Remembering Dan.

Inkachu · Mar 18, 2014

Mrs Van and Eldoredo - thank you for sharing your beautiful stories! I really feel as though Dan has been made "more real" for those of us who only knew him online, through this thread and the stories and pictures shared. And knowing that he inspired someone who was also suicidal, to NOT take that path, during his last moments, will be a lasting legacy to him, in my opinion.

memoriesbymichelle · Mar 18, 2014

Amen! I agree with you!

bobross · Mar 19, 2014

dayhiker said:
It sounds to me that with his hearing loss and all the pain/discomfort he was in from the war injuries that it would have been hard to visit with him and communicate. This medium was probably the only way that was effective to communicate with Dan. I doubt for example that they family had had the time to learn sign language. While Dan's posts where made a lot of sense, I thought he was on a lot of pain meds that probably meant he wasn't able to express his normal personality. So are some more reasons that we shouldn't judge his family and I pray they give themselves a lot of grace. Cause really not only should we give grace to people just like God does but we should give grace to ourselves as well.

He never really complained of any physical pain so I don't know how he was feeling, but he did talk about the pain in his heart from feeling so lonely. I agree it probably would have been difficult to visit with him though, simply for the fact that he couldn't hear. But maybe it would have been nice to sit and play cards or something. I don't know how normal his brain function was compared to what it used to be, though like you said his posts did make sense most of the time, but I don't think he would have hurt any of us in any way. I don't know. This was probably the most effective way for him to communicate and I am glad this forum is here if only for that reason. How many lonely people can reach out here and finally have someone to "listen" to their struggles? It is a great place for that and there really are good Christian folks here in spite of several hateful ones. I hope that if anyone else is feeling lonely and wants to hurt themselves that they will look to us for fellowship and love (after seeking professional help, of course). This section is even more helpful and filled with nicer people than the mental health section, in my opinion. God Bless each and every one of you.

Elderado · Mar 19, 2014

I know we came to the consensus not to put more pictures but I came across this one tonight on one of my buddy's facebook page. That's Dan in the middle with the plaid shirt. A good number of these guys are gone now. Rest in peace fellas.

brinny · Mar 19, 2014

We did? I thought we were going to continue posting pictures? I'm thankful for the pictures that have been posted and the stories and all that you and others have contributed.

Thank you for the picture.

sedonarose · Mar 19, 2014

bobross said:
He never really complained of any physical pain so I don't know how he was feeling, but he did talk about the pain in his heart from feeling so lonely. I agree it probably would have been difficult to visit with him though, simply for the fact that he couldn't hear. But maybe it would have been nice to sit and play cards or something. I don't know how normal his brain function was compared to what it used to be, though like you said his posts did make sense most of the time, but I don't think he would have hurt any of us in any way. I don't know. This was probably the most effective way for him to communicate and I am glad this forum is here if only for that reason. How many lonely people can reach out here and finally have someone to "listen" to their struggles? It is a great place for that and there really are good Christian folks here in spite of several hateful ones. I hope that if anyone else is feeling lonely and wants to hurt themselves that they will look to us for fellowship and love (after seeking professional help, of course). This section is even more helpful and filled with nicer people than the mental health section, in my opinion. God Bless each and every one of you.

I agree w/this post. I wish I could have visited him, too.

brinny · Mar 19, 2014

i wish i could've visited too.......praying for his boys and Katie and his grandfather....does anyone know if his grandfather is still living? (((hug)))

tuolumne · Mar 19, 2014

bobross said:
He never really complained of any physical pain so I don't know how he was feeling, but he did talk about the pain in his heart from feeling so lonely. I agree it probably would have been difficult to visit with him though, simply for the fact that he couldn't hear. But maybe it would have been nice to sit and play cards or something. I don't know how normal his brain function was compared to what it used to be, though like you said his posts did make sense most of the time, but I don't think he would have hurt any of us in any way. I don't know. This was probably the most effective way for him to communicate and I am glad this forum is here if only for that reason. How many lonely people can reach out here and finally have someone to "listen" to their struggles? It is a great place for that and there really are good Christian folks here in spite of several hateful ones. I hope that if anyone else is feeling lonely and wants to hurt themselves that they will look to us for fellowship and love (after seeking professional help, of course). This section is even more helpful and filled with nicer people than the mental health section, in my opinion. God Bless each and every one of you.

sedonarose said:
I agree w/this post. I wish I could have visited him, too.

brinny said:
i wish i could've visited too.......praying for his boys and Katie and his grandfather....does anyone know if his grandfather is still living? (((hug)))

Me too. I can't help but wonder how much difference it could have made...

brinny said:
We did? I thought we were going to continue posting pictures? I'm thankful for the pictures that have been posted and the stories and all that you and others have contributed.

Thank you for the picture.

I do remember that being talked about by a few people here, Brinny. I want to thank you for the picture also Elderado.

memoriesbymichelle · Mar 19, 2014

Thank Elderado! It's weird I've only known him in pictures but I could have picked him out of that one just like I knew him or something

memoriesbymichelle · Mar 19, 2014

I thought the consensus was not to post anything about the wife and kids to protect them. I don't see it hurting to see pics of Dan. I hope his boys and wife are doing better.

blackribbon · Mar 19, 2014

Based on the medications that Dan had been prescribed, he was in tremendous amount of pain and he did say other things that did indicate tremendous pain most likely fairly constant. He couldn't go anywhere because it hurt to sit in his wheelchair. He just was not a complainer.

It did not matter if any of Dan's visitors knew sign language, he didn't.

Dan did die of an illness. It was called "despair" from hopelessness, powerlessness, and extreme pain. As a society we just don't seem to understand that diseases of the mind can be so much more dangerous and painful as the worst of the physical type.

If he had lived one more day, there is nothing in his life that would have improved...short of God's intervention. However, we NEVER can "beat" God to something he intends to do. So one more day for Dan would have been one more day of loneliness, helplessness, powerlessness, and severe pain. He has been healed now.

I really want to drive home the idea that as Christians and as human beings, we really need to take time to reach out to the people around us. See the hurt. Make time for people. Be inconvenience because it may be life or death for someone and you may not even know it. Be friends with the people who are hard to be friends with for whatever the reason is. As singles, this IS our blessing of singleness. We DO have the time.

MrsVanB · Mar 20, 2014

blackribbon said:
Based on the medications that Dan had been prescribed, he was in tremendous amount of pain and he did say other things that did indicate tremendous pain most likely fairly constant. He couldn't go anywhere because it hurt to sit in his wheelchair. He just was not a complainer.

It did not matter if any of Dan's visitors knew sign language, he didn't.

Dan did die of an illness. It was called "despair" from hopelessness, powerlessness, and extreme pain. As a society we just don't seem to understand that diseases of the mind can be so much more dangerous and painful as the worst of the physical type.

If he had lived one more day, there is nothing in his life that would have improved...short of God's intervention. However, we NEVER can "beat" God to something he intends to do. So one more day for Dan would have been one more day of loneliness, helplessness, powerlessness, and severe pain. He has been healed now.

I really want to drive home the idea that as Christians and as human beings, we really need to take time to reach out to the people around us. See the hurt. Make time for people. Be inconvenience because it may be life or death for someone and you may not even know it. Be friends with the people who are hard to be friends with for whatever the reason is. As singles, this IS our blessing of singleness. We DO have the time.

Everything you said here is spot on, blackribbon. The last paragraph is important and I don't think most people really contemplate it enough. Thank you.

I'd love to share more memories when I get a little more time. I'm sure my husband could go on for days, but he hasn't been able to talk about it much yet.

This is my favorite picture of Dan b/c his relaxed and happy personality shines through. It was his profile picture on FB, so even though he never did anything on there, I would sign on and see his smiling face on my friends list. Being around him made you a happier and more positive person.

Inkachu · Mar 20, 2014

I love seeing the pictures. I imagine that is how he looks now, in Heaven; whole, happy, smiling, carefree. And it's good to know that, despite the sad, broken Dan that we encountered here on CF, he had many years of being a happy, bright, uplifting person! I'm GLAD to know that, and to see evidence of it. It helps my own sadness. So please feel free to continue with the photos and stories if you feel led to. I don't think memorial threads should ever be shut down. I know I had a thread about a friend who passed away back in 2008 here on CF, and I still go back and read it now and then, just to remember him.

dayhiker · Mar 20, 2014

That is a great photo of Dan.

memoriesbymichelle · Mar 20, 2014

Thank you MrsVanB for the picture.

I agree with blackribbon, and I agree with Inkachu.

I am certain Dan is healed now, feeling no pain. The cool thing that I have learned about him being here, is that even in his own pain and thru it, he encouraged others! That is SO huge! Usually when we are in pain, its all we can do to be civil but Dan...encourager to the end. His job here is finished now and I still look forward to meeting him in heaven.

and we need to be more sensitive about others needs even if we feel like "here we go again" or whatever. We do not know what is in someone's heart so we should be careful not to tread on it.

Elderado · Mar 20, 2014

Ah yes. I miss that pretty face. Haha. MrsVanB, where are you guys stationed now?

Agreed on being more sensitive to others. I have people in my life that I could apply that to.

Elderado · Mar 20, 2014

We used Dan kind of like a puppy dog. He attracted them like a magnet and we snatched them up. He didn't even know it was happening. I met my 2nd ex wife because of him.

He was a good man though. He was very faithful and loved his wife very much. Unfortunately in our line of work relationships don't usually last too long. They were an exception for sure.

CajunQueen · Mar 20, 2014

Love everyone's pictures and stories. Thank you. I am praying for Dan's wife and kids and the rest of his family and friends every day.

Ambular · Mar 21, 2014

Sad as it is, I'm so glad he is finally home. I feel like the real Dan died months and months ago. He was here but he wasn't, and he is now with his son in a better place than we can even imagine. It breaks my heart to know all that he went through, and really if you think about it, it was all for each and every one of us. 20 years in the military is a long time and a huge sacrifice. I wish I could thank him, but I know I'll get a chance to someday. I know he lived a good and mostly happy and blessed life and that is a nice thought. I just hope the hateful people will let him rest in peace now. Thoughts and prayers go out to his family.

dayhiker · Mar 21, 2014

I want to say that it touches my heart that new people keep stopping by and commenting on how Dan touched their life.

Remembering Dan.

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