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Remove her or not?

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by Touma, Sep 1, 2011.

  1. Touma

    Touma In on the cover up

    +696
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    US-Others
    I will give a short run down of the situation.

    Was friends with a girl. Helped girl with personal issues in life. Girl fell in love with me, and I feel in love with her. We dated close to 2 years. I was going to propose to her, but she broke up with me like 2 weeks before I planned on proposing. After break up, we agreed to be adults and civil to each other, and I said we should remain friends. That seemed like a good idea to both of us. However, she needed a bit of time away from me, to kill any romantic feelings and all that. I eventually got over the hurt and moved on from the situation. Numerous times I reached out to her in acts of kindness and friendship, but never did I smother her or try to get back together. I respect her space and her decisions, after all.

    Now, its been close to a year since she broke it off. I thought this would have been plenty of time for feelings to die, and issues to be resolved. However, she will not make any attempt to be friendly towards me. We are both Christians, so I thought about doing it the way Jesus told us to do it. I have gone to her with the issue and said "hey, I am trying to be your friend, please don't snub me". Not even a reply. I'd rather have a negative reply then NO reply at all.

    So I sent one final appeal. I ask for us to both be mature adults and be on speaking terms. This was almost a week ago. Again, no reply.


    So it comes to this: Do I keep trying (like a fool, it would seem)?

    OR


    Do I completely remove her from my life?

    I have leaned towards the later, but some friends keep saying I should give another chance and to do the Christian thing and all that.


    Any advice is welcome.

    Thanks. =)
     
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  2. heron

    heron Legend

    +893
    Christian
    In Relationship
    Some people find that renewing a friendship brings up old feelings, that they have chosen are unhealthy for them. Also, if she is dating someone else, that person might have made some sort of declaration on contacting old boyfriends (like it or not).

    If she does not contact you back, she has her reasons, so respect them. Trying to remain civil does not necessarily mean staying in conversation. It doesn't mean she hates you; it probably means she thinks it's not wise.
     
  3. BlueJay83

    BlueJay83 sursum peragemus

    821
    +63
    Non-Denom
    Private
    cut it off and don't go back.
    All she will do is remind you of the feelings, the memories and the good times.

    move on and get on with life.

    Trying to be "friends" seldom really works.
     
  4. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

    +5,190
    United States
    Christian
    Private
    US-Others
    Her lack of response, whatever is behind it, should be speaking loudly enough to you. You don't have to remove her or cut her off, you just have to let go. Let the relationship assume its own natural level, with no force involved. Ironically, that's always the place where revival can come, if it's supposed to. But if it doesn't, you've still done the right thing. In releasing, you will be released.
     
  5. BFine

    BFine Seed Planter

    +619
    Calvary Chapel
    Married
    I don't think you should go out of your way to be friends with her.
    If you meet her while shopping or something, you can say hi and continue
    on your way.

    I wouldn't phone or send email unless she replies to the email you have sent etc.
     
  6. Pal Handy

    Pal Handy Irregular Member

    +202
    Non-Denom
    Married
    You did all that you could do so move on.... :thumbsup:
     
  7. Life2Christ

    Life2Christ Guest

    +0
    This is what TD JAKES says:

    There are people who can walk away from you.

    And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

    I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

    When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

    People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

    LET THEM GO!

    And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

    You've got to know when it's dead.

    You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of goodbye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in goodbye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

    LET THEM GO!

    If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to...

    LET THEM GO!

    If you are holding on to past hurts and pains...

    LET THEM GO!

    If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...

    LET THEM GO!

    If someone has angered you...

    LET THEM GO!

    If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge...

    LET THEM GO!

    If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...

    LET THEM GO!

    If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents...

    LET THEM GO!

    If you have a bad attitude...

    LET THEM GO!

    If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...

    LET THEM GO!

    If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......

    LET THEM GO!

    If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves...

    LET THEM GO!

    If you're feeling depressed and stressed...

    LET THEM GO!

    Get Right or Get Left, think about it, and then...

    LET THEM GO!
     
  8. LilLamb219

    LilLamb219 The Lamb is gone Supporter

    +1,738
    Christian
    Private
    What she said ^

    You did what you could and that's all you could do. Stop trying or you might come across as a stalker even though you aren't trying to be.
     
  9. GrayAngel

    GrayAngel Senior Member

    +107
    Deist
    Single
    US-Others
    Had a similar situation with my now ex-girlfriend. Usually, when someone says they want to be friends, what they really mean is that they don't want to have anything to do with you anymore. If she wanted to be your friend, she'd be friendly to you, not ignore you.

    Let her go, or she'll just keep pouring vinegar on your wounds.

    Things are not always this way, however. Some couples do manage to remain friends after they break up, but it takes effort on both parties to work. But again, if she's not willing to try, that's her prerogative.
     
  10. Autumnleaf

    Autumnleaf Legend

    +949
    Charismatic
    Married
    Keep trying. Eventually in a moment of weakness she will give in to your advances. Shortly after that she will regret it and you will be back where you are now. Or you could move on and find someone who reciprocates your feelings for them.
     
  11. Smiler33

    Smiler33 Smiling .... and meaning it this time!

    272
    +28
    Christian
    Married
    Let her go - being friends rarely works out. You had your time, she was very special to you but things change. You need to move on.

    You will meet the person you are looking for when you least expect it; God has plans for you - I'm afraid she wasn't the one.
     
  12. Touma

    Touma In on the cover up

    +696
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    US-Others
    Yeah, I did what everyone here suggested, as it was my original plan. She is out of my life, and it feels much better to be honest.

    Thanks all =)
     
  13. powerpoint

    powerpoint Newbie

    150
    +12
    Anglican
    Single
    Good move mate. There's no reasn you had to keep hurting yourself.
     
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