if you break it down into small enough pieces

 

[If Not For Grace]

The slogan, “But For The Grace Of God” helps to remind us to be
compassionate with others, including the alcoholics in our lives. This slogan
can help us avoid impatience, criticism, resentment, and vengefulness, which
does harm to ourselves as well as to others.

 

[If Not For Grace]

The slogan, “Easy Does It” helps us remember that trying to “force
solutions” often does not work. We may not be able to solve every problem in the time frame we wish to solve it in. Some problems may not be for us to
solve. Sometimes a gentler, more patient approach is more effective and less
frustrating.

 

[If Not For Grace]

The slogan, “Let It Begin With Me” helps us to keep the focus on and be
responsible for our own actions and behaviors. This slogan helps us to take
action to change the things we can change and to take the responsibility to
get our own needs met, rather than waiting for others to change or to meet
our needs for us.

 

[If Not For Grace]

The slogan, “Think” helps us to remember to think before we act on or react
to situations. This slogan helps us make good decisions about how to act.
When we apply this slogan, it helps free us from distorted thinking and
impulsive, potentially destructive decision-making.


We also use an acronym HALT which reminds us not to make a decision if we are:

Hungary/Hormonal

Angry

Lonely or

Tired

the idea is not Just to decide, but to make good decisions..Deciding to decide is a dicision, as is deciding to do nothing or not to decide Now. Sometimes those are the best decisions we can make for now.

 

[If Not For Grace]

The slogan, “Keep An Open Mind” helps us to be open to ideas from sources
that we might not have imagined could be helpful. It helps us to take
advantage of all opportunities.

It also allows us to revisit and perhaps revise a view we may have just accepted on face value or been taught in a disfunctional setting, it allows for the possibility that "we do NOT know everything" and can be open to knowledge from others with experience in a certain area even if our views differ with theirs in other areas.

 

[If Not For Grace]

The slogan, “Live And Let Live” has two parts. “Let live” reminds us to allow
others the dignity of making their own decisions and experiencing the
consequences of their decisions and choices. By minding our own business, we are freed from feeling responsible for changing other. We also learn to “live” by taking care of our own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.

I have always thought there should be at least a semi-colon in this one regarding the 2-parts:

Live; we are to get busy living..Most of us have put our lives on hold because Addiction or the Addict has come to consume our every emotion. We have been drained and have only been barely existing, which is NOT our purpose.
We are to be happy, joyus and free and to LIVE so that our lives are visibly attractive to others. If you get this part down and get busy living the 2nd part of Let Live will come so much easier just b/c we will have positively invested our time in Living our OWN lives to the fullest rather than being an enabler to others and constantly living in the drama of addiction.

 

[If Not For Grace]

The slogan, “Let Go And Let God” helps us to let go of trying to control
things we can not control. When our attempts at control are not working,
when we feel we have run out of options, when we don’t know what we can do, this slogan helps us trust that a Power greater than ourselves will help us
when the time is right.

Control is really an illusion the only power you have is what someone else gives you. Sometimes those of us invovled in addiction think we can have control over another because we freely give control to others. We let the addict dictate our behaviors and reactions, we worry and cause ourselves stress. The addict gives control up to the substance. BUT WE GIVE it away-no one can Force it from us. Give it to God is better any day than to another human. If everything we have done has failed...what else is left to do anyway?

It is also good to remember that God does not need our help at being God. If He has a request or assignment for you He will let you know and doing more than that may be causing someone else NOT to be able to receive the blessing God had in store for THEM. Sometimes we must redefiine "help" and realize that we are not helping someone if we do for them what they are supposed to be doing for themselves. The Child will never learn to walk, if he is carried everywhere all his life.

 

[If Not For Grace]

from the book The Language of Letting Go
By Melody Beattie

Control

... Sometimes, the gray days scare us. Those are the days when the old feelings come rushing back. We may feel needy, scared, ashamed, and unable to care for ourselves.

When this happens, it's hard to trust ourselves, others, the goodness of life, and the good intentions of our Higher Power. Problems seem overwhelming. The past seems senseless; the future, bleak. We feel certain the things we want in life will never happen.

In those moments, we may become convinced that things and people outside of ourselves hold the key to our happiness. That's when we may try to control people and situations to mask our pain. When these "codependent crazies" strike, others often begin to react negatively to our controlling.

When we're in a frenzied state, searching for happiness outside ourselves and looking to others to provide our peace and stability, remember this: Even if we could control things and people, even if we got what we wanted, we would still be ourselves. Our emotional state would still be in turmoil.

People and things don't stop our pain or heal us. In recovery, we learn that this is our job, and we can do it by using our resources: our Higher Power, our support systems, our recovery program, and ourselves.

Often, after we've become peaceful, trusting, and accepting, what we want comes to us - with ease and naturalness.

The sun begins to shine again. Isn't it funny, and isn't it true, how all change really does begin with us?

I can let go of things and people and my need to control today. I can deal with my feelings. I can get peaceful. I can get calm. I can get back on track and find the true key to happiness - myself. I will remember that a gray day is just that - one gray day.