• Welcome to Christian Forums
  1. Welcome to Christian Forums, a forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

  2. The forums in the Christian Congregations category are now open only to Christian members. Please review our current Faith Groups list for information on which faith groups are considered to be Christian faiths. Christian members please remember to read the Statement of Purpose threads for each forum within Christian Congregations before posting in the forum.
  3. Please note there is a new rule regarding the posting of videos. It reads, "Post a summary of the videos you post . An exception can be made for music videos.". Unless you are simply sharing music, please post a summary, or the gist, of the video you wish to share.
  4. There have been some changes in the Life Stages section involving the following forums: Roaring 20s, Terrific Thirties, Fabulous Forties, and Golden Eagles. They are changed to Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, and Golden Eagles will have a slight change.
  5. CF Staff, Angels and Ambassadors; ask that you join us in praying for the world in this difficult time, asking our Holy Father to stop the spread of the virus, and for healing of all affected.
  6. We are no longer allowing posts or threads that deny the existence of Covid-19. Members have lost loved ones to this virus and are grieving. As a Christian site, we do not need to add to the pain of the loss by allowing posts that deny the existence of the virus that killed their loved one. Future post denying the Covid-19 existence, calling it a hoax, will be addressed via the warning system.

Remove her or not?

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by Touma, Sep 1, 2011.

  1. Touma

    Touma In on the cover up

    Christian Seeker
    I will give a short run down of the situation.

    Was friends with a girl. Helped girl with personal issues in life. Girl fell in love with me, and I feel in love with her. We dated close to 2 years. I was going to propose to her, but she broke up with me like 2 weeks before I planned on proposing. After break up, we agreed to be adults and civil to each other, and I said we should remain friends. That seemed like a good idea to both of us. However, she needed a bit of time away from me, to kill any romantic feelings and all that. I eventually got over the hurt and moved on from the situation. Numerous times I reached out to her in acts of kindness and friendship, but never did I smother her or try to get back together. I respect her space and her decisions, after all.

    Now, its been close to a year since she broke it off. I thought this would have been plenty of time for feelings to die, and issues to be resolved. However, she will not make any attempt to be friendly towards me. We are both Christians, so I thought about doing it the way Jesus told us to do it. I have gone to her with the issue and said "hey, I am trying to be your friend, please don't snub me". Not even a reply. I'd rather have a negative reply then NO reply at all.

    So I sent one final appeal. I ask for us to both be mature adults and be on speaking terms. This was almost a week ago. Again, no reply.

    So it comes to this: Do I keep trying (like a fool, it would seem)?


    Do I completely remove her from my life?

    I have leaned towards the later, but some friends keep saying I should give another chance and to do the Christian thing and all that.

    Any advice is welcome.

    Thanks. =)
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. heron

    heron Legend

    In Relationship
    Some people find that renewing a friendship brings up old feelings, that they have chosen are unhealthy for them. Also, if she is dating someone else, that person might have made some sort of declaration on contacting old boyfriends (like it or not).

    If she does not contact you back, she has her reasons, so respect them. Trying to remain civil does not necessarily mean staying in conversation. It doesn't mean she hates you; it probably means she thinks it's not wise.
  3. BlueJay83

    BlueJay83 sursum peragemus

    cut it off and don't go back.
    All she will do is remind you of the feelings, the memories and the good times.

    move on and get on with life.

    Trying to be "friends" seldom really works.
  4. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

    United States
    Her lack of response, whatever is behind it, should be speaking loudly enough to you. You don't have to remove her or cut her off, you just have to let go. Let the relationship assume its own natural level, with no force involved. Ironically, that's always the place where revival can come, if it's supposed to. But if it doesn't, you've still done the right thing. In releasing, you will be released.
  5. BFine

    BFine Seed Planter

    Calvary Chapel
    I don't think you should go out of your way to be friends with her.
    If you meet her while shopping or something, you can say hi and continue
    on your way.

    I wouldn't phone or send email unless she replies to the email you have sent etc.
  6. Pal Handy

    Pal Handy Irregular Member

    You did all that you could do so move on.... :thumbsup:
  7. Life2Christ

    Life2Christ Guest

    This is what TD JAKES says:

    There are people who can walk away from you.

    And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

    I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

    When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

    People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.


    And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

    You've got to know when it's dead.

    You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of goodbye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in goodbye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.


    If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to...


    If you are holding on to past hurts and pains...


    If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...


    If someone has angered you...


    If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge...


    If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...


    If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents...


    If you have a bad attitude...


    If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...


    If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......


    If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves...


    If you're feeling depressed and stressed...


    Get Right or Get Left, think about it, and then...

  8. LilLamb219

    LilLamb219 The Lamb is gone Supporter

    What she said ^

    You did what you could and that's all you could do. Stop trying or you might come across as a stalker even though you aren't trying to be.
  9. GrayAngel

    GrayAngel Senior Member

    Had a similar situation with my now ex-girlfriend. Usually, when someone says they want to be friends, what they really mean is that they don't want to have anything to do with you anymore. If she wanted to be your friend, she'd be friendly to you, not ignore you.

    Let her go, or she'll just keep pouring vinegar on your wounds.

    Things are not always this way, however. Some couples do manage to remain friends after they break up, but it takes effort on both parties to work. But again, if she's not willing to try, that's her prerogative.
  10. Autumnleaf

    Autumnleaf Legend

    Keep trying. Eventually in a moment of weakness she will give in to your advances. Shortly after that she will regret it and you will be back where you are now. Or you could move on and find someone who reciprocates your feelings for them.
  11. Smiler33

    Smiler33 Smiling .... and meaning it this time!

    Let her go - being friends rarely works out. You had your time, she was very special to you but things change. You need to move on.

    You will meet the person you are looking for when you least expect it; God has plans for you - I'm afraid she wasn't the one.
  12. Touma

    Touma In on the cover up

    Christian Seeker
    Yeah, I did what everyone here suggested, as it was my original plan. She is out of my life, and it feels much better to be honest.

    Thanks all =)
  13. powerpoint

    powerpoint Newbie

    Good move mate. There's no reasn you had to keep hurting yourself.